Satanic Yoga Barbie Is Coming For Your Children

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.wonkette.com/satanic-yoga-barbie-is-coming-for-your-children

Evangelicals are being weird about yoga again.

This time, it is Christian author/blogger/extreme contourer Yasmeen Suri and she is very upset about Yoga Barbie, on account of how yoga is satanic and can lead to you being possessed by Satan. Because how else was Linda Blair flexible enough to spider-walk down those stairs in The Exorcist ...

Nevermind spin her head around!

In a Facebook post from earlier this month that has just started going viral this week, Suri, who is from India originally, argues that this Barbie will make your kids do Hinduism and also deep breathing ... and that this is what Satan wants. He's going to use yoga and Barbie and Barbie's pet to make them suicidal.

"Yoga Barbie" is at Target on the shelf. Satan always comes as appearing innocent. He will never come with horns and a pitchfork. This Barbie has 5 guided meditations. Remember, Yoga IS Hinduism. You cannot separate the poses from the religion. Each pose is designed to invoke a hindu deity in the spirit realm. I have seen children get possessed by demons. This Barbie also teaches you deep breathing (pranayama). Her pet is also involved. Satan is after the children. He wants to use them and indoctrinate them for his glory. Then, when he is done, he will destroy them. As your kids grow, they will get rebellious, depressed and many will be suicidal. You won't understand what's happening as a parent. God forbids all practices of eastern religion as a Christian. You must remove all toys and clean your children's room of all demonic attachments. Deuteronomy 18:10-12

Deuteronomy, I should add, doesn't mention toys. But sorcery, divination, and witchcraft are right out.

*snip*

[Achilleaze]

1. I for one welcome our new Satanic Yoga Barbie Overlords

They are inevitable.

Resistance = Futility.

Deal with it.

[FalloutShelter]

4. Me too.

Does she come with a Dream House?.. FUN.

[underpants]

2. 😜

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[Biophilic]

3. They keep one upping me. Every time I believe

They can’t get any farther out they manage to go those extra inches or in some cases like this, miles.

[sarcasmo]

5. Satanic Barbie forever.

[MontanaMama]

6. I want that on a tshirt!

[Ray Bruns]

9. Hail Satan

[Ray Bruns]

7. " I have seen children get possessed by demons."

No you haven't you delusional b@#ch.

[milestogo]

8. So is there a Satanic Ken?

I mean, you'd have to upgrade the whole group. And get rid of the diversity.

[Ferrets are Cool]

10. "Satan always comes as appearing innocent."

And YOUR god, Suri, always comes bringing evil. So, which one should I embrace?

[Solly Mack]

11. Nothing about her beliefs invites mocking.

Unless you count the open door, the welcome mat, and the "Come on in" sign that tells us to "make yourself at home".

[vlyons]

12. They see boogie men wherever they look

So here's the deal. Everything that we experience is created in our very own mind. If you see Satan in a doll, it's because you cultivate Satan in your mind. We could instead cultivate common sense and loving kindness.

[onethatcares]

13. she's gonna really get shaken up by

the latest edition of the Kamasatra..

Somebody send her a vibrator, please.

[MagickMuffin]

14. Mattel should'a named it as Janine Turner has been calling it Christoga

Not a joke. See for yourself

[blueinredohio]

15. Where in the hell do they get this stuff?

[lunatica]

16. You gotta admire

her willingness to be perceived as batshit crazy! Her and Margery Taylor Green. Both drunken on Trump’s special koolaid concoction.

[Celerity]

18. woo hoo!!!

[Nevilledog]

20. *snort*

[Celerity]

19. woo hoo!!!

[Jilly_in_VA]

21. You should check out that honey's Facebook page

It's something else every other day. ~SMDH~ How do people get so fcuked up?

[Vogon_Glory]

22. Evangelicals have been spreading this line of bull for years

They’ve even inspired certain Muslims to believe and spread this, too.