"I promise you are not prepared for Tucker's latest montage"

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

[MuseRider]

1. WTF is THAT?

Seriously, what?

[CurtEastPoint]

8. seriously W T E L F? Was that Zuckerberg sinking into the water?

[MuseRider]

9. That is who I thought it was.

Watched the stupid thing twice just to see if I was right. I am sure it is and is it just his money that puts him there because he is not who I would think little Tuck getting all het up about, not like the others anyway.

[yardwork]

30. Is Zuckerberg sinking because he's not manly enough?

Is Tucker mad at Facebook? Did they ban Trump or Putin? I can't keep up.

Overall, this looks like Putin's kind of thing.

[MuseRider]

32. Lol, I have no idea

but those are great guesses. I wondered why Zuck was on there but the entire ad confused me to the point of just rolling my eyes and letting it slide out of my mind. Maybe not confused me so much but the HE MAN crap always annoys me to the point of massive amounts eye rolling followed by Margaret Atwood terrors.

[Grokenstein]

2. "Men who are tough...men who are resourceful..."

Men who are NOT AT ALL like Tucklefuchs...

[PatSeg]

27. Absolutely

That was my first thought, well after I realized it wasn't some kind of weird satire.

That was bizarre.

[Hugin]

3. But, is it art?

How to lose the entire Fox audience without saying you lost the entire Fox audience.

[Baitball Blogger]

4. Maaybe it's the end of men because they radiate their balls and they become

sterile?

[Nevilledog]

44. Viagra commercial

Link to tweet

[LakeArenal]

5. I think tucky made a film of what he dreams about.

They mean end of men like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.

Those men are long gone and that is men like Tucker’s fear.

[Solly Mack]

6. Alrighty then

[brewens]

7. I was never much of a bully, but if Tucker had been at my school, all bets would have been off.

No jury in the world would convict you of punching that face! LOL

[harumph]

10. Is that satire? Seriously, what is that?

It looks like something from the Righteous Gemstones.

[JanMichael]

11. Gave a Soft Cell or Madonna vibe. I had sound off.

Tucker needs to scratch an itch.

[Iggo]

51. Even better. It was to the theme of 2001:A Space Odyssey.

It’s … Wonderful.

[Wednesdays]

12. Yup, everything Tucker is not.

[DET]

13. O.M.G...Not that there's anything wrong with that

Somehow I think Lindsay Graham had a hand in this (so to speak).

[denbot]

14. Holy-Ka-Fuck.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

15. I hope that those men will give Tucker the love...

... that I now suspect he craves.

[ornotna]

16. What the hell!

Was that Tucker's clumsy attempt to come out?

[smirkymonkey]

17. Ok. What the hell did I just watch?

Seriously, what was that about? Because I am just dumbstruck.

[Emile]

18. That appears to be filmed in Russia.

Strange video.

[LuckyCharms]

19. I have a question...

It has to with the image starting at about 0:10.

Do I have to stand on a rock with some sort of penis illuminator in order to be considered a tough man? BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO ILLUMINATE MY NUB IN PUBLIC, THAT'S WHAT I WILL DO.

In all seriousness though, I think that that video represents a perfect definition of both idiocy and irony.

That's one of the most bizarre things that I've ever seen.

[Emile]

20. LOL +1. What is the point of a penis illuminator?

[LuckyCharms]

22. I'm still trying to figure out what that device actually is.

Is it a penis illuminator?

Is it a scrotum warmer for men who are tough, but so stupid that they stand on rocks, naked, in the winter, and their balls freeze?

If so, and you are in a survivalist situation, there is probably no electricity. Do you know the wattage required for a penis illuminator/scrotum warmer?

Also, the guy flipping the tire over. Imagine a survivalist situation. A man has to go out and hunt or otherwise gather food in order for his family to survive.

I can imagine the tough man saying to his wife "Do not worry my dearest. I am going to go and gather some nutritious food for you and the little ones. But first, I must flip a heavy tire many times. This prepares me for the mental and physical strength required to pick the wild berries."

Then addressing other things in the video:

"Do not be concerned whilst viewing me heartily chugging a glass of my own urine. This fortifies me in my quest to provide food for thine family. For as is written in the King Tucker version of the bible "If thou can chug thine own piss, thou can do anything. YES HONEY, I KNOW I'M USING ARCHIAC WORDS INCORRECTLY. WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I'M GOING TO THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE BEFORE THEY RUN OUT OF TOILET PAPER AND DORITOS, OK"?

[Emile]

23. OMG lol. You are on a roll today, don't stop!

[LuckyCharms]

24. .

Last edited Sat Apr 16, 2022, 10:33 AM - Edit history (1)

That's all I got.

I think thine wad has been blowneth with thine previous posteth.

Praise be to our savior, Tucker Carlson, and bless his meager and inauspicious start in life, his humble beginnings, conceived in a broom closet at a bow tie manufacturing plant, during an employee smoke break.

[Emile]

25. LOL conceived in a broom closet at a bow tie manufacturing plant

during a smoke break.

[LuckyCharms]

26. .

[Emile]

31. Could the penis illuminator have something to do with revitalizing a covid penis?

[LuckyCharms]

33. Perhaps a penis is like a

plant, and if you ensure it gets enough light, the light will make it grow.

I'm testing that theory now.

I've been shining a flashlight on mine for the past hour.

But nothing is happening. It still looks like a marshmallow laying in a lush meadow.

One of those miniature marshmallows that come in several colors.

A pink miniature marshmallow.

[yardwork]

38. ....

[Nevilledog]

43. ...

[LuckyCharms]

55. Jesus, there are

better ways to warm your crotch, Tucker.

Know what I'm sayin'?

Catchin' my drift there, Tucker?

You know that face he always makes? I'm actually making the same face as I'm thinking of the penis light. The 25,000 lumen testosterone light. The penis light that will burn your retinas as if you stared into a solar eclipse. The penis light, on sale now at Harbor Freight.

[Nevilledog]

39. I read that first as "penis laminator" which just sounded painful

[LuckyCharms]

52. It's only painful the first time.

After the first time, the pain kind of flattens out.

You should do it no more than once a month, according to the experts.

Too frequently, and you end up with what is called "pancake penis", and trust me, you don't want to know any more details than that.

I apologize for spamming your thread, but you know I live for threads like this.

[muriel_volestrangler]

49. All is revealed (so to speak): one must now tan one's testicles to increase testosterone

I guess this is a development of Trump's cure for covid by shoving a UV light up one's rear:

Tucker Carlson and Kid Rock Talk About ‘Testicle Tanning’

Tucker Carlson and good pal Kid Rock had another friendly conversation on Fox News on Friday, with one topic of discussion being “testicle tanning.” The subject had been raised earlier in Carlson’s show by Andrew McGovern, an Ohio-based fitness professional who was brought on to help answer Carlson’s question, “How do you reverse the effects of falling testosterone?” One of the solutions McGovern offered was red light therapy, which, when Carlson asked, he said includes “testicle tanning.”

Rock had apparently been listening along, because when Carlson addressed him minutes later, the first thing the musician said was, “Dude, stop! Testicle tanning? Come on. I haven’t heard anything like that in a long time.” The Fox News host replied, “Open your mind, Bobby!” He then asked, more seriously, “Don’t you think at this point when so many of the therapies, the paths they’ve told us to take, have turned out to be dead ends that really hurt people, why wouldn’t open minded people seek new solutions?” Rock demurred: “I don’t know what the hell is going on in this world. I’m not even sure if I understood that question. But some days you just want to stop this planet and let me off.”

https://www.thedailybeast.com/tucker-carlson-and-kid-rock-talk-about-testicle-tanning

Kid Rock, Voice of Reason.

[LuckyCharms]

53. I...I...

am almost at a loss for words.

Testicle tanning, testosterone levels, penis lighting...

I can't get my head around the things these people talk about.

And the worse part is, I'm obsessed with making fun of these people and carry-on about these types of subjects. And it sometimes ruins my day, because I can't keep myself from responding over and over and over, and I'm a busy guy.

So I end up staying up until 400AM just to get my normal stuff done.

That's why I really need these people to shut up! And somehow, kid rock being the voice of reason makes it worse!

[pressbox69]

21. Men Like

Swanson's Silver Spooners?

[yardwork]

28. Why is nobody mentioning the cow teat grab???!!!!

Yes, I see the scrotum illuminator - hat tip to Lucky Charms up thread for the final word on that.

What about the teat grab? Is this some kind of homage to Trump "grab 'em by the..."

[LuckyCharms]

34. When tough men attempt to milk a cow for the first time

They are thinking "What's wrong with this cow? How long do I have to yank on this thing before it gets hard"?

[yardwork]

35. I hadn't thought of that!!!!!

[LuckyCharms]

37. That's because

you're probably not a he-man, like me and Tucker.

[Nevilledog]

48. Makes sense now why there was no bucket to catch the milk

[LuckyCharms]

56. But if you look closely...

you'll see a box of tissues and a lotion bottle.

[Dial H For Hero]

29. It seems it's some sort of documentary about men having lower testosterone levels these days.

Carlson is calling it “one of the biggest stories of our lifetime”.

[NickB79]

40. The sad thing is, it IS a really big story

Testosterone and sperm counts have been in decline for decades, thanks to environmental pollution messing with hormone levels. This is solid, heavily researched science. If not rectified, there is a serious risk of a sterility crisis affecting society in the next few decades.

But idiots like Tucker try to link it to social changes instead of calling for greater EPA oversight of industry.

[skypilot]

36. No money shot??

[DavidDvorkin]

41. There's certainly nothing at all homoerotic about that video

No, sirree. Not at all. It's just a Tucker Carlson wet dream.

[Nevilledog]

45. ...

Link to tweet

[Wednesdays]

42. It's a retread of Nazi propaganda

Riefenstahl's "Olympia," 1938:

[haele]

46. Further down the thread, some genius overlayed YMCA on this.

And was that Mark Zuckerberg drenching himself in a horse trough?
I don't think this video does what Tucker thinks it does.

Haele

[Nevilledog]

47. Post 45 ☝

[Iggo]

50. Oh my god, Tucker. Just do it. Holding it inside is killing you.

Be the man you want to be. It’s okay.

[Quixote1818]

54. Cool, I'm all for Tucker going to Russia to fight on the front lines and show us how tough he is. nt