When a smile hides pain.

[3Hotdogs]

I was watching the Netflix doc. on Warren Jeffs. One of the victims was recounting the experience she had at the hands of Jeff and his followers. She was a minor, abused at the hands of Jeffs and his cult leaders. Her story was hard to listen to and hard for her to tell, even 20 years or so, after it happened. During the telling, she wore a smile on her face. Trying to put myself in her place, I imagine that it was either smile or cry. It was a way to separate herself from the pain of the memory of her experience.

Then I remembered the first time I saw a smile like that. It was maybe 45 years ago and it was the face of a woman, maybe in her mid 50's. She worked in a local business and as I frequented the business, conversation went beyond the usual, "Thank you," or "Have a nice day."

She spoke with an accent. I am not good at identifying the origin of people's accent. I don't recall how the conversation drifted but she said she was from Germany. I recalled a WWII immigrant from Germany who came to our school around 1950. She was placed in my third grade class. The child had relatives in our town who sponsored her to move to America. I talked about her.

I asked the employee when she had come to the U.S. She said she came after the war. She lost her parents in the fires at Dresden. Then that same smile came to her face as she talked about seeing the flames from the firebombing as fire came closer and closer to her. She was 10 years old.... she didn't know where to run to where to hide.

I've thought about her a couple of times since that day and each time, it brings me great sadness.

I don't recall what I said to her in response to her telling me her story. Whatever I said, it wasn't enough. I wish she was here now, so I could give her a hug.

[wnylib]

1. People find ways to cope and to go on.

Sometimes we misunderstand what they feel because of how they cope. A smile seems to say, on the surface, that they were not scarred by their experiences, or that the experience couldn't have been too bad or they would not be smiling.

I noticed, during the J6 testimony of Officer Edwards, that she initially spoke in a flat monotone about what she experienced that day. I have had experience in the past advocating for women who had been in domestic violence situations I recognized that flat monotone of Officer Edwards as an emotional detachment coping method when talking about a traumatic experience. As her testimony went on, it was possible to see the emotional effect that talking about the experience was having on her.

A flat tone of voice and a smile can hide a ton of pain.

[Scrivener7]

2. I had that exact reaction and I think I know the exact moment of the smile you are describing.

I have been following the story of FLDS story since Rulon Jeffs was in power. It took forever for anything to be done, and when it was it was largely due to that newspaper editor and the people of El Dorado in Texas.

The reporter with the long hair and Sam Bowers had been trying for years in Utah and Arizona, and no one paid much attention at all.