"Capt. Crunch has nothing on me." . . . Please come CAPTION exPresidented Trump!!!!

[skip fox]

exPresidented Trump is saying "Listen, if you want to know the truth, I saved hundred, perhaps thousands, of lives on January 6th by keeping the National Guard from responding while the Capitol Police were viciously attacking the peaceful (well largely peaceful except for Antifi and FBI provocateurs) protestors. . . . With the National Guard the place would have erupted. . . . Hell, we probably wouldn't have a Capitol Building any longer. . . . January 6th would have been a bloodbath the likes of which nobody can possibly imagine if I hadn't refused to act. . . Now do you get it?"

[underpants]

1. In an incredibly ironic twist, he DIDN'T ask Sean Hannity

Damn.

[Biophilic]

2. This is the Onion, right? Please, please, make it the Onion.

Even Trump wouldn't make such an entirely stupid and untruthful comment. Oh, wait. Maybe I'm wrong. Geeze... It really does just get worse and worse.

[skip fox]

4. CAPTIONing at DU is a creative sport and, like the onion, it's satire!

But CAPTIONers try to emulate the speech patterns and mindless or deceitful thought patterns of our subjects.

So . . . The old geezer didn't say this (but that might only be because he hasn't thought of this yet).

[Biophilic]

8. Thanks for clearing that up. I can breathe again. Well, a bit easier.

[pwb]

3. What a fucking liar punk.

Fuck your red tie too asshole.

[malaise]

5. How wll I comb my hair in prison?

[Atticus]

6. "And then, on the fourth day, I created the sun, the moon and the stars. On the

fifth day------------"

[skip fox]

7. DT is saying:

"And I've had my own orange jumpsuit designed. . . . It's tricked out with sequins and has extra pockets for secret wrting pads and smuggled-in iPhones and lots of other goodies. I'll be the king of D-Block!

[RainCaster]

9. How will I blow Putin in prison?

He may release the peepee tapes, how embarrassing!

[skip fox]

10. D.T. continues:

"When you think about it, losing is just like winning upside-down and inside-out. . . . So who's to say????"