Conservative Christians Want To Replace Halloween With 'JesusWeen'--And Twitter Can't Stop Chuckling

[progressoid]

Evangelical Christian can't get enough of conservative Jesus—the judgy one—so they want to put him everywhere: on Starbucks cups, in schools and even in the 'ween.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Halloween, also known as All Hallow's Eve—the precursor to All Saints Day on November 1—is not hallowed enough for the likes of some Evangelical Christians.

Instead, they would prefer to transform the holiday into "JesusWeen."

Link to tweet

Link to tweet

https://www.comicsands.com/evangelical-christians-rename-halloween-jesusween-2655293280.html

Apparently this idea has been around for a while. Found this on DU from 2011
https://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9809422

[JohnQFunk]

1. I am willing to compromise: if they get Jesus' Ween, we get to change December 25 to...

BAPHO-MAS! A day to celebrate the birth of the Age of Reason, the primacy of intellect, and respect for every human!

?resize=1460%2C1204&quality=100&ssl=1

[lagomorph777]

2. HollowJesus?

Is that better maybe?

[Maeve]

3. So...are people who celebrate it JesusWeenies?

Asking for a fiend...

[bbernardini]

4. As a friend of mine texted me earlier today...

"I'll celebrate JesusWeen, too!  I can't get in trouble for waving my dick in the wind if I say it's for a religious holiday, right?"

[progressoid]

5. !!!

[Retrograde]

6. So why not go back to observing All Saints Day?

It's still a Holy Day of Obligation in the Catholic Church in the US. The kids can dress up like their favorite saints and go door-to-door offering blessings or prayers in exchange for treats.

[hunter]

12. Some of those Saints were scary and twisted Holy terrors...

... making Halloween's demons seem quit tame in comparison.

[JHB]

16. The answer is there in your post.

"Catholic."

It's evangelicals trying to push this, in particular the most obsessive types, and when it comes to Catholics they're pretty much stuck in The Wars Of Religion days.

[wackadoo wabbit]

31. This is either one of the funniest things I've ever read, or horrendously offensive

I'm going to assume that you have a wonderfully droll sense of humor, and say, "That's hysterical! Thanks for the laugh!"

[Retrograde]

34. 12 years of Catholic school will do that to you!

I'm actually interested in saints' iconography - in medieval religious art you can often identify who is who by the accoutrements: St. Lawrence carries a grill, St. Margaret has a dragon on a leash, St. Denis carries his head, St. Stephen carries stones (there's a picture at the Legion of Honor in San Francisco where he's balancing them on his head!), St. Cecelia has a musical instrument - plenty of costume ideas!

When I was in grammar school the nuns let us wear costumes on Halloween, but most of them weren't that creative. Their stand on Halloween and trick or treating was, fine, have fun, don't destroy anything, and remember that you have to be in church the next morning.

[Ilsa]

32. LOL, I see what you did there. nt :-)

[Wingus Dingus]

8. The JesusWeen dachshund!

[Initech]

9. Can we just have Ween?

[Major Nikon]

25. Pretty sure I was never weened as a child

[Volaris]

40. You're not catholic.

[Corgigal]

10. Just let the kids dress up,

and gather up some candy for themselves and sweet loving parents. Stand back, this is not about you.

[LiberatedUSA]

11. JesusWeen is taken and you can't have it.

All men with erectile dysfunction have trademarked JesusWeen, as in “Jesus ween, will ya just work this time?”

[RKP5637]

13. Put a condom on that 'Jesus Weeny' n/t

[3catwoman3]

14. At the pediatric office from which I recently retired, we did dress...

...up on Halloween, as long as it was nothing gross/bloo dy/scary. I usually opted for a cape and peaked hat.

One year, a mom looked at me with a very severe facial expression, and sternly announced, "We don't celebrate the
devil's birthday."

I figured there was no point trying to explain to this person that Halloween is not the devil's birthday, so I simply replied, in as cheerful a voice as I could muster in the face of such flagrant ignorance, "Neither do I!"

[progressoid]

20. And they call us snowflakes.

[Deuxcents]

15. These thumpers

Just can’t ruin fun fast enough. As with everything else.. if ya don’t like Halloween, don’t celebrate.

[PXR-5]

17. Exactly!

Those little snowflakes now want to Cancel Halloween!?

[Binkie The Clown]

18. The right-wing war on Halloween. Next thing you know...

...they'll want to ban the Christmas tree for being the pagan symbol that it is.

Clearly they are on a crusade to take the fun out of everything.

[Drunken Irishman]

19. Not every holiday has to be about Jesus.

If they want to celebrate a more religious holiday, wait a day and celebrate All Saints Day.

[Celerity]

21. don't fuck with the jeebus

[progressoid]

22. Haaahahaha!

[malaise]

23. Lil Slobfathr mushrooms will replace

the pumpkins

[struggle4progress]

24. ... in Ireland and Scotland and England .. All Hallows' Eve became a combination

of prayer and merriment ... Begging at the door grew from an ancient English custom of knocking at doors to beg for a "soul cake" in return for which the beggars promised to pray for the dead of the household ... The refrains sung at the door varied ...
https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/culture/catholic-contributions/all-hallow-s-eve.html

A soul! a soul! a soul-cake!
Please good Missis, a soul-cake!
An apple, a pear, a plum, or a cherry,
Any good thing to make us all merry ...

God bless the master of this house,
The misteress also,
And all the little children
That round your table grow ...

Down into the cellar,
And see what you can find,
If the barrels are not empty,
We hope you will prove kind ...

The lanes are very dirty,
My shoes are very thin,
I’ve got a little pocket
To put a penny in.
If you haven’t got a penny,
A ha’penny will do ;
If you haven’t get a ha’penny,
It’s God bless you

https://www.lyricsforchristmas.com/christmas-carols/soul-cake/

[Archae]

26. "Jesus" -ween?

These Talibornagains can't even get his frikkin' NAME right!

It was "Yeshua," not the Greek corruption of the original.

And most "Christian" holidays were stolen from pagan religions, in fact even the birth of "Jesus" should be in spring, according to the Bible.

[rurallib]

27. Well, Jesus was a zombie................

[Ilsa]

38. Good point!

I'm surprised it didn't turn Mary, Thomas, et al into zombies after touching him, or is a bite required, as in Communion?

[Wounded Bear]

39. He does seem to like to eat people's brains...

[pwb]

28. Jesus, karma and the Universe are all

shaking their heads at this one. Fuck me.

[Captain Zero]

36. Candy: Little Chocolate Baby Jesus? Hey, he WAS brown.

nt

[Hortensis]

29. Last time I asked a pair of women WWD, it elicited chortles of superior pity

and exchange of gleeful glances that said if you have to ask you are very far from god's grace. They couldn't explain it to someone so spiritually bereft.

They really couldn't.

[BlueIdaho]

30. Will the last person leaving the Christian faith

Please turn out the lights.

[jmowreader]

33. "JesusWeen"? Oh Jesus!

And here I was thinking passing out Chick tracts instead of candy was the most evil thing Christians could do to Halloween.

[Captain Zero]

35. Not like the christians don't know how to co-opt a Pagan Holiday, is it?

The War on Halloween! Onward Christian Weenies!

[AllaN01Bear]

41. dont these people know what their bible is ? halloween is a cotraction

for all hallows eve . the day after is all saints day. learn your history people . all saints day is a big deal in my church.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/holydays/halloween_1.shtml
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Saints'_Day

first they wanted to call it harvest, now this ??? .

[electric_blue68]

42. At least several tweeters, and myself were shocked that...

this bus ad was on a Toronto bus!!! 😂😂😂

I had No Idea! 😆 It'd have made perfect sense that
that was some 'Murica bus.


I read the reply tweets lots of fun there.