MAGA: Tearing apart families since 2015 (and even earlier than that)

[IngridsLittleAngel]

I'd like to share a story about the impact that MAGA and "the great uniter" Tronald Drumpf, and the continuing impact he has had upon my family (or should that now be in quotes - "family"?) This involves a phone conversation with my dad yesterday afternoon. And do bear with me - we're going to be bouncing around the timeline a bit here and there for maximum effect.

While I'm in California, both my dad and my sister relocated to Texas at various points - her in the early 90's, him around 2000.

In 2020, my sister (who I have not spoken to in close to 20 years) wound up getting involved with a new boyfriend after divorce #2. He's ex-military, has a number of assault rifles, and is hardcore MAGA. My dad, who has despised Drumpf since the 70's and is deeply bothered by all the shootings in this country, wasn't exactly thrilled. Not that he can do a thing with her now in her 40's but he had concerns then of how this might affect her political leanings - especially with the 2020 election approaching.

He of course voted for Joe Biden and basically went straight D right on down the ballot. That is of no surprise. Since 2015, we've had many phone conversations where we discussed our disgust, anger, and horror at Drumpf and MAGA. He obviously has no use for Cancun Cruz, Abbutt, Gohmert, Cornyn or any of the RNJW's he gets to see up close and personally.

On the day of the election, he had a phone conversation with my sister. He asked her "Did you vote?" Yes. "I'm curious who you voted for..." Her answer was - I kid you not - "I don't know." You don't know who you voted for? C'mon... You know exactly who you voted for. You just don't want to say it.

So, I told him flat-out "She voted for Drumpf and is too chicken to say it because she doesn't want to hear your reaction."

Let's fast forward to Father's Day 2022. I called him. We had a nice conversation, along with discussing the US Open and its final round. After the tournament was over, he went out for a walk and she decided to call him.

The conversation started harmless enough - "Happy Father's Day" and all that. It quickly turned into ranting and raving about how "Joe" is screwing up the economy and "Joe" is behind the gas prices and "All the shootings are 'Joe's' fault" and "Joe" caused the war in Ukraine to happen. Everything she could think of to gripe about was "Joe's" fault. And, yes. That was how she repeatedly referred to President Biden... "Joe".

She then shifted gears to how "President Drumpf" made everything great and none of this would be happening with "President Drumpf" in the White House, how "President Drumpf" is the true president, "Joe" stole the election, "President Drumpf" is "the greatest president of my lifetime." I'm shocked she didn't say "ever" myself. But, yes. "Joe" Biden making everything bad, "President Drumpf" making things great.

Shocked, angry and disgusted, all he could do was ask her "Is this really what you think?" When she said "It's the truth," he said "I'm done with this conversation" and hung up on her. He's been upset for 2 days since then, has no idea if or when he can bring himself to talk to herself again, wonders if she's a "lost cause" to the propaganda and can't believe his own child actually supports Drumpf and MAGA and the QOP, especially during a time like this.

It was at this time that I had to take him back to 1991. I wasn't thrilled doing so but there were things I think he finally had to hear. I would sometimes leave and spend the weekend with a friend - mostly to get the hell away from her. More than a few times, she and her drug-addled no-good friends would break into my room to steal things, or deface my property. Yes, break in, despite me having a lock on the door.

For a number of years, my grandparents would get a new copy of the World Almanac every year. They would then give me the old ones. So I had 4 or 5 of them on my bookshelf. So I come back one weekend and it was obvious that her and her pack of goons had once again broken into my room. I surveyed everything, trying to figure out what they might've stolen, what they might've fucked up, you name it. That's when I notice that someone had gone through the bookshelf - namely, those almanacs.

Imagine my horror at thumbing through them. Page after page, defaced with "88", "1488", "Heil Hitler", swastikas, "KKK!", slurs for blacks, slurs for Jews, slurs for gays. I'm guessing they honestly set there for hours with a pen, writing all that hatred inside of them.

I never said a word. Why bother? Would he have believed me? Would he have cared? I won't lie - at the time, it felt like she could get away with anything (which she did, until the night she took his car for a joyride and wrecked it) and I was the scapegoat for the tension around the home.

Well, I finally told him about the bigotry written in my almanacs and said "I hate to say it, but she's always been MAGA. This is who she is. This is who she has always been. She's racist and bigoted and has been for a long time. Her friends were racist and bigoted. Her asshole first husband, who was one of her goon friends back then, is racist and bigoted. So, yes. She voted for Drumpf in 2016. She voted for Drumpf in 2020. She hasn't changed and never will. The only difference is now she 'doesn't have to be afraid anymore!' Where 30 years ago, she thought she was so cute and funny and sly, now she's open about it."

I wanted to go further. I still don't know how to address my gender identity and transitioning with him. But I wanted to tell him how she turned the entire family against me by telling every one of them how her "f***** 'brother' wants a sex change" in the 90's. I mean, he obviously has to know. I just don't know how to handle that right now...

Long story short: MAGA has strained, if not fractured, things between my dad and my "sister." I'm willing to listen to him vent and be a sounding board. But it's up to them whether they can or will have a relationship again, despite this chasm.

I want nothing to do with her cruelty or bigotry. I didn't 20 years ago, I don't now. I told him under no circumstances will I have anything to do with her again. Why would I? Between the hate in her heart, the hate in her boyfriend's heart, and their sick beliefs, I really do think one (or both) of them would shoot me themselves if they could. She hated me enough in the 90's. I have to imagine 7 years of MAGA and the QOP's Year of Trans Hate has only made that worse.

I don't miss her. To hell with her. A large chunk of my mental issues and PTSD are thanks to her.

I feel for my dad, though. About to turn 76, in poor health, and now has to go through with this. I just hope he can find peace with whatever he decides to do where she's concerned.

If their relationship is broken beyond repair? That's now 3 relatives and 2 dear friends he's lost since 2016, thanks to MAGA and "the great uniter."

[airmid]

1. What a disaster this man and his ilk has been for this country on every level. I lost my

Dad to MAGA and he died still clinging to that crap. Good for you for cutting her loose from your life. Anyone who seeks to destroy you structurally can never love you interpersonally.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

2. I can't even begin to guess how many families and friendships he's destroyed

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad - both losing him to MAGA, then having him pass away. The two of you deserved better. So many others deserve better.

You're so right about my sister. She's toxic and hateful and I finally had to decide "Family or not, I can't have anything to do with her." Especially since it's her that hates me, not the other way around. She won't change, obviously, so I had to walk away to protect myself.

[catbyte]

3. That vile thing has been -- and is -- the greatest threat to the Republic since the Civil War

and I don't think I'm exaggerating. I think most of us have lost family and long-standing friendships because of that vile thing. What a goddamned tragedy.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

7. He might be the biggest thread to this nation ever...

Even worse than what we faced in the 1850's and early 1860's. No, you're definitely not exaggerating. Sure, it wasn't like things were great prior to 2015. But it's insane how one deranged, idiotic reality TV "star" and business failure managed to escalate so much hatred and hostility.

I imagine you're right. We all have lost family members and long-time friends over this. I know I have. I also have no doubt that if I hadn't walked away from them because I couldn't handle their endorsement of bigotry, they would've ended things with me here in 2022 thanks to the QOP's war on LGBTQ's.

Tragedy is right. Fractured families. Fractured friendships. A fractured nation.

[hlthe2b]

4. MAGA and NAZI... two hate and violence-filled movements whose four letter acronymns will forever

define a horrific period in human history. Enough said.

I am reticent to talk to family members with whom I've lost touch because at least some of them watch FOX or were long-term NRA supporters or may not have made peace with the fact that their lifetime conservatism is no longer compatible with Trumpism.

It hurts, but preserve your sanity and your relationship with your father. That is what matters.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

8. Well said

Just as history books cover the Nazi era and Nazi regime, one day they're going to be doing the same with the MAGA era and MAGA regime. I can only hope the day where "MAGA" is past-tense and not present-tense comes soon.

None of my living family members, outside of my dad, have had a thing to say to me since the 90's. I'm also assuming most, if not all of them, have become Fux watchers. He told me a few years ago that a few of my cousins who were Democrats in the 90's and early 2000's are now full-on MAGA, and that they blocked him and others for anti-Drumpf posts on social media. My guess? Too much Fux, as usual.

When I last talked to my QOP friends on a regular basis, they sure talked a good game about "not being as extreme as Drumpf" and "I would've prefered *insert candidate here*." But then they immediately turn around and say "I must stand with my party" and "I can never vote Dem!" and "Well, what about Hillary's emails/Hunter's laptop/whatever bogeyman the right-wing media has created." So even while claiming to be anti-Drumpf, they still vote for him.

I know I'm doing my best to hold my sanity together. Not easy in 2022, for sure. Absolutely, I'm making an effort to keep my relationship with my dad intact - especially with so many of his friends and family burning bridges with him.

[samplegirl]

5. I feel ya here.

Haven’t spoke to my brother my nieces and newphews since trump got elected.

Dumped tons of good friends.
Broke ties with lots of neighbors!

Trump ruined and devastated so many lives for so long that all I can think of is the worst for his nasty ass!

[IngridsLittleAngel]

10. I finally had to walk away from some friends when 2018, 2019...

If anything, their MAGA posts and casual bigotry became worse and more frequent. I'm scared to see what kind of stuff they're posting here in 2022.

One of them knew I was trans and said they're an ally. Maybe they were at the time. I don't know. Well, around 2018, they're telling me that getting healthcare is "special treatment," because what about all these veterans being denied healthcare? I said to them "Maybe instead of pushing me down, you ought to use that same energy to lift them up. It's not hard to do. Contact your representative or senator and demand they take care of our vets. I did it." And it's true. Back when this area was represented by Ken Calvert *shudder* before the 2010 redistricting, I was regularly emailing and calling his office to push back against his plans to vote yea on a bill to cut veteran's benefits... The very bill that Dumbya signed the day he ordered us to invade Iraq.

I imagine if I tried to talk to them right now, I'd hear an earful about "children" and "groomers" and "science". Gee. I wonder where they might get stuff like that... Ahhh, yes. Fux, of course.

I know part of what has my dad considering walking away from my sister is past experiences. His two "best friends" became outspoken bigots in 2016, thanks to Drumpf. No, they were hardly the kind of people who would support the NAACP or GLAAD prior to 2016, and almost certainly were closeted bigots. But "not being afraid anymore" thanks to Drumpf, they started openly and frequently dropping N-bombs, K-bombs, and other bigoted terms.

So, I'm guessing he's wondering when that will start with my sister, and he just doesn't want to go through it again. I don't blame him.

So many broken relationships, as you said. I think we all have our stories, sadly. Broken relationships with relatives. Broken friendships. Neighbors who were once friendly now being hostile. All thanks to one loudmouth who was given the loudest microphone and loudest Twitter platform, and used it to destroy instead of build.

[roscoeroscoe]

6. r/qanoncasualties

Over at reddit they have a sub for people whose family members etc have turned crazy. Q, MAGA, off the deep end. It's a good group, lots of mutual support and resources.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

11. Thank you

I'll have to go read that one. I've yet to sign up and post on Reddit, but there are a number of subreddits I read. I'll have to add that one to my read list.

[haele]

9. I hate to say it, it might be for the best that he sees her for what she is.

He's wanted her to be something else, but if she is as you describe, that's her truth, her reality. And he needs to deal with her as she is, even if in his heart, she'll always be his little girl. He can be proud of her for whatever she's done well at, but he can't deny what she is. And he can't consider it all his fault, because she's a grown assed woman who should be able to take responsibility and think for herself.
If he can't deal with her as she is, she will take him for everything he's worked for playing the "but I'm your baby girl" guilt card.

I'm sorry she made the choice to stay fearful and hateful out of adolescence. People who think in black and white tend to.

Harle

[IngridsLittleAngel]

13. You're right. Like ripping off the Band-Aid, it hurts but it's probably for the best

I even felt somewhat bad for telling him about my experiences with her in the 90's, but I felt if he heard as much as he did on Sunday, he needed to hear the rest. That he needed to see this is who she is and has been for a long time. These are who her friends are and who her friends have been for a very long time. That Drumpf or even her boyfriend didn't make her into this - they just gave her the nerve to no longer hide it.

And that if he thinks he can change her, well, we're talking decades of hate... not just a few years.

It's not his fault at all. His thoughts on race and bigotry were the same in 1992 as they are in 2022 - he's just gone from soft-spoken to outspoken on being anti-MAGA thanks to Drumpf. She knew where he stood. She knew where my mom stood (she was the outspoken one on being anti-bigotry). And despite that, she found bigoted friends and joined them in their hate. She's the one who as an adult chose to listen to Fux or OANN instead of listening when millions of us fought back against the hate.

As you said, it's ultimately up to him to decide what to do with her going forward. It's not my decision to make, especially because mine would be tainted by bias due to my own poor experiences with her. I do feel awful for him having to go through this again, that's for sure.

[Skittles]

12. I sometimes think family is very overrated

glad you dumped her hateful ass, no one should put up with that shit

[IngridsLittleAngel]

14. Family can be many things

I've seen some amazing and wonderful ones in my life. I've seen some rotten ones. I've known people with amazing relatives. I've known people (including myself) with horrible ones. Bless the amazing families, and it breaks to my heart to see the bad ones.

I know I had to dump her hateful ass. Even without the years of cruelty, doing so was a matter of self-preservation. She's hateful and is regularly under the influence, and has gotten violent before when using drugs. The idea of her being around so many guns now is anything but comforting. I don't believe for a second she can handle them maturely if she's under the influence.

Even without those factors though.. Sadly, she's the one who never got the memo: Hate is not a family value.

[DET]

15. Such a sad situation...

I had the good fortune not to have grown up around many of these types of people. And I have spent most of my adult life in blue areas. So I’m no expert on the MAGA mindset. But I have to wonder if a lot of women who espouse ignorant, hate filled views are primarily doing so to support their male significant others - willingly or unwillingly. It sounds like your sister got in with ‘the wrong crowd’ and didn’t have the character or the will to separate herself from them. Of course, women can be racists and bigots, but I don’t think that we’re inherently aggressive and violent like so many MAGA men seem to be. I’m sorry that you were subjected to this abuse.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

17. Sad situation indeed

I've been in CA all my life. Of course, it hasn't been blue all my life. It did have periods of being fairly red, light red and even purple. But the area I'm in? Deep red and has been throughout most of my life. It's only in recent years that it's become more purple than red.

We do have our share of bigotry and racism here. It's gotten better but we still have a lot of work to do. During the 90's, though, it was real ugly. A lot of screaming about how "The Mexicans are taking over! We must stop them!" and those who didn't hide the fact that blacks "Need to know their place." Needless to say, this area had a lot of "wrong crowds" back then. A lot of people whose lives seem to revolve around hardcore drug use (meth being the favorite) and bigotry. Still does, but, progress...

She definitely got with the wrong crowd. Her drug use started in her early teens, and by 1991, had moved onto meth and coke and anything else hard she could get ahold of. Those sources? Some of the white supremacists of the region. All of that grew on her and all she's done over the 30 years since is get worse, obviously.

The fact that at least two of the three people she's had serious relationships with (I don't know about husband #2) were racists and bigots surely played a part as well.

You're right that most bigoted women are far less aggressive than bigoted men. She's one of the exceptions I know. I imagine her substance abuse plays a role in that.

[vercetti2021]

16. Oh hon

I am so fucking sorry you have to deal with that kind of sister she sounds like such an evil piece of shit. Running around with the aryan brotherhood of dumbassry. You're right though. She was a MAGAt before it was cool to be one. I feel bad for your father dealing with that type of damaged daughter. But she seems to be a follower and drone. Most are like that when they have no willpower of their own or critical thinking skills.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

18. Thank you

She's always been a follower, as you said, and picked the wrong crowd for sure. She also has no willpower, no backbone (unless she can punch down) and no critical thinking skills. My dad described his conversation with her as "Sounding like she'd been programmed by Tucker Carlson."

Yep, she indeed was MAGA before it had a name, or was cool to be MAGA. The only thing that's changed is she's now in everyone's faces with it. Which is downright frightening.

I intend to do what I've done for 20 years - keep as much distance between her and I for the rest of my life. It's my dad I feel for, for sure. I can't even imagine how upsetting and heartbreaking all of this is for him.

[vercetti2021]

19. Well she can die alone

Knowing she should've chose a better life. But chose the wrong path and alienated everyone.

[IngridsLittleAngel]

20. She won't sadly

A lot of the family now thinks the way she does. She'll find other MAGAts to be around. And if there is one thing she's never done, it's admit she's wrong. On anything.

Which is fine. If that's the life she wants, so be it. I just want her out of my life and I hope she never winds up hurting anyone else during hers.

[vercetti2021]

21. You can be part of mine

We are all solidly liberal people. We'll take you in

[IngridsLittleAngel]

22. Thank you

I'd like that

[vercetti2021]

23. You can be our cool aunt

We lack one lol

[IngridsLittleAngel]

24. I like that

I never pictured myself as mother material but I could do aunt for sure.