General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums"I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people."
Many of you may already be familiar with the letter written by Sharon Underwood 22 years ago, but it is just and relevant and powerful as it ever was -- especially with the current hate and fearmongering against children who have a difficult enough time as it is.
Here is just a small excerpt from the letter linked below:
My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.
In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.
link
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Laffy Kat
(16,952 posts)I love him so much and I love his partner like another son. I worry constantly even though we live in a tolerant state with a gay governor. All it takes is one bigoted nut.
Bluesaph
(1,026 posts)We live in California yet he had no friends growing up. He was bullied by his own peer-cousins at every family party and he is called fag in college. My heart aches for him daily.
He’s a great person. Would never hurt a fly.
Laffy Kat
(16,952 posts)It's excruciating watching our kids through bullying and rejection. Does he have a gay role model he can talk to? While my boys were growing up we belonged to a Unitarian fellowship that had both gay and lesbian youth ministers. I think they helped my kid by just being there and listening. There was acceptance at the fellowship and enough LGBTQ members that it wasn't a big deal.
Hugs to you. 
cilla4progress
(26,525 posts)to your son and his partner as well.
Laffy Kat
(16,952 posts) 
TomSlick
(13,013 posts)Just responding for visibility.
Ninga
(9,012 posts)
InAbLuEsTaTe
(25,518 posts)
a kennedy
(35,980 posts)
Martin Eden
(15,628 posts)I have no children, and can only imagine what she and her son had to go through.
Lunabell
(7,309 posts)I was not bullied for being a "tomboy" because for some reason that's more acceptable than being an "effeminate" boy. But, I always knew I was different from a very young age. I knew I liked girls and that it was not acceptable to this world.
My first suicide attempt was at age 8. I was a sad and confused eight year old child who couldn't talk to her evangelical christian parents and had no other trusted adult to help figure things out.
These antiquated, hateful laws effectively tie the hands of teachers and counselors. They'd rather have a dead child tha a LGBTQ kid.
Oh, I'm great now, due to finally being myself at 30. Just don't want y'all to worry.
cilla4progress
(26,525 posts)You are so LOVED!!
Permanut
(8,391 posts)My dear, late Sister who died last year at 77 of cancer. Parents weren't evangelical, but puritan/Victorian enough to create a hurtful home environment for her, and as with you, no one to talk to. As a straight younger brother, I was not able to help as much as I would have liked.
She lobbied hard and long for equal rights in Oregon, and I like to think she helped to move us a millimeter closer to fairness and justice.
She would have liked you.
roamer65
(37,953 posts)I was expected to register for a draft and potentially have to defend a system that did its best to trample all over my basic human rights. Slowly, things are changing…I guess…
It’s also why I have a visceral hatred of Christian Taliban and RW garbage.
cilla4progress
(26,525 posts) roamer65
(37,953 posts) 
Skittles
(171,713 posts)when I was very young it was Anita Bryant who made me realize I sided with gay folk.....I remember thinking, gay folk don't bother me but SHE sure does. What a hateful person she was. What did gay people ever do to her? That was decades ago, yet now they seem just as twisted and loud, ARGH!
roamer65
(37,953 posts)That’s how fascists behave with anyone they don’t like.
I won’t go to a gas chamber, or any other sort of genocide.
I’ll die resisting if anyone ever tries it in this country.
Skittles
(171,713 posts)myself included
the repuke desire to pretend LGBTQ folk do not exist will not end well for them, they are winning battles now but they will NOT win the war
KPN
(17,377 posts)remarkable human being (of course I would think and say that) and I've only recently realized how his experience as a gay boy and man have made him as strong, resilient, empathic and loving as he is. Without going into all the details, he actually had a tough go of it for many years, but he persevered and is today a happy, self-confident and productive young man with a bright future. I am so proud of him. But, yes, he is painfully aware of the hypocrisy and cuts evangelicals in particular no slack whatsoever.
roamer65
(37,953 posts) KPN
(17,377 posts) back at you.roamer65
(37,953 posts)There is a lot of drug abuse and psychological issues that happen, sadly.
Glad to hear he is doing well.
Diamond_Dog
(40,578 posts)“You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be a thinking human being.”
That is so well put. What a powerful and poignant letter.
bluestarone
(22,179 posts)So sorry what you (and your son) going through. WHY oh WHY can't people mind their own business, i don't know! 
alwaysinasnit
(5,624 posts)SoonerPride
(12,286 posts)Thank you for sharing this! 
Martin Eden
(15,628 posts)I first found it here in DU many years ago.
demigoddess
(6,675 posts)that some of the nicest people I have ever met are gay men. In the 1980s when AIDS was rampant, babies were born with it. their mothers died. Even nurses were afraid to touch them. It was gay men who stepped up and took those babies home and many of them are alive because they were taken care of by gay men. Recently I knew a gay couple who adopted a baby born with problems I don't want to mention. They raised him well and then went on to help other children who had problems. I loved those guys and respected them.So if this young man turns out to be half as nice as these gay men, Mother will be proud!!!!
Hekate
(100,133 posts)
dchill
(42,660 posts)Religion is.
ShazzieB
(22,590 posts)"Religion" is a very broad umbrella term that includes an entire universe of incredibly diverse concepts, organizations, beliefs, writings, practices, and people. To call "religion" a sickness implies a condemnation of everything in that vast and diverse universe, and I find that to be unfair and illogical.
It's true that terrible things are done in the name of "religion" every day. There are terrible people everywhere, inside religion, and outside of it, and those terrible people will use any convenient excuse to justify their terribleness. Does that mean every single concept, organization, belief, writing, practice, and person under that umbrella is suffering from a "sickness"? If that's what anyone here believes, I beg to differ.
When I look around me, I see not just evil but also many, many wonderful, loving, kind people in the world, some under the umbrella of religion and some outside of it, doing wonderful things for others and striving to live the best lives they can. For SOME of those people, their religious beliefs (which you call a sickness) are actually a chief motivating factor for their service to others.
Take Jimmy Carter, who most of us here admire greatly. He is a DEEPLY religious man who has made no secret of that fact or of the fact that his faith is an integral part of who he is and a chief source of inspiration for how he lives his life. Does that good, kind, gracious, humble man have a sickness?
Martin Luther King, Jr. was also a deeply religious man, and we all know what he accomplished. The ideas that underlay his actions, especially his belief in nonviolence as the best way to fight the battles he was involved in, were part and parcel of and inexplicably intertwined with his religion. If religion is nothing more than a sickness, then I guess he was sick, too, and everything he accomplished was... in spite of that? I'm pretty sure he would tell us differently if he were around to do so.
I could go on and on, but that would be a waste of my time and everyone else's. The point is, "religion" means a whole universe of different things. It's true that much evil is done under the rubric of "religion," and many evil people use it as an excuse to do evil, but that's far from the whole story. Much good is done under that rubric as well. It doesn't make any more sense to blame religion for every bad thing done by every bad person ever than it does to give it credit for every good thing, and it doesn't make any sense to me to label everything under that rubric as a sickness, either.
I know atheists get a bad rap a lot of the time from religious people who don't understand how someone can possibly be a moral, ethical, upright, decent human without believing in God. I'm not an atheist myself, but I know that's ridiculous, and I think it sucks. I feel more of a kinship with some atheists than I do with some religious people (the Westboro Baptist Church kind, for example), because there are atheists who believe in more of the same things I do than some religious people do. I just don't think it's fair or reasonable to tar everything in the huge, enormous universe that falls under the umbrella of "religion" as a sickness. If that's not what you meant to do, then maybe you should think twice about making such broad and unnuanced statements.
Skittles
(171,713 posts)NO ONE
sop
(18,621 posts)things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." - Steven Weinberg
Skittles
(171,713 posts)absolutely CORRECT
dchill
(42,660 posts)All religion is based on belief. Belief is not, and cannot be fact. All religions cause more harm than good. People who do good things are people who do good things, regardless of who or what they credit for their deeds. I have love and respect for Jimmy Carter AND Martin Luther King, Jr. I don't have to agree with them on everything for that to be true.
Also, I want everyone to have a nice day.
twodogsbarking
(18,785 posts)They believe. They believe they are better than those who are not.
They get to go to heaven Non-believers go to hell or limbo or Utah or something.
shrike3
(5,370 posts)I'm very sorry that you've run into religious people who do.
shrike3
(5,370 posts)Skittles
(171,713 posts)I am so fed up having to put up with mass delusions.
roamer65
(37,953 posts)twodogsbarking
(18,785 posts)
soldierant
(9,354 posts)It's been called "the opiate of the people," and while that is a glittering generalization, it reall is more like a drug.
Drugs have different effects on different people. They can be used and they can be abused Some people never need any/ Some people need a lot. Some people become addicted, but not everyone does, and that's really not the fault of the drug (as I thought we learned during Prohibition, but not everyone has gotten the message.)
dchill
(42,660 posts)It's deliberately supplied, voluntarily or forcibly consumed, and it's addictive to a lot of personality types. That weakness is an illness.
patphil
(9,068 posts)At the expense of innocent kids.
The Jungle 1
(4,552 posts)But if we examine homosexuality we know there are over 1500 species of critters that participate in homosexual sex.
If we also accept that God (whatever God you believe in) is omnipotent then how do you explain all those gay critters.
Is the religious right saying God made some mistakes? Well it was a hectic six days.
I can understand a healthy dislike of russians and repukes. I just don't understand what threat gay folks present. WHAT are people afraid of?
My son came home from school one day complaining about how everything is gay with his peers. He was sick of hearing it and was going to end up rolling in the grass. So I figured I should talk to the Black female principal. I ran into a brick wall and gave up! She would not touch the issue. One of the shocks of my life. I thought about telling my boy to start calling all the teachers gay. My dear wife made it clear that was a bad idea.
Cherokee100
(454 posts)I too have a gay member of my family. He is simply a joy, to all of us. Intelligent, kind, hardest worker of us all. I can go on but lets just say, thank god we have here with us....
Ferrets are Cool
(22,957 posts)
calimary
(90,021 posts)Cuz that’s EXACTLY what they are.
housecat
(3,138 posts)For decades I have enjoyed close friendships of several normal gay men who have nothing in common with the obscenity of closeted republican freaks. My friends, and a large percentage of "normal" gays, as you are well aware of, have a significant presence in the arts, sciences, music, literature, and every other facet of this fucked up society that needs them. My friends can ignore the unwashed masses of bigoted republicans with their faux Christianity and their envy of anyone with talent and intelligence. Ironically, many many of these gay bashers are what I call "abnormal" gays (the film American Beauty comes to mind). I will finish this babbling rant with one thought: imagine how unbearable life would be without gay men, lesbians, trans people.. . how unbearable life would be without the richness of other lifestyles and cultures, usually labeled silly words like "minorities," when the real minority is a rotting group of mostly-old white men who have outlived any usefulness, if they ever had any. Society has no use for their hate, stupidity, greed, and overall vileness. Ok that's all. Thanks for reading.
vercetti2021
(10,481 posts)I wish we could tune up these bullies. Words hurt and they need to be met with much more than that. Even as an adult being a transwoman I get called shit. But I clap back just as hard which tends to leave them speechless.
Overtime I learned words work just as effectively used back at the bullies. And sometimes squaring off. Momma didn't raise a quitter. We need to teach them to kick ass and not to take anyone's bullshit
mcar
(46,056 posts)
jfz9580m
(17,188 posts)
pansypoo53219
(23,034 posts)trans kids! andandand how dare blacks make us feel bad by learning we used to be really bad.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)I am thinking back upon people I knew when I was a child and a teen and seeing how people like this young boy was treated.
I knew many people like this and I never understood what damage I was causing by not sticking up for them. I didn't actively pile on and I was kind to them, but I didn't stop others who were harming them either.
I was very naive and just didn't understand things at all. Making children aware at a young age is important. I wish I had known sooner how much my inaction was affecting people who were suffering from such prejudice the whole time. I so wish I could go back and do things over sometimes.
Martin Eden
(15,628 posts)That is not only the right thing to do, it is the "Christian" thing to do -- while Republicans are trying to demonize and punish those who teach such awareness.
LetMyPeopleVote
(179,869 posts)
allegorical oracle
(6,480 posts)there now are therapeutics that might have saved his life. He is still terribly missed.
The Wizard
(13,735 posts)in Dante's Inferno for those who abuse at risk children for cheap political gain that appeals to the worst fears and lowest instincts. I'm guessing these cretins support the gratuitous cruelty promoted by the GQP and their fearless dear leader.
Martin Eden
(15,628 posts)... but many of them no doubt eagerly embrace what is actually cruelty in order to validate their own ignorance, bigotry, and fear -- under the cloak of religious virtue.
Those who knowingly mislead them to advance their political careers are indeed vile charlatans deserving to spend eternity in the worst circles of Hell, if there is such a place (which I very much doubt).
We need them to be discredited and their poison thoroughly rejected before they reap earthly rewards for their cruelty.
The Wizard
(13,735 posts)is fear and ignorance. The easily fooled rubes and unwitting dupes gravitate to authoritarian rule because they're poorly educated and can't comprehend the consequences of their radical tendencies. They're red meat for GQP propagandists like Pox News, Newsmax and Pravda. Remember when a presidential candidate said he loved the poorly educated and the poorly educated took it as a compliment? Somewhere the ghost of Joseph Goebbels is laughing with glee.
Upthevibe
(10,180 posts)Thank you for posting.
It's horrifying what's going on in a significant number of states in this country regarding those of us who are LGBTQ+.
I'm 64 years old and feel safe here in California (but I'm in L.A. County). The high school where I normally go for my substitute teaching assignments is wonderfully progressive and have LGBTQ+ clubs, Friends & Families of LGBTQ+ clubs, posters in rooms showing support, and many other reinforcements.
My heart aches (almost literally) for what it must be like for children and teenagers in some of these oppressive states....
llashram
(6,269 posts)to each other. And I get so angry for this trait of cruelty we have. Religion is usually used as justification. I am reading a book on the history of torture. The son has faced and still faces evil people. The gay son has a right to love whom he loves. No other person should be butting in on his life choices as he is hurting no one. Yet that's the problem, isn't it? Some feel their power to judge is sacrosanct and they could not be further from the truth. We must fight this type of hurtful attitude with all our might. Or we will end up with a smarter trump next time. Guiding people to hurt others they feel are a danger to their stiff neck lives.
I am so sick of the outright hate and evil!!!
And the history of human beings must be changed in these modern times, if possible.
Snackshack
(2,587 posts)Need to be stopped. Religion had over a 1000 yrs to show that it was beneficial to humans. Unfortunately during that time when religion was basically the government it gave 1 example after another of the detrimental effect it had. There is a reason that time was called the “Dark Ages”.
Religion and government cannot be melded together again as it was. The separation of church and state is critical.
BobTheSubgenius
(12,217 posts)In my early 20s, in the early 70s, I had a roommate that was a very close friend of mine. He was able to, and loved to, sleep long, LONG hours. Once, when his bedroom door had remained closed (as far as I could tell) for more than a full day, an unknown young man with a huge cascade of russet hair came out, and went down the hall to the bathrom.
My response was "Huh. I'd have never guessed."
Reflecting on that some hours later, I realized I was kinda proud of my completely genuine acceptance of the situation, and realizing also that it didn't matter to me at all, which made me feel good.
Right after that, I was somewhat ashamed for patting myself on the back for my "openmindedness" (bearing in mind the period of time in which this occurred), and didn't like myself much for finding that a source of a little pride. The idea that completely accepting not only another human being, but a close friend, was anything other than "Well, of course." didn't sit well with me.
Sadly, I never got either the courage or the opportunity to talk with him about it, although we were very open and matter-of-fact about the "situation," because he died of liver failure as a consequence of AIDS before I could. I still miss him terribly, and he died in the early 80s. He was very intelligent, and interested in a lot of things and, although we could talk for hours, we had one of those friendships where even long periods of silence were OK.
Thoughts?
MustLoveBeagles
(16,408 posts)Caliman73
(11,767 posts)These bigoted people think that LGBTQ people suffer because they struggle with their "sin". They struggle because of ASSHOLES like you, who won't just accept who they are and let them be. Let them be the school nerd, or jock football player, or lawyer, or firefighter, or mom/dad/grandparent, or whatever, who just happens to be gay, or lesbian, or bi, or queer, or trans, or whatever else that is not actively bothering or threatening or damaging anything.
I have said, the LGBTQ people in my life have Absolutely no effect on my relationships with my wife, kids, work, etc... other than to enrich my life by knowing their experiences. They can be moody, and happy, and good conversationalists, or shy, or whatever. They are people who happen to be attracted to a different gender than I am, or who happen to have a different gender identity or expression. They work, they mow their lawns, they play sports, etc...
It is only in the tiny bigoted minds of insecure people, that LGBTQ people pose any kind of threat to anything.
It is beyond ridiculous.