Sabrina's Parents Love Her. But the Meltdowns Are Too Much - parents experience w large autistic kid

[Demovictory9]

long sad story that ends on an upbeat note.


Sabrina’s Parents Love Her. But the Meltdowns Are Too Much.
Unpredictable violence, chaotic outbursts and countless trips to the emergency room. What happens when an autistic teenager becomes unmanageable at home?



The other children were heading home after school. But not Sabrina Benedict. A progression of mishaps had sent her into a tailspin. Earlier in gym class, a much smaller boy had sprinted toward her, scaring her. Then a teaching assistant had deviated slightly from their usual goodbye routine.

Now mid-meltdown, she lay prone on the sidewalk outside her school, her legs dangling in the street. She was only 13 years old, but she was 6-foot-2 and 250 pounds, far larger than any of the teachers or school administrators who stood nearby, watching with concern. For a moment, the only sound was Sabrina’s loud moans. She threw a shoe at a teacher. She took off her shirt. She cursed at the school staff arranged around her in a protective circle.

Summoned to the scene, her parents tried to soothe her. She kicked and swung until they backed off. On the Sabrina tantrum scale, so far this registered only a 4 out of 10, declared her father, Jeremy Benedict, who was pacing nearby. “It could go either way.”

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This was the third time this week he had rushed to school for one of Sabrina’s meltdowns. Lately, similar scenes had unfolded in doctors’ offices, parking lots, Walmart, hospitals, on street corners and inside the raised ranch house where the Benedict family lives in Homer, N.Y., a town of 6,293 nestled in a valley near the geographic center of the state.

Sabrina, who was given a diagnosis of autism coupled with a rare genetic disorder, has exhibited aggressive behavior since she was a little girl. Now she towers over her parents. When she is happy, she gives them great big hugs, knocking them slightly off balance. When she is feeling shy, she crouches behind them. When she is frustrated, she sometimes hits them.

There have been so many 911 calls this past year that the family invited over several police officers and paramedics to meet Sabrina under more positive circumstances, when they weren’t restraining her or strapping her to an ambulance stretcher.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/01/nyregion/autism-child-violence.html

[Dorian Gray]

1. The last few years

have been incredibly hard for all parents. Especially for parents with kids with more need for services than most.

We as a society failed kids during the pandemic. It's not surprising because their needs prior to the pandemic have been kicked down the road over and over again.

School closures played a huge part in that. For those of us who work with kids who have learning disabilities and more severe needs, the writing was kind of on the wall.

Services were upended. Only parents with disposable income were able to get necessary services for their children, in home, and even that didn't always do the trick.

The anxiety, upending of routines, lack of in person occupational therapy, speech therapy, Special Ed accommodations, counseling, physical therapy, etc. have set back countless children, and their families have suffered the consequences.

I have close friends who have children with needs that exceed what public schools can provide services for. One is suicidal. One has episodes of mood dysregulation. One suffers hallucinations. And one under achieves and has missed over 60 days of school this year bc of anxiety.

You add to that a culture where shootings happen regularly, climate anxiety is real, and it looks as though adults aren't looking out for the well being of our kids, at all. What are we need doing in society anymore?

So... solutions?

The solution is to double and triple down on providing necessary services to all the kids who were affected by society failing them over the course of the last few years. Stability. Regular interventions. I'm not feeling positive that we can do this, but god damn, I am willing to try!

[Backseat Driver]

2. I never understood why a family would kill relationships with those in the family

that could/might help when circumstances required it for a child so afflicted. I found out! It was all about the money! Me and mine were purposely scapegoated, emotionally bullied and abused, while Mom/Dad/Bro and sis (with the special needs child/adult) concocted the scheme needed to disinherit us. It was all about any and all of the deceaseds' money flowin' Sis's way to benefit her forever adult child! The verbal and emotional abuse got so bad, I agreed to go no contact on Mom's request that I never speak to her again, and that lasted nearly 30 years. There was a safe phone number used three times for bad news because Mom considered that "no news (to me and mine) was good news." For the last time, "I should have known better..." Now that's playin' the long game of chess! Mom and Bro ended up across the Hospice hall in 2021 while sis, claiming that "sometimes she feels all alone" will successfully manage all the remaining family assets for better or worse of her DH and her forever child. I have nothing but pity on that ferocious mama's aloneness and angst for the future.

PS: I vote for each and every MMRD and school tax hike! Though I'll likely never be a homeowner again, the GQP/NRA wants to keep killing live kids and the GQP want to control women's reproductive rights. Owners in society have a lot of hate and discrimination to answer for...I hope the burden of all those escalating costs land in the right place before climate change or nuclear war claims the planet, but I'm not very hopeful. The cruelty, greed, and corruption are all around. I have, this moment, 2 kids, a SIL, one healthy grandson, and perhaps democracy, if we can keep it, on which to pin those loving hopes! As for the CoVid pandemic deaths and chaos, we know which leader and his cult-ridden party in our country to hold accountable.