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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBREAKING NEWS: Legally embattled Trump lands in Puerto Rico, demands asylum
Facing an ever-increasing number of mounting legal woesfrom the investigation into the January 6th insurrection to the recent FBI search of his Mar-a-Lago property revealing top secret documents in his possessionformer President Donald Trump arrived in Puerto Rico today, demanding he be granted full and complete political asylum by authorities in that United States territory.
Because I have been treated so unfairly and so terribly by the laws of the United Statesfrom the Russia hoax to the Ukraine hoax to the January 6th hoax and now this document hoaxI hereby request that I immediately be given total asylum and protection here in the free and independent sovereign nation of Puerto Rico, Trump said while standing in front of the staircase leading to his chartered jet parked on the tarmac of San Juans Luis Munoz Marin International Airport. Also commonly referred to as Water Mexico.
Water Mexico, Trump reiterated. A lot of people like to call it that. Myself included. But lots of people do.
When asked why he specifically chose to flee to Puerto Rico as his destination for asylum, Trump claimed they pretty much owe it to me.
You may recall that when I was President, Puerto Rico was hit by a terrible, terrible storm, Trump explained. It was called Hurricane Katrina. And as the winds howled and the waters raged, at risk to my own life I personally came in to hand deliver critical supplies, saving the lives of hundredsif not thousandsof Puerto Ricites.
Trump appeared to be referring to 2017s Hurricane Maria, a Category 5 storm that devastated the island. As President, Trump did not visit until several weeks after the storm. During his trip, he harshly criticized local authorities for perceived disloyalty to him and participated in a widely-mocked photo opportunity where he threw rolls of paper towels at relief workers.
Nonetheless, at present date the former President appeared to maintain a gracious attitude towards his new island host, which has been a Commonwealth subject to U.S. laws since its annexation in 1898 following the Spanish-American War.
As a newly-minted Puerto Ricoer, I very much look forward to sampling some of the local cuisine, such as their famed Taco Bowl, Trump said. Which might not measure up to the Trump Tower Taco Bowls, but then again, very few do.
And also the Choco Taco, he quickly added.
Trump also said he was looking forward to engaging in some of Puerto Ricos native customs and traditions, of which he listed waterskiing and the hotel breakfast bar as specific examples.
Trump then launched into a narrative where he praised the democratic spirit of the island.
Remember that for years, Puerto Rico suffered under the oppressive regime of Fidel Castro, Trump said. Until one Cinco of Mayo, Puerto Ricovillians proclaimed in one loud voice Uno mas! and rose up and overthrew that brutal dictator. Its true. They even made a musical about it. Its called Evita.
The Former President said he felt optimistic he would be greeted warmly and with open arms in the U.S. territory.
I am confident that in virtually no time, I will join the ranks of Puerto Ricos most beloved native citizens, Trump proclaimed. Such as the great and legendary singer Bob Marley.
After his remarks at the airport, Trump asked locals where he should go to make his official request for asylum. He was promptly directed to the address of the local FBI field office in San Juan.
DETAILS AT ELEVEN.
quaint
(2,551 posts)multigraincracker
(32,641 posts)woodsprite
(11,904 posts)Zambero
(8,962 posts)Not the islands themselves, just relocate one inhabitant. Trade his Puerto Rico digs for a cool spot up north. He could spend his days watching the accelerated glacier melt-off (into water. very, very wet water) as a consequence of his policies. I'm sure Denmark would accommodate him, for just this one time.
Tommy Carcetti
(43,153 posts)One of many batshit crazy moments of those 4 batshit crazy years.
underpants
(182,603 posts)lindysalsagal
(20,581 posts)2naSalit
(86,323 posts)Buy it so he can have his own little kingdom island?
Ford_Prefect
(7,870 posts)CaptainTruth
(6,576 posts)Good job!