Weeks Deep In a Litter Box Hoax, You're So Nuts You Got Banned From Newsmax? I'm Honestly Impressed.
Not that anybody asked, but life trapped inside the shitty Ken Kesey fanfic that is American society is, um, not awesome. I’m gonna leave such a Yelp review when we come out the other side of this madness.
(Makes more sense with the links, promise. And it’s o-so-shiny here, too: https://showercapblog.com/weeks-deep-in-a-litter-box-hoax-youre-so-nuts-you-got-banned-from-newsmax-im-honestly-impressed/)
And we are gonna come out the other side, by the way. Which I only mention because many seem to’ve wandered into one of those of patches of despair n’ defeatism Dems are so fond of wallowing in. I certainly respect such a time-honored tradition, but, y’know…finish up your smoke break, okay? There’s stuff to do.
Because admittedly, Republican batshittery has been accelerating at an absolutely ungoddamnsettling rate. They’re really fuckin’ going for it, the fashy little creeps. One poll goes their way, they get reeeeeeal cocky. Suddenly these platform-averse lightweights can’t stop bragging about their revanchist plans.
It’s not so much a coherent doctrine as a manifesto smeared on the walls in crap. They’re gonna pass a national “don’t say gay” law and hand Ukraine to Putin gift-wrapped and put Fauci on trial and kick Democrats off their committees and then they’re going to make it illegal for Ivermectin to not cure Covid and once that’s all wrapped up, America won’t have any problems at all prosperity forever CHECKMATE LIBTARDS!
Oh, and we can’t forget the debt ceiling. Either Democrats agree to draconian cuts to the safety net, or McCarthy’s gang of incontinent howler monkeys blows up the global economy. I guess we’re pretending there’s some MAGA mandate for Paul Ryan-style austerity? I wouldn’t do that, fellas. If you really wanna try replacing your base’s health insurance with the Hunter Biden’s Laptop Variety Hour, just remember: you’re also the ones that sold them the torches and pitchforks.
Anyway, you better give Marjorie Taylor Greene a really fancy uniform, Kev, with tassels and shiny buttons, oh, and POWER, too, lots of it, or you’ll be sorry. Let’s quote her directly:
“I think that to be the best speaker of the House and to please the base, he's going to give me a lot of power and a lot of leeway, and if he doesn't, they're going to be very unhappy about it."
Ah, the not-particularly-thinly-veiled threat of mob violence. Wonder where she picked up that trick? Nuthin’ “semi-“ about that, folks. That is a bona fide American fascist, and her star is on the rise.
As she ascends in Republican politics, here in the run-up to the midterms, Marj is bringing her particularly unhinged brand of anti-Semitism with her, with plenty of help from Kanye West, and, of course, the Dotard himself. You knew it would come to this, it always does, but it’s still pretty terrifying to witness.
Speaking of Kanye, there’s nothing quite like the wingnut grifter feeding frenzy that descends on a mentally ill rich dude who loses his Twitter account for hate speech. For the eminently reasonable investment of a couple of tacky t-shirts, Candace Owens bailed out her husband’s somehow-even-crappier-than-Truth-Social online bigot gathering hole…anyway, the line to pick this asshat’s pocket forms to the left.
Boy, if there’s anyone anywhere who is decisively not impressive enough to talk about himself in third person, it’s Utah Senator Mike Lee, but there’s a lot of unearned self-confidence in the Republican Party these days, I suppose.
Somehow, despite deploying sophisticated tactics like “pitching a fit at your own witness,” John Durham lost his pathetic excuse for a case, to the consternation of the seething resentment cult that expected him to have Hillary Clinton in irons by now. JFK Jr.’s not coming back either, sorry. It’s hard on their poor, little minds, because the law’s so different here in the real world than it is in the shows they watch on teevee. The…news shows.
Like, there’re people who watched or heard Joe Rogan and Tulsi Gabbard jabber about furry kid litter boxes, and walked away believing they’d gained valuable information about the world around them. I would be mad if they had kids shitting in litter boxes, too. But that’s not actually happening. So.
I’d be super mad if I thought the Democratic Party was a sinister cabal that trafficked children for satanic rituals, but believing that is like believing Duck Tales is a documentary show.
I can only imagine how furious I’d be if I believed half the shrieking horseshit clogging up Lara Logan’s brain. She got banned from Newsmax, folks. BANNED from NEWSMAX. That’s like getting kicked out of a Mike Lindell sex party for being too creepy.
Anyway, the great thing about made-up problems is they can lessen or worsen or disappear completely, depending on the needs of the moment. Should these bastards take power, they’ll run for re-election swearing they made America great again, cuz you never hear about kids shitting in litter boxes anymore.
Probably their very most favorite fake thing to believe is that there’s no conceivable way voters might reject any of the deranged nincompoops they nominate for office. Tucker Carlson is only too happy to platform Kari Lake’s insidious lie that her victory is the only possible legitimate electoral outcome. And surprise, surprise, you’re already seeing voter harassment in Arizona, by self-deputized vigilante nitwits, trained and deployed by prominent conspiracy theorists, like Cleta Mitchell, John Eastman, and Steve Bannon.
Yes, the same Steve Bannon who just received a 4-month sentence for contempt, and the same John Eastman whose emails were deemed, by a federal judge, to’ve triggered the crime fraud exception to attorney-client privilege. Criminals, is what I’m saying. Criminals are organizing their own, personal voter intimidation armies.
Gosh, Cap, when you put it like that, it sounds kinda scary.
Yeah, it does. Lotta folks on the Right are saying and doing some pretty freaky shit these days. I know it’s horror movie season, but if you really want to send a chill down your spine, check out the shit they’re test-driving over at The Federalist. And “Lauren Boebert is honored to be serving during the end times” laps Wes Craven on his best day.
They’re getting restless over there. They want to get to part where they get to hurt people. They want to start locking up the groomers and the sluts and that internet cow that made fun of Devin Nunes and the BLMers and the deep state and I hope you don’t think this stops because it doesn’t.
You see, they have no choice but to impose their values on the rest of us, for we are sinners and they are godly, anyway, another one of their candidates got arrested, for, um, well, for masturbating next to a preschool playground, but I believe we were discussing Republican moral purity, which we can all agree is beyond reproach.
Gotta appreciate Ron DeSantis’ casual corruption in using Hurricane Ian as an excuse to ease voting rules…but only in Republican areas. Another authoritarian strut down the runway, casting flirty glances at the megadonor class. Same lemon-fresh new power grab scent, with a fraction of the fuss.
I had some really witty, insightful things to say about Liz Truss, but I already can’t remember who she was. Liz Tuss, Lizzzzzzz Trussssss…nope, not ringing any bells, though I feel strangely compelled to make lettuce jokes, and I have the same headache I used to get every time I got cornered by a libertarian at a college party.
In Ukraine, Putin’s now just snatching dudes off the street and feeding them straight into the front line meatgrinder, hoping the West runs out of bullets before he runs out of dudes. Oh, and trying to outsource as much of his debacle as possible to Iran, before that regime collapses. Pretty standard superpower shit.
Yeah. It’s a lot. It’s a whole fucking lot, and I get why it’s discouraging, but if it makes you feel any better, the aforementioned real-world legal system has been tap-dancing all over these maniacs’ balls, more or less constantly. From Capitol rioters to saucy subpoena-dodgers like Lindsey Graham, the slow n’ steady law keeps catching up to these fucks.
Especially the chap on the other end of that attorney-client privilege exception. So many depositions and dismissals, people have trouble figuring out where to send the new subpoenas. I guess he stole highly classified state secrets about China and Iran. Just like he stole from the Secret Service. Or from his own foundation. He’s got a pocketful of purloined restaurant mints right now, I guarantee it. He’s a thief, that’s all, and of the pettiest type imaginable.
…and they worship him for it.
Well, that’s my spooky bedtime story, muah hah hah…hoo. Anyway, I’m hearing the siren song of the hazy IPA I picked up yesterday, so I’ll sign off here. You stay safe out there, we need ya to VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS, y’know…
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Cheers to The Ferret. 
