Trump Claims He Won German Election

[Zorro]

PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Urging the German people to “stop the steal,” Donald J. Trump claimed that he was elected Chancellor of Germany over the weekend.

Trump said that, once the official vote tallies have been recounted, it will be clear that he won the German election by a “landslide.”

Reflecting on his purported win, Trump said, “I’ve always wanted to be the Chancellor of Germany. That’s a title that’s been held by some very fine people.”

He revealed that he planned to send the former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani to Germany to contest the election results. “He hasn’t been disbarred there yet,” Trump said.

For his part, Giuliani said that he relished his latest mission on Trump’s behalf. “I can’t wait to get to Germany,” he said. “When does Oktoberfest start?”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-claims-he-won-german-election

[spanone]

1. Perfect, thank you Andy.

[Hugh_Lebowski]

2. The greatest line is definitely this one ...

“I’ve always wanted to be the Chancellor of Germany. That’s a title that’s been held by some very fine people.”

It really ties the joke together.

[berni_mccoy]

3. .

[SergeStorms]

12. Waaaaay to thin.....

for 'Shitler'.

[Kimber432]

17. Oh noooo, it's really a joke. : (

I was ever so hopeful we'd be rid of this orange butt wad. *sigh*

[Larissa]

21. Just in time for the Oktoberfest

[Permanut]

4. And if the recount doesn't come out "right"..

I think a trip to Germany for Cyber Ninjas is in order.

[SergeStorms]

13. Cyber Storm Troopers.

Cyber 'Ninjas' don't travel well.

[Pantagruel]

5. Best line:

“When does Oktoberfest start?”

[orleans]

10. lol! i was just going to post the exact same thing

[sarchasm]

19. I have it on very good authority ...

… that Oktoberfest does indeed fall within the month of October.

[marble falls]

6. Quote: "Bigly. Ich was Aufmitzebegeherobbed."

[malaise]

7. Perfect

[moondust]

8. Not possible.

Donald J. Trump died of syphilis five months ago. His body double can make these claims but many, many people will know the truth.

[indyblue]

9. Heil Shitler !

[SergeStorms]

11. I knew it.

Borowitz never disappoints.

[SWBTATTReg]

14. Ha ha ... I did just wonder that if the powers that be, really made attempts to make this article

sound really legitimate, that rump really did win the German elections, that how trump supporters would actually fall for it? How many would actually think that somehow, rump won a German election, and thus, he would not be eligible to run for president of the US as a result...I actually bet that some of these trump nuts would actually fall for this ruse...

[getagrip_already]

15. Might be fun to try....if you have a working account that has

Access to their Facebook groups, try seeding it.

I bet the rubes would run with it.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

16. He won "tsar" in Russia, but it was stolen by Putin's fake election officials.

He was so looking forward to a great golf course and estate in Crimea.

[Celerity]

18. prepping

[twodogsbarking]

20. White House portrait?

[LetMyPeopleVote]

22. I love good satire

Link to tweet

[LiberalFighter]

23. I thought this was for real. LMAO Borowitz is good.

[Coventina]

25. He's a national treasure!

[yellowcanine]

24. But to accept he has to change his name back to Drump.

[calimary]

26. ANDY BOROWITZ!!!

OMG I needed this, this morning!

Thought I’d earned a couple of days off from my Indivisible group after almost a solid month of rally organizing (TWO rallies two weeks apart), planning, writing, editing, and generating loads of emails and calls and invitations and announcements, promotion before, during, and after, and I thought I was done.

And then, wouldn’t ya know it, I get one of those “hey, I just sent you an email, could you just check …” calls this morning and, well, shit, you get the idea. Sorry to complain. I thought today and tomorrow were free ‘n’ clear. Nope.

So a timely Andy Borowitz contribution helps salvage the day! MANY thanks!

(Btw, the other consolation prize: at least both events went well. 30 people the first time - and it’s usually 5-7 of us actually showing up. And FIFTY people plus a few local dignitaries came to the second one and we even got press coverage! So there IS that!)

[Norbert]

27. His first act

To replace pretzels and beer with hamberders and diet Coke for all.