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This message was self-deleted by its author (mvd) on Thu Jul 28, 2022, 01:08 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
Omaha Steve
(99,584 posts)It doesn't want to come up in Chrome. It does come up in Edge. Marta and I will kick in on payday.
OS
mvd
(65,173 posts)I am not sure what is causing the problem. I will report it to GoFundMe if needed.
Omaha Steve
(99,584 posts)Response to mvd (Reply #2)
mvd This message was self-deleted by its author.
Ms. Toad
(34,062 posts)but for about 4 weeks Chrome has been refusing to open a number of pages which Edge opens immediately. (I initially thought it was the Google ads - and that seems to be part of the problem, but the pages Chrome has refused to open include my University pages, which don't include ads.)
mvd
(65,173 posts)Thanks very much for the contributions so far.
mvd
(65,173 posts)The goal money would assure mom and I have no problems with food money or transportation. And the only credit cards I can get have a small limit.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,588 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)I did not want to do this fundraiser, but my mom and I have been through hell like circumstances and were good people. I know some have had it worse - like those who lose loved ones in these awful shootings - and those who are starving - but I hope people give me a break. I want to wave a wand and have a solution now.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Will check again tomorrow.
Treefrog
(4,170 posts)I remember your next to last plea was going to be your last. Then you had another.
And now this one? Didnt you even admit that you were bad at overspending and charging?
Well, at least Ive kicked your thread, but this seems a bit much. There are a lot of generous DUers, but this reminds me of someone who did this almost as frequently back in the day.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I do what I can with what we have and am trying to better things. Ideally I would have had one bigger fundraiser, but that likely needs other places like Facebook. I never guaranteed anything last time. Emergencies happen. You dont have to pay attention to the threads.
USALiberal
(10,877 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)A charity group.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Interestingly, the OP says his mother's birthday is the 12th, but in another thread says her SS doesn't come until the 26th. That's not how SS does payments, if I'm not mistaken.
Another oddity is that the OP posted about voting, going into detail of how he took his ballot to a drop box, but no mention of Mom's vote. With Mom being a part of all these campaigns, it just seemed odd to me that he didn't say, "mom and I voted today; I took both our ballots to the drop box." I even asked about her at the time.
The OP also bought enough hearts to give away in February during DU's heart drive. Admirable, but if money is this tight, perhaps not the wisest?
Sorry if I seem cynical, but I remember a poster who took advantage of DUers for several years until being discovered.
inthewind21
(4,616 posts)that noticed
LisaL
(44,973 posts)either at the end of the month or at the beginning of the month. It's not really dependent on when a birthday is.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Mine comes on my birthday or a few days after depending when it falls during the week, but always on a Wednesday. So mine comes in the beginning of the month
Everyone I know has SS set up that way. A friend of mine has a birthday on the 22, so hers comes later, not sure what day of the week.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)NT
Omaha Steve
(99,584 posts)https://blog.ssa.gov/what-day-of-the-month-do-i-get-my-social-security-payment/
In general, heres how we assign payment dates:
If you were born on the 1st through the 10th of the month, youll be paid on the second Wednesday of the month;
If you were born on the 11th through the 20th of the month, youll be paid on the third Wednesday of the month; and
If you were born after the 20th of the month, youll be paid on the fourth Wednesday of the month.
There are exceptions. For example, children and spouses who receive benefits based on someone elses work record will be paid on the same day as the primary beneficiary.
Ms. Toad
(34,062 posts)LisaL
(44,973 posts)"Individuals who receive SSI payments due to disability, age, or blindness receive those payments on the 1st of each month."
https://blog.ssa.gov/what-day-of-the-month-do-i-get-my-social-security-payment/
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)GoneOffShore
(17,339 posts)Ms. Toad
(34,062 posts)On the second Wednesday of each month if you were born on the first through the 10th day of the month
On the third Wednesday of each month if you were born between the 11th and 20th day of the month
On the fourth Wednesday if you were born between the 21st and the 31st day of the month
https://www.thebalance.com/when-and-how-social-security-checks-should-arrive-2388919
So for a birthday on the 12th, the payment would be the 3rd Wednesday. This month that falls on the 20th.
womanofthehills
(8,698 posts)So I have no idea where you are getting your facts. It never comes on the same day of the week - it comes on the 3rd. If the 3rd falls on Saturday or Sunday, I will get it that Friday.
Omaha Steve
(99,584 posts)Yours must be an exception.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)"Individuals who receive SSI payments due to disability, age, or blindness receive those payments on the 1st of each month."
https://blog.ssa.gov/what-day-of-the-month-do-i-get-my-social-security-payment/
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Unless it's a holiday. Then it comes in early
dflprincess
(28,075 posts)I knew they had started staggering the payments but I'm not sure when that began and people who were receiving their checks on the 3rd continued to get them on that date.
tblue37
(65,334 posts)obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)Not the only one. Some have noticed for a long time, trust me.
mvd
(65,173 posts)It is so important she gets the toilet repaired. She is ok but might have sprained her ankle.
Hermit-The-Prog
(33,328 posts)Another thing is if I dont get closer to my goal, the water risks getting shut off. I took care of the electricity thanks to DU, but the latest I could delay the water is July 18 - before my moms social security comes in.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)It can be daunting
mvd
(65,173 posts)Still having it at CostCo. It has really dragged on. They have access to a lot of hearing tests that arent old, but still want a new one.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)I am out over a year, and maybe only about 50% of the way through this process.
You'll be turned down, probably twice.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)I think people are starting to question the legitimacy of this one. My red flag was that you have medicaid but "don't trust the dentists that accept it."
Are you and your Mom OK? Perhaps you should contact a state agency at this point- a good social worker could help you navigate the care you guys need.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)And use a Medicaid clinic. It's spotless and everyone is professional. We go there due to budget. Mr X has no dental insurance.
Sometimes, when you're pressed against a wall, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
mvd
(65,173 posts)No we are not ok - they are all legitimate. We are just always stressed. If anyone has any concerns, just PM me. I will be happy to answer questions. Have you even seen those dentists? I have done my research. I have plenty of verification. As said, I hoped to create one big GoFundMe, but that wasnt possible under the circumstances.
Even at DU the old and disabled dont always get the best treatment.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)You have never been mistreated on DU in one of these threads, nor did I "mistreat you."
I stand by what I said- it appears to me that you are having trouble navigating your way through the system. I strongly urge you to contact your local aging council and ask to speak to a social worker. That is frankly sound advice, and is more sustainable than trying to live off of your Mom's SS and Gofundmes.
I never suggested that your requests were "illegitimate." I certainly do not know you, nor have we met. However, like others here seeing a GFM request every 6 weeks or so raises questions. As someone else here noted, DUers have been taken advantage of before.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Just know that I am not doing that. I am trying a lot of things and a social worker is a possible idea. We did contact the county services and I was surprised by the lack of them. And I hope we are cool about the mistreatment part. I have seen it a lot in my life and get sensitive. I understand you were just asking questions. All good.
The reviews of the dentists I found with my insurance said they are absolute quacks. At least I know mine.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Is sound advice. Mr X gets a whole nutritious meal delivered daily, free. Thanks to a social worker.
Every little bit helps, money-wise
mvd
(65,173 posts)Maybe the senior centers around here would be more useful than the county services.
There's probably meals on wheels, at the least
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Things are even better now.
Your county undoubtedly has a Council on Aging, and they can provide financial counseling, access to food resources, help with utilities, etc.
Also, any county I've ever lived in provides transportation to just about anyone who registers for it. Call your county transportation people. They're very willing to help.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Will keep that in mind. There is a Council on Aging in Norristown that could be helpful.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)They even have a "Basic Needs" department. Why haven't you looked into this before now since you first asked for money almost a year ago?
You've been asking for money for almost a year, and another poster pointed out that it appears you've made $8500 from DU. I certainly haven't spent anywhere near that on my utilities, even including taxes on two properties. $8500? Wow.
I can't imagine what you've spend $8500 on, but you certainly should have been able to catch up with your utilities with that.
I'm still curious why you say your mom's SS check doesn't come till the end of the month, when her birthday is on the 12th?
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)You yourself stated that you had a "problem" living within your means and had overcharged your credit cards.
You may think the hearts are "so little" but if you say that to yourself about every expenditure, it's no wonder you can't get out of debt.
As far as your mom endangering herself on the stairs, get a bedside commode. Then you can take the bucket out and hoof it upstairs yourself. It's not that hard to do, and that way she won't be in danger of falling.
Toilets aren't that difficult to fix, unless you're dealing with some huge clog. Check out some of the forums here who can help you with simple repairs.
mvd
(65,173 posts)You completely misunderstand. I am the one disabled with autism and severe hearing loss. And no the toilet has multiple problems. The water company said the water usage doubled and it was because of the toilet always running and then it ran out of water. I am not handy. Ill need a plumber to look at it. Things are not so easy.
I never said I had a problem managing money. I help my mom manage because she IS old. The whole hearts thing was so small.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)There are discrepancies that have caught my and others' eye.
You offered to give hearts away to folks right after saying the electricity was going to be cut off, and now the water is going to be cut off.
Maybe put money like that toward your utilities?
Here are the previous GFMs for anyone interested:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215909861
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215946390
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216254697
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216659843
And then there is this month's GFM. As another poster pointed out, you still have a couple of the previous ones open.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Wouldnt have even made a dent. All of these times I really needed it, and if you want, PM me. I will be glad to answer any questions as I have nothing to hide. I have one other one just because I forgot to close it. Was going to make that into a bigger GoFundMe but that would have been the wrong idea.
obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)They were just my small contribution to DU.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I adulted and donated to a fund instead of treating myself to a star
LisaL
(44,973 posts)insurance, when you actually have insurance.
Especially if one is low on funds.
mvd
(65,173 posts)They do a great job. Theres just something to be said when you find a good doctor or dentist nowadays.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)I am just saying ...
mvd
(65,173 posts)But I just think some things are worth paying for.
I am not saying I never make mistakes, but I dont regret this. My dad used to handle everything so weve done a good job considering.
Response to mvd (Reply #43)
Thtwudbeme This message was self-deleted by its author.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)To have Medicaid dental insurance. He had to pay out of pocket. He just paid $410 for a tooth removal, and they were kind enough to do the x-rays free, and waived a bit more, due to him not having dental insurance. So, yeah.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)It doesn't cover everything. But if I decided to go to a dentist that didn't take my insurance, the expense would have been more.
So the first requirement I had for a dentist is accepting my insurance.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)$510.00 WITH insurance. I'm not going to an office that doesn't take my insurance
LisaL
(44,973 posts)Big out of pocket expense. But if dentist didn't take my insurance it would have been triple the expense. So the first thing I do when picking a dentist or a doctor is to make sure they take my insurance.
womanofthehills
(8,698 posts)Dental plan for $9.00 a month. I just had a tooth pulled to for $60. Only one dentist in the nearest big town takes this plan and you can bet I am going to that dentist.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I went to the page for my health plan, and was so disappointed with the in network dentists. Maybe I should still give them a call for the future because I might need more work than mentioned. Worth pursuing.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)And have myriad issues going on simultaneously, that probably would be wise.
Can you sell the house, at least? Maybe get something for the house.
mvd
(65,173 posts)and real estate agent friend that my mom wouldnt make much money. Subsidized housing is a possibility. I was going to create a GoFundMe for those moving expenses but thought it would be a bad idea with no estimated cost. She does have to move soon somehow. The house is just not right.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Why you haven't done this over the year you've been asking for money really is bewildering.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Thanks for the link though - I will bookmark it. I know some require more helplessness than she has.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)I am assuming that your father left an estate of some sort.
Also, what are YOU going to do when she dies? Disability is not much to live on at all. If I were you I would get on the waiting list for low income housing now. It can take years.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Costs $250 per month but worth it since he can keep mom here a while while we look.
Disability is a first step but I agree I need more.
My dad was a great dad and hard worker but left nothing but his social security.
That's not how foreclosure works.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)They no longer mail your statement. You can look up your benefit to see what you'll receive. Then you can plan. You have to have a certain number of quarters, etc. Per my previous post, it would probably behoove you to get help with a disability claim.
Or you might qualify for SSI, which is considered welfare. The payments can be low. These are all things you need to know.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)You are only allowed a very limited amount in your bank account.
One can own a house and be on Medicaid without an issue because Medicaid doesn't count primary residence as funds. It's a different story if the house is sold.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)This is why I'm stressing getting professional help with this. My friend had schizophrenia, never had a job, and barely got crap from SS.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Really hoping to reach my goal or more now because for practical reasons I wouldnt want to create a GoFundMe here again for an extended period of time. Even if a time of need happens again.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Kick for today
mvd
(65,173 posts)I wanted just one big GoFundMe but that would have been tough. Id be too embarrassed to create another GoFundMe at least for a long time. So really need this one to succeed. Besides all the emergency expenses, we had even less money than usual to start out this month. Even food is a problem.
I badly hope the disability comes through. Maybe I could have a job following or making GoFundMes for people. It is incredible how easily moms low income social security goes when 2 are using it.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)We have quite a few where I live. Talk to a social worker about foodstamps and if you qualify.
ETA: Disability is going to be a long slog.
mvd
(65,173 posts)It comes the 13th this month. Sometimes the in between is a problem. Greedy companies and their causing inflation.
Food pantries indeed are a possibility in emergencies.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Mr X and I have had to find a way to stretch meals. Beans and rice are a staple. Peanut butter, and eggs.
It's not easy but it is what it is. You can find low-cost, nutritious meal planning online. I see your county has meals on wheels. I'd start there on Monday.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I know it wont be a lot, but anything helps. We pay for food delivery and rides since our friend comes once a week. Anything like meals on wheels could reduce those costs.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)By the number of years you've worked, and salary when working. Thus, getting information from an outside agency. Mr X got a social worker to file his SSDI for free
mvd
(65,173 posts)since birth, would my amount be lower?
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)I'm not qualified to advise you on payments, etc.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I want to avoid doing this type of thread again. I just hope this can succeed one more time. The disability person said it wouldnt be a big amount, but did not say what.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)I don't know how well your Mom is, but I do know that you like you are in your forties. I am not trying to be mean, or scare you--- but more than likely you are going to need to support yourself for decades after your Mom passes.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Thats not mean - just reality. It scares both mom and me.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)who always depended on the kindness of strangers and ended up having to live with Stanley Kowalski.
Just call a social worker.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I know this cant last forever.
mvd
(65,173 posts)My grandfather was the most generous person ever. He gave what he didnt have even. Because of some bad luck he didnt have the money he deserved.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)Many people are paycheck to paycheck; most "middle classers" are ONE illness away from bankruptcy.
There was a guy here named MedicalAdmin. He's on the "in Memorium" page now. Read his story. That can happen to anyone at any time. ONE accident was all it took to start his downward spiral. His story scares the shit out of me.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)nt
shrike3
(3,572 posts)liberal_mama
(1,495 posts)Also, I think the kind of dental care you get while on Medicaid depends on where you live. There are very few dentists that take it in my area and most of them do have very bad reviews.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I appreciate the encouragement. This cycle for us just has end. It has made my mom have psychological problems that shell also need help for.
Omaha Steve
(99,584 posts)dflprincess
(28,075 posts)Medicare barely pays a "break even" reimbursement to dentists and those who take it have to limit the number of Medicare patients they accept.
Given that it's finally been figured out that dental health does affect the rest of a person's body (especially the heart) I do not understand why medical insurance doesn't at least cover cleanings.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I have reached my goal. I really did not want this situation to happen again. The advice is just as valuable. I will cherish both the donations and advice.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I sent her a huge thanks but I just cant thank her enough.
This person is not my real life friend - my friend contributes with rides and small loans sometimes - but I consider her like a friend after what she has done.
Well played.
I dont know what you are implying but I meant every word. You think I like doing this? I certainly dont.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)You say you need to pay for rides. No you don't. The county provides transportation for those who need it.
You do "this" every few months, and it seems to be working out very well for you. So I imagine you do like doing this. Quite lucrative activity, I'd say.
SickOfTheOnePct
(7,290 posts)demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)and I realize I have done one for me and one for my sister's burial expense...but not every month
obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)Always a few folks on here at any given time posting GFMs.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Or almost-free rides from the county. You can also ride free as companion-caregiver. Doctors, grocery shopping, they don't care.
Think of all the money you could have saved.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Looking at the county transportation services page I didnt see much, but will keep looking. I have explored things, but have found new ideas on this thread.
obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)ONCE in the last year. Why haven't you? Why do you ask strangers to pay 100% of your dental when you refuse to use your DENTAL INSURANCE?
Seriously. Why?
If you ask for money every quarter, folks have a right to gave you answer these questions.
tblue37
(65,334 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)This again was badly needed but if a situation arose again before an extended period of time, I would be overwhelmed with embarrassment and wouldnt be able to make another one.
I will leave the fundraiser open because of my worries about my moms future (also have to figure out mine) - and this is the only GoFundMe I now have or will have for a while.
Me being autistic with severe social anxiety and my mom being older with worsening depression and anxiety makes us a unique case and makes things harder on us. That said, we are definitely doing what we can. I know the goal is $1,000, and I am keeping the goal there. I am very grateful for reaching my goal. But anything else you could give for our future would be greatly appreciated.
MinisterPathos
(64 posts)Ill keep you in my thoughts. Im sure you are doing the right thing, will all these precious funds that you have received. Dont forget all the above advice that was given to you. Best of all, it wont cost you anything. Helping to erase the burden or asking for donations. Just a thought.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I want that burden off badly so advice indeed helps. I manage the money because mom doesnt want the burden, and am making sure it is spent right for needs. I hope this covers all my dental problems.
mvd
(65,173 posts)And it is because my mom is in a mental health crisis. Not suicidal yet, but shes not sleeping or eating right, always fearful, and not functioning well. I do not want her to have to worry about money at all. The goal is remaining the same. There are plenty of fundraisers that go over the goal.
Yes, I have insisted that mom see someone - a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. She has a list of names and has begun calling.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)There could be a full array of services
mvd
(65,173 posts)But will keep looking. I do think she needs to see a therapist. She never got over the grief of dads death, and then there have been constant problems and stress.
The food services can come in handy since delivery is expensive.
A relative talked to me on Facebook, but I hope she actually contacts by phone.
Just a bad situation so anything can help - more donations, advice, etc. Anyone can feel free to PM me.
Remember earlier I mentioned the water bill. Well I found out that we have to pay it before moms social security comes in or they will shut off the water. This is earlier than I expected. I have increased the goal by $200. Only specific expenses will be included in the goal. But since this is the last GoFundMe I want to put on, anything over is also very appreciated.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)I saw you gave kind of a "well, it's not what we are looking for" answer above.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Yes, lots to go through. There are many worth looking for indeed.
xmas74
(29,674 posts)It's water assistance. The federal program started just this year. It works similar to LIHEAP, which is heating assistance.
Btw, LIHEAP also has cooling assistance in the summer. Contact your local community action agency or social services to apply.
mvd
(65,173 posts)They may have LIWAP. Not sure LIHEAP is taking applications but will check.
xmas74
(29,674 posts)LIHEAP has two seasons now:June through September for summer and November through May for winter.
Lucinda
(31,170 posts)I cant believe the stupid water company would not delay the payment by just a little bit for a low income 73 year old widow. No flexibility.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)Why would you think the water company is "stupid" because they can't delay a bill?
mvd
(65,173 posts)People need breaks sometimes..
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)days.
They are not a surprise.
You have had some "breaks." You have raised over 8 grand on DU. That's a chunk of change. Your Dad died 3 years ago. You have known that entire time that you had a find a way to support yourself. You need to get off of playing around on social media and find a way to support yourself.
mvd
(65,173 posts)2 people right now have to live on a low income. Sympathy is needed in this world. I also cant help that my mom is old and depressed with anxiety and blood pressure problems and I have developmental problems. Much of that was the electric bill that started before dad died. Because of DU, I could pay it. Not only did he suffer but he had to worry about money. We have had bad breaks and we are doing what we can. I am not denying that changes must be made. I want you to understand that.
Response to Thtwudbeme (Reply #123)
Hekate This message was self-deleted by its author.
mvd
(65,173 posts)before shutoff. Its not just me of course - I wish so many could get help for necessities like water.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I also gave your thread a kick.
MinisterPathos
(64 posts)I thought by now you would have all this figured out?
Can I give you some advice? Ok? Good.
1. Its time to cut expenses.
2. There are services that help folk, such as yourself, find gainful employment. You might check with Goodwill, or The Salvation Army. Also, while you still have phone service, contact your local Employment Agencies. Explain your situation, and they will get you in contact with Job Providers.
Its time.
mvd
(65,173 posts)First I hope I get disability, get mom mentally better and look into these services suggested. Takes time to go through all of them. My autism and having to care for mom limit my job opportunities, but I am open once things sort out more.
USALiberal
(10,877 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)I didnt think it would be a problem. Its one post of mine I wanted attention to.
BlueLucy
(1,609 posts)I'm sending healing vibes your way.
mvd
(65,173 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)I hope to wake up to the new goal, but things can take time.
I think what I should have done was create the first GoFundMe with a $5,000 goal. I know it might have been too high for one place, but if I reached it, it would have better gotten us out of our hole. Also, I didnt know about Chime when I created the first one. Chime has helped because of overdraft problems at my main bank.
Looking into what expenses I can cut. The lawyer is not one of them.
I am trying to make this as successful as possible because I really would rather suffer before asking again. DU has been wonderful.
Still less than $200 away from the final goal
mvd
(65,173 posts)this one more time while I look into everything. My mom keeps having panic attacks, so that is on my mind. I need to get her help. Please keep us in your thoughts.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)Perhaps DUers need to see some tangible results of the thousands you have raised.
Have you called her Dr.? A social worker?
Let us know.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Also talking to him on the phone today. We do not have Uber money, so were getting our friend to take her. It is hard to have all the results today so I need a little leeway. I would certainly document everything done before asking again, which I do not want to do.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)You are not qualified to diagnose a panic attack.
What did your Dr. tell your MOTHER? Why isn't SHE talking to her/ him instead of you?
mvd
(65,173 posts)I am just repeating what they said. My mom is talking to him. I dont know why you thought she doesnt. He is supposed to call today and she has an appointment tomorrow.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I feel better about things. Hes calling in her anxiety medication a bit early. And I hope he has some recommendations for therapists at the appointment.
Response to mvd (Reply #142)
Thtwudbeme This message was self-deleted by its author.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)If his office knows of medical transportation.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Nt
Not the case at all. I am all mom has. I dont understand what you are talking about. Perhaps we should just not talk about this more. I am sorry but this was offensive to me.
Response to mvd (Reply #147)
Thtwudbeme This message was self-deleted by its author.
mvd
(65,173 posts)If they serve my area, they could be an option. Maybe they have social workers.
I certainly understand needing to make changes. I should have made one bigger GoFundMe, but too late now. I am just asking for less than $200 more and am now learning about some new things to try.
Response to mvd (Reply #149)
Thtwudbeme This message was self-deleted by its author.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)I'm kicking the thread, but whatever at this point. If you *really* are applying for disability, you're going to be bombarded with scary letters from SS with tight deadlines to get tons of information to them. If you have difficulties keeping track of regularly scheduled monthly bills, you're going to be overwhelmed with the many, many hoops you will be put through to receive disability. Forms out the ass. Being sent to crappy providers looking for any reason to deny you. Maybe you'll get lucky...
Your water. I'll be blunt; if your water is turned off, you'll not only not have drinking water, but getting rid of human waste will be impossible.
So, putting all this money you've collected here from kind, generous DUers should probably go towards water, and not uninsured dentists when you have dental insurance.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Then I hopefully get a decision. They have been good about not sending scary latters. I have a case worker I keep up with on the phone.
I paid the water from the GoFundMe, but that does leave less for the other things. Luckily I could pay it. I have gone over why I picked the dentist I did. This insurance is far from perfect. No denying how great DUers have been. Both with donations and advice.
MissB
(15,805 posts)Even if you have your ducks in a row, it's well known that you can expect to *NOT* get approved for disability the first time you apply. You have to face that, and be ready to respond. I really hope you have someone working with your through the process, along with managing your expectations. It's often a long road to get disability.
You may be one of the lucky ones to get it on the first go around. But it is unlikely.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I reached the final goal and this thread can sink. Will always take more advice, though I prefer by PM. Even though my mom and I have more expenses than usual next month, I am taking the time now to go through all the advice and options. DUers are certainly owed it after their generosity.
BlueLucy
(1,609 posts)I was very happy to see your GoFundMe is closing in on the goal!
mvd
(65,173 posts)We can always go over if someone desires. I want to get it to where I can absorb emergency expenses better, and next month will be tough. I will definitely not let my donors down in continuing to try get on the right path.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I cant start another thread until I go through everything suggested and explore everything. My mom is seeing a psychiatrist soon and the money problems are a big cause. So please, whatever you can give in the meantime would be greatly appreciated.
I feel terrible doing this. I am too embarrassed to increase the goal again. But mom sees a psychiatrist Wednesday and I think things will get better. Just have to ask for more temporary help here because I cant do another thread now or in the near future.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Its the bank overdraft that concerns me. I want mom to have a fresh start while shes undergoing care. I have proof of the overdraft and the fact we have had no luxuries if people think they should be put on. The transactions are more personal and wouldnt want to put those on. I may reflect the asking in the goal tomorrow.
Night all.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)All these expenses every one has.
I have insurance including dental but I have 4 broken teeth Ill go to my dentist even though I want oral surgery
Over draft fees are jus irresponsible especially when you are asking others to pay every day expenses
You have a lawyer. Time to let that lawyer take care of things because clearly neither of you can
Or maybe you feel you found your job
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Unreal.
I hope the admins take a look at this.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Sorry.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)after you have made almost 10 grand here- I think some folks are beginning to think you are scamming. I started questioning when I saw this one. You keep writing about "your Mom." If she moves into senior housing, you do realize you are on your own, right? You cannot go with her.
I know you guys are suffering- but, Matt seriously. Come on...have you called a social worker?
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I'm sorry
I think this is your job
mvd
(65,173 posts)Its a very serious matter with mom in such a mental breakdown. She cant have any extra stress. I really hope to have better updates soon.
It's just never ending with you huh.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)when the water bill is due again.
isn't an overdraft larger than 500 a crime?
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)That said, as much as this poster has made over the past several months on GFM, I would be more concerned about being investigated by that company and having to repay the money. At some point, the IRS might consider it "income," but I don't know when that happens.
I have seen no evidence of the poster contacting a social worker.
inthewind21
(4,616 posts)at 14K. However, you can do as many a year as you want as long as none of them go over the 14K IRS "gift" threshold.
liberal_mama
(1,495 posts)I thought an overdraft protection was just a line of credit. I'm not sure if the OP has overdraft protection. I know I declined it on my accounts.
mvd
(65,173 posts)And an overdraft is anything but a crime. It is what the bank is willing to pay beyond what you have in your account. I wish some could live in the same situation and then talk.
I wont be starting another GoFundMe so keeping this one up.
its over
obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)Did you see that?!
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I won't be giving any thing else
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)did you see that?
I think maybe this thread needs to be locked and no more GFM for MVD
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)This is a riot.
I don't understand GFMs in GD anyway. I though GD was for politics, issues, and current events.
over draft IS a crime
you are lucky you are not involved with a bench warrant!
it is illegal to write a check or use a debit card while knowing at the time that there are insufficient funds in your account.
Issuing a worthless check or debit card order is a misdemeanor of the first degree punishable by up to one-year imprisonment and a fine if the amount is less than $150. If the amount is $150 or more, it becomes a felony of the third degree, punishable by up to five years imprisonment and a more severe fine.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)as a teacher
during Covid
risking death
LIFE happens-time to get REAL help
not make 10 grand on a message board
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)I'm not supposed to stress, either. Stay mindful. Yet I'm stressed about money, HUGE COBRA payments, rent, my own health. Worked face-to-face with the public all Spring of 2020. Have a disabled boyfriend.
Dinner again? Generic beans and rice.
That's my reality.
Hope you're doing okay.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)the chemo shot is working much better than the infusions did
BUT
I was switched from insulin shots to metformin so I am back to the RR situation like before although I don't seem to feel as bad as others when they first start it -probably because it is like Crohn's.
I'm working enrollment tomorrow. And we are starting the year in masks...again. I can't believe school for teachers start next week.
3 more school years to retirement.
I can do this!
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)i get the beans and rice
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)About 50% through ssdi. Only good news I've gotten is my excellent attorney is positive about my case.
Otherwise, nervous, worried, stressed, thinking bad thoughts sometimes. Worrying about keeping my insurance so I can afford Latuda - costs more than a 2-week paycheck- the "cheaper" drug is 300 wo insurance. America
Trying to get through.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I get the costs of drugs.
My chemo shot without insurance is 8 grand. I couldn't afford that at all. I thank GOD for insurance
We start back next week. I will be starting in a mask again
unfortunately I will be one of the few that do wear a mask and the district is not requiring students to be in one.
I just hope that when I get it, my vax and boost will do the job.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Seriously, that's bullshit about not masking. But, here we are. Sigh.
At least I'm away from the public.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)If she is elderly with the problems she says she has, it would not be feasible for her to work.
Fund raisers cause such angst, perhaps the administrator should outlaw them, or give them their own forum.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)all with the same story and excuses
also if I investigated correctly the house is gorgeous and 4 x what mine was
shrike3
(3,572 posts)FTR, I think GFMs should be banned from this site. If the person is for real, it must be demoralizing to get this kind of feedback. And if they aren't for real, they ruin it for anybody else.
One reason I hate these GFMs is that if they're up long enough, DUers start sounding like Republicans.
demmiblue
(36,841 posts)shrike3
(3,572 posts)Seems to bring out the worst in people.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)the outstanding water bill still hasn't been paid?
There have been multiple gofundme set up that collected money for outstanding bills (including water).
Seems like it should have been enough to pay those outstanding bills.
Am I missing something here?
shrike3
(3,572 posts)All kinds of fees, and emergencies, crop up that middle class folk never have to deal with.
Once again, I think GFMs should be banned, because the discussion invariably turns toxic.
LisaL
(44,973 posts)I have a credit card bill I am not able to pay. So if I collected money for bills through gofundme (thousands of $, mind you) that's what I would have used the money for.
DUers were told the money will go to bills.
If they were told the money would go to cigarettes I don't know if people would have been donating, do you?
shrike3
(3,572 posts)I know you're not one, but this is one of the reasons I think GFMs should be banned.
There really is no way to verify that anybody who posts these things "deserves" it.
Posters should be allowed to ask for advice, and nothing more.
DemocratSinceBirth
(99,710 posts)I hope this is my only post in this thread.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)Wtaf
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)If mvd put in his own 600.00 that would explain the "overdraft."
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)And your mother's physical and mental health. You've made almost 10k. I'm more worried about your mother, frankly. I hope you get disability, but I've beaten that horse dead with you trying to explain how difficult getting it is, and you hoping you get it.
Someone upthread mentioned having a lawyer, or other professional, handle your affairs.
Paying scheduled bills on time, budgeting.
And now you have a large overdraft?
mvd
(65,173 posts)Unfortunately it comes at an awful time this time. All the nice advice I am looking into and working on. The lawyer might do bankruptcy because of our debts. Maybe that is for the best.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)If you are truly disabled- you should have been on disability over two decades ago.
MissB
(15,805 posts)I assume you don't use any at all. That's not unusual for someone who has constant issues with money.
Since you've raised a fair sum of money, I'll just mention that you should attempt to make a budget.
It can be simple. You don't need a computer to do it; a piece of paper will work just fine. The easy budgets I've set up for people use calendars, but you can fake a calendar month with a piece of paper. Write down the month of August, which begins on next Monday. Make boxes to look like a calendar. You have a computer; google up an image of a calendar month for August 2022.
Do you have any funds coming in from other sources? By funds, I mean regular things like paychecks or pension payouts, not go-fund-me money. If you get some regular funds, mark the amount on the calendar date you expect to get them. If you want to get all fancy, use a green pen, because that is positive money coming your way.
Now, figure out your bills. Things like mortgage, water, electricity, etc. These are your fixed monthly bills, not the things like paying a dentist for a one-time procedure. Write in the dates that you have to pay those bills. Write them in red if you want to get fancy.
When you add up all those bills, do you have more green (income) or red (bills)? If you have more red than green, you really do have issues with money. You have a hole you're digging deeper each month. If you have more green than red, then you need to figure out how to save some of that green for the next month or for the next "emergency".
You'll need to prioritize your other needs like your dental stuff and the toilet. But first you need to be able to pay your basic bills. If you can't pay your basic bills, fixing your teeth or the toilet isn't going to matter at all, because you'll soon be out of your shelter for lack of paying bills. Since you mention a foreclosure, it may not make sense to have that toilet fixed. You going to fix it for the next person when you are about to lose your home?
You need to start trusting dentists that take medicaid. You literally cannot afford to spend this donated money to go see a dentist that is going to charge you hundreds of dollars out of pocket. By doing that, you're undermining the goodwill you're quickly losing here.
I can see you losing goodwill here very quickly, because you don't seem to grasp the severity of your situation. Folks aren't going to donate for your mom's future if you can't deal with the reality of today. You need help with that reality? Ask. Folks have offered up tons of advice here that you don't seem willing to take. Why should they continue to donate to you when you aren't trying to make things so that you don't need to ask for donations continuously?
mvd
(65,173 posts)Dont be influenced by a few. I have already been on many of the suggestions. It is not that I am not willing. I of course do not want to be this way. That would be insane. Our situation is not so easy since the relatives that were close have all died now. My mom has mental illness and I am not comfortable socially. We have one friend. Positive reinforcement is a lot more helpful than making me feel even worse.
And yes maybe some budgeting tools can work even in our situation.
If I meet the new goal, I will have the thread locked.
You post a new one. You're plight is never ending, you constantly come up with more, you use "my mom" as your lure and clearly you make zero progress. Other than begging for others to send you $$ on the internet. Your history on gofundme says just that.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)Isnt the 26th in six days? You say you put new circumstances in your GoFundMe but it literally says because your moms friend has Covid she cant get to the store $1500 for Uber rides for six days my whole Social Security check isnt even $900 but with the loss of the Child credit I have a feeling there will be more request for help as time goes on
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Response to LetsGoBiden (Reply #20)Wed Jan 19, 2022, 06:11 PM
Star Member mvd (64,199 posts)
21. That part just makes it more needed
We had a big water bill that built up, overdraft and other unexpected expenses. I am sorry it seemed that way to you. We have no qualified children. I have been here since 2001 and am sincere. There are other means I am looking into, and I still wouldnt do another GoFundMe of this kind. DU has helped enough.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)How old are you?
I had a fund here a few years ago for me-my situation was a one time shocker and it helped . I have since payed it forward often.
people LOVE to help others but balk at the continuous drain. ESPECIALLY when all advice is met with reasons why it doesn't work
I would venture that most of us here do NOT have a family lawyer. If I needed one I would not even know where to start.
to me, that makes you way above my station.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)I am sorry about school; I am trying to make 2-5 years also....and am scared as hell about going back. I know that none of the teachers have been masked- I am friends with them on FB.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I just hope I have done all that I can for me.
Response to mvd (Reply #184)
Thtwudbeme This message was self-deleted by its author.
MissB
(15,805 posts)I saw earlier that if your mom gets into senior housing, that leaves you.... where? What is your plan? That's a challenge that someone can help you work out, but it doesn't mean that $$$ from strangers is a long-term fix for it. It means someone can offer to help you navigate social workers that can find you a potential living situation.
I know, I know, once your mom's mental health is stabilized. But what if it never is? What is your plan then for your life?
mvd
(65,173 posts)Thats just a fact. I am sorry if I came off as dismissive. I mean the opposite. I have some replies I cant see but for all I can, I have replied positively.
I dont think moms condition is permanent. Fear is a major driver of it. I hope the psychiatrist is a good start. If we get subsidized housing, we can both go. She may need senior care and yes, I have to have a long term solution for me. It worries me a lot.
I cant keep going to DU for help. It was so hard to put this up. But if mom starts out with her full Social Security, that will help us in our quest for a better direction. The only way I would post another GoFundMe is if I have gone through everything that seems possible.
MinisterPathos
(64 posts)Matt, clearly the generous folk of the DU are struggling understanding your situation. Would you agree? I have a solution for you. Post your bank statements. That would help to resolve any questions, not to mention other more experienced DU'ers can guide you with budgeting! This would take all the stress off of your shoulders!
mvd
(65,173 posts)I can post proof of the overdraft if you think that would help. The transactions are a bunch of Wawa, Instacart, Aldi, Giant, bills, paying back my friend for some loans, Uber, paying the lawyer and TV/internet. No luxuries but maybe some things I could improve on.
Cutting the cord would help. Maybe get YouTube TV and just Xfinity internet? Mom watches a lot of TV but that cost is high.
Response to mvd (Reply #210)
Post removed
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)MinisterPathos
(64 posts)Keep in mind. Im your friend. I want to help. See, now you have 2 friends. Its not hard to make friends. Even if you are a social recluse.
When you say, "a bunch", how manys a bunch? Like once per day, for a Little Debbie Snack Cake? Or 7 times a day, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Do you cook at home? Thats a great money saver right there!
Instacart. No experience there, but they are probably charging delivery fees. How many deliveries are we talking? Once in a while? And once in a while is ok. Or are we talking, everyday?
Aldi and Giant are ok. But the food pantry is free!
Paying back your other friend. Good for you!
Uber? Where are you going? Can you walk? Bicycle? Thats good for your heart, and the Earth!
Lawyer. My goodness.
Internet. Maybe you can bum wifi from a neighbor?
Have a great day! Friend.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)card spending on unnecessary things.
Perhaps placing bills in the "pay first" pile, might go a long way to making life a bit more manageable.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I need all the friends I can get.
Walking is terrible where I am despite being close to things. Uber is expensive. I have seen one county site that may have transportation opportunities.
Mom smokes, so that is part of Wawa. Less stress and maybe getting mental help with maybe allow her to cut down.
Instacart is hard to avoid sometimes but food pantries are there if needed. I do use Instacart a lot.
The lawyer is the reason my mom is still in this house, and can maybe help with debts.
ForgedCrank
(1,779 posts)I avoided saying anything because I don't want to come across as uncaring, but you really need a wake-up I think. I won't make assumptions, but I will say it all sounds either sketchy, or possibly even dishonest. You've listed out reasons for why you can't do anything to help yourself, things many of us have had to handle ourselves.
You have in your power the ability to solve many of your problems with nothing more than simple changes, and starting to make better decisions regarding money.
I work full time and I can't even afford to go out and eat more than maybe once a month. Mac-n-cheese, Ramon, fried potatoes, whatever it takes, but you need to make concessions. Hell, a big mac meal is like 12 dollars now. You can't afford take-out. Period.
There are services you can use that aren't Uber. Walking isn't convenient? It's not convenient for anyone, but you need to do it anyway, you are broke.
Use the covered dentist, not your favorite one. You are broke, you don't have the option of making those choices.
We all have social anxiety, we still go to work because we need food and electricity. Life isn't easy, you have to make the concessions, not everyone else. If you are broke, you either have to live like it or find a way to not be broke. The latter is preferable, but the choice is yours.
It's very difficult for anyone to believe for 20 years you haven't gotten disability if you were qualified for it.
This may be hard for you to hear and I honestly don't mean it is a mean fashion, but you need an awakening, and most certainly someone who can help you learn how to manage and budget money. Your experiment has failed, so don't keep doing it.
I do hope you get this sorted out, but you're going to have to do the hard thing and look inward first. If you want to better yourself and help create better conditions for your mother, no more excuses. It's time for you to take control of this situation and stretch every penny as far as you can. Stop telling yourself and everyone else why you can't, and just make better decisions.
If you really don't know how, reach out to a financial counselor. But you simply cannot keep doing whatever it is you are right now. You've seen that it is not sustainable, now you need to accept that fact.
Good luck to you, I really do hope you sort yourself out soon and are able to put all this behind you.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I can not walk, period, for example. My mom has no stamina and I am not in shape and it is a dangerous path/road. Should I risk falling and getting hit? You have the right to say this but I dont have to agree with all of this either. You either try to live or you live a bad life. I try to live ok.
I would never be judgmental of someone honestly in need. I have been here a long time (over 20 years) and never needed or asked for anything until recently. At least you really do seem to hope I get on a better path. But I choose to do it my way with the many good suggestions here. I do want to help myself badly, but not everything fits in our lives.
I have said a lot of things here are good ideas. Just go over the posts. Also you can disagree with me but please do not make up things like dishonesty or sketchiness, because it is certainly not.
you I would not make assumptions or accusation, and I did not. That is not how I function as a general rule. I simply responded to a few of the things you openly told us all. I'm completely avoiding making a determination about what I really think is happening. In other words, you deserve the benefit of doubt since I can't, nor do I care to, verify all the things you are saying.
My comments were meant to be raw and truthful, because I think you need to hear it. For example, a rational person with no money would find the idea of going to a non-covered dentist absolutely absurd. And it is. You resist hearing these truths, but they are still truths. Ignore them at your own peril.
So far, you have presented few problems that you, yourself, cannot correct, and that includes being out of shape. That one will take a little longer, but still something that can be done, and walking is a good way to achieve it.
No one is choosing your life for you, you get to do that. But if you choose this path, the results you see are the ones you must accept. People aren't going to keep paying you for that.
You appear to me to spend your time finding reasons to not correct, or convey that you don't feel it is worth the effort. You only want to choose the things that are easier for you. This will never produce desirable results.
And yes, I meant what I said, I really do hope you have a moment of clarity soon and recognize all of the things that you are being told are most likely true, and the answers are within you, not gofundme. Changing you habits and ideals likely won't solve every problem you are experiencing, but it will clobber most of them.
Good luck.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I dont expect them to be. I just dont agree with some of your approach. The general idea of change is correct. A bad dentist can lead to even more expensive problems later. I have seen it with my mom over the years. You seem to mean well and I do need to evaluate things and get to where if I reach the new goal I wont have to do this again. Have a good night and I do thank you for being honest. That is what I need.
tishaLA
(14,176 posts)Pays $30/month for internet service for low income people as part of the Biden stimulus plan. You can get service anywhere for $30 even if it's not top tier. In Los Angeles, where things aren't cheap, you can have cable internet for less than $30/month.
mvd
(65,173 posts)But since I am in the household, I would have to drop that since one per household. Perhaps better used on a more general plan that covers more than mobile.
tishaLA
(14,176 posts)you keep coming up with ways not to pursue them. It's futile.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I have the broadband benefit on my mobile phone and since it is one per household, it requires a switch. Thats doable.
Very good idea as I said.
I havent meant to dismiss ideas at all. In fact everything from a social worker to housing to cutting costs has been helpful in my planning. I have said so.
But I do need to make the goal this time if possible.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I was just saying what I have now
I have the broadband benefit on my mobile phone and since it is one per household, it requires a switch. Thats doable.
Very good idea as I said.
I havent meant to dismiss ideas at all. In fact everything from a social worker to housing to cutting costs has been helpful in my planning. I have said so.
But I do need to make the goal this time if possible.
Luciferous
(6,078 posts)Instacart, Uber, cigarettes, and cable?! Paying out of pocket for a dentist when you could get free dental care?! It seems like instead of more Gofundme money, you need a reality check. I have been poor before, and all of those items listed above would be cut out before I would let the water get shut off.
mvd
(65,173 posts)around me who take my insurance, and the others are harder to cut out than you say. Theres no car. Mom has smoked all her life - I despise it but you know how that goes. So glad I never started. Dad stopped but mom isnt so easy. I need food delivered sometimes. It is not so easy. I have yet to find alternatives but am always looking.
The only place I can walk to is a high school, and I am way beyond that.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Their website says yes, but the meals part says the person must be unable to prepare meals and cant shop. Well I do most of the shopping for mom. Worth looking into because I want to cut expenses. That wont help for right now though which is why I have the GoFundMe. It has done well but I really need assistance one more time,
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)first thing in the morning
I bet you don't but I will ask!
hjh3rd
(25 posts)if you are paying for dental insurance and not using it, why don't you just stop the insurance and use the money for other expenses?
mvd
(65,173 posts)Not a silly question. Welcome to DU
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)when I stopped smoking because they were too expensive 9 years ago
ForgedCrank
(1,779 posts)one pack of cigarettes could feed them both for a day.
Like I said before, seems to me that the root of most problems in this case revolve around poor money management.
Nothing for them to be embarrassed about, I've known people who just simply couldn't do it without help. Some of them were pretty dang smart too, just impulse control issues and poor decision making. Much of which stemmed from a lack of forward thinking and planning for tomorrow.
All of these issues can be corrected though.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)Another 3 grand will keep this going
Im not , however sending another penny.
I wonder if its too late to get a refund?
ForgedCrank
(1,779 posts)want to go direct to my assumptions.
I admittedly don't know the truth, he could be telling it so I'll just go with that.
What I do know is there is some dysfunction here if it is all true. There are some very poor decisions being made with the flippant idea that charity will pave the easy road. I'll stop short of my full assessment for the sake of civility, but if he can type in fairly well constructed English as displayed here, he has the ability to get a job. I see no effort to try anything other than to offer excuses for why nothing can be done outside asking for charity.
If it's all true, I do hope that him and his mother re-assess and make the required changed for living within their means, because this most certainly isn't within their means.
Bluesaph
(703 posts)I will make a list tomorrow based on your address of free or low cost options for some of your issues. And cut the cable TV and read instead. This is ridiculous!
mvd
(65,173 posts)I do read. It is nice to always have a book going. I have a lot of interests I think I can take advantage of.
Tree-Hugger
(3,370 posts)A few posts below. I know their area.
Sympthsical
(9,072 posts)Go down to social services, tell them you want an emergency authorization. Boom. Done. Within a week, you'll have a card.
Two people can receive plenty of money to cut a food budget entirely. No more eating out, granted. But you will eat and save money. Even Costco takes EBT now.
People have advised you again and again to speak with a social worker. As a former social worker, I will say this - there are ample resources available to you that you are not taking advantage of. In addition, you are resistant to it, instead dunning a message board full of people on fixed income to compensate for the adjustments you can easily make.
Your expenses are completely unacceptable for someone who is broke. You are spending money on things not even I spend money on, and my partner and I are on the comfortable side of middle class.
We're close in age. It is seriously time to adult up and stop seeking out surrogate nests now that your own is aging and bare. I have read this entire thread, and I am absolutely baffled by this. No - I am not baffled. The problem is, I understand only too well. When you get situated, I would highly suggest some kind of therapy. Your social worker can find recommendations. Furthermore, self-diagnosed social anxiety is often just plain internet addiction. Keep that one in mind.
Make an appointment with EBT. Call a social worker. Cut expenses drastically. Find a dentist. Look. And if you can't find one, look harder, because they exist.
I will always loan or give money to friends and family who have found themselves in sudden, unexpected need or who are having a setback but have a plan in place to get back on their feet. I see zero manifestation of any of that in all of this. What is your concrete, ironclad plan to proceed forward outside of arguing on the internet trying to wring a couple more drops from the stone?
Your situation can get worse, and without any meaningful change, it will. It's time to start doing your future self some favors here.
Anyway. I had coffee at 8pm like an idiot, so that's my unsolicited advice.
mvd
(65,173 posts)It helps a lot but food is so expensive right now. Still, I dont know what we would do without it. I assure you I am trying and am not arguing with people to be argumentative. Just like I want to make changes, not every idea would work. But tired of saying I am trying. Not sure what I can say now to convince some. The social worker idea could really help. Not having a car also limits things.
Sympthsical
(9,072 posts)This is why you need to go to social services.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Maybe now is different? I may not be approved for disability yet as people have said. But hopefully I am.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Last time- I promise: it's very difficult to get. You're cavalier about it. Thus, I wonder if you're really trying. If you're not, you should, if you're disabled. You're entitled to something.
mvd
(65,173 posts)What a tedious process. It is my first experience with it and now I am not counting on it like I was. I will try again if denied.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)They will tell you if you have a case. The consultation should be free. I don't know how it's done elsewhere, but the ssdi lawyers in my state take nothing up front, then negotiate back pay; say, two years worth. They take their fee out of that back pay, so there is no direct cost to the client. It's worth a try.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I recognize the need for a plan. Here are some things to try:
- look into a social worker
- make sure we are getting all the benefits we are qualified for, from EBT to help with utilities
- see if there is free or very low cost transportation
- try to get to store more often rather than Instacart so much. Hard with just one friend
- which makes it important for me and my mom to try to meet more people despite the pandemic
- again insist mom cuts down on cigarettes. I try very hard here
- look into cutting the cord
- look into subsidized housing and autism services
- contact insurance company and see if any more dentists are taking my plan. Ones I have seen look terrible
- any home services available?
List can be longer than that. I will think and add to it.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)Us for more money
We face the same issues with high prices
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Takes minutes to make a phone call.
You don't work, so you have plenty of time to make the phone calls.
What does "look into cutting the cord" mean? Getting a job and not having your "mother" support you on her social security check?
You say you haven't worked your entire life because of a "disability". Why are you not already hooked up with services for the disabled? That usually starts in childhood.
Also, as I have pointed out before, your county DOES have transportation services.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Is like hoping to win lotto. Might happen. But, without real help, SSDI will turn down qualified Americans who've paid into it for years. I mean, it's dang near impossible to qualify first time.
Sympthsical
(9,072 posts)It isn't getting any easier. Without some serious documentation - we're talking lots of doctor notes and proof of treatment - people can't just claim disability for things like ADHD, social anxiety, or even depression. The government caught on to that stuff. The people I worked with who got on disability for things like depression were deep in the medical system for treatment before getting approved (and even then, only maybe 10% approval after several years, if that).
Outside of a legitimate disability (and not merely Idontwannaworkitis), I don't see the possibility as a workable solution in this circumstance. As others have pointed out, this person can type English just fine at great length and frequency. So right there, they're displaying a physical ability to work. Shit, I'm WFH in HR now. Most of my day is e-mails, phone calls and zoom, spreadsheets, forms, etc. It's why I'm such a bum around here lately, sitting at my desk bored silly.
Of the people I worked with in the past who did receive disability, there was usually an accompanying physical component. Severe arthritis, severe obesity, in one case lyme disease of all things.
I've been glancing at this thread on and off for a few weeks and kept almost kind of wanting to say something based on my past professional experiences. But, the more it goes on, the more misgivings I have about charity being solicited for the affliction I noted above in the parenthetical. There are realistically obtainable things like EBT and social services that can help. But disability would be a stretch, IMO. I can just imagine the eye-rolling the case worker would manage as soon as they looked at the situation. Source: Seen similar cases before. Eyes rolled appropriately.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)We referred her to a lawyer who did this stuff for a living. He took no money up front, got her back pay which then became his fee.
It's too bad it has to be done that way, but there you are.
Sympthsical
(9,072 posts)Just an absurd amount. So almost as a reflexive matter of course, claims will get denied right out of the gate. I've had people who very legitimately needed it who had an absolute hell of a time managing. One woman had MS where standing for any length of time was a trial, and it just took ages for her approval.
The lawyer was a good idea, because those forms come fast and furious and are a papery abyss without end.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)He's very good. We will refer him again if this subject comes up.
I've heard conflicting information as to how rampant disability fraud actually is. FWIW, here's a link. Probably a biased one.
https://www.citizensdisability.com/applying-for-benefits/truth-disability-fraud-lack-thereof/
Sympthsical
(9,072 posts)Most of the people I worked with genuinely needed the assistance. The American economy and health care systems have a lot of cracks people can fall through. You just never know what someone's dealing with until you see it with your own eyes.
But there does exist a definite class of people who are professionally disabled. They're not actually disabled in any measurable way. They just want to get as much as they can out of the system so they don't have to work. How many is that? You know, I wouldn't even want to try to guess a percentage. The overwhelming majority of people I worked with had legitimate need. But there were cases where it was just, "Seriously?" The red flag, always, is when the excuse making comes flying from every quarter. That's what kind of pinged me here to start replying. Because . . . yeah.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)Just how many do appears to be an open question. The fact they even exist makes it harder for those who legitimately need help to go get it. Sad.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)At 57, almost nonfunctional for all aspects of my former career I obtained a Master's for. Physical and mental. But, I did it FT 36 years, and always tried to do the right thing, per the American way of doing things. Now, I need help. And getting it ain't easy
Bummer.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)People who haven't applied for disability have no idea how hard it is. I hope you get help soon.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)My ssdi lawyer is one of the best in the SE, and he's positive about my case. My age helps tremendously. Under 50 is much harder. I would be overwhelmed. I sympathize more with former clients who were functionally illiterate trying to go through this.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)It punishes people for being poor. I can tell you that our acquaintance had a happy ending: her SSDi is enough to handle her mortgage and basic expenses. If she's careful, she can get through the month without incurring debt. You made the right decision to get an attorney: it makes all the difference.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Our game plan is, once this settles, a cheap condo with low hoa. Too expensive living here. We're lucky to have a fairly cheap (for here), but-kinda-crappy rental sublet. Oh, and Republicans have set up frequent reviews for the disabled! That's why I don't want to sound Republican. Because they and their attitudes suck.
I think an issue here is, everytime a goal is met, suddenly it's not enough and the ante is upped again. Starts to look funny.
I'm okay with cigs. I'm vehemently anti smoking-mom died a horrible death from lung cancer- but the smokers I know says it calms the nerves, panic. Docs can be real pains about prescribing things like benzos for anxiety.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)Last edited Wed Jul 27, 2022, 04:09 PM - Edit history (1)
My take on this poster, he is taking the path of least resistance. Easier to put of a GFM than take on the labyrinth that is our system. I'd be tempted to do the same myself. Also, he may have been sheltered all his life, and so is flailing now that his father is gone.
But he has longterm problems which require longterm solutions. Dealing with the system is how he has to get them. Really, no other way.
Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #280)
shrike3 This message was self-deleted by its author.
mvd
(65,173 posts)The point of doing this is to not need donations in the future though. If you can, I would like to get closer to the goal just for now.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)DU has been extremely generous. You are going to be lucky at this point if no one wants refunds on your past gofundmes. I would let this go if I were you, and get real help.
I regret that I had no idea what the donations were for- I didn't know you were borrowing money from friends, and using over a grand on Uber.
Good luck Matt.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)She had her doctor's appointment today, right?
mvd
(65,173 posts)Shell be seeing the psychiatrist for a visit and was able to get a doctors appointment earlier. Thank you for asking! I think shell be ok but shes still very stressed.
These suggestions also should take stress off.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)And you're already calling, right? It is imperative for you and your mom to start getting holistic care.
I would look into adult job training for the disabled, too.
And please get help with SSDI.
Response to mvd (Original post)
Post removed
Tree-Hugger
(3,370 posts)I've been in deep poverty before and I am struggling now due to the pandemic, so I know it sucks. I have gotten help on DU before quite a few years ago.
I can't help with donations because of my own situation....but I am VERY familiar with your area and the resources out there.
I'll defend you on the dental thing. I know where you're located. It's very hard to find dentists that take Medicaid in this county and most that do are pretty terrible. It's a passion of mine to try to get better Medicaid coverage for adult dental care in this state. That said, I'd recommend getting your basic cleaning covered by a Medicaid dentist rather than paying out of pocket. I know there are limitations on coverage for root canals and cavities and dentures, but even the basics at the shithole sites for free is better than no dental care at all or spending hundreds out of pocket.
If you are unemployed and mom is unemployed then you both should be covered under SNAP. MontCo services will help guide you with employment as well. Being on state aid, you can go through pacareerlink.net
I'm confused on the transportation. You both have Medicaid. Transnet is available. That's through the Suburban Transit Network. You'll fill an application through them (with Find My Ride) and they will determine your needs through there. Here is their primary link:
https://www.suburbantransit.org/home
You'll see that they have a few different transportation categories - Medical assistance, Senior ride share, etc.
There is also the MontCo Transportation hotline. 1-866-507-4857
Their website is https://ptma-mc.org/services/#montco-transportation-helpline
There is Family Services of MontCo. They help families in need and they have a section for senior services. They are for Mont Co and their main office isn't too far - right down Ridge in Eagleville. They can provide guidance on utility assistance, food assistance, transportation, etc. They have a section and a contact email address right in their senior services section about Meals on Wheels. Their website is:
https://fsmontco.org/
And their direct senior page with the info on MoW is:
https://fsmontco.org/what-we-do/older-adults
Daily Bread is a nearby food pantry. They are right there on Ridge. They are also good with helping people pinpoint resources:
https://dailybreadcommunityfoodpantry.org/services/
Outside of Medicaid, try these for dental care. They may help point you in the right direction:
https://dvch.org/
or
https://www.communitymedicaldental.com/
or
Abington Jefferson Health Dental Care Access Program Contact Information:
51 Medical Campus Drive
Lansdale, PA - 19446
(215) 855-8296
The last one is in Lansdale, but they may be able to direct you. I was in their ER for for an abcess that needed antibiotics asap because I could not get care with the Medicaid dentists. They are the ones that gave me the above info.
PECO has several programs that are not LIHEAP. I know...I use them. We are in their CAP program. They also have other programs available. Call the main number and they will direct you on what to do and how to apply. It's on their website, too.
St. Vincent de Paul is another great organization that can help. They offer some assistance with things like rent, utilities, etc. Their volunteers are pretty handy and can help direct you to other reaources. Now, there is ZERO requirement to have any religious affiliation. It's not like a lot of evangelical orgs that want you to come to church, take a bible, or anything like that. You don't have to be Catholic, Christian, or anything to receive help. They'll help atheists. I have received assistance for rent many years ago. They also helped with a car repair at the height of the pandemic. You can call any Catholic church for SVdP, but I checked and it looks like Sacred Heart there on Walnut St has a direct line for the organization:
https://sacredheartroyersford.org/st-vincent-depaul
Get the low cost help from Comcast.
We all need phones in this day and age. You already have Comcast and a phone. If you don't have their mobile plans, switch. It's about $20 for a 1GB plan. I have both of my kids on 1 GB plans. The cost for those two lines in $32/mo. Comcast uses Verizon's system, so the coverage is very good. Since you have Comcast at home, you can use the in home WiFi as well as Xfinity free wifi outside the home. That is what we do and then the 1GB of data is for emergencies.
MontCo senior services:
https://www.montcopa.org/148/Senior-Services
I am sure you know Giant and Aldi allow you to order with SNAP online.
Walmart also allows you to order with SNAP online. If your friend can do a weekly pick up for you then it's free. They deliver, too, but it's not free. Pick up is completely free and you can use SNAP online.
Amazon Prime has a SNAP discount. Hook up your EBT card through them. You'll get a monthly Prime discount and you can order certain pantry items covered by SNAP.
I know employment is difficult. If you need to get out and get your body moving or find social connection and STAY COOL in this heat.....the Spring Valley YMCA is excellent. You'd qualify for a free membership just based on income.....but some of the Medicaid plans have a free membership. You and mom would qualify for a free family memebership. They often have cool programs there in addition to the usual fitness classes, gym, pool. Plus.....I know this is difficult.....they are a very good option for employment. Pay isn't the best and they cap hours, but it is a more gentle way to ease into employment. They tend to be very flexible with hours.
https://www.philaymca.org/locations/spring-valley-ymca
https://www.philaymca.org/join/financial-assistance-program
I hope this helps. Excuse any typos. My phone is a piece of shit and the autocorrect is fucked up beyond recognition. It took me an hour to type this. Good luck to you and your mom.
Arazi
(6,829 posts)XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)That is really what I needed. I will bookmark this post in fact and wish I could recommend.
I know about St. Vincent de Paul. They did help after my dad died.
MissB
(15,805 posts)Stop reading or responding to this thread, and concentrate only on Tree-Hugger's post. There is no need to respond to anyone else, including me on this post.
Start working your way through the resources that Tree-Hugger posted, including St. Vincent de Paul. You may know of them, but you need to contact them to see about what sort of assistance they can provide you now, not explain what help they did after your dad died a bunch of years ago.
Just start at the top of Tree-Hugger's list. Or the middle. Stop posting, start calling or clicking on the links. Get the ball rolling. Don't delay. Don't wait until tomorrow, or next week, or when your mom's mental health is better.
DO IT NOW. This is the help you need.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I just want it to refer to anytime. Its fantastic.
Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)What were the outcomes of the calls? How did your Mom's Dr's appointments go?
I think everyone here is concerned about both of you.
demmiblue
(36,841 posts)Sympthsical
(9,072 posts)Hekate
(90,645 posts)likesmountains 52
(4,098 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)It is not so easy to find these so that post was an amazing help.
madibella
(80 posts)In order to honor those who have donated to you. To me it is unthinkable to ask for and accept funds when you are not willing to make any changes or sacrifices.
As others have said, everyone has issues. I dont have dental coverage and go without care until push comes to shove and I have no choice but to go in. If your mom is smoking, that money obviously should be going to bills you are accepting money for.
mvd
(65,173 posts)my expenses to show I am not hiding anything. There was a super helpful post above I am very thankful for.
mvd
(65,173 posts)It doesnt even have to be to the goal. Every little bit helps. I now realize that while I wasnt exactly buying luxury TVs, there are things I can improve in our budget. And there is assistance available that I had no idea of. So while I have been embarrassed having to make this thread, in the long run it will be good for me.
USALiberal
(10,877 posts)shrike3
(3,572 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)I sent a request to one of the hosts.
shrike3
(3,572 posts)Ptah
(33,024 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)The host can just lock this.
The thread now is taking attention from the important political discussion and can be just as good in the Lounge.
Ptah
(33,024 posts)mvd
(65,173 posts)and all the suggestions.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)shrike3
(3,572 posts)I've seen threads start one place and end up somewhere else. Maybe the admins do it?
Ptah
(33,024 posts)obamanut2012
(26,068 posts)Good lord.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)Thus, I hope you're going to be reaching out to those resources so kindly provided by a fellow DUer. Working the phones and setting up appointments TODAY. At least get the free Medicaid cleaning, per their suggestion, and put that money towards water, etc. I now get that Medicaid dentists around there are bad.
Fair enough. They also provided dental resources in their list.
Do you have United Way there? Another suggestion.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I already know they may be able to set up some appointments for rides, which is important. I am sure there is a United Way somewhere. Thanks again. I want to repost this in the Lounge.
XanaDUer2
(10,643 posts)likesmountains 52
(4,098 posts)Time to throw in towel I'm afraid.
mvd
(65,173 posts)I can post in the Lounge. That way it wont take space in GD while I wait and discuss.
Ptah
(33,024 posts)All the rest of the thread will remain, and can be linked to.
mvd
(65,173 posts)Thtwudbeme
(7,737 posts)get more GFM money out of DU.
I wish you had called a social worker on the 9th. I wish you would let folks that donated know how your mother is doing. It sounds as if she hasn't SEEN a Dr. in a while. It's none of my business, but that is what you have based your GFM's on.