I Hope Ruth Bader Ginsburg Haunts the Shit Out of These Assholes (Th'Ferret)
So, I was feeling kinda judgy about the latest cynical serving of Jurassic Product, you know, “you honestly expect me to believe they’d keep making dinosaurs after five movies’ worth of T-rex rampages” kind of stuff, but then I gave a moment’s passing thought to American society’s capacity/willingness to learn from history’s mistakes, and I didn’t feel so fancy anymore.
(Some of this stuff makes no damn sense without links, so click here: https://showercapblog.com/i-hope-ruth-bader-ginsburg-haunts-the-shit-out-of-these-assholes/)
So, a theocrat, a drunken mediocrity and an insurrectionists’ spouse walk into a bar. Excuse me, not a bar, I meant “the Supreme Court,” where the illegitimately installed operatives of a tyrannical minority continue incinerating the Constitution with their purloined blowtorch. Yeah, the evil fucks went and did it. I suppose you don’t go to all the trouble of stealing that sort of power without plans to abuse it.
Anyway, in accordance with the dictates of our dominionist overlords, all members of the gender which shall henceforth be referred to as “broodmare” must provide a permission slip, certifying completion of all domestic chores, before reading this blog, signed by a male guardian/owner. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, the most malicious zealots alive do.
Of course, it’s not all medieval regression at the Supreme Court; while women lose rights by the bushel, guns gain new privileges every day. Yes, still dripping blood from Uvalde and Sandy Hook, they strut obscenely to and fro, squawking about how much they value the lives of children. Anyway, looking forward to 2028’s Gaetz-Greitens Act, formally enfranchising the nation’s firearms.
Oh, and more fun, American taxpayers are now obligated to fund any wingnut indoctrination camp masquerading as a “religious school.” I’m starting to understand why this ideology has trouble attracting an electoral majority.
Of course, even this radical assault on human rights and the will of the people isn’t enough for Clarence Thomas, who’s already getting new boots made for the next set of necks.
Fucking hell, and that’s just the SCOTUS beat.
The week started innocently enough, with a more-laughable-than-usual deployment of the right-wing nutjobosphere’s clunky, sputtering, faux outrage machine, in service to the, let’s call it “questionable” legal theory that a briefly detained Stephen Colbert film crew is somehow morally and legally equivalent to a certain hate-crazed mob that inflicted 140 casualties on Capitol law enforcement. And that seems silly, yes, but remember, there’s always a fifty-fifty chance Chuck Todd’ll platform your horseshit as a completely valid point of view.
But then the Republican Party of the Revanchist Shithole Called Texas had to go and make things scary. They’re not fucking around down there, folks. And can I just say, I’m honestly surprised that Texas Log Cabin Republicans thought the state GOP convention, in the summer of 2022, would be a safe space. Physically. This is not 2015. It’s not even 2020.
No, it’s Openly Menace Dan Crenshaw and His Staff in the Halls time now, folks. When DAN CRENSHAW isn’t crazy enough for your roving gang of thugs, gun control was needed yesterday.
Which brings us to John Cornyn, another fella who was lucky to get out of that Klan rally alive. Hey, looks like we’re actually going to get a new federal gun control law, how ‘bout that? And yeah, John, how ‘bout how quickly the throng turned on you? Like lightning, wasn’t it? For your grudging, meager efforts to finally, FINALLY do as little as humanly possible to stem the flow of little kids’ blood pooling on the floor of the U.S. Senate?
Outside of the bubbling undercurrent of potential street violence, and gosh, won’t that be fun to normalize, the rest of the convention was…well, equally appalling. Fealty sworn to known lies and unapologetic bigotry. Democracy is for cucks, stuff like that. Starting to get 1939 MSG vibes from GOP gatherings, which I don’t love.
Anyway, to all the Texas Republicans who suddenly understand how it feels to have your life threatened by this hate mob y’all built, (and armed, that was smart; real long-term thinkers, conservative lawmakers) you are welcome to pick up a bucket and start fighting this fire any damn day now.
Because Eric “Violent Sex Criminal” Greitens might just ride that terrifying There’s Only One Real Pro-Political Violence Candidate in This Race And His Name is Me ad all the way to Washington, even as Herschel Walker twists a life of lies and abuse into ever more and more evangelical adulation. This is, as Shakespeare so famously said, some deeply fucked-up shit.
Y’know what? Somebody in Congress should investigate this stuff, especially the way it exploded in a sloppy, premature, frankly embarrassing orgasm of loser white boy terrorism last January. Hang on, I’m receiving a note…oh right, the hearings!
Actually, Bennie and the Jets’re doing a damn fine job. They understand the assignment, and they’re weaving a concise, compelling, emotionally impactful narrative. And holy crud, it’s lookin’ more and more like they’re actually reaching some changeable minds! I thought we were just about out of those, y’know?
‘Course, all the mountains of damning, irrefutable evidence certainly didn’t hurt the cause. Hindsight is 20/20, but I admit I never appreciated the way the first 44-or-so Presidents declined the opportunity to spend the transition period pursuing increasingly outlandish schemes to cling to power. Especially considering history has more or less proven Italian satellites cost Martin Van Buren reelection.
Yes, on one level, this was a bungling wad of dumbasses, lurching haphazardly about, trying stupid, stupid shit that was never going to fucking work, but it was still quite a bit fashier than you’d like to see from the White House. Ideally. Not to seem critical or anything.
Quite a lot of eager little brownshirts in the Freedumb Caucus, too, now that I think of it…Biggs, Brooks, Greene, Jordan, Gohmert, Gosar, Perry, all groveling for pardons after their treacherous machinations collapsed…bonus audacity points to Matt “Oh, And Leave Some Blank Space So I Can Write In A Few Sex Crimes Later” Gaetz.
And Ron Johnson can pretend to be on the phone with his Canadian girlfriend all he likes, he’s still been caught red-handed participating in a conspiracy to overturn a free and fair election, but hey, at least it’s been a couple weeks since he found any wacky new Covid conspiracy theories to uncritically parrot.
Well, Jeffrey Clark finally received his overdue federal law enforcement raid, no doubt uncovering the nude Jon McNaughton portrait he had commissioned back when he believed he had the Attorney General’s salary to look forward to. Much has been made of Jeffrey’s manifest unfitness for the post, as though that wasn’t the whole reason Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot wanted him in the first place. “Sure, the resume’s a little thin, but I just find the way he goes, ‘whatever you require, Mein Führer’ endearing, don’t you?”
I guess I could spend the decades it would take to untangle the twisted ethical logic behind Rusty Bowers’ “Well, he asked me to violate my oath and my faith and tried to end democracy in America, but HECK YEAH I’d vote for him again!” stance, but fuck it, that’s Rusty’s therapist’s job. I’m tired.
Noted lynch mob target Michael Pence figured this was the appropriate week to feebly wheeze that Joe Biden is the dishonestest fellow to e’er sully the Oval with his rank untruthfulhood and lying liarpants, and Mike, my dude, while I appreciate that you still need to run face-first into this windmill a couple more times before you understand your completely obvious place in MAGA history, there is only one major political party in this country that does not actively seek your death, and I just think you should be nicer to us is all.
Because we are nowhere near done with stories of th’Base’s steadily increasing fondness for violence, and threats of violence. The hearings spent a whole day on that shit, because the Republican Party just incites that much terrorism.
So I’ll take “Recent Death Threats to United States Congressmen” for $200, Alex.
“This Iraq-veteran-slash-death-cult-apostate’s wife received an anonymous letter threatening the life of their 5-month-old child”
Who is Adam Kinzinger. Same category, $400.
“This former Presidential candidate received a homophobic death threat immediately (fucking IMMEDIATELY) after being targeted on Twitter, with debunked conspiracy theories for good measure, by Marjorie Taylor Greene”
Who is Eric Swalwell. I hope the readers don’t expect to me to take this bit any further, Alex, but I think it worked up to this point. This has been fun, we should do it again.
Apparently it’s just now occurring to Off-Brand Orbán, here in the inevitable aftermath of Kevin McCarthy’s the-fuck-were-you-thinking, Gym-Jordon-or-nuthin’ “strategy”concerning the January 6th commission, that the wannabe Speaker might be not be so great at leadering. All MAGA political operations are like that snake story, only with “idiot” instead of “snake,” have you noticed that?
I cringed so hard my forearms snapped, watching Lindsey Graham, clearly shell-shocked by the enormity of Everything He’s Done, tremblingly praise his deposed master for…his ability to instill fear. Jeeeeeeeezus. Boot polish makers must put an addictive chemical in their shit, exactly like cigarettes, but it’s only dudes like Lindsey Graham who ever find out about it.
Yeah, Lindsepher, when a fascist gets a taste of real power, and tries to seize more, the first thing he does is, he goes looking for a few weak men. Donald Trump found you. And how lucky he was in the finding, and how unlucky the rest of us. Don’t worry, history won’t forgetcha, and someday very soon, a weaselly character actor might just win an Academy Award for playing you. I hope you live to see it. Sincerely.
The newest Republican Representative is already lying to cover up her history of spreading Q shit, and with distressing ease and comfort, I might add. Oh, and congressional candidate Jerone Davison hired Austin “Baby Q” Steinbart to run his campaign…who is “Baby Q,” you ask? Well, that is quite a tale. A tale that involves time travel, a prison sentence, and, ahem, a “synthetic penis.” Soon, “moderate” Republicans will be the ones who just believe in Pizzagate, maybe a Jewish space laser or two, scoffing haughtily at the Lizard People Made Me Dry Hump That Mailbox Caucus.
Well, I’ve gotta head out, throw up some fencing to fend off the velociraptors that’re surely on their way. You stay safe out there. I, uh, hope nobody takes any more of your rights away.
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