"Dating opportunities for heterosexual men diminishing as healthy relationship standards increase"

[kpete]

The Rise of Lonely, Single Men
Dating apps and a drastically changing relationship landscape.
Posted August 9, 2022 | Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano

Dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as healthy relationship standards change.
Men represent approximately 62% of dating app users, lowering their chances for matches.
Men need to address skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations.

Younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve ever been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worst.

.........

Here are three broad trends in the relationship landscape that suggest heterosexual men are in for a rough road ahead:

Dating Apps. Whether you’re just starting to date or you’re recently divorced and dating again, dating apps are a huge driver of new romantic connections in the United States. The only problem is that upwards of 62% of users are men and many women are overwhelmed with how many options they have. Competition in online dating is fierce, and lucky in-person chance encounters with dreamy partners are rarer than ever.

Relationship Standards. With so many options, it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective. I do a live TikTok show (@abetterloveproject) and speak with hundreds of audience members every week; I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.

Skills Deficits. For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities, less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single. The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love. Emotional connection requires all the skills that families are still not consistently teaching their young boys.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men

[ck4829]

1. This doesn't need to be a "bad thing", this also means that men are not getting into

unstable, unhealthy, and unfulfilling relationships.

[Lettuce Be]

2. Choosing who you might want to date on looks alone is ridiculous

and that appears to be how those "dating apps" work.

[Wingus Dingus]

3. This author leaves out that many women have height requirements, etc.

It's a shallow new world out there.

[Elessar Zappa]

4. People have always been shallow.

Nothing new about it.

[Wingus Dingus]

6. What's new is that you can order physical characteristics from a menu.

[Mr.Bill]

7. And the 800 lb. Gorilla in the room,

"How much money do you make"?

[Wingus Dingus]

9. Yes. There are many men who get eliminated right away

for various things before anyone gets to know them as people. I find it sad, as a woman who grew up and dated the old fashioned way in the before-times--actually meeting people before I decided to go out with them.

[Mr.Bill]

10. If my wife and I had gotten married

for our looks and/or money, our marriage would have ended a long time ago.

[Wingus Dingus]

11. LOL. What a nightmare, to have to have a photo and a resume to go out on a date.

[Mr.Bill]

14. And how sad for people

who have money and good looks and nothing else.

[shrike3]

19. Before we met, my husband attended a few singles events. This was before on-line dating.

He said women did everything but ask to see a bank statement.

Now, not every woman's going to do that, obviously.

[Mr.Bill]

20. I'm glad my wife didn't do that with me.

She told me years later that when she told people at work (she's an RN) about me when we were dating they said "Does he have a job?" she said yes, and they said "Keep him".

My wife says it's kind of an inside joke among RNs that they don't have husbands, they have projects.

[shrike3]

25. I remember listening to a call-in radio show.

Girl called in and the DJ asked, "What kind of guy you looking for?"

She said, "Oh, he's got to have a job. He's got to have a car."

"That's all?"

"Pretty much."

[ZonkerHarris]

34. The circle of girlfriends my first wife was with said they were three things

The circle of girlfriends my first wife was with said there were three things a guy needed to have to qualify as dateable: a job, a car, and an apartment.
I was lucky I qualified

[Renew Deal]

38. There seems to be a theme in these posts.

Last edited Sun Aug 14, 2022, 11:09 AM - Edit history (1)

Women have never been interested in unemployed men living in their mothers house. Incels become incels for a reason. What surprises me is when guys call themselves incels below the age of 25. It is easier to change at younger ages.

Of course, “do you have a job” isn’t the only question. There are articles written about women preferring men with professional jobs, which impact mens decisions to go into trade jobs like plumbing, electricity, truck driving, etc.

Here’s one take on the matter: https://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2012/12/05/why-are-so-many-professional-millennial-women-unable-to-find-dateable-men

So in many cases it isn’t just about if they have a job but what the job is. White collar women prefer white collar men. It’s not about money. It’s about the ability to understand each other. I’ll try to find the article that said that this deters men from joining the trades.

[shrike3]

39. My husband is a retired union tradesman.

But I was past thirty. And at that point of my life I was less interested in whether a man had a college degree, and more interested in whether or not he had a wok.

I've tried to encourage my single friends to date one of the many union tradesmen in the area. They have vacation houses, they have boats. They do a lot of interesting things. But the gals say their guy must have a college degree. The one with the Ph. D. says hers must have at least a master's. So I no longer offer advice. I'm not the one dating; they are.

[shrike3]

40. Oh, I'm sure there was more to you than that.

[Polybius]

24. I guess it depends on how you define shallow

I see nothing wrong with women putting in height limits. If she's 5'9, she might only want to date 5'11 and above if it's what she's attracted to.

[BreakfastClub]

28. Men have height biases too.

I grew up with a very pretty best friend who reached 6 ft tall by 14. She had a very difficult time finding a boyfriend due to her height. She was repeatedly turned down by guys who specifically listed her height as the only reason they weren't interested. We had a mutual guy friend who told me he was crazy about her and if not for her height he would have gone to the ends of the earth to have her as his girlfriend. He said he just couldn't date her because she was a few inches taller than him. I thought it was sad he didn't give it a chance since he liked her so much otherwise.

It is very short-sighted (no pun intended?) to say that only women have height requirements. My friend did not care about height and wound up marrying a guy who is 5'9." I didn't care about height very much but at 5'5 most guys are at least a little taller than me. I married a guy who is 6'1 but had no requirement and dated guys from 5'6 and up before I got married. Height isn't important to everyone and in my observation many men refuse to date a woman who is much taller than them. My mom and dad were the same height, btw. They were both 5'8." There's nothing wrong with wanting someone above or below a certain height. I'm not saying that it is wrong. I'm just saying probably as many men care about height as women.

[Victor_c3]

35. Height is one of my major filters for dating

I’m a 5’ 5” tall guy and when it comes to online dating, I set my filter to be my height or shorter. I’ve been with plenty of women throughout my life and only twice did I ever have a girlfriend that was taller than me. I don’t know what you want to call it, but it is definitely awkward dating a woman that is taller than me.

I admit that I also filter for body type to an extent too. I’m a reasonably active person and it is important for me to find a partner who likes to partake in the same activities I enjoy. Chances are, if you’re morbidly obese, you aren’t the type of person that likes to hike extensively, go mountain biking and such and we aren’t going to have much in common.

[womanofthehills]

31. Not necessarily - People have to write something about themselves -

So - if you have a creative, funny, intelligent blurb about yourself- you might attract likewise people. Intelligent people stand out because 90% of people post clichés like - “comfortable in jeans or a tux”. There’s always the guy who wants to go swimming au natural in a hot springs for your first date.

[enki23]

5. There are more women than there are men

And their likelihood of desiring heterosexual relationships is at least roughly equivalent to men. This premise of this article is almost completely analogous to saying it's getting harder to pick up women in singles bars because fewer women want to go to singles bars. Dating apps may be common, but they are clearly not representative of the overall situation.

[uponit7771]

23. +1, I don't read any data on which mediums are the most popular for stable relationships

[Ohio Joe]

8. oh no... The relationship has to be healthy!!!!

No wonder I'm not having trouble

[mitch96]

12. The RWNJ's have a word for it.. INCEL.. the poor babies can't get laid.. boo F*ck*n hoo..nt

[womanofthehills]

32. Or it could just be they don't know how to write an interesting intro

There are books out there on every subject - like how to have your self blurb stand out from all the rest.

[mopinko]

13. hmmmm. i know that guy

[roamer65]

15. Go bisexual, dudes.

It means you will have double the chance of a date on a Saturday night!

Old Woody Allen movie I think…

[edhopper]

16. So men haven't changed

And women are tired of there shit.
Time to grow the fuck up.

[Deep State Witch]

17. Maybe

They should smile more?

[KentuckyWoman]

27. I laughed.

I was 17 the first some man I didn't know popped me on the butt and told me I should smile more. He is lucky Dad taught me smacking someone in the face with a clipboard might not be an employable skill.

[Takket]

18. seriously... i heard a guy on the phone at work the other day.....

say to the person on the other end "that's why i don't date women. i don't want to have to answer to anyone"

what a sad, lonely, existence. to have to be so macho and emotionally stunted that you can't ever have a relationship with anyone. or if you do find someone you treat them more like a pet than a person.

[JanMichael]

26. Should have asked if he dated guys then.

Since we don't answer to ourselves let alone another guy.

[hatrack]

36. Oh well. More free time for "Call Of Duty MCMXXVII", I guess . . .

[Archae]

21. I'm 62, never been married.

Just never found the "right girl."

[shanti]

22. Well

This balances itself out when they reach 60+. Then men are able to be more selective, as there are more women than men.

[betsuni]

29. Expecting "Single man living alone with a cat" jokes soon.

[DFW]

30. When I was 22, I met "the right girl."

Of course, about two thousand other guys thought she was their "right girl," too. We hit it off right away, but it still took eight years to convince her once and for all that I was the right guy.

There is always the danger that she could still change her mind, but after 48 years, I'm kinda hoping that is a danger that is rapidly diminishing.

[ZonkerHarris]

33. It's called evolution

[Victor_c3]

37. Here's an interesting article with some nice statistics

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/02/06/10-facts-about-americans-and-online-dating/