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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDo any of you have friends who are Trump supporters? Or otherwise far right?
If so, what is the stuff of your friendship made of?
I have literally never known a Trump supporter. Not even as an acquaintance. Living in Massachusetts and being introverted probably goes a long way to account for that. But I'm getting hints that someone I converse with on line, about books and writing and turns of phrase, etc., whom I find very congenial, may be one of those. I find myself carefully staying away from topics that might reveal political liberalism.
If you have such friends, how do you deal with it? I'm also just interested in what parts of life can be kept isolated from political views.
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Bettie
(19,667 posts)but, I've quietly ended two long friendships, because of it.
samplegirl
(13,966 posts)In my case I haven’t even spoke to my brother years now.
msfiddlestix
(8,178 posts)but otherwise "liberal".
there are no words to describe my confusion regarding their mindset.
can't even come up with an appropriate analogy.
I don't even bother attempting to engage on any meaningful level, beyond a courtesy greeting when passing by.
there just isn't even any point. especially because I've got wind that they are also Qanon believers..
Spiritual quests is a constant theme in their personal lives.
I feel like they're aliens from another galaxy.
Johnny2X2X
(24,171 posts)Two. Totally opposite spectrums of life.
One, Steve, is mentally ill and disabled, he loves Trump even as he relies on government programs to live and eat. Steve has always played the victim well, even when he was a kid he always felt the world was out to get him and nothing was fair for him. Type of kid who was always out sick from school. His father was a security guard on a college campus and was killed and it really left him lost. He's got a college degree and was substitute teaching, but then he hurt his back about 15 years ago and it prevents him from working. He was couch surfing for a while, almost homeless, when his sister reached out to his friends to take up a collection for him to be able to raise the needed funds to move into an apartment that was good for him. We all threw in a $100 to $150 each, no big deal, and he got his apartment. He never thanked a single one of us, and now he's ghosted everyone. Weird fellow. I suppose Trump's black and white way of looking at the world and blaming everyone else for your own problems appeals to him.
The other is someone I really respect, Jeff. He's an ex officer in the Air Force, a really good person and family man. The type of person who gets involved in helping others whenever he can. He's just been brainwashed by FOX News. But he's curious enough to ask questions every now and then of me because he knows I'm liberal. He asked me about Trump's wall and why the left is against us stopping all the drugs that flow into the country with this wall. I responded of course that the wall will not stop drugs or people, the drugs are coming in in containers, vehicles, planes, and boats, the idea that the cartels are giving backpacks full of drugs to poor people crossing the Southern border is antiquated and silly now. The cartels are as sophisticated as an other major corporations are, they're not going to rely on poor people to carry for them. FOX News sold that Trump was getting wins daily for the country, so while Jeff really wanted Trump to stop "treating people like shit", he thought he was hitting homeruns policy wise on the regular.
Of course both of them now just think the economy is awful and Biden is weak on the world stage. Pointing out facts like this is the best jobs market in US history, GDP growth is the highest in 40 years, and wage growth is the highest in decades falls on deaf ears. Inflation is apparently the only measure of the economy that is meaningful to them now. Pointing out that polls show Biden is universally more respected and trusted globally than Trump by a huge margin is also too far a bridge for them, they are having it drilled into their heads all day every day that Biden's foreign policy weakness is the cause of all conflict in the world.
This is just the sort of information I was hoping for. Your description of Jeff reminded me of a friend who is a conservative Republican, but a never-Trumper. He spends lots of time and energy and money doing good, but firmly believes that good should be done by individuals and religious groups rather than by the government.
Johnny2X2X
(24,171 posts)Just can't believe he's a Trumper. Jeff found out that one of our coworkers, a former Marine, had his house burn down and that this Marine lost all of his military medals and patches in the fire. Jeff spent the next year contacting people in the Marines to replace every medal and award that was lost, he then just showed up at this guy's house without fanfare with all of these medals and patches framed nicely. Really is selfless. He's a strong leader at work, he's an accomplished pilot and his goal is to retire early so he can open a flight school that trains pilots to fly missionaries and relief workers to places experience strife and hunger. During his time in the Air Force he learned that there is a shortage of pilots to help these relief organizations and he wants to help.
I haven't discussed the 2020 election with him, but I suspect he thinks Biden stole it. I don't know how to reach this person, he's extremely intelligent and has integrity. He's even curious enough to watch Rachel Maddow occasionally. But he's steadfast in his support for Trump and his ideas, doesn't see that Trump is fascist at all.
Have a mother who is a Trumper too, but we don't discuss politics at all. A couple other really conservative coworkers are in the group of guys I meet for lunch most Fridays, I can tell you that inflation and gas prices are all they think about now. Each is making $110K+ a year, an extra $1 a gallon for gas isn't really a noticeable burden for them or me, but that's what they're being told they should be outraged about daily. A couple talked about the bad economy, I responded that it's the best economy we've had in my lifetime, they looked at me like I just told them I was an alien. They have no idea it's the best jobs growth in US history and that GDP growth is the highest in 40 years, they aren't getting that information.
And on Covid, don't even get me started. They are being told that the vaccines are more dangerous than Covid and half of the reported Covid deaths or more are really just reactions to the vaccine.
LAS14
(15,506 posts)
Claustrum
(5,058 posts)I may or may not agree with their belief that good should be done by individuals and religious groups rather than by the government. But I can at least understand and respect that. However, I really don't understand how anyone can look at Trump and say that's what the old "conservatism" is.
mcar
(46,012 posts)We meet once a week, if available, at various locations. We all met at an exercise class years ago.
We have different backgrounds, educational levels, work experience, etc. We're a bunch of "women of a certain age." We have lots of laughs.
We do not discuss politics at all as a group. Some of us Democrats get together separately at times.
One of the women is a Republican Former Guy Supporter/Fox News cultist. For a long time, she would troll my Facebook posts with her RW nonsense. I finally blocked her from FB. But, I do see her at lunch on occasion. She's funny and fun to be around but knowing her beliefs bothers me.
Some of the other women are definitely Republican but are also pretty much apolitical.
They all know my politics - I helped to found the local Democratic Women's Club chapter and my photo has been in the local paper on a few occasions because of that. Also, all they'd have to do is look at my Facebook page - or my car. It is never brought up.
An hour or so a week with a group of women, talking and laughing about our lives? Politics can stay away. For a longer stretch? I doubt it.
dixiechiken1
(2,113 posts)Neither one of them had ever even voted before the 2020 election. One is a FB junkie and is very much a follower. Easy to see how they got him. The other is really quite intelligent. I never have been able to figure out how or why he got sucked in.
In any case, I'm very close to my brothers. After getting into a HUGE screaming match with the "smart one" over politics - followed by not talking to each other for a few months - we all agreed not to discuss politics with each other anymore. Ever. And we have abided by that.
The way I look at it is, that orange, urine-soaked POS, motherf*cker took enough from all of us when he was in office. I refuse to let him take my family, too.
LizBeth
(11,222 posts)He tried for the longest of time to get me to let it go, and I refuse. Tell him, gonna hang up if you don't stop.
gibraltar72
(7,629 posts)I would never start a new friendship with a far right. But I have some going back almost 60 years who have gone to the dark side.
Efilroft Sul
(4,411 posts)There is a difference.
The Anti-Biden/Anti-Democrat types have never supported Democrats. They always pull the R lever in the voting booth because they always assume "Republicans good, Democrats bad." However, these folks don't go out of their way to bash the Dems or Biden, nor do they wear the MAGA merchandise. And even if they don't watch Fox News or listen to talk radio, they'll never change. Supporting the Republicans is a reflexive thing, and they do so without ever giving any thought about what the party has become.
Then there are the MAGAbillies. I am down to speaking with maybe three or four of them now, and most times, the arguments are just short of becoming blood sport. Two of them have said nothing about Russia's invasion of Ukraine and Trump fluffing Putin, one very much believes in Russian superiority, and the remaining guy (probably the Trumpiest of them all) oddly enough has suddenly remembered that Russia is not our friend.
So it's a mixed bag of nuts.
uponit7771
(93,532 posts)... was a mistake and the M$M built him up.
Bottom line, ***MOST*** of the time these people are high functioning LIVs ... and small data unlocks get to them a lot more than ridicule.
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)uponit7771
(93,532 posts)I think I'm safe to say the level of wrongness on obvious issues when it comes to the right and who they listen to is gobsmacking
Small data unlocks work a lot more with them then shutting them down with derision.
Think of it as talking to a child but not in a child demeanor or childlike attitude attitude
tavernier
(14,435 posts)It both angers and hurts.
In the past year political discourse amongst friends of different political views has been missing, almost like a silent agreement on both sides. I don’t think any opinions are different, but I think everyone has lost friendships and family relationships since Bush and Trump. Unless a drunken uncle shows up to a family dinner or a past girlfriend comes to a luncheon wearing a Trump shirt, most people at get-togethers avoid toxic subjects.
fightforfreedom
(4,913 posts)When I learned they were supporting Trump I did what friends are supposed to do. I calmly explained to them who Trump really is and how dangerous he is. When I did this my friends, who I have known for over 40 years, turned into something I have never seen before.
They verbally attacked me, insulted me, my wife, my military service, anything they could think of. I asked them why are so angry. They attacked me again. It was shocking, knowing someone that long and not realizing who they really are.
Needless to say, I will never have anything to do with them ever again.
I have some relatives, no immediate family, who voted for Trump. I have not cut them off because they are not completely out of their minds. When I see them I bust their balls about Trump in a joking sort of way. When they try to defend themselves they don't stand a chance because I am so much more well informed than they are.
Claustrum
(5,058 posts)They are super vocal about their beliefs and they have to show it off to everyone around them. You just can't get through a 10 minutes conversations with them without them getting into one of their talking points. It doesn't matter if you are a new acquaintance or a long time friend. They just have to complain about something that's political. I have met so many of them that I explicitly say I don't want to get into political discussions with them and most of them just never abide.
PJMcK
(25,046 posts)They're not my friends anymore. They're seditionists. They're ignorant. Their support of Trump illustrates that they hold bigoted views.
I don't need those people in my life.
I have a couple of cousins who are Trump supporters but I don't see them very often. For the sake of our family, we avoid politics but their attitudes come through anyway. Those are the most difficult relationships for me. The former friends can go fuck themselves.
Septua
(2,957 posts)..who are Trumpers. But most people I know (in-laws included) , are Trumpers or maybe more accurately, anti-Biden/democrats. But they all watch Fox exclusively and are grossly uninformed. The few I've tried to reason with are close minded so I just avoid the subject.
leftyladyfrommo
(19,995 posts)I don't talk religion or politics and I let people know that.
Demsrule86
(71,542 posts)the episcopal church and that is that. It is dangerous to really get into it with some of these folks. There have been murders of Biden voters.
https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/texas-man-killed-woman-shot-her-husband-because-they-voted-for-biden/
Midnight Writer
(25,380 posts)Not that I am a firebrand or anything, but I have warned them if they want to discuss politics or religion, I will tell them what I honestly think and they won't like it.
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)Both were lifelong friends of over 50 years. When I found out they were MAGATs, I dumped them. No other aspects of those relationships can make me ignore their moral depravity. I will not tolerate that in my life.
quickesst
(6,309 posts).... need to get real. Hell, my son and grandson like Trump. My wife and I are Democrats through and through. What kind of relationship do I have with either of them? Let me put it this way. If either of us needed something, both of them would drop whatever they're doing, and come see what they can do for us. The key is for us was to establish priorities, and the highest priority of all is family. I have a really tough time talking politics with my son. He is very intelligent having graduated from the University of Arkansas, and retiring at the rank of major in the Air Force. It's easy to rag on trumper's that you see at his rallies, and in Jordan Klepper's videos, but it's another thing to debate an intelligent, knowledgeable person whose argument seems logical even though you know it's not, and the road to convincing him is a rocky one. Let me put it this way, his debating skills are on the level with Steve Schmidt. We mostly love Schmidt now, but at one time he was known as "the bullet" , a republican strategist who at the time almost single-handedly torpedoed the presidential campaign of John Kerry.
Bottom line is, I don't have a clue what makes an intelligent, college-educated, career-focused individual support Trump, but I do know one thing. He may like Trump, but he knows, and understands that family trumps Trump.
As for the fanatical, mouth-breathing, willfully ignorant cult members, it wouldn't bother me at all if a big hole was dug in the desert, every single one of them bulldozed into the hole, covered up, paved over, and turned into a parking lot that no one will ever use. A little harsh you say? Yeah, about as harsh as gunning down someone jogging in your neighborhood simply because of the color of his skin. The difference is, mine is a fantasy, their's is a reality.
ForgedCrank
(3,092 posts)a heavily red state, and most people are right-leaning here, so it is a reality that a larger portion of my friends and family vote red.
You can't survive on hate here, it is a matter of civil conversation and a willingness to coexist in peace that saves the day. I can't think of a single friend or family member that I have lost over politics, I simply won't allow that to happen, I find it silly.
I've found that people reciprocate if you act decent during disagreement. You can easily pick out the people who can't and simply avoid such topics when around them because the fact of the matter is that you aren't going to change their minds, and they aren't going to change yours. Once you settle on and accept that, life is much easier for everyone.
Demsrule86
(71,542 posts)shrine on his porch...and he was a very successful before 2020...not so much now. This is a Democratic community and like my neighbor said, it is not that he supported Trump. This is America and you can support and vote for who you want...but the fact that more than a year after the election, he still has this shrine is disconcerting...want nothing to do with him.
Most people feel that way. He cut our lawn when my husband had the first surgery some three years ago...during recovery, my husband lost his job and had no sick pay after that. Yours truly cut the lawn which I hate!!! When I called to cancel it at the beginning of the month, his wife said it is only a day or two...they actually had done nothing... so she said we owed nothing.
Well this year, all of the sudden, they decided to collect for the month...three years later. I just paid; it was $200. I don't trust these people and one of my dogs was poisoned just about a year ago...and I always suspected it might have been the lawn guy...I have no proof and have never even said this aloud. But that is why I paid them. I have three other dogs and anyone could slip something over the fence. I check the yard but it could be small and overlooked. I know a few other Trumpers in the neighborhood and we are cordial...I like some of them and they are nice people...but the lawn guy flew a black flag not that long ago. He did take it down but even Trumpers stay clear of this guy.
llmart
(17,588 posts)That doesn't always work. Just recently I had an episode where a family member kept trying to goad me into an argument and I told him tactfully and in a calm manner that I wasn't going to discuss the issue with him. I told him three times and he wouldn't quit, just got louder and even followed me to another room when I walked away. There is no reasoning with someone who thinks he's always the smartest person in the room.
snowybirdie
(6,677 posts)who are true righties. They all have decided to not interact with us any longer. They've decided my liberal leanings mean I'm against them. ? Hate to lose these adult kids as a part of my life, but they were raised in the South with an idiot father. My daughter is torn. Sad but other grandkids are filling the void, thank goodness.
Tickle
(4,131 posts)if that happened to me and my grandchildren. I hope they rethink their actions
snowybirdie
(6,677 posts)I am. We always had a normal grandparent/grandchild relationship until they grew up and were influenced by deep South attitudes. Granddaughter is even a nurse in a clinic and was an anti- vaxer until it was mandated by her employer. Thanks.
Tickle
(4,131 posts)He lives in Floridah! Need I say more
bif
(26,982 posts)Or they wouldn't be a friend. I do have a handyman who's a conspiracy-theory trumper, but I never talk politics with him. I just want him to do his job and get the fuck out of my house.
FakeNoose
(41,536 posts)I had no way of knowing until Jan. 6th last year. They were suddenly posting stuff on Facebook that I found offensive. And they felt they needed to argue with me on everything I posted, because they decided I was too liberal or not-Chumpy-enough. These are people I had known for over 50 years, and they became lunatics for Chump. You know, we were are all Vietnam War protesters back in 1968-69. But now some of them are shockingly conservative.
I had to leave Facebook, even though many friends (and all of my family) were also on there, and they are NOT Chumpers. As it turns out I'm not missing much because I'm making more friends on DU now.
Raftergirl
(1,855 posts)All my friends and family are Democrats. My town is heavily Democrats, and my county is majority Democrats.
The only Trumper I knew was my lawn mower guy, who I fired several years ago after he spray painted TRUMP in huge letters on his riding mower’s bag. And I told him why.
Demsrule86
(71,542 posts)don't discuss politics. I love my brothers. We are family.
ibegurpard
(17,081 posts)I cannot maintain relationships with anyone who supports what the Republican Party now stands for.
Initech
(108,693 posts)And it's made me think way less of that person since finding that out. Though I do have other friends that I still keep in contact with that are MAGAs. Just don't talk politics. 
Those friendships are ended. At first, we had some pretty flaming discussions. But eventually, you have to take the trash to the dumpster.
I have 5 conservative friends at this point. Two loathe Trump and his garbage with every fiber, but have not walked away from the GOP as they define it (which is a bigger and bigger stretch given that the GOP has basically become the QOP).
Two are a religious couple. The one who’s still vote for Trump keeps his yap shut, because even his conservative wife would ream him if he spouted that garbage. So, he sits and fumes quietly when politics comes up.
The fifth makes me giggle. He insists he is conservative, but there is not one thing he can point to, to back that up. This is a guy who fights for LGBTQ+ rights, supports BLM, loathes virtually all GOP politicians, helps undocumented folks traveling through, supports and encourages women to leadership positions, is adamantly pro-science… but keeps saying he’s conservative. Mmm, ok.
LAS14
(15,506 posts)... basically thinks government should do less and people should do more? That's a liberal/conservative distinction that can be debated by intelligent people. It used to be that that was what divided us. I do wish those days would return.
DFW
(60,154 posts)This guy is so far right, he fell of the edge of the earth long ago, and is hanging on by his fingernails.
I expected to hate his guts when I knew I was going to meet him over 20 years ago. I was confounded and perplexed that not only did we become friends, but the guy is completely personable and likeable.
Politically, he is the Prince of Darkness, and he considers me to be the same. We don't keep our views away, or isolated, or anything else. He is politically as rabid as a mad dog, and, unfortunately for us, smart as a whip. He is a nationally known personality, almost 90 years old now, and, to us, still as dangerous as a wounded rattlesnake defending its lair.
He thinks I'm just on the wrong track. I think he's off in some right wing asteroid belt. But we "check our guns at the door," as he puts it, and we consider each other friends. Don't bother trying to understand it. I sure don't.
eissa
(4,238 posts)Was always apolitical, but leaned conservative Dem, but something happened in 2016 that completely changed him. His circle is mainly non-educated ex-military/police officers who have always been hard-core republicans, and I guess it finally rubbed off on him. The whole covid lockdown really did a number on him, though. He just became very angry and conspiratorial. It's aggravating because policy-wise, this guy should be our base, but the more we move away from our roots (building up the middle class, investing in education, healthcare, etc.) and focus on identity politics, the more we alienate people like him.
Given most of my family are MAGAts who I haven't spoken to for years, I try to keep things civil with my brother, if only because I don't want to lose that relationship as well. I just make it clear that political discussions are off the table.
RobinA
(10,478 posts)family members. The friend is from elementary school when both our families were Republicans (1964). She has stayed a Republican, I switched long ago. She is a low information voter and is a Republican because that's what one is supposed to be. We stopped discussing politics, which we never did much, when the WMD issue came up. We had a mild argument when that war first started where I said there won't be any WMDs and she said they had already found some. When none were found we never discussed politics again.
Family - mainly everybody just keeps their mouths shut. At the beginning of Trump some negative comments were made by people who just naturally assumed that nobody could be for Trump. When it turned out some people were for Trump and got their feelings hurt everybody just shut up on the subject.
When in mixed or unknown company, I don't mention Trump at all. Things might be different if we had bloviating loudmouths in our family, but we really don't, so we can continue to like each other.
RandiFan1290
(6,710 posts)I know many claim they 'ignore' it but I don't associate with racists.
Response to LAS14 (Original post)
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Mad_Machine76
(24,951 posts)My mother, a Republican, doesn't even like him. If anything, most of my friends are to the LEFT of me.