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DFW

(54,057 posts)
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:27 AM Oct 2021

Feeling helpless in the first world

Despite battling heart issues (me) and battling (and beating) cancer twice (my wife), we still consider ourselves fairly fortunate on the misery scale. So far, we have had enough friends and resources to get us through all the crap that has come our way, and we've had it pretty good compared to many others.

But now, we got word that our son-in-law over in the USA caught Covid-19 on a business trip to Atlanta, and it is not mild. He is double vaxxed, took what precautions he could, but that doesn't mean everyone did with whom he came in contact. When he got back to New York City, where our daughter and their infant son live, he soon started feeling the symptoms. Not only that, but their son was just getting over a really bad viral respiratory infection (not Covid)--so bad that he needed round-the-clock attention and couldn't be in a prone position for days. Our daughter continues to test negative, despite the proximity. Her husband has barricaded himself in a room to quarantine, and my poor daughter is going nuts trying to do her job remotely from their apartment, while caring for her two men 24/7. We pondered going over to America to help, but we wouldn't be allowed any contact anyway, and nor could we fly back to Germany after being in contact with a known Covid case. My sister-in-law lives nearby in New Jersey, but she can't get any closer than we can.

We can't really do anything. There is no one to hire, no one we can call, no place they could go, and no treatment that would make things better. Hurry up and wait. Hearing about a daughter's misery from afar is definitely not our favorite spectator sport. We hate it.

40 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Feeling helpless in the first world (Original Post) DFW Oct 2021 OP
Best wishes to them! n/t PoliticAverse Oct 2021 #1
Thanks for that! DFW Oct 2021 #4
Oh no, so sorry to hear this DFW. Irish_Dem Oct 2021 #2
Her employer has been extremely accommodating DFW Oct 2021 #5
Do not underestimate the value of your support right now. Irish_Dem Oct 2021 #8
I'm so sorry to hear this. Lonestarblue Oct 2021 #3
Just keeping in touch by phone as much as we can without being overbearing. DFW Oct 2021 #6
Feeling helpless when a child is suffering is terrible. brer cat Oct 2021 #7
I'm so sorry MissB Oct 2021 #9
When my brother had a hard case of Covid, early last year, it was the most helpless I've ever felt Siwsan Oct 2021 #10
One small way you might be able to help.... RealityBasedNewYorkr Oct 2021 #11
They do have that, actually, but thanks for the suggestion DFW Oct 2021 #12
Oh DFW I'm so sad to hear this. róisín_dubh Oct 2021 #13
Now is the most dangerous phase DFW Oct 2021 #14
The Pandemic is far from over and your story is another example of its serious point Pachamama Oct 2021 #15
So sorry to hear this! I understand how frustrating that can be. CaptainTruth Oct 2021 #16
Yes, to getting the monoclonal antibodies mnhtnbb Oct 2021 #17
Oh, this is sooo very hard on you, I can only imagine!!! secondwind Oct 2021 #18
Bummer. I think you're doing more than you think, by ... planetc Oct 2021 #19
hoping for the best markie Oct 2021 #20
So sorry to hear this. panader0 Oct 2021 #21
What a difficult situation for all, I really appalachiablue Oct 2021 #22
I am so sorry your family has to go through this. BoomaofBandM Oct 2021 #23
I wish that I had some helpful, realistic advice for you. What you described is niyad Oct 2021 #24
Thanks niyad! DFW Oct 2021 #25
Prayers for your daughter, SIL and grandson FakeNoose Oct 2021 #26
I want to add my sincere wish for better things for both you and your family. CTyankee Oct 2021 #27
Well, that sucks. Nevilledog Oct 2021 #28
Serious worry about the kids, god! Knock wood, it's been a while Hortensis Oct 2021 #29
Thanks for the kind words, all. It seems that once it starts, it doesn't stop. DFW Oct 2021 #30
I'll be thinking of you and your family --so sorry all this is going on Hekate Oct 2021 #31
I'm so sorry to hear this, DFW mvd Oct 2021 #32
I'm so sorry to hear about your family, DFW. smirkymonkey Oct 2021 #33
I am so sorry to hear this, DFW. sheshe2 Oct 2021 #34
Oh my dear DFW, my heart goes out to all of you at this perilous time. CaliforniaPeggy Oct 2021 #35
I'm so sorry. I know you and your wife are feeling this sense of helplessness hard. Solly Mack Oct 2021 #36
Take care of yourself, too, DFW. Grasswire2 Oct 2021 #37
I'm so sorry canetoad Oct 2021 #38
I'm so sorry. Duppers Oct 2021 #39
I cleared COVID, my ideas IbogaProject Oct 2021 #40

Irish_Dem

(45,657 posts)
2. Oh no, so sorry to hear this DFW.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:43 AM
Oct 2021

What an overwhelming and helpless feeling.

Hopefully your SIL will have minimal symptoms because he is vaxxed.
But yes, the baby is also of concern as is your daughter.

Maybe someone here will have some ideas for you.

I think one thing you can do for your daughter is phone and email support.
This is not to be underestimated as a source of good support to her.
The worst thing in a crisis is to feel totally isolated and all alone.

If you can work on the psychology end of things with continued support that is a big and important piece for her right now.

Maybe your daughter's employer could let her take some sick leave to care for her family right now.

I am sending some prayers her way right now.
Especially for the baby.

DFW

(54,057 posts)
5. Her employer has been extremely accommodating
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:56 AM
Oct 2021

First, giving her a job when she was already pregnant with the baby, her first, then after the birth, and now with this. I guess they are really intent on keeping her, which is an encouraging sign. She is a tireless and meticulous worker (she is, after all, my wife's daughter), and I think they recognized this when they hired her. It could change in an instant as we have seen all too often, but for now that has not presented itself as an issue.

We phone, mail, and whatsapp a LOT. She knows, and appreciates it, so you're spot on with the suggestion.

Irish_Dem

(45,657 posts)
8. Do not underestimate the value of your support right now.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 06:02 AM
Oct 2021

She is overwhelmed right now with everything and your help is crucial and will help keep her on track.

I know she is a smart cookie and very organized, but she has to be quite scared right now.

Knowing Mom and Dad have her back is going to count a lot now and in the days ahead.
At least half of everything in life is psychology and you are taking care of that end of things.

Thank goodness her employer is being very accommodating.

(I sent you a pm.)

Lonestarblue

(9,880 posts)
3. I'm so sorry to hear this.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:47 AM
Oct 2021

I hope your son-in-law has a speedy recovery and neither your daughter nor grandson catches Covid, especially frightening for the baby. I fear we will be dealing with this nasty virus for at least the next few years because it has been so politicized here that there is little hope of persuading a significant percentage of the population to help control it—frustrating for all of us but especially when your own loved ones are in danger and you can do nothing to help.

DFW

(54,057 posts)
6. Just keeping in touch by phone as much as we can without being overbearing.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:58 AM
Oct 2021

It's about as much as we can do from here. We know she appreciates it, but it's still frustrating for us that we can't do more. My wife and I would drop everything and fly over there now if it would do any good.

brer cat

(24,402 posts)
7. Feeling helpless when a child is suffering is terrible.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 06:00 AM
Oct 2021

I'm sure she knows you are supporting her from afar, but that is not the same as hands-on-deck help.

Sending you all good vibes, and please keep us posted.

MissB

(15,800 posts)
9. I'm so sorry
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 06:03 AM
Oct 2021

I hope all three of them come through this just fine.

It’s such a helpless feeling when we can’t help our kids. My youngest got Covid back in 2020 during his senior year of college. He was (and still is) several states away. I wanted to be there to take care of him but I couldn’t. I know how hard it is to not be able to do anything.

Siwsan

(26,178 posts)
10. When my brother had a hard case of Covid, early last year, it was the most helpless I've ever felt
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 06:11 AM
Oct 2021

He took every precaution but as a school bus driver, he was in a highly infectious situation. All it takes is one slip up that you probably don't even realize happened.

The two of us are the last of the immediate family so I was terrified of losing him. There was NOTHING I could do but hope. Fortunately he shares a house with friends who kept check on him. Also fortunately, despite him being at my house twice, early in his infection and while likely very contagious, I either didn't catch it or was 100% asymptomatic. None the less, I totally quarantined for about a month.

I'm double vaccinated and getting my booster on Monday but I'm still carrying on with every precaution.

So, I know the anxiety you are feeling. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

11. One small way you might be able to help....
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 06:23 AM
Oct 2021

Pre-pared meal services that ship ready to zap, healthy meals … if she doesn’t already have that, it can be quite the time saver

DFW

(54,057 posts)
12. They do have that, actually, but thanks for the suggestion
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 06:38 AM
Oct 2021

They live on the upper west side of Manhattan, and know whom to call.

róisín_dubh

(11,784 posts)
13. Oh DFW I'm so sad to hear this.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 07:02 AM
Oct 2021

I hope you SIL heals up and that your daughter and grandson don't catch it.

DFW

(54,057 posts)
14. Now is the most dangerous phase
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 07:04 AM
Oct 2021

If there is no worsening by this time next week, we hope for better news.

It will be one very long week for them, no matter what.

Pachamama

(16,875 posts)
15. The Pandemic is far from over and your story is another example of its serious point
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 07:24 AM
Oct 2021

DFW - I am so sorry hearing your story about your family. I know that like me you are in Germany where you know that just in the US we still have Delta spreading and breakthrough cases and people who are anti-vaccine and anti-mask. The only thing that comforts me here more is the KN-95 masks required and the 2G or 3G rules that you don’t see consistent or at all in US. The fact that your son-in-law was double vaxxed (does that mean he had two shots, or two different kinds of vaccines or he was fully vaccinated plus booster?). That business trip to Atlanta was likely culprit adding higher risk of exposure since their rules are not as strict as NYC.

There have been so many breakthrough cases with some people I know, but mostly asymptomatic and they are always shocked to find out they tested positive. Only one of them had symptoms and they received monoclonal antibody infusions. I don’t know anyone with a booster who has gotten a breakthrough case. But the fact he is having a symptomatic case and bad symptoms at that must be concerning and I feel for your daughter and family how stressful and scary this must be.

Speaking to your daughter regularly and giving her support emotionally matters a lot - for him too. Food delivery service to ease her workload helps a ton. Take comfort from that they are in NYC where there is good level of care should he need it and that he isn’t in say Idaho or Alaska or states that have limited care capacity if he needed it.

I do have an Important question to ask - has he had a doctor who he is working with that could order for him monoclonal antibodies? I ask because of the breakthrough case I knew with symptoms, that is what they had ordered from their physician at UCSF and they recovered fairly quickly. The key apparently with monoclonal antibodies is getting it early on.

Sending you and your family lots of love and good energy and thoughts for recovery and good health.

CaptainTruth

(6,546 posts)
16. So sorry to hear this! I understand how frustrating that can be.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 07:40 AM
Oct 2021

I wish the best for all involved, they will be in my thoughts.

mnhtnbb

(31,320 posts)
17. Yes, to getting the monoclonal antibodies
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 07:42 AM
Oct 2021

if he is still within the time frame. They need to be given early in the course of the disease.

I am so sorry to hear this. It's so difficult for everyone, especially to not be able to help. Damn COVID.

secondwind

(16,903 posts)
18. Oh, this is sooo very hard on you, I can only imagine!!!
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 08:30 AM
Oct 2021

Am sending all good vibes for your son-in-law, and may your daughter find some inner strength she never thought she had......

Best wishes to the entire family

planetc

(7,720 posts)
19. Bummer. I think you're doing more than you think, by ...
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 08:32 AM
Oct 2021

existing as an ear for your daughter to complain to. That's a terrific stress reliever in itself. Life has temporarily turned her into a front-line health care worker, with a pediatric unit and a covid unit, and she's doing all this in the middle of a pandemic. Is she still working??? If she is, it's not necessarily a bad thing, as it will force her to concentrate on something besides her patients. I think you're all doing a great job, for what that's worth. Hard to see yourself from the outside, but from here, your daughter looks like a champion, of the kind that doesn't get any medals or trophy cups.

panader0

(25,816 posts)
21. So sorry to hear this.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 08:47 AM
Oct 2021

It is frustrating not being able to visit. But your daughter is handling this well. I'm sure it's tough,
but I can't help but believe that your SIL and grandson will recover. All the best hopes for them
and you and your wife.

appalachiablue

(41,056 posts)
22. What a difficult situation for all, I really
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 08:49 AM
Oct 2021

feel for you and hope things get better, esp. with newer medical treatments if that's an option.

Good to know they have access to meal delivery services, that's a plus in large urban areas.

Are there any local organizations or businesses that could help out by delivering other provisions/staples with no contact/leave at the door? If there aren't any there should be, esp. with so many people in this situation.

Some pharmacies deliver, and Amazon of course, and to the door I think unless there's a separate mailroom area for packages like some places, apt. complexes.

All the best, good luck; you have much support. Keep in touch.

BoomaofBandM

(1,766 posts)
23. I am so sorry your family has to go through this.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 09:18 AM
Oct 2021

Thank goodness they are double vaccinated. As a grandmother, I will feel much better when my grandkids can get vaccinated. Stay strong. Keep us uodated.

niyad

(112,440 posts)
24. I wish that I had some helpful, realistic advice for you. What you described is
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 11:45 AM
Oct 2021

Last edited Sat Oct 2, 2021, 02:36 PM - Edit history (1)

frustrating, I know. Sending hugs and vibes for healing, and strength, and endurance and energy, with a full recovery for all of you.

You know that your DU family is here for all of you.

FakeNoose

(32,356 posts)
26. Prayers for your daughter, SIL and grandson
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 02:41 PM
Oct 2021

This is very challenging and a little bit terrifying.

My only son, daughter-in-law and grandson also live in Manhattan, on the Lower East Side. They've been surrounded by Covid cases and some have even been in their own building, but so far they have been lucky. I'd like to go and visit them in New York but it's been over a year and a half since my last visit. Not sure when I'll get back there, but probably not this year.

Being vaccinated is only HALF the story. Social distancing is important too, and you also need good genes, a healthy lifestyle, and lots of luck.

CTyankee

(63,771 posts)
27. I want to add my sincere wish for better things for both you and your family.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 02:45 PM
Oct 2021

You strike me as a big-hearted man and these things should not befall you. You are kind and brave. In cases like yours, there is no long view to take of things, there is only short views, what will come tomorrow and the next day.

I hope you have material comfort, at least. I can only wish for the best for you and your family. And I want to thank you for all the expertise in travel abroad that you have given me when I asked.

Here is to better days for you, dear DFW.

Nevilledog

(50,687 posts)
28. Well, that sucks.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 03:05 PM
Oct 2021

I really hope he recovers quickly and your daughter and the little one stay well.



Hortensis

(58,785 posts)
29. Serious worry about the kids, god! Knock wood, it's been a while
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 03:15 PM
Oct 2021

but I stress even thinking about it.

Just stay well so they don't have to worry about you. Hope your SIL gets through this fairly soon and your tiny grandson is back to being fascinated by his hands and feet.

DFW

(54,057 posts)
30. Thanks for the kind words, all. It seems that once it starts, it doesn't stop.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 03:49 PM
Oct 2021

This evening, my wife called her 94 year old mom, whose birthday we celebrated last weekend, at her home up in the north and heard her mom say that she was experiencing a lot of bleeding in her pelvic area. She is nearly blind, and can't read any instructions, or even call 110 or 112 (German 911). She can barely call my wife when needed. My wife called around, but none of the emergency services picked up the phone up there, and the local Red Cross just said, well call the "911" number, which is useless, because doing that only gets you the local emergency services.

My wife finally reached a cousin who lives up there, and he came over, got some other friends, and one of them finally got an ambulance to take my mom-in-law to the local hospital. It is fortunately still there, as the state wanted to close it to save money. The ambulance people misplaced an "emergency medical passport" which all people have in that area. There is all information everyone needs on it--daily medication, recent medical history, insurance data, the works. It's always in the same place in the house, so of course, someone picked it up and either took it to the hospital or put it in a drawer. My wife is furious, and not a little worried. She is ditching everything and driving all the way back up there tomorrow. It's a two and a half hour drive, but there is no public transportation to that town at all, so she has no choice.

I hate that she is taking this stress upon herself, but she remains the dedicated social worker she was when she was working, and she'd never let herself be talked out of it (and I therefore never try, though this had better not be the same situation in five years).

I have to think that we all go through times like these sooner or later, but to have all this happen in the space of a few days, just when my work schedule is starting up its usual every-day-another-country routine, I just have to wonder when it's going to calm down for a few days. On the other hand, I know that for some people, things like this don't calm down for months or even years, so we should just get through it as best we can. But we're just not used to it, and there is some serious scrambling going on around here just now.

mvd

(65,148 posts)
32. I'm so sorry to hear this, DFW
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:05 PM
Oct 2021

Sending my healing vibes and my best wishes to you and your family.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
33. I'm so sorry to hear about your family, DFW.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 05:14 PM
Oct 2021

I wish all of you the best and I am sending all of you healing thoughts! I know it must be hard for you, but please know we are here for you if you need to talk.

CaliforniaPeggy

(149,308 posts)
35. Oh my dear DFW, my heart goes out to all of you at this perilous time.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 07:59 PM
Oct 2021

Just know that LM and I will be hoping for better news soon, on all fronts--and that includes your mother-in-law.

Solly Mack

(90,740 posts)
36. I'm so sorry. I know you and your wife are feeling this sense of helplessness hard.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 08:07 PM
Oct 2021

Anyone in the city that can deliver groceries or other items (meds, diapers, etc..) and leave them at the door? That might help your daughter by taking that off her plate.

Do a wellness check if only from the door?

Hoping for the best!

Grasswire2

(13,564 posts)
37. Take care of yourself, too, DFW.
Sat Oct 2, 2021, 11:33 PM
Oct 2021

I don't think I have read anything about your heart issues. Am always a good listener regarding that, as I worked as triage phone desk for a cardiology practice and worked in a CCU. I don't deign to give medical advice, but I will listen.

Self care is hard when there's much to worry about. They need you. So take yer pills properly, and try to rest as you can.

canetoad

(17,090 posts)
38. I'm so sorry
Sun Oct 3, 2021, 02:28 AM
Oct 2021

About your family members suffering Covid and understand your frustration at not being able to do anything. Best wishes to you all....

Duppers

(28,094 posts)
39. I'm so sorry.
Sun Oct 3, 2021, 02:38 AM
Oct 2021

Last edited Sun Oct 3, 2021, 05:48 AM - Edit history (2)

I've not posted about this but my double vax'ed son in NYC let a friend visit him ~8wks ago. The friend became very sick with what they first thought was flu but it was covid!! Yes my 34yo, up-to-then very healthy son became quite sick too. I'm in Virginia and couldn't help but his girlfriend/partner was there doing everything for him. He became too weak to text or talk but his Kate kept us informed.

I'm telling you all this because I know it's possible for young, healthy vaccinated men to recover from CoVid. The vaccine makes a huge difference in these breakthrough cases. Try to stay positive and help your family to not panic too much.

We're all wishing him a full recovery! Please keep us posted.


On edit: I feel for your daughter with two sick fellows to care for. I hope she's reached out to friends & in-laws too. And living in The City, either in Manhattan, Queens, or Brooklyn, at least she can get take-out & groceries delivered to her door. And if your son-in-law becomes too sick, he should consider being hospitalized. NYC hospitals are no longer as jammed as they were months ago.

IbogaProject

(2,694 posts)
40. I cleared COVID, my ideas
Sun Oct 3, 2021, 10:55 AM
Oct 2021

I cleared COVID, my ideas

Covid nutritional aids.
Get a pulse oximiter and seek medical care if o2 levels drop!

1st no Elderberry no Sambucus!!! they upregulate the ace-2 pathway.

I cleared COVID along w my wife & son, we all used the following home remedies.

Vitamin-D liquid 5,000 iu as late as 1st symptoms also vs flu
Magnesium
Vitamin K
Vitamin C
Melatonin
Vitamin E & Echanacia at night while sick
Lysine blocks viral replication 2-3 grams every 4-6 hours (take on empty stomach at least 1 hour b4 meal or 2.5 he after)
Odor free garlic helps immune system and cycles free radicals, covid kills by circulatory damage and by a runaway inflammation.


Here is some info from
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32809870/


Low risk patient - Younger than 45, no comorbidities, and clinically stable
High risk patient - Older than 45, younger than 45 with comorbidities, or clinically unstable
Treatment Options
Low risk patients
Supportive care with fluids, fever control, and rest
Elemental Zinc 50mg 1 time a day for 7 days
Vitamin C 1000mg 1 time a day for 7 days
Vitamin D3 5000iu 1 time a day for 7 days
Optional over the counter options
Quercetin 500mg 2 times a day for 7 days or
Epigallocatechin-gallate (EGCG) 400mg 1 time a day for 7 days



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