General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums50 and never been in love. Anyone else like me?
This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by Omaha Steve (a host of the General Discussion forum).
a couple brief relationships, lived with one girl for a year but she was newly divorced and 15 years my elder so I was more a boy toy lol
but I never had that deep emotional cant live without them, live for them, die for them, kind of thing with anyone.
Starting to feel like i never will.
no kids. never really able to financially support them had I had them so pretty much avoided it.
IS it too late?
if not, where would you start? Im a recluse and not much of a people person. not many friends. dont socialize offline much.
not a good recipe when deciding to try to meet someone lol
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
SmallFry
(349 posts)And be as open as you just were.
Just let it sit and see if you get a response. Don’t use a swipe left type dating APP. Go more obscure.
My two cents. There are many a women out there that could write a near identical story.
Hoyt
(54,770 posts)with all the pitfalls. At least it gives folks an option to totally giving up.
3Hotdogs
(15,368 posts)Start your own singles club for 50's +. I guarantee you will get responses.
Tetrachloride
(9,624 posts)Set aside time to try.
Ask at local library
Join anti fascist demonstrations.
Buy a new shirt, shoes
Wash the car.
if you have a pet, bring to the demonstration. Tremendous icebreaker
Polybius
(21,900 posts)He's only 50 on the nose.
markie
(24,017 posts)I discovered love (he discovered me) just before I was 50... we had 20 awesome years and I am so grateful
I am a serious introvert. I went online just to find a penpal and my soon to be partner decided he wanted more than a penpal... he convinced me would should meet and that was it....
flor-de-jasmim
(2,282 posts)I agree with those who suggest an activity - but have it be something that YOU'D like to do. Present yourself honestly and give yourself (and others) TIME to get to know you. The perfect woman may be someone who is also a bit of a recluse and it might take her time to feel comfortable.
All the best to you.
planetc
(8,923 posts)to fall in live. But these were famous last thoughts. I fell in love at first sight, and it changed my life.
So, if you have a voice, join a choir.
Talk to waitresses and librarians. There are so many activities at my local library that everyone from 4 months to 87 years can attend a reading or discussion.
Sneak out into the world and let people meet you. Couldn't hurt, and it might help.
Earth-shine
(4,044 posts)Go to the dancing socials.
abqtommy
(14,118 posts)It sounds like you've already made up your mind but it's not a good idea to tempt Karma
And Fate.
* https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/its-better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-never-to-have-loved-at-all.html
[The line 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' comes from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.]
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)I wish I'd never gotten involved in the whole thing. I've wasted so many decades caring for an abuser.
Doodley
(11,913 posts)who will love you as much as you love too. Join a dating site. What can you lose? I met my wife online within a few days. She picked me. We fell in love. That was 20 years ago.
Garion_55
(1,944 posts)gives hope! lol
Doodley
(11,913 posts)wife loves me to death. She is so different in every way. Opposites attract. You could find an amazing woman to love and to be loved. Your whole life could start to change today if you post that online profile.
TomSlick
(13,013 posts)They are as different as two people can be. His wife is a PhD English professor. My friend only has a passing aquantance with the rules of grammar.
They are completely devoted to each other and appear a match made in heaven.
Elessar Zappa
(16,385 posts)I’m painfully shy with social anxiety and it’s hard for me to meet people. I’ve learned to become comfortable with my own company but every now and then I wish I wasn’t alone.
nocoincidences
(2,489 posts)where people get together based on a shared interest. There's a local meetup group that always sounded interesting to me called "liberal drinkers"! 
If you are a Facebook user you can do a search on there for meetup groups that are local to you.
Also on meetup.com
A great way to meet friends and more with your interests!
FM123
(10,372 posts)One of my kids is very very shy - she has recently joined a meetup group for introverts and is having a wonderful time. They go on amazing outdoorsy field trips where there is no pressure to be chatty, just to enjoy the scenery and the company of other shy people. So far, so good - perhaps there is a meet up group like this in your neck of the woods?
zipplewrath
(16,698 posts)Dumped her boyfriend 3 months before senior prom. Had a series of boyfriends that she ultimately dumped because they were too "needy" or "clingy". She's also been dumped a few times, I suspect because she didn't respond to their needs. But as many have suggested, it doesn't mean there isn't someone out their with your similar feelings. Heck, it could be someone like my sister.
Victor_c3
(3,557 posts)I was married nearly 14 years. My ex left me about 4 years ago for a guy she had a crush on when she was in middle school. She shit all over me repeatedly for years and, quite frankly, I’m done with the idea of romantic love. I’ve had one serious girlfriend since our separation, but she went back to an abusive ex after being with me for several months.
Life is so much simpler and more enjoyable when you don’t have to put up with someone else’s shit. Outside of my children, I don’t compromise with anyone about anything.
I have a series of “lady friends” that I see that share a similar outlook as me. They’re mostly happy living by themselves but, like me, look for a little physically intimacy from time to time.
I won’t say never, but I’m not planning on ever being in romantic relationship again.
vercetti2021
(10,481 posts)But love stinks in my opinion. No man or woman will ever make me a happy woman. I'd avoiding dating apps...people lookin for a quick fuck than a relationship.
Mind you I'm 31. Love is bullshit
multigraincracker
(37,651 posts)7 years later, can't imagine life without her..can happen when you least expect it.
best of luck to you.
Catherine Vincent
(34,610 posts)
Arazi
(8,887 posts)Love at first sight at a bingo game.
They had 12 glorious years together and both passed within a few weeks of each other.
MerryBlooms
(12,248 posts)I lost my husband to cancer in 2002. I met a man years later I tried to love the same, but he was killed in the vehicle accident that nearly killed me. But it wasn't the same, I tried, he understood... I was in love with a dead man, and always will be.
My best advice, get out of your comfort zone. Volunteer, take your focus off you, and put it on others, I'm sure your local food banks need help. Get off the internet, and into your community. You will meet like minded people, and there is bound to be sweet gal just hoping for someone like you to stumble into her life. 🤗
mvd
(65,912 posts)I get attracted to women from afar, but always too socially afraid for a relationship. I haven’t ruled one out, but it is hard for me.
UTUSN
(77,795 posts)
Lucid Dreamer
(589 posts)Go back to the early replies and take the groups and clubs route.
I have seen this work several times in my membership period with a sailing club. [Cheap boats, not megabuck stuff.] In that club you could always find owners that need crew for the races, no experience required.
I met my wife when I was a tech director with a community theater group. She was the one who chipped thru my shyness.
GO DO SOMETHING! And come back with a great story to share. OK?
womanofthehills
(10,988 posts)Thing with dating sites is - don’t give up. Just when you feel this might not be for you - you might meet someone.
This one sounds good if you want to take it slow…
https://www.bustle.com/articles/145255-the-best-dating-apps-for-introvertsI
LuckyCharms
(22,648 posts)There is nothing that says you HAVE to fall head over heels in love.
Fifty is relatively young, you most likely have have a lot of years ahead of you.
Anything that you try to force, either in yourself, or in others, are not real feelings.
I'm addressing you as a straight man since that is what is indicated in your post: In many respects men and women are very different, but what people usually overlook are our similarities. Many women, your age, have the exact same feelings that you have right now.
You can't go out and "look" for deeply romantic love, it has to develop. It might develop, it might not. However, you can look to meet people that you are attracted to and then see what happens. Whatever develops will be most likely positive for you.
Any of these positive outcomes can happen: friendship, companionship, travel partner, sexual partner, confidant, a good listener becomes available to you, a dependable person becomes available to you, and yes, romantic love. Any and all of these things can happen. Or, if you want to remain a hermit as you describe yourself, there may be a woman out there who is also a hermit, but she wants to be a hermit with another person by her side. Nothing wrong with that.
In all cases, don't be someone you are not. You indicate that you are introverted. That does not mean that you cannot meet people. You do not have to talk someone's ear off to meet them. Sometimes simply smiling slightly at someone will start a conversation. Remember, we all have the same desires, whether we are extroverted or introverted. I normally don't approach people in public, but people tend to approach me, and we just talk. You need not be some sort of superstar brilliant, outgoing madly successful person. Just be you.
Most women don't care about money if they end up with a person they like. Again, there are women out there feeling just as you are feeling.
The best way to meet people is to meet them face to face. Go for a walk in the same park everyday at the same time. There will invariably be someone there who is doing the same thing at the same time every day, and you will eventually naturally lead to daily conversations. Maybe it will take a few months, but it will happen.
If you would rather try a dating site, just put a normal picture of yourself and be completely open and honest as to the person you are. If you get a response that interests you, see what happens. Just understand that there's probably a lot of nefarious stuff that happens on those sites, so be careful. Also, remember that you don't need to jump at any responses that you get. You are a valuable human being, and your goal is to bring someone into your life who will benefit you, and to be able to benefit her life as well.
If you do get out, be friendly to everyone you meet, even if you display friendliness in a low key and subdued manner. . Be polite to service people. Get to know them at your regular place of eating. Eventually, someone is going to say "You know, I think you would like my friend".
Go places, anywhere. Do things. Anything. Don't be afraid to do these things alone if you are as you say, not a people person. People want to interact. I can't really tell to what degree of "hermit" you are. If you really do not want to leave your home too much, then talk to people online.
You can't really look for love, but you can meet people. All genders, all ages. And if deep love is what you want, deep love is what you may eventually find by doing this.
I live by these rules, and I repeat these words to myself several times daily:
1) It's not going to get done by me just staring at it all day
2) In order for me to get it done, I have to do it. If I don't do it, it won't get done. So stop thinking about it and do it you idiot (not you, that's what I say to myself).
What I'm saying here is summarized as follows: You can't force love, but you can meet people in a million different ways. Find a way that suits your natural personality the best, and then meet some people. That has the potential of reaching your desire of falling in love with someone. And if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. You're still a valuable human being either way.
And finally, for the vast majority of life events, it is never too late for most anything.
sammythecat
(3,597 posts)Lots of useful wisdom there for sure.
LuckyCharms
(22,648 posts)
Dorian Gray
(13,850 posts)If a partner is something that you truly want, I think challenging yourself to be more social is a good first step. Join a community org, hobby group, church or some other social org where you will meet people with similar interests.
Having said that, it's okay to go against the grain of society and not pursue a relationship. You can be happy and fulfilled on your own.
sky_masterson
(589 posts)There is just that one magical person that is our puzzle piece.
Everyday with this mystical person would be a heavenly jaunt through life and everything will be bliss and puppies.
I think the best we can hope for in life is a mate that is a partner,friend, one you can trust.
It's easily to fall in love, to get that same love returned is nice but never a given.In my experience its rare as hell.
I believe its best to look for a friend and let the love develop if it's meant to be.
You want to find love, Quit looking for it.
MineralMan
(151,269 posts)to make friends with people who might suit your preferences.
Of course that takes being at least somewhat social.
Don't rush it. Just become friends. Hang out with your friends. Do things together. Laugh. Talk. Listen even more.
It's easy to fall in love with a good friend. If you do, tell that friend about your feelings. Don't be afraid that will ruin the friendship. More often than you think, the feelings are already mutual.
That has worked very well for me throughout my life, beginning as a teenager. Right now, I've been married to my best friend for 30 years.
Sympthsical
(10,969 posts)If you're never meeting people, you're not maximizing your opportunities. The people I have fallen hard for in the past were people I wasn't expecting to meet. Our lives just kind of intersected randomly.
Online dating, hobby groups. Hobbies are the biggest thing for adults who are looking to form new relationships and friendships. And the thing about friendship circles formed by these things is that they can have the habit of rippling outward to meet more people.
I get being an introvert. When I'm home, I'm usually squirreled away in my office and doing my own thing. I like my quiet time immensely and won't talk to my friends for days at a time because I'd rather my me-time be just me. My partner is super social and is constantly coming and going with his friends and family. He leaves me to my alone time.
But life is short. If you're not out there with people being socially active in some way, you won't meet anyone. And it's honestly just healthy to get out of the house and have that human interaction. I've been secreted away working on things all weekend. Tonight, seeing Everything Everywhere All At Once at 10pm with some friends. Late night movie with people I like is underrated.
If I must give salient, topical advice, I suppose it would be: unsolicited dick pics aren't the draw people seem to think they are.
GaYellowDawg
(5,101 posts)I didn't have a relationship between college and when I was 50. I've been in 3 relationships since then and I have met THE one. The best thing you can do is to be the best person you know how to be physically and personally. Try to make yourself into someone else's one, and you'll be ready for her when you meet her. I met my girlfriend under very improbable circumstances but I was in pretty good shape and I was ready emotionally to be in a relationship. And by that, I mean that I had hit the point where I decided to be happy with the life I had instead of yearning for more. If you look like you try to take care of yourself, come across as happy with no baggage, and be out as much as you can, you really increase your chances. There is definitely luck involved but you can increase your chances.
It's not too late. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Omaha Steve
(109,228 posts)Can be posted in the Lounge.
SOP
Discuss politics, issues, and current events. Posts about Israel/Palestine, religion, guns, showbiz, or sports are restricted in this forum.