General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWe are bringing mom home today
We put mom (98) into a board and care home 5 weeks ago. I have been her live-in caregiver since 2011. Just in last 3 years or so has she needed alot of care. Got to the point I had to lift her all the time, so family decided something needed to change. She is cognizant, knew I would probably hurt myself if we continued on that path. I visit every day, and she is miserable! We found a live-in caregiver and are moving her back home tomorrow. Hospice is providing hospital bed. I had to buy a twin bed for the caregiver because she sleeps in same room as patient. I have loved my "freedom" but we don't want her to be unhappy.
Sorry this is so long. It has been a journey I can tell you.
MineralMan
(146,254 posts)My parents, who passed at age 96 had live-in caregivers. They could afford it, and it was the best solution for them at the time.
enough
(13,255 posts)ChazII
(6,202 posts)able to do this for your mom.
Response to Beatlelvr (Original post)
malaise This message was self-deleted by its author.
malaise
(268,694 posts)MuseRider
(34,095 posts)It sounds like you have it all set up to work for everyone. It IS a long journey you are on, she is so very lucky she has you. You will have your freedom back one of these days and will likely have more now with a caregiver to help you. I think you have found the best solution for all involved. Hugs to you.
Botany
(70,447 posts)... his bedroom and hospice was there.
sarcasmo
(23,968 posts)MLAA
(17,250 posts)doc03
(35,295 posts)home I have seen. I hope it works out for you. I went through that for several years with my mom.
greatauntoftriplets
(175,729 posts)You're a wonderful daughter.
niyad
(113,055 posts)Scrivener7
(50,911 posts)we can't watch over ourselves.
It is such a hard thing to do. But don't forget what a kind and loving thing you are doing.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)Together again, hard as it is.
More assistance to many people in this position is one of the things we lost with the 2016 tragedy, and now assistance in the big social infrastructure bill is still waiting to be passed after we gain more seats in the midterms.
https://ballotpedia.org/Elections_calendar
gademocrat7
(10,644 posts)Take care.
sheshe2
(83,654 posts)Take care of you the best you can. I know how hard this is.
LoisB
(7,183 posts)nt
AmBlue
(3,103 posts)..and the emotional struggle that goes with it. My 89yo mom lives with me and only eats and sleeps. She needs help with everything and her cognitive abilities are vanishing almost daily. I know there will come a day I have to bring in help but there is so much guilt that goes with it.
I so wish in this country we had meaningful support for family elder caregivers. We do the best we can but it never feels good enough.
Beatlelvr
(618 posts)Yes, there must be thousands of us across the country. Luckily my family is supportive. Unfortunatly, economics plays a huge roll. Mom has a decent pension. Otherwise....?
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)Its hard watching your parents decline. I love that you are so willing to make your mom as comfortable as possible. You will cherish these times - hard as they may seem.
Remember to rest when you can and laugh when you have the opportunity. This challenge wont be forever, but the memories you make will be.
Hugs!
lark
(23,061 posts)We wanted that for our mom so badly, even found 2 people who were going to share the job, then one of them decided she needed more money so took a better paying job and that plan died. Could not find anyone else, or even 2 people to share the job who would work for the amount we could pay. Mom missed her house so badly, it broke our hearts. Luckily she made some good friends there, so it got lots better.
SWBTATTReg
(22,065 posts)Just a short story here...we had a caretaker for my brother (my sister found them), who needed care, and then after the death of my brother, we found where the caretaker had stolen checks, etc. from my brother. My sister ended up having to file felony charges, and blames herself (she shouldn't of course, she was busy enough doing a heck of a lot of things as we all know that caring for someone entails. This is such a shame when in addition to the death of my brother, that we then have to deal w/ this nonsense.
Just spend a few seconds ever so often, making sure that things are on the up and up...my sister did have power of attorney, but still, crap happened still.
My best to you all and of course, your mom.
Beatlelvr
(618 posts)We heard of some horror stories too.
LisaL
(44,972 posts)NT
Beatlelvr
(618 posts)This persin had just come off a gig taking care of an elderly man for a year and a half. They had good things to say about her.
iluvtennis
(19,833 posts)at home.
calimary
(81,110 posts)I bet shes proud of you!
tiredtoo
(2,949 posts)But where i live. Michigan Hospice is end of life care. Patient stops taking medications designed to cure what ails them and just takes pain relief medication.
Both my Mother-in-law and my wife spent their final days at our house under hospice care. And I plan on doing same.
Wishing for a peaceful transition for you and your family.
Beatlelvr
(618 posts)But here in Pasadena, CA anyway, they help out if the person cannot do basic life functions without assistance. Like toileting, bathing, etc. They have been great so far.
tiredtoo
(2,949 posts)The probable difference is the family and patient have accepted the fact of imminent death. Just trying to make the remaining days as comfortable as possible for patient. Both my wife and my mother-in-law hung on for about 10 weeks. Twas not a happy time but, sadly it is what it is.
HipChick
(25,485 posts)kimbutgar
(21,055 posts)She fell and hit her head and got a subdermal hematoma. She never was the same Again. I out her in an assisted living place and she was miserable. I to,d her the only way Id bring her home is if she had a live in caregiver. She agreed. It was bumpy at first but she grew accustomed to the lady and for 8 years she lived in home where she died peacefully. it ended up costing me less keeping her home instead of the assisted living place. I would ask her every time I saw her if she was ok and she said she was happy.
Its good you found a live in caregiver.
pandr32
(11,553 posts)You will be so happy you did.
Hugs to you.
Desert_Leslie
(131 posts)Just a suggestion ... look into renting her a Hoyer lift. Also, perhaps (???) Medicare might pay for it or help with it.
Beatlelvr
(618 posts)They deliver today.
copperearth
(117 posts)It is hard to see your loved one in a nursing home and if your caregiver is able to care your mom at home thrn you cn be certain things go better.
mahina
(17,616 posts)Its whats ahead for the lucky ones among us who still have parents. We should help each other, and its not hard to be here to listen. Good luck all.
GeoWilliam750
(2,521 posts)Beaverhausen
(24,470 posts)Take care of yourself, too.