More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Face-Eating Leopard Caucus Edition

[Fritz67]

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Catching the Face Eating Leopard By Its Tail Edition

So we got a great show of the kind of leadership we expect from today's Republican party: taking fifteen ballots, the most since before the Civil War, to elect a Speaker of the House. And what a Speaker it is: Kevin McCarthy, a nakedly ambitious economic royalist and fascist--but he's a Republican, so that's redundant--who was nevertheless not extreme enough for the House Face-Eating Leopard Caucus until he knuckled under their list of demands: good committee assignments, the threat to crash the world economy, a "kick me" sign on his back, and probably having to pick up Matt Gaetz's girlfriends from junior high to boot.

Good luck, Kev. You're gonna need it. There's no way the Face-Eating Leopard Caucus will eat your face in the future. They promised they'd quit after they ate your nose after all. Pay no attention to Marjorie Taylor Greene spreading barbecue sauce on your ears.

(No. 60 in an occasional series.)

Reposts and Updates:

Believe it or not, I had my first update for this one the very same day I posted the last list
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Aaron Brink , Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May , Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Charles Peruto, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, Matt Schlapp (NEW!), Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond (NEW!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)

* Stopping drug smugglers is now bad. (#50, Aug 2021)

Well, c'mon, it's Boebert. She's probably worried about her own suppliers being affected.

* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for racists, transphobes, and seditionists, but not for your own employees, people who make fun of you, and journalists who accurately cover your screw-ups. (#57, Sept. 2022)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Dictionairies are bad.

* Donald Trump Jr. has the room to call anyone on Earth "spoiled rich kids who never had to survive in the real world."

I mean, "takes one to know one" is the only way that works.

* Brexit was good for the UK economy.

* Trump couldn't release his taxes because of the audits he wasn't actually under.

* You accuse all LGBTQ+ people of being pedophiles and "groomers", but don't support laws designed to help combat actual child sexual abuse.

Matt Gaetz and Roy Moore have to be breathing a little easier now.

* Nobody cares about what happened on January 6, 2021.

* Failing to elect a Speaker of the House is a sure sign that Republicans will govern competantly.

* The Republican inability to elect a Speker of the House after multiple votes is clearly the fault of the media.

* New Crime: Journalism While Black.