I've been fretting for a few hours, so I'm going to go ahead and post my thoughts.

[Coventina]

Mods, feel free to lock or delete if you feel this is disruptive.
I don't mean it to be, but I'll take the hide if you see fit.

This is a statement about how I feel our DU community functions, at its best.

I feel we are a very loving. compassionate community. Just look at all the love we're sharing this week!
We care about each other. This is a safe space (usually) for us to share all kinds of things from the global to the personal.
It's always been that way, and I've been here since the beginning. (I only lurked the first year, joined in 2002).

Late last night, a DUer had a very traumatic experience, and posted about it here.
I won't repeat the details, but some of them were very grisly and upsetting.
He closed his OP by saying he needed to talk about it.

That's what humans need to do when they are traumatized, they need their fellow humans to listen and empathize, and sometimes to share their own stories to show they understand.

He did place a "graphic" warning in his thread title. There were no images.

The overwhelming response overnight was one of compassion and understanding.

I had done a similar type of post YEARS ago, when a neighbor of mine died in a house fire, and I experienced her last breaths as she lay on the sidewalk. I was traumatized. The DU community showed me nothing but love and compassion.

I was surprised and saddened to find this morning a few holier-than-thous took the DUer to task for posting about his experience.
Please note that no juries nor mods nor admins had seen fit to "discipline" his thread.

I was busy typing a reply to the OP that he had nothing to apologize for, when he deleted his thread. If that was his choice, then I will respect that. I just hope he did not feel shamed into it.

I was once deeply shamed (before we had the option to delete our own threads) over posting about one of my miscarriages here. Maybe it was oversharing, but again, I was traumatized, and looking for compassion. All it took was one DUer (I don't think she's here anymore), to make me feel foolish and self-hating. Everyone else reached out with loving care.

I hope in this case, the OP knows how much I respect and honor him for his bravery under horrible circumstances, and that he should not feel shamed.

That is all.

With love,

Coventina

[50 Shades Of Blue]

1. K & R!

[blm]

2. There should be no shame in giving voice

to your traumatic experience here at DU.

Shame on those who couldn’t restrain themselves from openly criticizing that need.

[SheltieLover]

3. He should def not feel.ashamed!

We are a community.

Sorry to hearyou were treadted badly during your recovery from trauma.

[Pacifist Patriot]

4. Beautifully said.

[XanaDUer2]

5. I agree and it was horrible

The op was obviously traumatized and needed to vent. I was shocked by some DUers' shaming responses.

[Rebl2]

11. Very

surprised that DU members would shame this person. This person was traumatized and needed to vent as you said.

[wnylib]

27. I read that OP and felt great concern

for what the OP poster had been through. It was a horrible trauma and totally understandable that it needed to be vented and to receive community support.

I cannot imagine what kind of person would try to shame the OP poster. I am sorry to hear that the thread was deleted. It takes a lot of cold ice in the veins in place of blood to criticize or shame such a reaching out for assurance and comfort after what the OP poster had gone through.

We can do better than that. I am glad to say that the majority of posts offered comfort, hugs and understanding.

[Farmer-Rick]

48. 1000+

The OP just wanted to share an experience he could not emotionally process yet.

I've been there done that then later deleted my oversharing. But no one shamed me or anything. It is sad that poor person had to be harassed by the holier than thou crowd.

Agree with you so much wny.

[Rhiannon12866]

171. Thank you. Very well said.

I read that thread as well and though it was certainly extremely difficult to read, I was grateful that the poster had DU to share his feelings and find support in dealing with such a traumatic experience.

[dixiechiken1]

47. Ditto...

I saw the thread and was stunned when I saw the nasty turn it took. The OP was very clearly traumatized - and rightfully so. The compassion from most DUers was immediate & overwhelming which, IMO, is exactly what was needed. It took one "shame on you" post and holy smokes, that started the pile-on. I started to respond but backed off because I figured the OP didn't need me speaking for them.

I wasn't aware that the OP deleted their post. 100% their call but I truly hope they weren't shamed into it. My thoughts remain with the OP. 💔

[XanaDUer2]

92. I trash threads left and right now

Especially those kind

[Scrivener7]

119. +1

[dixiechiken1]

121. +1000

[Emile]

134. Boy if you didn't hit the nail squarely on the head. They

have done that to at least 3 times in the past month. Very conservative bunch of bullies trying to blow smoke up our ass as if they actually know what a real democrat is! Personally attacking your character is usually where they start. Their goal is to team up and get you angry enough to attack back, then they report your post hoping to get a hide. Anybody know why they do this?

[Bayard]

6. I haven't seen the thread

But our members need to have love and support when they need it. Shame has no place here.

[Lars39]

7. I read that thread,

and immediately hid it because I could not handle it. Too much empathy and imagination along with the poster’s detail was just too much.
My immediate thoughts were:
That poor kid
Omg the mother
The poster and anyone else even remotely involved probably needs to seek counseling.

I’m glad he/she shared, though. DU is a caring place.

Being able to hide an OP is a major tool here at DU.
Sounds like the thread nanny needs to learn that.

[Coventina]

10. Agree about the thread hide function. It is a blessing.

There are some things that we should be allowed to shelter from, we all have our limits.
And, one person's trigger is not necessarily another's.

[wnylib]

30. Also, as you pointed out earlier,

the thread heading DID have a warning in it thst the thread was graphic.

[Jedi Guy]

62. In fairness, I believe it was added later as an edit after someone requested it.

And asking for that to be added is a reasonable request so that folks know to stay away if they can't or don't want to deal with reading it. But shaming them for the post is something else altogether and isn't the least bit reasonable, IMO. The whole point of being here is for us to support each other through those dark moments... and that was indeed a very dark moment.

[Coventina]

75. You sure seem to like talking about what offended you so.

I really don't know what you are trying to accomplish with this.

[CommonHumanity]

130. The purpose

The purpose it served was that a human being and member of this community was traumatized and hurting and wanted to express their feelings and get support. One of the most human basic purposes I can imagine.

[jcgoldie]

146. I didnt think it was gratuitous

It was disturbing and the details brought that home. I understand why people would be uncomfortable with the description but we all should be. Just because something makes us uncomfortable doesn't mean it doesn't need to be said.

[electric_blue68]

160. I agree

[electric_blue68]

161. +1

[electric_blue68]

158. I'm thinking it was so horrific that the OP had to get it out right there and then, didn't think...

of putting a warning in. Sometimes some things can't wait.

I reject your opinion casting aspersions on that PO's motives.
Life is unfortunately at times is as horrific, gruesome, and ghastly as that.

When asked s/he put up a warning.
I read it despite that. It was ghastly, and a little part of me wishes I didn't, but that was my responsibility.

(particularly bc the description reminded me of a ghasty photo that I unexpectedly saw several years back, and it was just about as bad as what the OP saw in person plus it was a horrific event I had connection to which made it even worse)

[Jedi Guy]

78. Speaking personally, I didn't find it particularly graphic or gory.

But that's me, and it could be that I'm desensitized to that sort of thing because of the work I've done in the past. When I was a police dispatcher, I got disturbing stories like that from the officers all the time when we were chatting while off-duty. When I was very early in my training, I dispatched an officer to a call where a young child had fallen into a pool (the child fully recovered). The officer was narrating for the file as meds worked on the kid, and I could hear the parents losing their minds in the background.

At the end of the day when my trainer and I did our after-action report, she asked me if hearing all that had bothered me. I told her it hadn't, and she looked at me oddly for a moment. I could just about read her mind, "What's wrong with you that this didn't bother you?" I can think of a number of reasons, foremost among them that I'm not a father and I don't particularly like kids. Or maybe I'm just cold-hearted, I dunno.

My mom and mother-in-law are both nurses, and they'd talk casually about the disgusting details of surgeries and such that they'd witnessed. For me and my dad, it could get a little stomach-turning at times. But to them it was just another day at the office.

TL;DR: I didn't think the thread was over the top based on my experiences, I guess.

[NurseJackie]

80. Some people enjoy violence and gore. There's a multi-million dollar movie industry...

Speaking personally, I didn't find it particularly graphic or gory.

Some people enjoy violence and gore. There's a multi-million dollar movie industry that caters to those who gravitate to such things, or who "don't mind" such things. Others, as you rightfully point out, are immune to those horrors. That's hardly justification for planting those violent images in the brains of others who happen to NOT enjoy violent scenes of death and gore. That's all I'm trying to say.

[Jedi Guy]

96. And that'd be a fair criticism if that was the poster's intent, which I don't think it was.

When asked, they put up a warning. When further criticized, they took it down. I think they were just deeply upset and wanted comfort and help processing what they'd seen, and probably wrote the post while still rattled from the experience. I didn't at all get the impression that they intended to upset or traumatize people.

[burrowowl]

138. I didn't get that impression either.

I think the poster was still trying to process what happened. We had an intern at our office, he committed suicide by running into a 5-ton truck, the poor driver.

[iemanja]

144. In fact, he declined to share details

for that very reason. I feel bad that he felt he had to delete the post. I imagine it made his trauma feel even worse.

[electric_blue68]

163. Absolutely agree w you

[iemanja]

143. Next time don't open those threads

particularly if there is a graphic warning. I can understand being disturbed by the thread. The situation was disturbing, and I can't even imagine how traumatic it would have been if I had seen what the OP did. The point of his thread was to reach out for support, not "porn." Clearly the person ended up feeling worse because of the thread in order to delete that. Is it really necessary to make a traumatized person feel even worse when you could just trash a thread?

[Kali]

122. your empathy for the poster is noted

what a horrible thing to say about someone's traumatic experience.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

135. When I opened this thread I had some ideas.

I figured as much…

[Kali]

193. small justice

3 hides in this one thread for egregious asshole-ish posting. so glad to see a few juries see the reality.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

194. Lol.

[CommonHumanity]

131. Gross exagerration

I personally think calling the post splatter porn is a big exaggeration. I read it and I hate violence and get queasy over nothing. I also found it quite easy to skim over what I wanted to avoid. Bad things can happen. The poster didn't go into extreme detail. The poster just told us about a bad, scary thing that had just happened. The information was real and not at all gratuitous. He or she just wanted to share and get some support and comfort. I am more than good with that.

[ForgedCrank]

152. No one posted "splatter porn".

An injured soul reached out in an attempt to connect to someone who might help them cope with what they just witnessed. That is something empathetic humans do.

[Autumn]

198. There are often times that some people show they have no compassion at all. It's a small group.

[wnylib]

70. When I first saw the thread, the warning

was already in place. I agree that it was a reasonable request. Also agree that shaming was uncalled for.

[LoveMyCali]

99. I didn't hide the thread

but I backed out of it for the same reason, it was too much for me so I can't even imagine what the poor OP was going through.

I'm glad there were people here that could stick it out and be here for that poor person there is no need for any apologies or shame we all have the option to back out and keep scrolling.

[Lars39]

101. Exactly!

I feel so sorry for all involved, and glad there were people here who could comfort the poster.

[electric_blue68]

165. Thank you

[Lonestarblue]

8. Thank you. DU is a wonderful place for sharing.

We may not all the same beliefs or ideas, but for the most part the members here are tolerant and supportive. I have often served on the jury for alerted messages, and I generally give the benefit of the doubt about intent. That said, I wish there was an option to comment about why I chose my response as a juror. Sometimes I just want to explain.

[haele]

9. Brava. Those of us who have dealt with that sort of trauma know how important it is to find communi

We are grownups here in GD.
Since there was a graphic warning on the thread, those who can't handle that sort of detail or be able to provide community support can just not click on it.
The poster needed support right then, not to go down into a sub-forum where there may or may not have been someone that could provide feedback.
I've been through this myself. There's a window where one needs help decompressing, and it can twist a brain up not to be able to get that help within that time. I was lucky more than several times over the past 50 years when finding myself coming upon a disaster or tragedy.
Community is important, and if some thrill seeking or selfish readers (you know who you are)can't handle warnings up front on the thread that something is grisley or graphically disturbing, don't click on it and certainly don't troll on it after you did so.

Because you'll never know when you're going to experience something like that yourself just going about your day to day. It can happen to anyone, and if you make it so someone can't express themselves because your fee-fees might be offended, you're going to eventually end up without the support you desperately need when it happens to you.

Kharma don't care.

Haele

[XanaDUer2]

12. Well said nt

[wnylib]

31. +1000

Thank you. Well said.

[badhair77]

13. Thank you for posting your thoughts.

A member was traumatized last night and shared his story. Many DUers stepped up to give him support. Then this morning I see others telling him his story is too horrible and he shouldn’t have told details. Sorry but the details make the story and tell why he was so traumatized. Maybe he should have given a warning in the topic but he was shaken and probably not thinking clearly. Very disappointing. There should be no shame in describing his devastation. Others will have second thoughts in sharing their’s and that’s not right.

[wnylib]

38. There was a warning, right in the thread title.

I hesitated to open the thread because of the warning. But I did open and read it. Reading it was horrible, true, but just imagine being the one who was there, on the scene, and so traumatized that he felt a desperate need to reach out to the rest of us for support. I would have, too, if it had been me. So would many of us here.

[badhair77]

46. I don't think there was a warning initially. Someone suggested it later.

You’re so right. I have no problem with him reaching out and I responded after he did. The whole situation was and is awful. I don’t want him traumatized again by those scolding him. We need to be supportive of one another and we need to feel welcome to express our feelings here.

[electric_blue68]

167. Well said

[NutmegYankee]

14. I agree!

Someone was traumatized by a gruesome sight and needed to discuss it with others. The later replies earlier today were disgustingly dismissive and uncaring.

[dawn5651]

15. omg...if i had seen what our friend on du saw i don't know how i could have handled it

i for one am glad he spoke about it. people we all need a place where we can vent or come and cry without judgment. and yes i read what was written...

[ancianita]

16. Beautifully said. Thank you. I wondered about the self-delete.

Sometimes it might also be that one doesn't want that in their body of posts.

If it was for reason you give, I hope he knows that we all support his post and he should never feel ashamed. DU is here for him.

[gibraltar72]

17. Sometimes people just need somebody to listen.

last summer and early fall as I was calling for Biden Harris on 3 occasions I contacted people who were in different stages of grief. The campaigning stopped and I just listened to their story, one I actually called back because I told him I would. I have no clue as to the post mentioned. That being said I would hope the folks on here would show only compassion. Sometimes life is not pretty.

[Delphinus]

24. Listening -

sometimes that is all it takes. We all need to be heard.

[calimary]

26. Oh, MAN, is that ever true!

Sometimes you just want someone to listen.

[blueinredohio]

103. Very true.

I didn't see the post but DU is the only place there is to vent. Some people have no one else to talk to. Have a heart.

[piddyprints]

18. OMG I read that thread!

It was tragic and traumatic and I totally get why that person needed to talk about it. You are right that it only takes one person to make you feel ashamed and foolish when you are so very vulnerable.

I don't get the concept of "oversharing" here, where many of us have grown up or grown old together and many of us are friends for life because of DU. Still, I am well-acquainted with the feelings you described. It can be hard to feel the loving care when one or two people spoil it and you're left feeling even more alone.

It makes me sad that we couldn't come together as a community for this person.

[Joe Nation]

19. I read the thread last night and wondered...

It was obviously a very traumatizing situation for the poster and he has my sympathy for what he went through. It would be a horrific experience for anyone to go through.

My second thought was, "Is this really the place to come to share something like that?" I guess I never resolved that question for myself and I am sorry that others felt that they had to make the situation even more difficult with their own reactions to the graphic details of the post.

But really, is a public forum really the best place to go when something like this happens? If it had been me, I certainly would not have posted about the situation prior to getting some professional counseling and maybe at some point, relating the situation on DU.

I almost feel like this was taking a horrific situation and throwing all that emotion into a public arena without ever considering the consequences of that choice. I might have taken a moment before doing such a thing but we all come at these situations from our own perspectives and a choice was made.

I'm just not sure the end result made the trauma of the situation any better for the poster.

[Coventina]

22. Ultimately, that is for the admins to decide. I understand and respect your point.

There was a graphic post on here years ago that made me so incredibly angry that I was *momentarily* angry at the OP.

It was video footage from India of people throwing Molotov cocktails at a mother elephant and her baby. The baby was screaming, while running and on fire. I will never get that footage out of my mind.

But, it wasn't really the OP I was angry at, I was angry at the horrible cruelty of those people. It has motivated me to do everything I can to support the survival and care of elephants wherever they live.

Would I have been as motivated if I had never seen that post? I don't know. Maybe I would have learned of this abuse through other means.

Graphic posts are problematic. I'm not going to deny it. However, the critics on the thread referenced in my OP could have been MUCH KINDER in their approach to someone who was obviously traumatized. At least have loving-kindness to those who are suffering.

[AngryOldDem]

61. THIS

However, the critics on the thread referenced in my OP could have been MUCH KINDER in their approach to someone who was obviously traumatized. At least have loving-kindness to those who are suffering.

[wnylib]

44. Professional counseling in the middle of the night?

Some things just don't wait for the "right time" and the delay between the event and a scheduled appointment. It did not sound like he was in any shape to drive someplace for help, either, not to mention that the highway was blocked by the event.

Also, he mentioned that the event had triggered some prior PTSD. The need to reach out was strong and immediate. I am impressed that he had the presence to put a warning in the thread title.

[Joe Nation]

91. I pretty much said post once you've seen someone.

That is to say, that after a time of processing the event, you can always go back and post about it at a later date. What was the hurry in this case? And posting while triggered also seems to have to potential to be a recipe for further unnecessary trauma.

I guess the "what-ifs" could go on endlessly.

[questionseverything]

113. The hurry was a human being in pain had to vent about his trauma

If you didn’t feel it was appropriate, trash it but please don’t try to decide for all of us

[Joe Nation]

126. Exactly when did I even try to "decide" for anyone else?

I never said it was inappropriate. I said I might have thought twice before doing the same thing. That is by definition deciding for me only. Did you even read my post? I think you are confusing something here. Whatever. Not interest in arguing points I didn't make. That's a Right-winger tactic. I don't fall for it from them or you.

[questionseverything]

128. You wrote paragraphs about why it was a bad idea

Is this insulting by calling people that disagree “republicans “ the new du thing?

Shrugs

[RobinA]

164. No, It's

an old DU thing. Been going on forever.

[Joe Nation]

197. I've been here a while but post rarely

These types of conversations are why. I don't think it is calling people Republicans that is a problem because there are similar behaviors
between Democrats and Republicans undeniably. If you don't think so, you might be part of the problem.

It's the whole "I'm triggered" by your opinions dynamic that keeps me from being a more active member here.

Some people would use the phrase "Trigger Monkeys" because it sounds like a group of chimpanzees screaming in unison but not me, I would never use the phrase "Trigger Monkeys".

Oh no! I might get reported and banned by the mods! I can live with that.

I'm as left leaning as they come and even I find this enclave too extreme Left more often these days. I guess that I have no place on the Right for sure and wondering about the Left at this point.

I don't expect much support from this troop for these opinions, but I don't really care either. If you can't tolerate others' opinions, how are you different that the Right in the end?

[Scrivener7]

140. I can't even believe this. The guy was traumatized. He needed to vent it.

Most people here had the empathy and humanity to be able to understand and be the ones he vented to.

What puts you in a position to dictate how another adult processes a trauma?

[Karma13612]

188. Since the OP has been deleted,

I cannot read it. I do not know the nature of the trauma.

But, I believe there are crisis hotlines available 24/7 for someone to call and get immediate counseling, even if not in a therapist’s office. It would be very helpful and even provide for almost guaranteed positive supportive feedback. Although DU is here for each other, this current thread relating the story around another thread which was taken down, is proof-positive that sometimes, there is cruelty here at DU.

Peace…

[wnylib]

190. People reach out to whomever they

relate to in an emotional crisis. Between a stranger on a hotline (whose number might not be handy) and a group that I know and share many common views with, I would probably choose the known group over the stranger on the phone.

The phone call might be a follow up, but the first reaction is to reach out to people you have a relationship with, where you feel comfortable. Which is what makes the few critical comments so harmful to the person who vented in a time of immediate need.

[NewEnglandAutumn]

129. The person who wrote the post felt safe here. Not any more

Anyone who felt uncomfortable could simply stop reading it. There wasn’t anyone forcing them to read it.

I’m more upset that people felt their “rights” are somehow more important than the rights of other people.

I’m furious that some people here are so self righteous they went beyond being upset about the post and attacked a vulnerability person. Take a moment and think about how the poster was attacked in a place where they felt safe.

The poster has the RIGHT to share their experience and readers have the right to not read it. That should be where the situation ends. To be all “I feel violated” “I should not have to see such things etc” is ridiculous. The right wing nut jobs use those arguments to shut down LGBTQ, anti discrimination discussions,people’s anything not “Christian”.

[quakerboy]

136. We go to the community we have.

in the middle of covid, in the middle of emotional shock, who do you cry out to?

So far, for me, its not here. Ive not found most text based forums to be places where my feelings and needs for anything but information and ideas to be reliably nourished. But if this was the only resource i had in a moment of need, i would do what I had to do.

And on reading the post referred to last night, i had nothing but respect for the choice they made and a wish that i felt that psychic vibes of comfort were a real thing i could direct to them.

[onecaliberal]

20. This is heartbreaking. Sadly I see this here a lot more frequently.

I hope he has supporters.

[calimary]

37. I didn't see the thread in question.

But it’s a shame when somebody spills their heart here, maybe whoever it was just needed to talk. And seems to me we should give that poster time, and room, to talk it through. Seems to me that’s therapy. Yeah, this is an anonymous board. Nobody really knows who’s posting out there. All we have, of each other, are these words. And these posts.

Why waste time posting put-downs, shameful nags, and negativity toward each other? (Um, especially with all those juicy and deserving GOPers and other assorted CONS out there, beyond this particular arena, whose cruelty, selfishness, and political myopia all deserve to be called out, repeatedly!)

Solidarity is what we have here. As some giant of American history put it - “…if we can keep it.”

[Atticus]

21. Thank you for that thoughtful post. I read that OP yesterday and responded sympathetically to

a DUer who I thought to be understandably horrified and nearly in shock. I had not seen the self-delete or the comments which suggested it until your OP alerted me to it.

I am disappointed in a couple of the posters who were so insensitive to and critical of the author of the OP. ( "An apology is still an option." )

Most of the time most of us are better than that.

[CaptainTruth]

23. I feel as you do.

I feel like DU is my extended family. In reality, I'm sure that now that both my parents are gone I would get more words of sympathy & support here than I would from my remaining family.

I also respect the poster's decision to delete the post, but like you I hope it wasn't due to being shamed into it.

I know very well that sometimes life can be ugly, & gruesome, & traumatic, & it can leave emotional scars that last a lifetime. I have many. I'm not going to pretend those things don't exist & I'm not going to turn & look away when someone else is suffering through those times.

Thank you for your post.

[ms liberty]

25. If it is the post I read last night then I am with you all the way

That was a heartbreaking experience for the poster, and they should not have been made to feel bad enough to delete the post. I'm really annoyed about that. Thank you for speaking out.

[XanaDUer2]

28. I'm annoyed too

It was shaming and bullying. I vent here a lot in a subforum. I cannot imagine the shock and horror the op experienced. I do it because I need others to listen sometimes. My responses are supportive, thank goodness

[Gilbert Moore]

29. IF

If we can be here for each other in the good times we should be able to share the bad times.

The OP of the "Graphic Warning " post stated very clearly that in the title. (S)he needed to talk. I imagine many here are "home alone" and I don't mean MaCaulay Culkin.

Peace to the OP, to this OP and to all.

[wryter2000]

32. My two cents

DU is a very big place, and no matter how objectionable a reply may be, someone will make it. Some objectionable replies are delete-able by juries or admins. Some aren't. Try not to be upset about some idiotic thing someone says here. It's going to happen. Just chalk it up to that person being an A-hole. If you feel like it, tell them they're an A-hole and leave it at that.

[Dr. Shepper]

33. I too have shared trauma here

And was met with compassion and love - also for a miscarriage years ago. I couldn’t share anywhere else.

I am so sorry for our fellow DUer. I read the thread last night and they needed us.

Sending positive and healing energy.

[Tikki]

34. Thank you Coventina for your post. I can't even imagine the anxiety

the op went through.
I am beyond thankful for a place to come to when happenings overwhelm.
Sometimes I don't have to post my anxiety and fears, just reading all the different posts help
me feel like I am connected to an understanding Community.
I am sending HUGS to everyone here, both those who felt compassion for what the op went through and to those who felt the post was just too much..It is hard to gobble up hurt either way.


Tikki

[XanaDUer2]

36. I post my fears and anxieties here all the time

Thank God for the compassionate DUers who respond.

[OldBaldy1701E]

82. Hear Hear! (n/t)

[Joinfortmill]

35. I hear you.

[Baked Potato]

39. Democratic Underground is therapeutic in many ways.

I appreciate all of it.

[llashram]

40. all I know

with all the ideological, intra-race hate of the most violent and lethal type, interracial-cultural hate and just plain old narcissistic meanness we as the human race must truly try to respect with compassion, life.

With regard to the hurting "traumatized" individual, it's shameful when our family lets their personal issue(s) overcome the love, one is born with. In these dangerous days of ideological/racial hatred, WE have to try to have each others' back.

[Dorian Gray]

41. I will say that

I started reading that post and when I realized how disturbing the images were, I stopped reading and left. (There was a warning that it was graphic and it was.) I was disturbed by it.

I want to put that context in there bc I overall agree with you. I left the thread bc it disturbed me and I didn't want to read about something so horrible. I purposefully didn't shame or chastise him for posting about it because it was a disturbing and traumatic experience that he lived through, and posting was obviously a coping mechanism.

I wasn't able to add to the love but I don't think taking away the opportunity for him to connect with people about the trauma (or shaming him for it) is the right way to handle this.

[rogue emissary]

42. Disappointed that the OP deleted the post. Many of us including, myself thanked the OP for the post.

As the poster said they had PTSD and needed to share. This is what DU is for us lefties to share, especially those bright blue spots in a deep red sea.

[smirkymonkey]

43. Thank you, Coventina. Well said.

I feel exactly like you do about this and the poster was traumatized and was looking for some empathy and compassion. For some one to shame someone who is in that state is a really thoughtless, unkind thing to do.

[yardwork]

45. Oh my goodness.

I keep starting to write something and deleting it. I'm at a loss for words.

Like you, I am grateful that DU can be a safe space to share about traumatic experiences. I hope that this is a misunderstanding. I'm sorry the DUer felt that they had to delete the thread, and I hope they're ok.

[MontanaMama]

49. Kick. 100% agree with you Coventina.

I responded to the OP you are referring to. It was definitely graphic but there was a warning in the title. I am upset that the OP was deleted and I hope this member was not shamed into doing so. It was a difficult thread to read but was not inappropriate in my opinion. If DU ends up being "sanitized" because folks can't handle reality, I for one, would leave this forum.

[Hekate]

50. Thank you for this, Coventina. I read that last night & was stunned to the point I couldn't write...

I saw that others were doing it better, left a Rec as a way of saying, “I see you and care.” You are right, on the whole DUers are compassionate and supportive.

I’m very distressed to hear that a few others decided to pour salt on the gaping wound. Unfortunately, this, too, is DU — or at least a part of it.

I do not know what possesses some people, whether it is a momentary lapse or something worse. All I can say to them: if you have a bad/sarcastic/holier than thou/shaming/mocking reaction to another person’s trauma and can’t think of something kind to say, just say nothing. Nothing. Just STFU. Hide the thread. Anything but pouring salt on the wound.

[SWBTATTReg]

54. Wise words. Very wise. in your words, "Just STFU. etc." NT

[grantcart]

191. +1

[WestMichRad]

51. I read that post and it was indeed traumatic.

Opted not to read any of the comments. Am glad that DU provides an avenue for someone to express grief and seek comfort… and I hope DU continues to allow such discussion.
Shame on those who attacked him/her for the post.

[dchill]

52. I find it more objectionable that a member here...

... would criticize another for sharing that horrendous experience. I read the original post, but did not see the negative pushback. I'm actually glad of that.

[Sympthsical]

53. I was on the jury for it and left it alone

I also ticked the "bad faith" box for added measure.

A person needed an outlet for trauma. Anyone reading was warned well in advance. I would rather have someone have people to talk to than keep it bottled up.

I don't get the need to control and censor constantly. If that's required, Facebook has all the tools one needs to only see the things they like.

[Coventina]

56. Thank you for your jury service.

I have no doubt this thread has been alerted. It may get deleted yet.
If so, that's fine. I think I know how the majority of DUers feel about the situation.

[Emile]

81. I can't believe some people are that judgemental they would report that post!

Does it give them some kind of superiority over someone? So sad they have to resort to character attacks and make themselves the judge over someone else. Even though the opening post is self deleted, there's one poster that deserve a hide and probably the one who alerted in the first place.

[Coventina]

84. In this thread above here, a poster is calling it "splatter porn"

I sure hope the poor DUer who experienced that trauma doesn't see that.

[Emile]

86. Amazing, some people are very judgemental and probably need a time out!

[Scrivener7]

147. I am at a total loss. That's just completely vile.

I don't think I have ever seen a more insensitive post here.

[ForgedCrank]

166. The same type of people

commonly makes posts of glee when some anti-vax person or a political opponent dies.
I can't imagine how some people can be so void of empathy and at the same time so full of hate.

[Emile]

185. Woke up this morning to see that poster has three hidden posts

on just this thread!
Karma

[AngryOldDem]

55. I replied to a post in that thread saying pretty much this.

I subsequently deleted it, though. Now I wish I hadn’t, because what you said here needs to be said.

DU should be a safe harbor (within reason, of course) for anybody who wants to share, vent, seek advice, or just chat. My heart immediately went out to the OP, who witnessed a devastating scene but was helpless to do anything about it. We should share in his pain and grief, and him know we’re here.

A tag was in the subject line. Nobody had to click on the post, or read it, or comment on it.

K&R

[Solly Mack]

57. Thank you, Coventina

Wonderfully said.

[NurseJackie]

58. There's a big difference between "I saw something horrific that I'll never forget..."

There's a big difference between "I saw something horrific that I'll never forget" and "I just saw something horrific. Let me share all the gory, bloody and gruesome details with you!"

I think it's fair to observe that nobody here is objecting to (or trying to "shame'') someone seeking solace from friends after being a witness to a tragic and grotesque suicide.

But the details about blood and severed body parts was absolutely gratuitous and served no purpose other than to shock the reader and turn stomachs. It wasn't necessary. Those who complained were justified.

Even though there was a lapse in good judgement with regard to the level of details and description... in the end, the decision to self-delete was the correct one.

[AngryOldDem]

59. Yet, you just mentioned those gory details again.

[NurseJackie]

60. Lulz. No, I didn't.

I was generic and sterile. The OP was not.

[Tumbulu]

156. Interesting, isn't it?

[scipan]

68. Maybe the "purpose " was to tell that part

The poster probably needed to share what they saw.

[NurseJackie]

71. No. The purpose was clearly to get a reaction and to make others nauseated and grossed-out too...

No. The purpose was clearly to get a reaction and to make others nauseated and grossed-out too... to plant the images in our heads... and to be as grotesquely offensive as possible in doing it. No, that serves no good purpose at all. It was gratuitous gore splattered on my screen. Indefensible.

The poster probably needed to share what they saw.

While there may be a few among us, I think it's safe for me to say that the majority of DUers are not licensed therapists. If your theory is correct, and that's what the OP "needed" then there are better places to do it, and more qualified people to share it with.

[BlackSkimmer]

72. I saw the OP headline, but saw the "graphic" warning and never opened the thread.

Looks like a good decision. Yikes.

[scipan]

77. Suuure, that makes sense. Nt

[notinkansas]

114. Really harsh.

You've made it very clear where you're coming from.

Maybe you should stop now.

[Scrivener7]

115. He had just been completely traumatized, and you think he was working on getting a reaction

from you?

Good God. That is cold.

[Yanicosco]

73. It did seem a little too lurid n/t

[Lars39]

98. You do realize that the poster was probably in shock themselves?

[Lars39]

105. You just ooze empathy

[NurseJackie]

107. Aww. Thanks for noticing.

[Lars39]

109. Backatcha

[Lancero]

127. Also a big difference between trigger warnings, and no trigger warnings.

People were warned about the graphic content, and yet they still viewed it, and then threw a fit and harassment over the content that they - Being fully warned of the contents - made the decision to view.

Those who complained were idiots who refused to heed the warning they were given.

[Scrivener7]

153. Only two complained. Their complaints were a vicious response to someone's deep pain.

The rest - about a hundred - acted like human beings.

[Tumbulu]

162. But their complaints seemed to me to be

inappropriate.

And their posts, which seemed unnecessarily harsh should have been alerted and removed.

[MerryBlooms]

174. So much Projection. Yes, you accomplished a self delete

Through shameful means. Not something you should be taking pride in. I see who chimed in with you in adding to that OP's trauma. You and they attributing alternative motives for posting... Every one of those accusations should have been hidden.

We are a family here. Our First reaction to one of our members who experienced trauma should be support and love. If we have doubts, move on, hide threads. We don't attack, bully or shame. We also don't project horrible motivation onto our family.

Your posts in this and last night's op, are very hurtful, and I hope you review and reconsider. You too, are part of our family ❤

[FreepFryer]

179. This. (Nt)

[MLAA]

63. I couldn't agree with you more, Coventina.

[bluboid]

64. coventina - beautifully stated!

thank you for being so gutsy - that's what I love about DU.

[alphafemale]

65. It was very bullying to force the poster to delete the thread.

We are made of glass.

It should have stayed.

[BigmanPigman]

66. I just logged in and I think I read that OP last night.

Why would anyone be upset about it? When I read it there were only about 10 replies and they were all normal and supportive. When did the negative replies occur?

[MustLoveBeagles]

74. This morning almost 100 replies in

https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=16342363

I'm not sure what the problem is. There was a warning of Graphic Content in the thread title so it's not like there was no warning. If people don't like disturbing content is was easily avoidable. That OP went through a tramatic experince and posted here to help him process it. I don't think the fingerwagging was appropriate.

[BigmanPigman]

83. It looks like one DUer was trying to stir up negative

feedback. She wasn't very successful. A huge majority of replies were kind.

[Coventina]

85. She's trying to do it here.

[Emile]

90. She hasn't learned. I'm amazed she still doing the character attacks!

[questionseverything]

116. Happily I don't see it, but I have a pretty long ignore list

I figure this little box is mine and I block anyone I feel is negative, I wish real life had the same option!

[Coventina]

118. Good point. I should probably use the "ignore" feature more. n/t

[AngryOldDem]

123. I just did.

It’s rare that I do. But sometimes it’s the only solution.

[Texasgal]

172. There's a couple of DU'ers

that are constantly complaining and ridiculing what people post, they also LOVE to goad people in to "gotcha" moments!

Thankfully, it's only a few but they are prominent posters that enjoy taking posters down or questioning their "progressive badge" ,

Annoying.

[Tumbulu]

173. And upsetting

These very posters seem to regularly get away with bullying people. Including me.

Grateful for this OP and the good responses.

[XanaDUer2]

189. I'm sorry you were bullied

There's no place for that here

[Tumbulu]

195. I know, I thought so, until these posters

who have gotten away with it for about a decade, but primarily they used to stay in the Science group.

Now, I see they have ventured into the general.

And it is really unfortunate.

[AngryOldDem]

177. DU's had problems with bullying/cliquish behavior before.

Objections to the post Coventina is talking about have been duly noted. There is no need to bring them over to this thread, unless it’s to continue the argument by hijacking.

Not taking the bait anymore, and I hope the OP knows that a lot of people empathize and care for him or her, and hope he or she is doing okay. Anybody else can go pound sand.

[Scrivener7]

186. You got it: "continue the argument by hijacking."

Also to shake the eternally scolding finger yet again.

[Scrivener7]

151. Two that I saw.

[Cha]

94. I missed the OP but just

read the replies.

So many were Genuinely Comforting, Empathetic and Sympathetic. I sensed that the OP was humbly Grateful.

Mahalo Beagles

[MustLoveBeagles]

125. Most were supportive

I didn't get the impression that he was posting the details to get his jollies. The poster was in shock after witnessing what he did I hope he can get the help he needs.

[AngryOldDem]

192. Of course they weren't.

He was trying to process a horrific experience in real time. He had to get it out, and he thought of DU as a way to do that — which speaks volumes for the compassion and understanding that most people on this site have.

Emphasis on most.

To suggest that he got any kind of enjoyment out of posting that is just pretty damn sick, IMO.

[usonian]

67. Nobody should have to internalize that experience.

OP was courageous and compassionate. I hope that the post was deleted on advice of a counselor who thought it might cause prolonged memories.

[Emile]

76. I know the post and like you I was happy to see all

the comforting comments this person was getting. Witnessing something like that is very traumatic, I know personally about that. Being an old retired truck driver I have seen some horrible things. I went back to that thread just now and I see what has you upset. Damn shame some people have to jump to conclusions and be so damn judgemental!

[jcmaine72]

88. A big thanks and K&R for expressing so eloquently what I feel

[malaise]

89. Great post

Rec

[Meowmee]

93. I read it at some point when the warning was

In place but I did find it upsetting. I have had too much trauma lately and I was too exhausted and did not want to deal with it. Somehow even with a warning I did not realize how awful it would be and that I would have that reaction. I have sympathy for all involved and I hope the op and everyone will be ok.

I don’t think posts like that belong in gd, maybe there should be a forum for that sort of event that really has no relation to any current or past current events etc.- just my thoughts.

As for du being a friendly place, while I see many kind people here I also see posters regularly bullied for all sorts of things including attempting to express their point of view on political events.

I wrote a post about having trouble wearing masks at work due to breathing issues and one idiot attacked me implying I was complaining, lol. My response is to simply put anyone like that on permanent ignore.

[Ligyron]

95. Now I wonder what I missed.

Regardless, i hope the poster found solace here and we eased his mind some. Bad things can happen to any of us and we should close ranks and support those traumatized, not shame them no matter how graphic their story is portrayed, provided there's a warning.

[ChazII]

97. Like many here, I also read

the thread that you are commenting about and like several the first responses were supportive. What the OP saw was frightening and will be imprinted on his mind forever.

Like you, I hope the OP knows that s/he does have those who support his coming here to share.

[majdrfrtim]

100. Thank you, Coventina!!

I read the post in question and felt sad the DUer had to endure that horror more or less alone, and grateful that DU is here so that folks could express condolences and support.

Now I feel sad that some DUers seem unable to experience empathy for the author, especially when the author had prefaced the post with a warning concerning the graphic nature of the content. Lack of empathy seems to be a major characteristic of folks who fetishize tfg, so to find it here occasions that much more sadness.

Thank you for your post, Coventina. Thank you for sharing your empathy, compassion, and lovingkindness with us.

[spanone]

106. K&R

[chocolatpi]

108. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

[Ocelot II]

110. After reading this and the original thread, I have to agree with you.

As disturbing as the details of the accident were, I don't think the poster should have been slammed for writing about them. Sometimes you have to talk about a difficult experience in all its unpleasant details, and in the immediate aftermath of what they witnessed they wrote them down to explain why they were so upset. Just posting something to the effect of, "I saw the results of an accident in which someone was killed," which is apparently where some critics thought they should have stopped, would not have allowed the op to process what they had seen. I saw nothing wrong with describing it; sometimes you just have to do that for your own mental health. I saw the aftermath of a small plane crash once along with some others, and although we weren't as close up as in this accident we needed to talk about what we saw. Thanks to those of you who were supportive and kind.

[Scrivener7]

111. Oh, no! That poor guy. I so would have needed to talk about that experience.

Aaaaand, I see he was shamed for it.

What kind of person does that?

Glad you posted this.

[Caliman73]

112. In a forum with relative anonymity, there will always be people who for whatever reason...

Feel the need to pontificate or criticize.

Forums reflect a wide range of human behavior with the added anonymity which can bring out the worst tendencies on people.

I did not see the thread so I cannot speak to the content. I would imagine if it violated the TOS, it would have been hidden. I understand that we all have different triggers and experiences so I could definitely sympathize with those for whom the content was too much.

Like others have said however, the "trash" function serves a purpose of keeping people from seeing things they do not want to see, while allowing the community to respond as they see fit.

I have deleted so many responses here for the simple reason that before I post, I ask myself, "Is my post going to contribute in any meaningful way to the discussion?" Sometimes I am critical, sometimes I try (and likely fail) to be funny, other times I question or provide information or resources.

I hope people can feel safe to express problems here and receive at least neutral and supportive responses. I would suggest that people consider asking themselves, especially when others are sharing a personal trauma, "Will my response provide a positive or neutral effect, or will it be additionally traumatizing?"

[niyad]

117. Thank you for this beautiful, loving, and compassionate post. I am so very sorry

that you experienced such a lack of same when you posted about a trauma that you experienced. I cannot understand that mentality at all, especially here.

I read the OP last night to which you are referring. It WAS graphic (and so warned in the title), a truly horrific experience. Our fellow DU'er reached out, as is natural after experiencing such horror. I am absolutely appalled and disgusted that such anguish should be met here with anything but compassion and caring and support and love. Shame on those who did so.

As a former PTSD counselor, I have more than one such image that will be forever lodged in my brain, as they are for those who experienced them. But I will always be there for them. It is what we do as decent human beings.

Thank you again for your OP. It needed to be said.

[AmBlue]

120. Agree with every word, Coventina

I too saw the post and had intended to respond today but indeed it is gone. I too am sad the poster felt the need to delete the post.

It was an horrific experience, and it is distressing that someone on DU felt the need to pile on. I am also very sad, sorry and disturbed that anyone here would do this.

If the original poster sees this, please accept my heartfelt compassion and a big virtual hug for what you experienced, and my sincere apology for the exceedingly bad manners of the rude response you received from one (or some) here.

[Gore1FL]

124. I missed the OP but found it with a small amount of effort.

I didn’t see the original OP and cannot speak to it, but saw some of the usual suspects derail it.

[Cousin Dupree]

132. I'm not shocked or surprised at all at nasty behavior on this site. I've stopped posting because

of it. But couldn’t resist speaking up

[Tbear]

133. I felt really bad for the OP

When I read the account last night.
Tonight it was on our local news so then realized it was only miles away.
I am so sad and sorry for everyone. Fourteen year old girl.

[electric_blue68]

169. Ow, sorry you found it it wasn't that far from you.

[nightwing1240]

137. I had read the OP and my heart went out to him

I did not comment but felt terrible for what he had experienced. The reason I did not comment and post very infrequently, even though I too have been a regular since the inception of DU, is exactly for what some have said. Either being shamed or viewed as an "outsider" for my thoughts or opinions.

I may not be your typical liberal, progressive Democrat but I have voted for and supported EVERY Democratic candidate on every ballot I have ever voted since 1973. That includes local, state and national candidates.

But this is not about me. I commend this OP and my heart still aches for what the man shared in the aforementioned removed post.

[58Sunliner]

139. Well said. I can't fathom why they objected to the post.

[Thtwudbeme]

142. I am stunned that there is a supposed medical professional responding to this thread

and apparently responded to the OP.

Unless one holds advanced degrees in psychology, their opinion of the state of mind of the OP means zero. Those people are no better than the Joe the Plumbers telling people to run down to the local feed store to pick up and take horse wormer for a virus.

Vicious and senseless- thank you for this thread.

[Lars39]

145. If I understand correctly,

that poster’s username is from the tv character.

[JanMichael]

148. Perc is a hell of a drug.

[ForgedCrank]

150. There are always going

to be a couple of them, no matter where you go or what roof you are under.
I felt terrible for the poster, it made me wish I could do something to help.
Life is traumatic at times, that's why other humans are here, we support one another. We need to retain the ability to reject the bad seeds and bad actors. It's unfortunate that one needs to have armor plated skin to navigate the internet, but there are some very nasty people out there and unfortunately, this place is no exception.
My thoughts are still with the poster and the poor family of the victim. It is all very tragic.

[mvd]

155. I agree

K&R and good thread. If you are squeamish, there was a warning on the thread. I see such things in the news anyway so I clicked it - and I think it was good of the poster to get it out. Most DUers reacted how I expected they would.

[Hav]

157. I read the thread and it was deeply upsetting

I understand both sides here. Many were burdened with those graphic details when the warning could have included more infos about the topic. When you start a thread, you also have a responsibility and I'm sure no one was prepared for what followed despite the warning.

But I also realized that this person had to share his thoughts with others because of how horrible those events there. Simply writing it down and talking with others can be very helpful. If that poster can go through this as a direct witness, I'm confident we'll manage dealing with the written account.

To the poster, please consider professional support.

[electric_blue68]

159. Thank you Coventina for this post

[soldierant]

168. I did not see the OP, but from what I am seeing here,

I suspect that anyone telling that OP they should not have posted (because the post made them "uncomfortable"?) was, whether or not that was a conscious intention, attempting to erase the OP.

That's what we humans do, isn't it. Until and unless we learn better. Pretentd it doesn't exist. That will make it go away.

I'd like to put in a word for a non-profit which is trying its damnedest to cut through that - and has been helping people for 13 years now.

Introduction to projrcys

Homepage
https://theaterofwar.com

YouTube presence with examples, including a very few complete Zoom projects
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgr8O34w3uYhgh8DcsntjCw/videos

Not that any of this can replace a real lisytener - a real group of listeners - present in the moment - but as someone pointed out, you can't always find a mental health professional in the middle of the night

Yes, they started with Greek tragedy and with military PTSD. But they have come a long way. Yesterday I observed a performance and following discussion based on "The Wound Dresser" by Walt Whitman, which was designed for health professionals experienceing PTSD from a seemingly endless pandemic and seemingly endless denial of its existence. I am not a health professional, but I saw profound engagement and profound listening and profound comments and profound validation of those speaking.

It's not a cureall, but it can help.

[MerryBlooms]

170. I saw the post just after its deletion, still

at the top of my page. I read through, and was able to grasp essential details. Horrific. I also saw the outpouring of love and support from our beloved DU, with exception of about 3 folks at that time who chose to bully and shame. One couldn't resist the literal typing "shame". I see one continued to bully and shame, but also then projected digusting inflamatory motives onto the traumatized DU member. Those comments should have been hidden.

Thank you for supporting our suffering fellow DUer. I hope they had the strength to be here today and see our support and love. Also, to see us stand against bullying.

❤❤❤

[Wingus Dingus]

175. I clicked on that post before there was a graphic warning.

That must have been edited in later, because it wasn't there when I first went to read it. Got about halfway through, didn't finish, immediately backed out. I try to avoid disturbing images, actual or mental. Sympathies to the original poster, I can understand the impulse to try to get it out of his head by talking about it. Yikes.

[FreepFryer]

178. I wasn't part of the drama, but i was traumatized by reading the post before the graphic warning.

I chose not to speak up, and I don’t support shaming - but that post put me off DU for the rest of the day.

The details were far more graphic and disturbing than anything else I regularly encounter on DU.

[betsuni]

181. +1

[Raine]

180. I read the post but I didn't leave a response

I just didn't know what to say to make the the OP feel better.

[MissMillie]

183. I didn't open the thread

The "graphic" warning made me think that I probably didn't want to see it.

And while the warning did its job, reading your post makes me feel badly that I wasn't there for the poster.

I think it's nice that DU can be a place where we can turn to each other for support. I know I felt comforted a number of times, like when I lost my mom.

[FreepFryer]

184. Sadly, the warning wasn't in place when I read it. Very disturbing to those unprepared. (Nt)

[Xavier Breath]

196. Agreed. I too went in before a warning was posted

and immediately regretted having done so. I backed out and didn't look back.

[kcr]

187. Totally agree

Yes, the post was graphic and shocking, but then feeling for the OP and the trauma they must have gone through was more impactful. Reading about it couldn't hold a candle to actually experiencing it. The utter lack of empathy and understanding of a few is disheartening. ETA I saw both the original and edited version.