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Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:27 PM

I had a very hard time today with my Russian friend.

Frankly, she is a long time friend who is based in Moscow. We have always had small chats together in a chat room. I haven't seen her since the way before the pandemic. More than two or three years. We talked about a lot of things but the one thing we didn't talk about was the war in Ukraine. I clearly believe she sides with Putin. But I didn't want to bring up war, which was bizarre because there was a huge Ukraine flag hanging in the room. I am sure she saw that but never mentioned it. I really did want to discuss it with her but I figured to talk about politics may have ended our friendship

I never mentioned the war in Ukraine, but in the back of my head I wanted to know if she was familiar with the photos and images that have come out of Ukraine? I didn't want to engage in an argument that would ruin our relationship . I didn't want to lose a friend over politics and yet technically she is for all intent and purposes she is the enemy. Her President is a criminal. How we speak so casually in the shadow of a war was interesting.

I didn't know what to say to her about the war but I was afraid to lose a personality in my life. It takes two people to bring about Peace in the world. I could not start my own personal war, I just couldn't. So, what would you have done?

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Arrow 29 replies Author Time Post
Reply I had a very hard time today with my Russian friend. (Original post)
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 OP
BlackSkimmer Apr 2022 #1
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #11
AntiFascist Apr 2022 #28
Caliman73 Apr 2022 #17
LakeArenal Apr 2022 #2
Tetrachloride Apr 2022 #9
Ohio Joe Apr 2022 #3
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #8
Goonch Apr 2022 #4
Bev54 Apr 2022 #5
Geechie Apr 2022 #6
demmiblue Apr 2022 #7
Rebl2 Apr 2022 #10
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #14
LakeArenal Apr 2022 #12
NewHendoLib Apr 2022 #13
qwlauren35 Apr 2022 #15
Torchlight Apr 2022 #16
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #19
Skittles Apr 2022 #27
Wounded Bear Apr 2022 #18
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #21
Skittles Apr 2022 #23
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #24
Skittles Apr 2022 #25
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #26
iemanja Apr 2022 #20
YoshidaYui Apr 2022 #22
roamer65 Apr 2022 #29

Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:29 PM

1. She is not your enemy.

Donít let them trick you into thinking that way.

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Response to BlackSkimmer (Reply #1)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:58 PM

11. Some one below disagree

They say yes , she is the enemy and that I should break off my communication with her . She was my friend long before the war. But yeah, I should immediately shun her company , block her!! I can't do that. We were too close to toss away a relationship.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Reply #11)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 08:29 PM

28. Black and white thinking runs rampant on DU, unfortunately...

as soon as your friend begins to question why Russia is suffering such sanctions she may come around. In the meantime, you should warn her about what is ahead for Russia, and why.

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Response to BlackSkimmer (Reply #1)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:36 PM

17. Agreed.

Human behavior is complicated. Obviously, if she starts spouting off Russian propaganda, you will need to make a decision, but there isn't any obligation to bring the topic up. As others on the thread said, the positions of the OP and her friend inconsequential with regards to the war continuing or stopping. I would not coddle actively expressed opinions, but I would not seek out conflict either.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:31 PM

2. Let it ride. Our personal opinions are so minor.

She probably is filled with propaganda.
Truth will come soon enough to the Russian people. Then if you had argued, she would have been hurt to realize she was on the wrong side of history.

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Response to LakeArenal (Reply #2)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:41 PM

9. I'm with Lake on this one. Keep cool. If the friend wants to remain friends, let proof appear

over the next couple weeks or months.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:32 PM

3. Ouch... That is a tough one...

I think the two of you have been forced to different sides... That does not make you enemies though. I think I might have brought it up as something happening outside your relationship as a bit of a test to see where she was thinking... Then take it from there.

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Response to Ohio Joe (Reply #3)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:41 PM

8. I plan on seeing her tomorrow

I know she is very pro - Putin, so I know what speaches to expect. I am not sure there is anything to discuss that would make either of us happy. She told me she has few international friends and fewer American friends. I am sure she has been shunned as on her card it shows a Russian Federation flag.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:34 PM

4. Hundreds arrested as Russians protest invasion of Ukraine

Police officers detain a demonstrator holding a sign reading 'No war!' during protests in St Petersburg against Russia's attack on Ukraine

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:34 PM

5. Leave it, if she saw your Ukrainian flag and did not speak of her support as well

then you can only conclude she is with Putin, leave it alone until and unless she brings it up.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:37 PM

6. You have so much in common.

Our former president was a criminal too, and he used the media to spread lies.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 05:38 PM

7. I would gladly kick any Putin sympathizer to the curb, no matter what the relationship is...

especially if I only knew them from a chat room. This is much more than "politics". Her country is mass murdering and raping Ukrainians, destroying their cities and cultural sites, and causing generational trauma that will be felt for decades to come.

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Response to demmiblue (Reply #7)


Response to Rebl2 (Reply #10)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:13 PM

14. A Trumper would never be a friend of mine

I am Asian and most Trumpers are racist and would have no use for an Asian friend . She is a Russian by birth and lives in Moscow. Russia is mostly in Asia and neighbors China. Believe it or not, I have friends in China, including Hong Kong and Beijing. Am I supposed to give them up as well? I won't.
They are too dear to me and we never talk about politics.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:08 PM

12. I doubt the friend is Putin sympathizer.

Sheís patriotic on her mind. When your government lies and there is no press or information to the contrary, itís blind patriotism.

People are too quick to judge. They label people they donít even know. Your love for your friend is meaningless to them.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:12 PM

13. Propaganda works. The world you see is not the one you see

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:17 PM

15. In my opinion

Having the Ukrainian flag visible should be enough. If you don't think so, get a lapel pin. And then just don't bring it up.

I work with a Trumpster. It was hard at first. He liked to brag about his guns, talk about how he refused to get vaccinated. He caught COVID. I said nothing. He got extremely lucky and it was mild. Relatively.

At any rate, as soon as you put a value on that kind of a relationship, it will be tested, and you will have to choose. If she isn't financially contributing and taking up arms, then history will show eventually, and anything broken can be mended.

Just don't compromise who you are and what you believe in order to keep the friendship. You are not compromising if you don't bring it up.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:28 PM

16. I participate in an active chess chat board.

A handful are Russians, and I guess I could say a few of them are friends though I've never met any of them in person.

To a person they all avoid participation in any discussions that that could be interpreted as anti-state. I tell myself they're just trying to stay safe-- one in particular is far to gentle and kind a person for me to imagine supporting the invasion.

Maybe in a few months (or years) they'll be willing to open up again, but I'm not going to press them for any opinions or editorials about the conflict. So, like you, we keep it casual in the shadow of war. Just to be on the safe side.

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Response to Torchlight (Reply #16)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:42 PM

19. Right?

Yes I have. Never met her In RL but I am sure if you presented them with the truth they would be up set but even if you did what can they do? To go against their own government is very bad. Could end up in Siberia and who wants that??

Some here would love to see my friend in a gulag, I could never point her in the right direction in Russia. I don't blame her for the atrocities on the Ukraine people, that's all on Putin and his Military and advisors.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Reply #19)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 08:21 PM

27. who here wants to see your friend in a gulag

that is a terrible thing to say

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:38 PM

18. Sounds exactly like trying to nurture a 'friendship' with a MAGAt...

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Response to Wounded Bear (Reply #18)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:44 PM

21. Except she is very smart

A Trumper not so much.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Reply #21)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:49 PM

23. if she is very smart

she should be able to handle a discussion of world events

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Response to Skittles (Reply #23)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:55 PM

24. You first need to have all the facts to make any kind of discussion

And if her government keeps her in the dark, it's a little hard to deal with the truth and than dangerous to protest, some here thinks she should be a human shield, I seriously doubt she would put herself in abject danger.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Reply #24)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 07:11 PM

25. I would have let her know what is going on

they deserve to know

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Response to Skittles (Reply #25)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 07:18 PM

26. I am not a combative person

It would totally blow up our relationship if I talked to her about it and I wonder if there is any way to breach the subject without having to go through her side of it , what ever fantasy Putin has spread to the population, it's going to end badly. It's a little hard to terminate a relationship that has lasted over ten years.

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:42 PM

20. She won't have seen the photos of the dead bodies

because the Kremlin denies they exist. Remember, Russians are exposed to propaganda only.

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Response to iemanja (Reply #20)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 06:49 PM

22. True and only speaking how bad things are will destroy

Years of friendship - Some here think fuck her. You don't need to be fraternizing with the enemy , friendship be damned, kick her to the curb!!

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Response to YoshidaYui (Original post)

Wed Apr 6, 2022, 08:32 PM

29. She may be scared to bring it up.

She is probably scared of a visit from the FSB. If she saw the flag and didnít get all pissy about it, that probably means sheís just staying mum out of fear.

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