I had an abortion...

[cilla4progress]

OK, I'll go first, hard as it is.

I was about 9 years married. Had just graduated with a technical degree and on the cusp of starting a new career. It was tough in my rural town to find decent work that paid decently (I was already a college grad), much less decent affordable childcare. I was also afraid to become a parent since I hadn't had the best examples - or a nuclear family that sustained me; no dig on them. They tried. Suffice to say there were several years in my teen years when my only sister, older than me, was in and out of mental institutions, and it took its toll.... And I wasn't so sure I wanted to bring a child into this... yes; I had foresight.

Our low tech birth control had never failed, until it finally did. Struck with that most excruciating of decisions, I knew that I could not be the mom I wanted to be, that I needed to be. I was terrified of what kind of mom I would be, under duress -- dropping my child off at fulltime daycare, being financially strapped all the time, not being able to afford extras, which for me, I'll admit it - included having a horse. At least I knew myself. Also, health insurance. Neither my husband or I had it. We just had a small 1-acre plot with a ramshackle house and a horse corral. I don't recall it being a hard decision at the time, honestly.

4 years later, at age 37, after 13 years of marriage, my husband and I got intentionally pregnant in 3 weeks with the most wanted, most beloved, most well-prepared for daughter! I was able to stay home for awhile - had set myself up with a home business - and then able to work only part-time, which was how I needed to parent. Even still, the daycare we could afford was shockingly low-quality (though safe). My husband had a union job with union benefits. I never looked back. She is the light of our lives.

With all the pro-life BS since, have I felt guilt? Or regret? I'll admit - I've had to fight it. I was fortunate to discover my pregnancy at 5 weeks, so there's that. I do feel some shame - am I a murderer? am I selfish? - and there are very few people I would share, or have shared this with. Fortunately I don't know anyone here in person!

I've come to terms that it was the best I could do at that time in my situation. I would LOVE to have a sibling for my daughter - we never did. Again, our (my) shortcomings in my self-confidence as a parent. And I wish our society supported families like they do in France. If I had been looking at 2 years of paid leave and decent childcare, I'm pretty sure I would have made a different decision.

So, for what it's worth, which may be nothing to you but is helpful to me, that's my abortion story.

[guillaumeb]

1. Your courage and bravery are noted. eom

[TheProle]

2. It should be worth something to everyone, and I commend

your courage in sharing your story. It pulls it from the realm of abstract ideology and caricature to the human condition in all its complexity.

Thank you.

[cilla4progress]

3. You guys

are making me tear up.

I don't consider myself brave. Thank you.

I just feel we need to own it.

[hlthe2b]

9. You may not consider yourself brave, but I do.

Not that any woman should feel shame or fear to speak their own truth.

[leftstreet]

4. You could just post "I had an abortion n/t"

No one needs to pry into your reasons or your emotional state at the time and now

Women either have a right to make decisions about their bodies, or they don't

[cilla4progress]

7. As with my abortion,

it was right for me. I value that what is right for you may be different. And I don't disagree.

[gratuitous]

18. I don't necessarily disagree

But it's the stories, and yes, quite often the details, that bring the discussion down from some lofty bloodless discussion about when life begins or how God gets mad at humans for using all their body parts. For me, the facts matter and show how complicated and personal each person's story is. It's not a binary this-or-that. It's also the messiness that is each person's life, a messiness that doesn't yield to facile analysis and sloganeering. It shows up the callow reasoning of legislators trying to practice medicine.

Does anyone owe anyone else an explanation? I don't think so. But it's in the stories that people can hear and consider facets of the issue that haven't occurred to them, opening them to a broader understanding, and a comprehension that this is not a cut-and-dried, one-size-fits-all issue. And legislators should leave it the hell alone.

[cilla4progress]

19. Thanks,

gratuitous. Your comment is affirming.

[pazzyanne]

25. + 1 nt

[llmart]

56. What a wonderful post.

Our stories are important. They need to be told and others need to hear them.

I have fought for women's rights and considered myself a feminist since I was 16. I'm now 72. My mother had seven children. Her last child was born when she was 44 years old. The child was severely retarded - not just the cutesy, Hallmark Hall of Fame movie of the week Downs syndrome child, but uneducable with several physical deformities. There were no resources for caring for a child like that, so my parents gave her over to the state when she was six years old and never saw her again. My mother died an early death at the age of 55. I don't think she ever recovered from that birth mentally.

I swore I would never let anyone else, including my husband, have any control over my reproductive rights. From the beginning of our courtship, I made it very clear to my Catholic husband (I'm not Catholic or religious) that I was going to use birth control and if he didn't agree with my stance, then we should part company right then and there. He agreed with me 100%. I had two children, exactly four years apart, boy then girl and they were both very much planned and wanted. I was 25 and done with having children. I asked my obstetrician how soon I could get my tubes tied and he said the practice was made up of three male, Catholic doctors and they would not perform tubal ligations. I said thank you very much. I'll find someone else. He argued with me about how young I was and how I'd change my mind and regret it, and I told him in no uncertain terms that I would never change my mind. I did find someone else, had the procedure done (it was major surgery back in the early 70's before laparoscopic surgery) and never once have I regretted not having any more children.

Make no mistake about it. This is only the beginning of what these people are planning on taking away from women.

[SammyWinstonJack]

69. Exactly what I was thinking.

[ismnotwasm]

5. I've had several.

And I’m not sharing reasons OR details. #yeetthefetus

I am now, however seriously considering how I can help women who need abortions. I am still a few years from retirement as a RN, and while women’s health isn’t my area of expertise, I may see what I can do here. There’s already an underground from what I understand.

[ecstatic]

21. +1000. nt

[msfiddlestix]

22. I've had two... but not feeling like sharing my reasons either for the same reasons.

One was an easy decision to make, the other not so much and it was hard on me emotionally.

I get the conflicting emotions. But damn it to hell, it was my decision at the end of the day.

I have granddaughters, one who is of age of physical capability and the other is fast approaching.

This matter should have been long settled. Religious right should have been held at bay with iron clad laws protecting Women's rights and right to choose. In addition the Separation of Church and State should have been well defined and fortified.

Lastly, there should be no supreme court justices affiliated with religion of any kind, since most are apparently incapable of understanding the Separation Clause applies and must be observed or we're just another fanatical religious zealot issuing decisions based on their fanatical views couched in so called original-ism to rationalize their decisions.

[slightlv]

57. If ONLY we were dealing with Originalism!

This is Originalism writ of whole cloth, msfiddlestix! Where do you think separation of church of state came from? And why it was written so deeply about in in the Federalist Papers? The Founders MEANT to keep a wide WALL of separation between the Church and the State. They had already seen what could happen in the countries from which they came.

But the very minute people disembarked from the boats, they set up their own little religious communes and many in those little communes made them very, very tribal. They ran others out for not believing as they did. This country has been involved in religious warfare from the very beginning, IMNSHO. I absolutely abhor most "deeply religious" Christian followers. I have met very few of them who actually try their best to walk Christ's path. But oh, they spew the words with much venom and vehemence!

I swear, may this century see not only the last of the putrid patriarchy die the death it should have died centuries ago, but may the spread of that dominant fundamentalist Christianity die along with it, along with fundamentalist and extremist religion of ALL types and sects all over the world.

To my ever-loving horror as a Pagan, I even have to include one of our own strains in this morass. The Neo-Nazi's have recruited and taken over several of the sacred symbols of the ancient Asatru. To their honor, Asatru groups around the world have yelled loudly they are not associated with these white supremacists and have paid the price at times. They plan to keep fighting to separate their name from the hate-mongers, which is what we all must do, as more and more of who and what we are as good, humane, caring people are appropriated, disfigured, and renamed. The Deism of the majority of the Founders had more in common with the way I belief than anyone on the SCOTUS at the moment - their "originalism" be damned to Hell!

[msfiddlestix]

59. Hear Here!

from your lips.. may it reach the ears of the masses!



great rant and TRUTH!

[momta]

31. Me too.

And I've shared here before, so I won't again.

But the point is that it's nobody's business but the pregnant person and whoever they choose to include in the decision.

This OP perfectly demonstrates that fact.

Thank you, ismnotwasm, for your help and support of women who are just trying to live their best life.

[cilla4progress]

39. Sign me

up!

[mountain grammy]

53. Yes there is, several funds for women in Texas.

I hope to get more active when we move back to the city.. Our local Planned Parenthood closed.

[MFM008]

6. Thanks

I was pregnant and not married in 1983. I even had a girlfriend willing to cover the cost of the abortion.
I couldnt go through with it.
I dont judge those that did or didnt.
Its as individual a choice as you can make.
Difficult. Private.
Heartbreaking sometime.
Sometimes a relief.
If only the government thought the same.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

8. No one owes anyone their story. And I honor any story people choose to tell.

[Coventina]

10. {{{hugs}}}

I'm pro-cilla4progress, and every woman who struggles to make the choices best for her.

[FalloutShelter]

11. Thank you, Chilla, for sharing and your bravery.

I had an abortion too. I was seven years into a disastrous marriage with a mentally abusive sociopath. I had been trying to get out, but worried about the blowback and found out I was pregnant.
It took me less than five minutes to make my decision. There was no way on earth that I would put a child in that abuser’s sights. He only knew long after it was done; after I too was safely out with the help of some friends.

I am so lucky to now have been married to the most wonderful most egalitarian man in the world for 35 years.

It’s not always about money… or a job…
Sometimes it’s about breaking the cycle of abuse.

[cilla4progress]

14. Yes! The bottom line is

women must be able to make these decisions for themselves - and be trusted in their decision for whatever reason, whatever the circumstance.

[FalloutShelter]

16. So right on sister.

[MLAA]

33. So glad you traded up to a wonderful husband!

[FalloutShelter]

35. Me too!

[snowybirdie]

12. Thank you

for sharing. We all have a story

[wildheart]

13. I had one too

I won't share my reasons, but it was a life altering choice. Planned parenthood was my lifeline with such compassion. Now that I am in position where I can donate, I always donate to them.

[Solly Mack]

15. Thank you.

[mcar]

17. You are not a murderer. You were not selfish.

You made a choice - a decision that was best for you at the time.

I totally get the what-ifs but your options were limited - just starting out, no health insurance (a huge thing, IMO) limited leave and childcare options - and let's not forget what children cost. That's an issue too.

You are loving person who obviously became a loving mother so of course you would look back and wonder.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[cilla4progress]

20. Thanks.

[Kath2]

23. Thank you for sharing your story.

You did what was right for you at the time and that is all that matters. I was a catholic and I thought I was pregnant at 18. False alarm. But I had made my mind up that abortion was the only sane choice and that is when I became profoundly pro-choice. Blessings and thanks again for sharing with us.

[evolves]

24. Thank you for sharing your story.

There are as many different stories as there are people who seek abortion. Each is important. Each means something. Those who seek to remove the legality of this option are wrecking havoc on the lives of others. Abortion will never go away, but it will return to being dangerous.

[Lonestarblue]

26. Thank you for sharing. I believe in women and their ability to make their own choices.

You did what was right for you at the time. That is the right that every woman deserves. Women are not stupid. They know what is best for themselves and their loved ones. They do not need the government interfering or religious extremists chastising them.

[MuseRider]

27. Pre RoeVWade

I have told my story before and I think that was enough.

[alwaysinasnit]

28. I salute your courage in sharing this. Thank you!

[moreland01]

29. Me too.

My overly religious, dictatorial father had once told me "If you get pregnant, don't come home. Ever."

I was barely 18, away at college and in an abusive relationship. While in the process of figuring out how to get rid of the guy without him killing me, I got pregnant. There was no way in hell I was having this psycho's baby. The abortion was $600 that I didn't have. The psycho found it somehow. Apologies to those he may have robbed to get it. Afterwards, I lied and told him I'd marry him if he joined the military. He joined and I never saw him again. I found out just what lengths I would/could go to just to survive. Looking back, how did I find the courage to endure this all alone and far away from home at 18 years old?

I had a future. I had plans for my degree. I had a life ahead of me that did NOT include having a baby, being a mother, being a single, alone, poor as hell, mother with zero family support structure.

On my college graduation day, my overly religious, dictatorial father actually asked me if I was still a virgin (the F'in nerve!). I told him yes. He looked like he was going to fall on his knees and thank the good lord. He died 5 years later, a (happy?) overly religious, dictatorial man.

I've been happily married for 30 years. One step-son, 2 grandkids. My story ended well. It almost didn't. Abortions should be free.

[cilla4progress]

40. Wow - you are AMAZING

moreland01!!! Such fortitude and strong survival instincts!

So glad you are HERE!!

[vlyons]

30. You made the best decision for you (and your husband) at the time

Never forget that the world doesn't need any more unwanted children. We have a surplus of those already. the world is already over-populated. I'm glad that you had a child when you were ready to be a parent.

[NurseJackie]

32. I almost started a thread like this. I'm glad you did.

#SoDidI

[Stinky The Clown]

34. {{{cilla4progress}}}

[momta]

36. Thank you.

#SoDidI

I've shared my story here before, so I won't bore everyone again, but there are as many stories about whether or not to go through with a pregnancy as there are pregnant people.

It's no one's business but theirs.

Thanks for sharing.

[MLAA]

37. Cilla4progress you are a smart, brave, loving warrior!

I had an abortion around age 20 or 21. Had just graduated college and started my first big job. I didn’t realize at the time that I wasn’t cut out for children ever, I just knew I was anywhere near ready for them then. I feel so fortunate I had the choice. I’ve supported women’s’ right to choice since.

💕💖💕

[cilla4progress]

42. Awesome, MLAA -

You bet, CHOICE!

I think I would have been depressed, medicated, barely functioning, if I hadn't had the choice. Scary to think about it, and how it could have impacted a child...

I think, too, about the mortality rates for Black women delivering babies, high compared to White women. LITERALLY forced to risk their lives. Criminal.

[ShazzieB]

38. I'm pretty sure I've told my story here at DU at some point.

I had an abortion, too. I live in the midwest, and it was 1972, so I had to travel to New York, where it was legal, to have it done safely and legally. Fortunately, I was able to do that, and everything went fine.

I was in college at the time, and continuing the pregnancy would have meant dropping out of school, at least temporarily. Realistically speaking, my education would have been over, or at least postponed indefinitely, unless I gave the baby up for adoption. My family would have supported me to the best of their ability, but the best of their ability would have been grossly inadequate for reasons I will not go into here.

People talk about abortion being a difficult decision, and I know it is for some. It's not hard for everyone, though, and it wasn't for me. I had plenty of time to think about it before I could confirm the pregnancy. There were no home pregnancy tests kits then; you HAD to go to a doctor, and even the doctors couldn't confirm it nearly as early as they can now. I had to wait over a month between missing a period and getting "official" confirmation. The whole time, I knew what I was going to do about it.

Fortunately, the women's studies center on my campus had a problem pregnancy counseling service, where you could get help to find out about all the options that were available and make a decision. I had already made my decision, so they hooked me up with a reputable abortion clinic in New York City, and I was on my way.

I never wavered in my decision. To be honest, it was the only choice I could even imagine. There was no way I was going to be able to raise a child, and I couldn't imagine having a baby and relinquishing it to be raised by strangers, as was customary in those days. (Open adoption, as we now know it, did not exist then. You signed away your rights, and an agency took it from there. Where your baby ended up after that was none of your beeswax.)

For me, abortion always seemed like a better alternative, or rather, all the other possibilities seemed too overwhelmingly life-altering to have any appeal. So that was the choice I made. I didn't feel any ambiguity about it then, and I've never regretted it. To tell the truth, I get uncomfortable when people talk about it like it's always an agonizing, gut wrenching decision. It is for some people; I get that. But it is simply not that way for everyone, and that's OKAY. That doesn't make me better or worse than someone who found it to be a deeply difficult decision, and it doesn't make me better or worse than someone who chose a different path. It just makes us all different from each other. And that's okay, too!

[cilla4progress]

43. Right-fricking on

Shazzie.

Thanks for sharing, sister. I really appreciate your perspective.

And congrats.

[niyad]

50. A friend in her late 60's had an abortion when she

was 18 (in CA, thank goodness) a fact she had mentioned several times over the last ten years. In the last couple of years, she has begun to express shame and guilt and anguish, and become obsessed with demanding that every woman who has had one feel as she now does. One day recently, she was practically having hysterics over some discussion (not sure if it was on television or her facebook page) several women were having about their abortions. She was enraged, ranting on and on about how dare they not feel about it as she does. I tried reminding her that every woman's experience is different. Then I seriously wished I could slip domething into her tea.

[kparkin]

78. interested in your story

Hi, I'm a historian and interested in your story. Would you be willing to talk with me?
Thanks for your consideration. If so please DM me -- I joined so I could post, but don't have enough time on the site to DM you. Prefer to communicate offline.

[ShazzieB]

79. I would be delighted to talk with you!

I just sent you a DU mail. Let's do this!

[llashram]

80. ???

[llashram]

81. things done in secret worries me.

[Demobrat]

41. I had one too.

The sperm donor went on to have two children. One killed himself. It was a long time ago and I don’t think about it much, but if I do it’s with gratitude that I didn’t have to stick some poor kid with an unprepared mother and a monster for a father.

[H2O Man]

44. Recommended.

You are a Good Person.

[niyad]

45. (((((((((((((cilla)))))))))))))

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry that you have ever felt, been made to feel, any shame in your decision. It was YOUR decision to make.

As a lifelong activist for women''s rights and full bodily autonomy, I remind the woman-hating gestational slavers thst they came from us (the men really hate that). And that there is only one reason for a woman to have an abortion. BECAUSE SHE WANTS IT. End of discussion.

Know that you are cherished and valued in this community of virtual friends and family.

[Mr.Bill]

46. What you said at the end about what France does for mothers

is right on the mark. Some people in our country want to force women to have babies, but our country offers very little support for them. Thanks for your story. For a man who never had children, it was very informative.

[Texaswitchy]

47. All of us of a certain age remember the bad old days.

Girls disappearing for a year to visit their Aunt.

We all knew what that meant.

Off to a home for unwed mothers.

Their babies sold off.

The girls never the same again.

One girl I knew was married off to a older cousin so he wouldn't get drafted.

Married men were not drafted.

He left her alone in a few years with two kids.

No never again.

[mtngirl47]

48. Me too. #sodidi

Thankfully it was legal then. Still, I had to travel over 2 hours from my university and it was so expensive that I had to borrow money from several people. The man denied responsibility.

I plan to volunteer my time and money to help women as we go forward. Women will need help to travel to states with reasonable laws, or access to chemicals to end their pregnancy.

[mgardener]

49. Thank you.

For sharing this.
I have never heard any woman I know who had an abortion was sorry that they did. They did it for numerous reasons.

[ancianita]

51. I've had several. No story. No shame. I refuse to answer to systems that don't acknowledge my

free will, body autonomy and human rights.

Men won't stop other men criminalizing women; they both see women's half of society as unequal.

Some men enforce women's criminalization, and the rest deny they are passively complicit.

Thank you for your post, cilla4progress. I'm sorry you suffered and I'm glad you're better now.

[mountain grammy]

54. Thank you for sharing your story..

I had two.. so many years ago, but I remember the protestors at the Planned Parenthood and the wonderful escort who took me in. I volunteered as an escort for many years after that.

We all make the choices we have to make, no guilt. You're right, precious little support for families in America.

[pansypoo53219]

55. texas is taking away abortion, BUT NOT GIVING THOSE WHO NEED IT CHILD SUPPORT! babies are NOT FREE.

[rustysgurl]

58. I was 19 ...

... in college in 1976, pregnant and had absolutely no idea how to handle the situation. I naively went to a clinic (we're talking rural Missouri here) where the caseworker recoiled when I said I wanted an abortion. She tried to talk me out of it, citing Bible verses and telling me I would go to hell. I fled and, fortunately, found a PP clinic. They set me up to have the abortion in Washington DC, the closest location available at the time. My parents were somewhat supportive and paid for everything, while admonishing me not to tell anyone else in the family and that this would be the only time they would help me. Nobody ever suggested asking the sperm donor to kick in or take any responsibility whatsoever.

I flew to DC on July 2nd, took my first cab ride to the hospital and had the abortion. As I recovered in a recliner, drinking juice, the nurse walked up and said my cab for the airport was waiting downstairs. Grabbing my purse and a bag full of aftercare stuff (antibiotics, pads etc) I moved as fast as I could to the waiting cab. I realized I was in serious danger of missing my flight home, and begged the driver to speed, if necessary. I'm sure we hurtled past many a monument but I seriously don't remember seeing any of them. We squealed up to the airport, I threw damn near all my money at him and raced for the gate. Running right after an abortion is not advised, but run I did. They were calling my name as I got to the gate and I was the last person on board before they closed the door. I sat in my seat, sweating and clutching my abdomen, sure that I had damaged something. The flight attendant was kind. I think she realized what was going on and she watched over me as we flew west. "Everything's going to be ok," I thought. Unfortunately, our flight was delayed coming into St Louis and I missed my connection to Springfield.

With the little money I had left I used the pay phone to call my parents. My Mom said my Dad had already left for the airport to pick me up (a 1-hr trip from our little farm town). She had to call the Highway Patrol to flag him down (which they did). I wandered around the St Louis airport clutching my purse and bag full of pills and pads, wondering what to do. A security guard, seeing my lost and confused expression, took me to the security office. I poured out my story and he offered to let me sleep on a cot in the first aid area. I drifted off to the sound of walkie-talkie traffic, hoping I wouldn't bleed through the only clothes I had. The guard on duty took care of me as if I was his daughter, bringing me food to eat and making sure I woke up in time for my flight the next morning. I got home and prepared to go back to college and move on with my life.

Two days later my older brother died. He drowned on the 4th of July. And for years I thought my brother dying was God's punishment for me getting an abortion. Was I prepared to be a mother? No. Was the father ready to step up? Again, no. Was it the right choice for me at the time? Yes. Do I sometimes still have regrets, 45 years later? Sometimes. It saddens me to think that other women might have to go through what I endured simply because there are no local abortion services offered in their areas.

[LittleGirl]

67. I'm so sorry about your brother

Thanks for sharing your story.

[demtenjeep]

60. as did I

Date raped


19 years old-28 year old cop

[nolabear]

61. As did I.

I was young and in a failing marriage, and my birth control failed. I was scared but not guilty; I was about to have to strike out on my own and I was going to survive. I have felt a kind of respectful poignance over the years over the power of that decision, but never once have I regretted it. My two darling adopted grandsons are the result of women who decided differently, and I’m tremendously glad for that too.

For the choice.

[cilla4progress]

64. Love your story,

Nolabear.

Thanks for sharing.

[camartinwv]

62. I also had an abortion.

[Trueblue1968]

63. thank you and i'll post my story tomorrow

[Joinfortmill]

65. I have a story too.The details don't matter.

Abortion is not an easy decision. My decision changed the entire trajectory of my life. I have no regrets.

[orleans]

66. i was 14. roe had passed eight months earlier. my mom took me.

the doctor was youngish (early 30s?), kind of hip, longish hair, pierced ear. a sign in his waiting room said he also did ear piercings. he was so nice. i cried, quietly, the whole time i was on the table.

then another one in my late teens.

twelve years later i had my daughter--the light of my life. (her father kept nagging me to have an abortion. we weren't married. i stopped taking his calls. got back in touch with him when she was two. they had an off and on relationship. she hasn't talked to him for a several years. he doesn't know he's a grandfather. he's a big trumper apparently, and, hypocritically, very anti-abortion according to his fb posts)

the third abortion happened when my daughter was a few years old.

there are reasons and circumstances that i'm not going to get into. i did what i needed to do.

if and when states start banning abortions women will be getting those back alley abortions again. or bleeding to death from the coat-hanger abortions.

[DFW]

68. It is a decision that, ultimately, only the woman concerned can make

Consult, talk it over, agonize, determine, but at the end of the process, the ONLY one who should make the decision is the woman who is pregnant--she should be the one to make the decision, and no one else, ESPECIALLY not Clarence Thomas, Sam Alito, Brett Kavanaugh, Amy Coney Barrett or Neil Gorsuch. What the hell right do THEY have to make that decision for the women of the United States? I can think of none. Punting it to the State Legislatures of the individual states is a miserable cop-out, too. For the Opus Dei Five, letting the state legislatures of places like Missouri and Mississippi do their dirty work for them is an act of extreme cowardice. They are more like Opus Diaboli.

[lark]

70. I definitely consider you a brave person!

You had the bravery to ensure that you did parenting right, on your terms.

I and my sister and some of our friends started a little underground railroad for abortions in NY because they were illegal here in FL. We helped 5 of us, and every penny was repaid and we all went on to have decent lives, which might not have happened otherwise. Our stories were all different, my sister nearly died, but we were all teenagers in FL where abortion was illegal and we weren't going to take forced birthing.

My heart bleeds for the women of our country, we are in the process of being declared to have no rights to determine what happens to our own bodies, in half the states in America - they are in the process of making us less than citizens. 15 weeks is not horrible, 6 weeks would be so fatal to so many young women. There are women like me who continue to have periods while pregnant - generally just for a few months - but that's too long now and by the time those poor folks know they are pregnant, it'll be too late to stop.

I hate right wing pols, every single one of them deserves the worst for their war against our constitution and against women and minorities.

[barbtries]

71. Thank you for going first. I've had 2 abortions,

both a lot of years ago in the 70s and 80s. Abortion was widely available, safe and totally legal. I do not regret my abortions but both did come fraught with strong feelings toward these pregnancies, which I blamed myself for because I had unsafe sex at a time when I could, and of course did, get pregnant. I've had 4 children as well and some of these pregnancies were not planned either. At the time I dealt with people exhorting me to have an abortion. The 4 children I had and the 2 I did not were my decision, as it should be. It is MY body.

I'm glad I was young when I was. I am pissed off that young women today are being treated so badly and inhumanly.

I wrote this poem after the second abortion. OTC pregnancy tests were accurate earlier than the test they gave at the clinic so I went ahead with the abortion even though I had a negative pregnancy test. When I went back for follow up, the doctor looked at the pathology report and said, "You weren't very far along, were you?" because of the way it was written.

Product of Conception

Not someone who had blue eyes;
Someone who might have.
This dull green, of walls and gowns,
Is antithesis
Of verdant.
Not someone you loved, who died;
Someone you made, denied.

Blood comes later - a period,
Not someone.
Not green, not pale, not
Heaving in recovery
Not aching like it tore its own way through.

Not, essentially, you;
Essentially a product, a smear -
A smudge on a slide.

Don't pretend to miss it, miss it...
Don't let the doctor miss it
Dismiss it.
It's an it that was
And never will be.


I saved the poem with this quote from Erica Jong:

If a woman wants to be a writer, she should not write odes to her abortions

At 66 years old I'm finally semi-comfortable discussing this. My 3 siblings don't know about either abortion; obviously they know all about my kids. I'll go ahead and die without ever finding out whether my brother would congratulate me or judge me for having terminated 2 pregnancies. But I think on some level I have found it difficult not to judge myself. I said I don't regret either abortion, but it wasn't always true at the time, which informed later decisions I made to see my pregnancy through.

[MontanaMama]

72. Thank you for your story, cilla.

My goodness.

Ive come to terms that it was the best I could do at that time in my situation.

That’s IT. That’s the whole point. You did the best you could. Isn’t that all any of us can do? Why are we as women punished for doing the best we could at any point in time when that decision concerns abortion? You knew yourself and made decisions accordingly. When a man does that, he’s looked at with admiration.

[Texin]

73. I had an abortion at the age of 45. I was unmarried and a working woman.

I worked for a high profile investment company known nationwide, and believe me, falling pregnant at that time and in that circumstance would have landed me in the unemployment lines. One of the reasons I'd always been uncertain about having a child was the fact that I have had to support myself and sometimes be the breadwinner. I never had the luxury of having a supportive male in my life to add some reassurance about a circumstance that involved taking care of a small child. My decision was not a walk in the park. I realized that this was probably the last chance I had or ever did to have a child of my own to raise, but getting pregnant at almost 50 was a significant health risk and could have been an economic catastrophe on top of that. Texas has never been kind to women of any color or social group.

When the male who plants his spawn is REQUIRED to start paying child support at the time of conception, that'll be when forcing women to carry a child could be acceptable (to me), and only if they have the right to terminate a pregnancy if it threatens the mother's life, health or the fetus is deemed by medical professionals as unviable to sustain life out of the womb post-birth.

[piddyprints]

74. Thank you for sharing.

I would venture to say that many, many more women have had abortions than we will even know about. All reasons are valid. Period. The guilt the wrong side likes to heap on us is so unnecessary and cruel.

FWIW, you are not a murder or selfish. You did what was right for you, and why not? Isn't that what choice is about?

[Texaswitchy]

75. My Mother had a D and C when I was small child.

My Aunt came to visit and paid for it.

I found out about this much later.

My Mother did not want more children.

A lot of women had D and C's.

A woman will get a abortion one way or another.

[nitpicker]

76. Genetics play a role too to decide

I had a genetic syndrome.

So did he.

Would it have been fair to inflict this on adoptive parents??

[cilla4progress]

77. Listening to mom on Katy Tur's show -

WVA mom who didn't get family leave BECAUSE SHE USED A SURROGATE for the pregnancy!

She hit on my issue: "someone else will see my child's 1st steps...", etc.

While acknowledging that our concerns and issues differ, for me, this was non-negotiable. I was 37 when I had my first and only child, and 13 years married. I wanted to be all in - needed it.

Blessings to all who have spoken here.