How We Learned to Be Lonely

[Nevilledog]

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/01/loneliness-solitude-pandemic-habit/672631/

No paywall
https://archive.ph/Vivmt

Communities can be amazingly resilient after traumas. Londoners banded together during the German Blitz bombings of World War II, and rebuilt the city afterward. When I visited the Thai island of Phuket six months after the 2004 tsunami killed thousands in the region and displaced even more, I found a miraculous recovery in progress, and in many places, little remaining evidence of the tragedy. It was inspirational.

Going from surviving to thriving is crucial for healing and growth after a disaster, and scholars have shown that it can be a common experience. Often, the worst conditions bring out the best in people as they work together for their own recovery and that of their neighbors.

COVID-19 appears to be resistant to this phenomenon, unfortunately. The most salient social feature of the pandemic was how it forced people into isolation; for those fortunate enough not to lose a loved one, the major trauma it created was loneliness. Instead of coming together, emerging evidence suggests that we are in the midst of a long-term crisis of habitual loneliness, in which relationships were severed and never reestablished. Many people—perhaps including you—are still wandering alone, without the company of friends and loved ones to help rebuild their life.

If your life has not yet gone back to its 2019-era “normal,” you are not alone. In a poll conducted in March 2022 by the Kaiser Family Foundation, 59 percent of respondents said they had not fully returned to their pre-pandemic activities.

*snip*

[TygrBright]

1. I have bookmarked this and will take some of the suggestions someday when it is safe.

But I'm still waiting for the weekly average new case count in my county to stay below 10 for 5 consecutive days or longer, just to schedule a needed in-person meeting with masks and social distancing.

Maybe if we can get the morons to vaccinate, and if we can push free testing centers back into existence, and fund ongoing research into effective multivalent new vaccines and EFFECTIVE TREATMENTS, someday it will be safe to hug my loved ones in person again.

I pray for it every day.

sadly,
Bright

[Mr.Bill]

2. I sort of thrive in isolation.

I think it's because of several things. I was four years old when we moved to a place where there were kids my age to play with. If anything that was worse than being alone with my imagination.

In my 20s I lived alone in an apartment for nine years. I loved it. I had a few friends at work, and a few outside work. I didn't live with a woman until I was 39 and married her at 42. If anything, the isolation we shared during the pandemic only confirmed that we both married the right person.

We are planning to move this year to be close to my stepchildren and grandkids who have left this area, but I'm in no hurry to do so. At our age, (69 and 72) we will eventually need to be close to people who will ultimately take care of us.

And I can't forget my dogs. Sometimes they are all the company I need.

[Maraya1969]

3. This is me. I lost so many people since 2020 and rather than reach out to others I kind of

don't want to bother. I felt comfortable with the people I lost. Now I don't feel comfortable with most people.

[vanlassie]

4. ((((hug))))

[tenderfoot]

11. Same

[NullTuples]

5. I wonder if part of it is tied to how conservatives used COVID to split society.

It was looking like Steve Bannon's dream was going to fizzle out - and then COVID came along. Within months our society already have a massive rift, often splitting families in a way not seen since the US Civil War. Then came the attacks on Asian Americans, and anyone who vaguely looked Latino/a/x or Mid Eastern. Then came LGBTQ people, and abortion/reproductive health care. And of course January 6th, 2021. That rift is not healing; if anything in some quarters it is increasing in severity.breath.

[wnylib]

6. Yes, the politicization of covid did a lot

to break up relationships and isolate us.

In my case, due to health issues, continued masking and avoidance of crowds and close physical contact with people (like hugging) are still necessary. I have lost 2 close relatives to covid. My NP says it is very doubtful that I would survive an infection so I always feel like I am on borrowed time. I am vaxxed and up to date on boosters, but one of my conditions might make it impossible for me to take Paxlovid if I did get infected, depending on blood tests at the time.

So my options are partial isolation and careful precautions or risking a fatal infection.

I have always been able to spend time alone comfortably in private pursuits like reading, writing, nature walks, etc. But after 3 years, I really do miss the social gatherings, crowd events, restaurants, and other things I used to do.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

7. I have always been good at being alone.

Covid 19 has only intensified that. I'm trying to make some changes. On New Year's Eve I made a new friend. We will be getting together soon, I know.

Another friend called me up yesterday and encouraged me to take a comedy workshop in my city. At first I felt terrified, but realized that the worst that could happen is I'd bomb out, and if need be could stop going to the workshop. So I've signed up, and guess what? I don't feel remotely terrified.

[NullTuples]

9. Same. I've always been an introvert. But now...

...easing back into live (COVID carefully) has oddly made me somewhat more social than I was pre-COVID.

[in2herbs]

8. IMO there is a difference between levels of resiliency. Where Covid is involved there is a

hesitation to socialize and mingle for fear of getting Covid. I am reserving judgment until observing how people respond when Covid is gone from our lives. I think (hope) we will rise to the occasion like our ancestors did.

One of the reasons people cannot adjust to Covid's effects is that they are afraid of change. Living in isolation when you used to be social requires change but it can become one's "new normal" if they allow/work at it.

[Maru Kitteh]

10. Never had Covid & lost no relatives or friends but Covid has RUINED my life.

I'm a nurse, but I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay. I never have adequate time or energy for my own life. I feel sick all the time. I can't keep this up another decade. No fucking way.

[electric_blue68]

12. No, I "Haven't Learned" to be Lonely... 🙄 ...

I'm around 1/4 - 1/3 introvert to 3/4 - 2/3 Extrovert.

WARNING #this turned into a rant# oopsies

I love 🧡 reading, listening to the radio (music & politics), watching TV, doing my Art, Artisan Jewelry, crocheting & knitting.

BUT...

I also love being out on the Streets of NYC! As long as it's not crowded, or super crowded I get energy from the hustle & bustle. I have my favorite neighborhoods, and will go somewhere new as well for an event, a restaurant, or special architecture. I look, and go into shops, I lightly people watch, go to the bookstores, visit St John The Divine once in a while, museums, too. Go alot to The Eplanade and Plaza of Brookfield Pl (World Financial Cntr).

I've gone on occasion to parks in the nice warm to certain hot weather. There I glory like I usually do, and especially taking the masks off! But for much of it I have to get on public transit (thus more exposure), so I still much reduced that.

Was a serious blessing that my sis suggested getting a smartphone instead of replacing my basic cell!
Been my Lifeline! Had to go the Library for their computers for Internet since 1995, then their Free WiFi 🧡 when ai got my first tablet back in ?2015. There was a good Net Cafe that closed back in 2001/2. In fact that's where I saw DU briefly the first yr it started up!

So steamed some TV (my set went kaput). Found my faimly & friends on FB. And lots of interest groups on FB as well. Listen to MSNBC on Tune in. Etc etc Of course talking 🧡 to my family & friends on the phone.

In 2022 I had to move several times till I got to where I was heading (still in NYC). At least once for 4 months June - Sept I was in walking distance of 2 medium size parks.
In a way I was sooo caught up in that, that I didn't feel the isolation as much. And I have a green 🧡 space very near me again!

I'm 69. So far no major conditions other than born w hearing & eye problems. Both sides of most of my family have been/are long lived - early-mid 90's. I kind of expect that for me unless something goes really sideways. That may change at some point (getting done new condition) - making Covid even more dangerous. All my outside activities have been reduced by 95% in 2020. From vaccination & boosting onward still at 90% - 85% reduction.

I have 🧡 hung out w my sis thank goodness through all this every 4+ to 7 wks, except the winter of 2000. I actually live closer (still not walking distance) now
to my sis, and now another friend whom I did see finally this past summer. 👍

Being 69 would not normally feel that strongly (vs somewhat) to me of "the windows of opportunities" are beginning to close but it's aggravated by effin' Covid! And by the (almost all) Unvaxxed! And of course by that bloated, cruel, ignorant f-ckker who extended the worst of Covid mayhem, long Covid and death & sorrow! And his followers, and (most) Repugs!

I'm getting more frustrated with this this self enforced isolation! 😥😬

And no concerts. 😥 I'm so glad I caught U2 (against in ?2018), And the Who (again) in '19.
Maybe this summer I'll sit on the outskirts of some outdoor free shows in the parks. 🤞 I used to do that a fair amount unless it was too hot & Humid. 👍

Oh, and a long time (elsewhere in the States) artist friend just died 2 weeks ago! Not of Covid. I had so much new stuff to talk about (her cellphone went on the fritz 3+ months earlier so that was the end of our e-mailing). 😥 I found out only bc of our mutual friends on FB. Sigh.


At least I do have a bunch of very cool Art, and Jewelry projects in mind to keep me busy all year long!
And hoping for better outcomes. 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

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