I need to vent

[vercetti2021]

Today was our cousins funeral service. It was a beautiful tribute. But it all came crashing down when the minister or Pastor or whatever the fuck came out to talk. What made me angry is that these blowhards have to interject themselves into the service by talking about stupid shit. Calling our bodies tents and when the tents wear out. We go home aka heaven. Goes on about how when we grieve, we only grieve for ourselves and not the one who passed. LIKE WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Our cousin passed away from cancer and we are selfish if we grieve? Like get off your high horse. And to top it off. We need to prepare our whole lives to die and dying is a good thing. Like oh fuck off! I will spend my only life on this earth enjoying life! I'm not preparing my entire life for whatever the fuck comes next whether its heaven, hell, or nothing at all.

All I can say is I'm never stepping foot into another fucking church again. I don't care who I know gets married or dies. I will not step my foot into a place where I believe evil is.

Rant over.

[spooky3]

1. I'm so sorry, not only for the loss of your cousin, but also

For being subjected to this while you are grieving, comforting family, and paying respects.

[samnsara]

2. ive been atheist since i was 17 after our church kicked out a great youth pastor because

..gasp..we were allowed to ..gasp...dance! (this was in the 60s)


That was it for me....


I'm sorry for the loss of your cousin..(((hugs)))

[albacore]

3. My own personal un-favorite are the ones who use the occasion to "sell the product"...

.. to proselytize their particular... and peculiar... brand of Christianity.
Using an occasion like a wedding or funeral is NOT a chance to push your own views.

[LizBeth]

4. I look at death differently. My mother killed herself. Her pain was over and what I felt was not her

but my loss. My loss of time with her, her energy. She was done, not suffering so I do agree with whomever that the grief is in our personal experience not the person gone.

[soldierant]

29. I agree, and I also think that the selfish ones

are those who tell us (order us) not to grieve for them, when the grief process is so desperately needed to rebuild our own hearts.

[flying_wahini]

5. I think most Ministers are so used to obsequious ass kissing from their congregation that they

‘Forget’ how many (most?) people hold them in contempt. They bloviate on and on in order to hear themselves talk. (Their very favorite thing to do.) Never quit when they are ahead.

[vercetti2021]

6. Exactly

I was ready to stand up and walk the fuck out of there when he opened his mouth about grieving being selfish. Like fuck off asshole

[IngridsLittleAngel]

7. The minister couldn't have been any more wrong...

Wrong place.

Wrong time.

And most certainly wrong words.

His duty in that moment is to try to bring comfort and peace, not hurt. That is not the time to lecture people on grief or how they are feeling. Hell, no time is a good time to do so, but, I'm not sure there would be a worse time or place than the ones he chose to lecture you and everyone there to pay tribute to your cousin.

I don't know if this minister thought it somehow would "help" to say such things... I know from first-hand experience it only does the opposite. Grief-shaming, or telling people to hide or suppress their grief, only causes more pain, more sorrow, and eventually it boils over. I've endured it with the two biggest losses of my life, and the emotional scars and PTSD are still very real to this day from it.

I'd have been better off just dealing with the grief alone than having to deal with that along with the extra damage inflicted.

You have every right to be angry. They had no reason to hijack the services like that, or to say the things they did to grieving family and friends.

I'd say they should be ashamed of themselves and the things they said, but... Sadly, I don't think they're capable of shame if they think it's okay to say things like that.

I'm so sorry... Both for the loss of your cousin, and this horrible experience.

[vercetti2021]

8. Took all my energy

To not yelled that's horseshit and walk out. Because legit it wasn't the time for a lecture from a false prophet

[IngridsLittleAngel]

9. I bet

It would've taken all my energy to also avoid doing so. I probably would've kept myself from yelling, but eventually would've walked out.

False profit is right. And, absolutely. That was a lecture, not a memorial service.

[vercetti2021]

11. Oh well it's over and done

They can kiss my ass from here to hell

[IngridsLittleAngel]

13. Thank goodness...

And hopefully you nor anyone else will ever go through an experience like that again.

[TreasonousBastard]

10. I don't remember the details, bjt a few years ago I went to a...

funeral feeling sorta OK. You never feel good about a funeral, but it's part of life, I suppose.

Anyway, the Pentacostal or whatever preacher started to speak, and I started to feel bad. Really bad.

After it was all over, I was talking to a few people I knew and we all agreed we felt pretty good until the preacher started talking. He made thjngs so much worse.

Point is simply that a funeral is already an emotional event, and nobody has a right to make it worse. Don't make anyone feel more guilty than they already do for being alive.

[demigoddess]

12. right there with you. I don't have a problem with God, but I have a lot

of problems with churches.

[monkeyman1]

15. agreed ! same here ! all a church is a building that ya' can amen & pass the plate !!

learned that stuff when I was 11 yrs old !! 73 now !

[LoisB]

14. I am sorry for the loss of your cousin. Focus on your cousin, the beautiful tribute, and grieve as

much as you want or need. Forget the preacher.

[kimmylavin]

16. I'm so sorry that happened.

The funeral is supposed to comfort those left behind!

I remember that at my grandfather's funeral, we found out at the last minute that my uncle wasn't going to be allowed to eulogize him; the priest was going to do it.
I mean, yeah, the priest knew my grandpa, but we were his family.

They also wouldn't let us play any of his favorite songs, because they were "secular."

So much for a celebration of his life...

[Evolve Dammit]

17. I am so sorry. That would piss me off too. Meaningless scripted words. Take care.

[Ilsa]

18. Someone needs to

kindly tell him that he missed the mark completely, and that people left the funeral more angry, sadder, and confused by his judgmental commentary. He sounds like someone who hasn't experienced much loss.

[vercetti2021]

21. Exactly!

My mother and I were furious and kept texting each other how awful the guy was.

[DURHAM D]

19. Sorry about that.

I went to a funeral today and it was a celebration of a life well lived. He was 88. Spouse still alive and doing well. All four of their kids are still married to their first mate and there were a ton of grandkids and great grandkids. The ceremony was mostly personal notes from kids and grandkids. He was cremated to save space on the planet. It was at a Methodist church.

I am agnostic and my father used to refer to the Methodist church as a social club. Guess that is why he joined it. Well actually, he was a singer and a musician, and he wanted to sing in a choir and they had the best one in town. He participated until he was 90.

[vercetti2021]

20. How it should've been

But nope

[Gore1FL]

22. My friend's father's service had some horrific and maddening moments.

My friend and his mother are LCMS Lutherans. His father was Jewish. A substitute Lutheran Pastor performed the service because the normal one was unavailable.

Part of the service was the pastor, who knew no one in the family, opine whether or not he was going to be allowed in heaven. On the plus side of a heavenly afterlife, the pastor noted, he had heard the songs because his wife was in the church choir. It was unreal.

[Joinfortmill]

23. I hear you

[Thunderbeast]

24. This is the perfect song for my memorial...

[cbabe]

34. Love this song. Thanks.

[dhol82]

25. Sounds like he was southern Baptist.

Fuck him.

[tiredtoo]

26. At my wife's funeral

Six years ago. One lady was quite upset because we didn't have a pastor or preacher or what the fuck you call them at the service. My wife was educated in a catholic school from Kindergarten to graduation. But she had finally fallen away from the years of being guilted. When she was in hospice care I asked if she wanted a religious person at her funeral she said "we don't go or belong to any church." I replied that is true but I'm sure I can buy some kind of preacher for you. My son gave an eulogy and family members also had kind words to share.
I thought it was a nice funeral.

[SunSeeker]

30. That's how I'd want my funeral to be like. No preachers.

My mom didn't have preachers at her funeral; just family spoke.

[sinkingfeeling]

27. I've found it hard to bite my tongue whenever it's necessary for me to attend something in

a church. I just sit there and tune it out.

[llashram]

28. they can and do

turn people off with their holier than thou attitudes. I have my faith in my interpretation and I Keep it to myself...

[Farmer-Rick]

31. I fully embraced my atheism when my spouse died

The funeral was so painful. The pastor seemed so useless. (my spouse was Southern Baptist) The cost was excessive and wasteful.

And the religious nonsense that comes out of people's mouths when they are confronted by death is cruel and frequently laughable.

Religion was wholly inadequate in the face of death. I don't understand how people are soothed and comforted in the face of death by religious mythology. It just felt like rubbing salt in the wound.

[vercetti2021]

32. All it was just rubbing salt in the wound

I'm not an atheist or agnostic. I do believe in God but I do not believe in religion or the church. I believe those are two things of pure evil and hatred. I was so over this fucker by the end of it. As I was leaving I said. God pick your people fucking better

[BadgerMom]

33. My stepson Andrew died in a car crash in 1998.

My daughter, his adoring little sister, was 13. Andy was 23. He was a returned Mormon missionary and a senior in hydrologic engineering at the University of Utah. His viewing and service were infused with LDS teachings and attitudes, including a penchant for eschewing grieving. Survivors are encouraged to be joyful for the deceased. Well, we’re not Mormon and we were stricken, including my daughter. She stood at the coffin sobbing, a reasonable reaction in my view. Unbeknownst to me until years later, my husband’s ex walked up to her and told her to step away and sit down. I wish I had known. I would have stood my ground, though obviously without causing a scene. Andy was ours as much as hers. He loved us and made me dislike his religion less. His mom makes me abhor it. Really, a 13-year-old shouldn’t cry over the sudden loss of her brother? Gimme strength.