Texas Bans Consensual Sex

[Zorro]

AUSTIN, TX—Joined by Republicans from the state legislature in a highly publicized ceremony, Texas governor Greg Abbott signed a law Thursday banning consensual sex.

“I’m proud to sign this bill into law today making all consensual sexual acts punishable by a minimum of 10 years in prison,” said Abbott, who was applauded by religious and other right-wing interest groups for standing up for traditional family values.

“Consensual sex has always been immoral, and now it’s finally illegal, too. Enthusiastic, continuous, specific, freely given, and clearly communicated sexual consent will not be tolerated in Texas. Any person who sets up two friends on a date who then go on to have a consensual sexual relationship will also be held responsible and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

At press time, the U.S. Supreme Court had issued a ruling declining to block the new law.

https://www.theonion.com/texas-bans-consensual-sex-1848631845

[Flaleftist]

1. There was a time when I would have immediately assumed this was an Onion article.

And not clicked on the link wondering what fucking ridiculous shit Republicas are doing now.

[smirkymonkey]

9. I know exactly what you mean.

Usually, I could tell right away, but I honestly wasn't sure this time. Which is really scary.

[brush]

26. Texas repuiblicans have gone totally out of their damn minds.

Last edited Sun Mar 13, 2022, 05:50 AM - Edit history (1)

Abbott was running neck and neck with DeSantns in my mind as the craziest governor but now he's pulled decisively ahead.

What are they smoking? I kept reading for the hook..like the new law was banning consensual sex between LGBTQ people, or transexual people as that's a big thing now in winger Texas, or maybe between progressives or Blaci people...but no, it's banning consensual sex between everyone?

What did I miss? A married couple can't consent to sex? What, they just have to shut up and do it, or not do it because it's against the law?

What a crazy state to live in.

Beto better grap this and run with it 24/7 in his campaign against Abbott as this is cray-cray.

[elias7]

28. Onion. Hard to tell these days though.

Life is imitating satire so closely now (the author of the ectopic pregnancy bill in MO doesn’t even know what ectopic means)…

[brush]

29. Ahhh. The Onion link is at the very bottom. That shoud be higher up...

in the post. It seems deceptive tuck away way down there.

[DemocraticPatriot]

30. I assumed 'hyperbole' on the part of the headline-writer,

not the Onion. It is rather a sad commentary on the crazy state of the nation, when one believes satire to be truthful.

However, recent observation of our resident fascists shows that there is no depth to which they are incapable of sinking.

Witness "Florida Freedom", which means, taking away the rights to free speech over a broad spectrum with a new law which is very clearly unconstitutional.

[11 Bravo]

40. I hear you. I had to look.

[AllaN01Bear]

2. now they are messing with something that only goes on in the bed room.

and yet again the scoutus has shown its colors .

[OAITW r.2.0]

3. When will the Texas Legislature create a law that makes

monthly pregnancy checks mandatory? How can you protect a blastocyst, if you don't know it exists?

These newly elected Republican legislator's sure like legislating laws that they like. Will the voters keep voting them back into office?

[Sugarcoated]

4. Would be cool if you add /s to the title or that it's the Onion

[Deuxcents]

6. Awww.. wouldn't get attention!

Always check the sources ✔️ Satire is fun 🤩

[Karma13612]

7. I've learned to

Check any link in the body of the OP first to see if it’s from the onion.

And I agree that a snark tag in the title would be MUCH appreciated.

[johnp3907]

10. I always like to guess whether it's the Onion or Andy Borowitz before I click on it.

I usually guess right!

[krispos42]

5. I was expecting a legit story about Texas banning sodomy

Then as I read it, I was waiting for it to be a legit story about a ban between unmarried people having sex.

*shrug* It's Texas. They mandate teaching theocracy-approved alternatives to science, history, and general reality; crush teacher's unions: and then wonder why they have a teacher shortage.

[ShazzieB]

27. I know, right? Me, too, on the sodomy thing.

Texans wonder why they have a teacher shortage, while their lawmakers ignore all the reasons you mentioned, as well as the lousy teachers' salaries in that state.

As this article shows, Texas teachers have many reasons for wanting to hit the road:

HOUSTON — More than half of Texas educators said they've recently considered leaving their profession due to low pay, increasing workload, and safety concerns, according to a November survey by the Texas American Federation of Teachers. The survey revealed the crisis in the classroom. Out of the 3,800 educators who were surveyed, about 66% said they considered leaving.

*snip*

When the teachers were asked what would make them stay in public education, 45% said they want pay incentives (retention bonus, pay raise), 35% said they want changes to workload (fewer responsibilities) and 8% said they want workplace safety improvements.

https://www.khou.com/article/news/education/texas-aft-survey-shows-66-percent-of-teachers-consider-quitting/285-d898251b-c3c8-4780-a386-8b505c64805e

Imagine those wacky Repugs down there being willing to actually spend money to fix those problems. (I know, I can't, either.)

[krispos42]

35. The oppression will continue until morale improves

That seems to be the plan

[SergeStorms]

8. I had to look at the byline.

The asshole in the Governor's mansion is crazy enough to do something like this, but just to be sure........and sure enough, The Onion.

I have to learn to trust my instincts better.

[Deuxcents]

13. 👍we will do

[Aristus]

12. Satire: Still dead.

[Deuxcents]

14. No🙋‍♀️ Satire is mocking n some truth so subtie n fun

[betsuni]

15. That's a really good one.

[walkingman]

16. If people knew about the relationship between Greg Abbott and Louie Gohmert they would be shocked.

[jeffreyi]

17. And, if you know of anyone doing this

You can sue them! After turning them in to the authorities, of course.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

18. Satire today, reality tomorrow.

Texas: Where Reality Is Even Darker Than Your Jokes

[JohnnyRingo]

19. I'm sure it's Greg Abbott's experience that women....

...hate sex.
At least that's what his wife and every other woman he's been with tells him.

[Grokenstein]

21. Today it's theOnion. Tomorrow?

[YoshidaYui]

22. THANKS. YOU got me....

I WAS pissed about this till i realized it was a joke,,,not much of a joke if you are gay or lesbian.

[TlalocW]

23. This actually happened when I went to college

Missouri passed a bill about sex that was so convoluted with "fancy words" form lawmakers trying to show off that professional linguists were brought in to decipher the bill, and they concluded it outlawed sex.

TlalocW

[czarjak]

24. Ain't no wrong like Republican Wrong

[keithbvadu2]

25. Wonder how Abbot is making progress on eliminating rape in Texas.

Wonder how Abbot is making progress on eliminating rape in Texas.

[Emile]

31. The onion,

you almost never know.

[DemocraticPatriot]

32. The current political condition of the state of Texas, leads me to re-examine

the position of General Santa Anna...


As it turns out, he may have fought to enforce 'freedom', since the Mexican government had outlawed slavery-- and the rebels in Texas were firmly in favor of fighting for the 'freedom' to have black slaves...

Yes, Santa Anna was no flower, but on the one issue which seems to have been the primary grievance of Texicans who rebelled against the Mexican government, Santa Anna was right, and the Texicans were wrong. The defenders of the Alamo may have accomplished a tremendous feat of arms against hopeless, overwhelming odds-- (and strictly as a military feat of arms, without examining the cause, their defense was admirable, although ultimately unsuccessful), their motivations were depraved. Their 'line in the sand' was the line between supporting black slavery, and freedom for all people in Texas-- and they ended on the wrong side of it.


Today, the powers-that-be in Texas continue to line up on the wrong side of the line-- against freedom.

[rownesheck]

34. Yes. I just recently found out this truth.

I have lived in Texas my whole life and I assure you, we were never taught this in school. We were taught that Texans wanted independence from Mexico and that was it. I never knew the real reason for it. It makes me sick thinking about it. Sam Houston and all those Alamo fuckwads are celebrated as heroes, and that's what we were taught.

The US should have told Texas to go fuck itself rather than allow it to become a state. The country would have been better off.

[Zorro]

37. I read the autobiography of Ulysses S. Grant a couple of years back

In it he asserted that the admission of Texas as a slave state was THE root cause of the Civil War.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

33. I love the onion

[malaise]

36. ROFL

[BSdetect]

38. Next Flirting

[LetMyPeopleVote]

39. I love good satire