"How to deal with bullies", according to my Dad:

[Atticus]

1.) If possible, avoid and ignore them.
2.) If confronted, walk away.
3.) If struck, turn the other cheek---ONCE.
4.) If turning your cheek doesn't work and they attempt to do you harm, do whatever is necessary to put them on the ground.
5.) Make sure that, even if they are able to get up, they won't dare.

[Bluethroughu]

1. It's a good system.

[Woodswalker]

2. If struck go to step 4

[lastlib]

34. I think, as a country, we're on #4 now.

Have been for a long time. Time to start breaking pinkies. Or trigger fingers.

[chowder66]

3. My mom told me if someone hit me to grab their

pinky finger and break it. I'll never forget they way I looked at her when she told me that.

p.s. Thanks Mom! Never had to use that!

[Demsrule86]

18. I ever did that either but that is one of things suggested for big attackers...I bet it works...did

it make you wonder how many people are wandering around with broken pinky fingers thanks to your Mom?

[chowder66]

32. Lol. I didn't... but I will now!

[Maraya1969]

31. Or grab and pull their ear if you are closer to it.

[chowder66]

33. I thought only teachers did that!

[BSdetect]

4. You just need to stare right at them very calmly.

[BSdetect]

5. You just need to stare right at them very calmly.

[Srkdqltr]

6. All good until you actually face it.

[Probatim]

8. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

That quote has been attributed to the great philosopher Mike Tyson.

I have found that smiling at them makes bullies think twice. The sort of smile that says - this isn't going to end well for either of us but I'm willing to go if that's what you really want.

[Atticus]

13. As someone who HAS been punched in the mouth---more than once or twice---I have

found it best to have a plan before that happens.

[Higherarky]

20. +11x11 to the nth power

[LiberalFighter]

23. Years ago I put it in my mind how I would respond when threatened.

Different scenarios. One almost went into action except I stopped short. I was in an environment that was risky. Someone touched me in the back and I immediately went for the person's throat to grab it. I realized the person was not a threat and stopped.

[True Blue American]

38. I had a would be mugger

In an almost empty parking lot one morning. I had worked with Police at work. They told me to watch for vans with sliding doors. I saw a guy slide out. I moved fast. He yelled at me as if he wanted to ask me something. By that time I was close to my car. Unlocking the door, jumped in started the car. By that time he was in front of my car. I stepped on the gas. He jumped 3 feet sideways.

I called the Police when I got home. They asked me why I did not call 911. Well,duh,if I had stopped to do that I would have been lying in the parking lot.

I had not had my cell phone long. It was in the car. Watch your surroundings, Ladies.

They also told me to keep my keys and gouge strsaight for the eyes. Do not be squeamish. They are there to hurt you.

[Demsrule86]

19. If an attack is imminent...you must hit them first...better odds.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

35. Military say "No plan survives contact with the enemy" but Eisenhower also said

Eisenhower said (paraphrased): "Plans are worthless but planning is everything."

Quote Investigator: In 1950 Dwight Eisenhower wrote a letter to a U.S. diplomat in which he ascribed a military-oriented version of the saying to an anonymous soldier. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[1]

. . . I always remember the observation of a very successful soldier who said, “Peace-time plans are of no particular value, but peace-time planning is indispensable.”

During a speech in November 1957 Eisenhower employed the saying again. He told an anecdote about the maps used during U.S. military training. Maps of the Alsace-Lorraine area of Europe were used during instruction before World War I, but educational reformers decided that the location was not relevant to American forces. So the maps were switched to a new location within the U.S. for planning exercises. A few years later the military was deployed and fighting in the Alsace-Lorraine:[2]

I tell this story to illustrate the truth of the statement I heard long ago in the Army: Plans are worthless, but planning is everything. There is a very great distinction because when you are planning for an emergency you must start with this one thing: the very definition of “emergency” is that it is unexpected, therefore it is not going to happen the way you are planning.

They also mention the first saying:

A thematically similar statement was crafted by Prussian Field Marshal Helmuth von Moltke the Elder in 1871. Here is the original German form together with an English translation:[3]

Kein Operationsplan reicht mit einiger Sicherheit über das erste Zusammentreffen mit der feindlichen Hauptmacht hinaus.

No plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first encounter with the main enemy forces.

[homegirl]

40. The girl class bully

was pushing me, much smaller, around. I came up from the ground with a loaded book bag, right across her head. This was during WW2 and I called her a NAZI and told her to stay away from me. That was second grade, even though I was smaller and younger until the group was split when we went off to different high schools-no one ever challenged me!

[MLAA]

48. Good for you!

[cutroot]

7. In the eighth grade the school bully pushed me over the edge

I popped him in the face. He started crying. Guess who got into trouble. His eye swelled up horribly. Guess who got to have special sessions with the school counselor for the rest of the year. His power over the class vanished instantly. He didn’t bother anyone else for the rest of the year. I paid the price but there was never a hero parade.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

36. Bullying today has grown to pandemic proportions & in severity. Symptomatic of RW "fuck yer feelings

[niyad]

9. On several occasions, I found that my flexing fingers, held at the appropriate

level, caused the bully to rethink and leave. And my nails are not even long.

[True Blue American]

39. But nails can do some serious damage.

[niyad]

64. My hair is stronger than my nails.

[True Blue American]

65. I found a product called Miracle Nail.

Best I ever used!

[niyad]

67. Vitamin E is the only thing that has ever worked for me.

[True Blue American]

69. That is good, too

I have soft nails that need a little protection. Spending so much time in the pool. Have searched for years for protection. They used to have a European product that really worked. Expensive.

I picked this up atr the Dollar Tree!!

[2naSalit]

10. My rule is very much like that...

Last edited Wed Jul 27, 2022, 11:05 AM - Edit history (1)

Except, being female, the first part of #4 is not a workable thing in many to most situations. The second part is the first consideration if a person were to try to strike me.

[ShazzieB]

21. EXACTLY.

For me, step 4 has always been as follows: If turning your cheek doesn't work and they attempt to do you harm, do whatever is necessary to get the hell of of there in one piece.

Because putting them on the ground isn't in my skill set, and never will be.

There was only one time that someone actually tried to start a fist fight with me. It was in 8th grade. Out of a clear blue sky, this girl just walked up to me and pushed me, hard. I lost my balance and landed on my butt. Was in a complete state of shock and started crying, which she was obviously not expecting. Through my tears, I demanded to know what I had ever done to her. (She was a year behind me in school, and I barely knew her.) She did not have a good answer for that, just muttered something nonsensical about not liking the way I walked. (WHAT?!) I can't remember what else was said, but she and her sidekick ended up walking away and never bothered me again.

I still have no idea what her beef was with me, and I don't think she knew herself. Sometimes a kid will take a dislike to another kid for no real reason other than that their own insecurities have been triggered in some way. I think I got really lucky with this one. Some kids would have been even more enraged by my demanding to know the reason for the attack. In her case, she realized that she really did not have any reason to beat me up, and all the fight went out of her at that point.

At the time, I didn't think of that experience as a "win," but I eventually came to realize that it was a pretty darned big one. Of course, it only worked out that way because we were girls. I'm sure that a boy would not have reacted that way to another boy crying!

[2naSalit]

25. I agree...

Whatever works to get out of there in one piece is the operative goal!

[leftieNanner]

11. Sometimes it doesn't involve fists

I worked for a small company in San Francisco back in the day as a bookkeeper and office manager. One of the owners was a cocky SOB who liked to push around the staff - particularly the women.

One day, he tried to pull that on me. He was a big dude and I walked into his office and told him that his behavior was not acceptable and he was not to do that again. After that, he never treated me that way. We actually had a better relationship.

Go figure.

[Warpy]

12. My parents had useless advice

which all boiled down to the fact that adults deny, deflect, and blame the victim.

My best advice is not to engage, but if they really get in your face or get physical, get at least one punch in. Even if they hurt you, that one punch will tell them that you're willing to fight back and they'll look for an easier target.

Bullies are the biggest cowards out there. Never forget that.

[Martin68]

59. Interesting you should say that about your parents, because my parents gave a similar

ambiguous, half-hearted message about whether they thought I should physically stand up for myself in a confrontation. I never could tell where their line was between being belligerent and standing up for yourself. I learned that the hard way later in life.

[Warpy]

63. I suppose they'd gotten the same advice when they were kids

and since I could see both of them getting that one punch in, I figured they were just clueless and wanted to stay that way.

The 1950s and early 1960s were like that, no wonder we turned to drugs and raised every bit of hell we could.

[Jarqui]

14. I couldn't stand bullies hurting kids

Lots of bullies at a private boys school.
I had a knack for beating them up.
6 years. 34 fights.
I was lucky to win those fights, not get hurt much and to not get sued.

When you get right down to it, you're basically bullying the bully - not much better than them.
You do that much fighting, even when you get the best of them, it leaves emotional scars.
On one side, it stopped the abuse of their victims which was the objective.
On the other, for example, knocking four teeth out of a 9 year old bully - that's a pretty harsh outcome for a nine year old making a mistake.
There should be a better way to resolve differences but 34 times, it didn't work out that way for me.
It bothers me to this day. It was very hard on my parents.

It did stop when the school finally implemented a no bullying policy that I'd asked for after my first fight.

I'll never understand or accept the cruelty of why people have to hurt kids like that.
I am so sorry for those who have suffered that abuse. It is brutal, so undeserved and so damaging.

[MLAA]

49. You did the right thing, only thing you could when adults wouldn't help.

[Demsrule86]

15. Your Dad sounds like my Dad...only on number four he would have added pick up a two by four

or whatever is lying around to even the odds and keep your thumb inside your fist. We lived in Jersey for a while, Teaneck. And there was this kid who sent us home crying almost on a daily basis...now I had three brothers and a sister... There were two kids in his family; he had a younger sister. My Dad finally had enough. He said there are five of you and one of him. If you come back crying one more time, I will give you more to cry about.

So the next time the kid went after one of us, we all jumped him and pummeled him my two younger brothers bit him and my sister pulled his hair and slapped him. My older brother and I punched him. We sent him home with a bloody nose and crying. Now I am a woman...but hey I was a Navy brat and Dad felt every person needed to defend himself or herself. And he taught us. He grew up in a rough area of Chicago.

He was a character. I miss him every day. My Dad (unfairly I think because my sister and I took advantage of it) would punish the boys severely if they hit a girl including their sisters. When my one brother pointed out that the girl he was punished for hitting was a head taller than him, Dad, merely said. Real men do not hit women ever-no exceptions.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

[duhneece]

17. Bullies may face greater health risks than victims

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-bullies/bullies-face-even-more-health-risks-than-victims-idUKREE57422620080725

[Orrex]

22. Some additional:

Last edited Wed Jul 27, 2022, 11:26 AM - Edit history (1)

6. The bully likely has a history of abuse and has a lot of experience taking a punch, so understand that simply hitting the bully won’t likely do much to deter them
7. Understand that, when you retaliate, you will almost certainly be punished more severely than the bully, who has a lot of practice at getting away with it
7a. The bully is very good at acting without being seen by people in authority
7b. The bully is very good at playing the victim, so that any retaliation will draw the attention of those in authority
8. If you report the bully to those in authority, literally nothing will be done to the bullly, and you might be force to apologize to them “In the interest of harmony” etc.

[Atticus]

28. "---taking A punch---"? Another of Dad's guides was "Never hit someone just once".

That's what #5 in th he OP was about.

[LiberalFighter]

24. Don't give them too many chances.

[live love laugh]

47. ✔️

[fightforfreedom]

26. When I was young I was very small and the bullies came a calling. I learned a few things.

Never run or show fear to a bully. They thrive off that. Stand your ground, say nothing, then slowly walk away. When you face a bully each situation is a little different. You have to think about it. sum up the situation you are in at that moment.

Sometimes when you are bullied they do it in front of their friends. They are showing off. If the bully does things to you like spitting on you, throws food at you. Take it and say nothing. However never forget. Wait as long as it takes to be alone with the bully or when your friends are around. I paid some bullies back years after they bullied me. I did not forget.

Most bullies are cowards. If they start beating you up you must fight back and use an object to even the odds. One of my favorite weapons was a beer bottle. It is amazing to watch a bully much larger than you run like hell.

Some bullies are not cowards and they are dangerous. You have to do everything you can to stay away from these bullies. These are the bullies that usually end up in prison one day or they die young.

One thing that happens the first time you fight back against a bully, even if you lose. You gain respect from people who are watching. Some of them may come to your aid in the future, become your friend. They may beat the shit out of the bully for you.

[KentuckyWoman]

27. I tend to call them out or worse, laugh.

Someone attempted to mug me not long ago and my instant instinct was to say "what the hell is the matter with you?" while I whacked him. At about 80 I just don't give a shit if they shoot me anymore. Trying to bully an old lady just makes me more mad than scared.

In my younger days I laughed at a local girl who thought she could be mean in front of her friends. Couldn't help it. Thought it was really funny the kid of the town drunk would go around thinking anyone was beneath her. I told her if she wanted to be mean to anyone then go home and be mean to dad. It's his fault her family is a laughing stock. And if she wanted to be accepted in this town she might think about making friends instead of being an idiot. Then I walked away. She never bothered me again.

[RobinA]

62. I Find Laughing

to be effective. They aren't expecting it. Bullying is kind of scripted, so if you go off script they have to regroup. They don't get what's funny, so you've distracted them. Probably won't work for a dyed in the wool sociopath, but to the average bully you've knocked them back on their heels as they wonder what's going on.

Paradoxical reactions can often be very effective in many situations.

[Pepsidog]

29. #1 and #2 If confronted, laugh at them or ridicule-then walk away. #3) If struck-go to

2nd part of if #4 and punch, kick, bite whatever is necessary to make sure they dare not confront you again. Growing up, I was always bigger and physically more mature than most others my age. By 9th grade I went to a private Catholic HS and most others student thought I was a teacher. Back then I wanted to be like Arnold Schwarzenegger so I started lifting weights when I was in 7th grade. By the time HS came around I was pretty intimidating looking and because of that had my share of scraps simply because people wanted to call me out just to knock off the big man. I took some hits but for the most part gave a lot more than I received. Things didn’t change until college when most all the other kids caught up and some were bigger than me. I can say I never started a fight but and would never turn the cheek unless I knew the person who confronted me had no chance of beating me. In college the biggest kid in school, a baseball player, bumped into me at a packed bar and beer spilled on him. A complete accident but he took a shot at me and missed. With out thinking I punched him so hard his knees bucked and he went down. This guy was 6’5” and built and was put down with one punch in a crowded bar in front of all his friends and others from school. I broke his nose and blood was everywhere. Later that night at about 3:00am I hear a knock on my dorm room door and there was Mr. Baseball, hands wrapped to protect them, with 15 other guys wanting to settle the score. I should have laughed and closed the door but I didn’t. My roommate and I went out against all these guys. Mr. Baseball and I squared off and after a few punches we ended up on the ground with me on my back holding his wrists so he couldn’t punch me. He would knee me and I would let go a wrist a scratch or bite to fight back. After about 5 minutes we were both spent and agreed to get up. He won that round and we shook hands and were buddies after that. My roommate and his boys never engaged otherwise we would have been torn up. Guess who else was on the baseball team and might have been there I don’t recall. Eric Bolling ex-Fox scum was on my college baseball team. My college didn’t have a football team so baseball was the big sport. Bolling was a creep back then but I have to say a very good baseball player. Anyway, my fighting days stopped in law school when I did whatever it took to avoid fights.

[MLAA]

51. You were a good kid. 🙂

[dlbell]

30. Show no remorse

"Hit 'em hard
Hit 'em fast
Show no remorse"

Excerpt from the book "Too Near The Falls".

[bucolic_frolic]

37. Not everyone can follow that advice

Some choose to let an asshole be an asshole. It becomes exponential hubris.

[The Jungle 1]

41. I think you left out some of the lesson!

Yo, turning your cheek is the same as slipping a punch. (Am I right here??)
Ya slip the first one one, and ya slip right. (If he threw one there will be a second)
If you get away with it.
Then snap back fast with the straight right.
The target is his nose.
The two sounds everybody else will hear will be??? Bully hears one sound and has a hand full of red. Fight is over.
Remember, be in your stance, twist the shoulders and turn on the toes of the right foot.
Now lets go hit the bag.

[flying_wahini]

42. And if you feel you haven't any options and give the first punch make it count.

Do NOT tuck your thumb inside your fist of closed fingers. You will break your thumb.

[H2O Man]

43. Recommended.

As Malcolm X noted -- regarding #3 -- sometimes turning the other cheek means breaking the other guy's jaw.

[ananda]

44. One other thing I've learned the hard way.

Never give them a second chance.

[Martin68]

45. I skip Step #3.

[H2O Man]

50. I always liked

when one started to say, "You hit me first." They never got the whole sentence out of their mouth.

[Martin68]

55. LOL. That's in the Survival Guide. Let the guy hit you first and he'll probably stick you in the gut

with a knife. Not a smart move.

[H2O Man]

57. I was once

at a party with other young people in the woods. In a verbal confrontation with a guy who had recently moved there from the city, he pulled a knife on me. Cut my finger, darned him! But he never realized everyone else there liked me, including my friend who knocked him unconscious from behind with a piece of firewood. Not that rural people might not have carried a pocket knife, but I doubt many urban kids would recognize firewood as a potential weapon.

I was not happy that he cut my finger. He needed to learn a lesson beyond being knocked out. Ah, to be young! I did hear that he started carrying a gun after he recovered.

[Martin68]

58. That's what friends are for!

[live love laugh]

46. Walking away from a bully is an invitation.

Stand your ground from the outset. They’ll find another victim when they see you aren’t one.

[Slammer]

52. cheeky

"If struck, turn the other cheek---ONCE."

My dad pointed out that while you have four cheeks, there's no need to use them all.

[Permanut]

53. Got the same advice from my Dad..

I think he came out of the same school of hard knocks as your Dad.

[AllaN01Bear]

54. when mom was in high school she was at a school recital.

the football quarterback was with the cheer leaders where makeing jerks of themselves . she got up and took her 5 pound music appreciacion text book and dropped it on the q.bs head . everyone gasped and she wound up going to armstrong buisness school but did graduate w her class.

[pansypoo53219]

56. i had a brother + uncles. if needed i hit back as a kid. ok, i think i whallopped a kid once.

but i could ignore them too. i have great blank look. really? is that all u got? cyber bullies too.

[Septua]

60. I'm less tolerant

1.) If possible, avoid them.
2.) If confronted tell 'em to fuck off. If they don't, put 'em on the ground.
3.) Make sure they aren't able to get up.

If we're talking MAGA type bullies, they won't let you walk away or ignore them and will get in your face. A preemptive first strike is the best strategy.

[Grokenstein]

61. My go-to is Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot.

The excerpt involves certain words I don't want to copypaste here, but Mark Petrie's takedown of school bully Richie Boddin, as much psychological as physical, is an absolute pip. Just search for "Richie Boddin" in the link below, but fairly warned be ye, that there's disturbing language and situations in that book. I mean, it's Stephen King, possibly at his most brutal.

https://allnovel.net/salem-s-lot/page-5.html

[Emile]

66. I use 1 & 2 for incidents of road rage.

[sir pball]

68. My dad, and my sensei, differed as to #3.

They both taught me "if hit, hit back. As hard as you can. One time. Then wait to see their response."

If they backed down, all was well. If they didn't, your step #4 was the answer…of course, I was always taught to end it with "make sure they stay down" so step #5 is kinda redundant

[True Blue American]

70. Yesterday the green arrow came on, I looked both ways to make sure

There were no cars coming, the idiot behind me beeped her horn. I gave her the finger! I never do that but that was ignorant. Then I slowed down to the speed limit. Was I wrong?