Finding my way back
I’ve been reading, not posting. Thinking, not acting. Hoping, not believing. I’ve honestly been afraid to start typing, thinking I’d be unable to control my thoughts and words, truly afraid of what I might say. Since this DU community has meant so much to me for years, I’m going to try again to help my healing process through writing.
To say that Donald Trump and his enablers triggered my PTSD is like saying Buffalo got a light dusting of snow last month.
I’ve been alive going on eight decades, and never, ever did I think I would live to see fascism alive and thriving in this country. Fake news, fake ballots, fake representatives, fake “truth”, fake patriotism, fake heroes, fake loyalty to the Constitution and rule of law. Age-old standards were tossed out like a Big Mac wrapper and agencies we could count on we’re headed by people determined to wreck those agencies.
The Republican Mr. Americas attempted to destroy anything that might give their crowns a little tilt. Tolerance and empathy were out. Service and honesty were out. Being “woke” was the new Communism. Liars were cheered and heroes were scorned. Upside down doesn’t really describe it. Scrambled up doesn’t.
I wondered if my age had anything to do with the way I felt, since I had a lot of years to use for comparison. It seemed like all cement blocks were replaced with Silly Putty and pages of revered traditions replaced with Scam Call lists. It was like being inside a blender with an unstoppable Chop button. Everything seemed on the far side of cray-cray.
The one thing that literally allowed me to survive my childhood was hope. Hope that I refused to relinquish. Hope that I held dear. Hope that fed me gave me air to breathe. Hope dried my tears and made me get up. It was frightening to feel it slip away. I was ashamed of my lack of fortitude.
Then, in one Vermont winter day I saw a blue jay with one leg and an out-of-season ladybug walking across the kitchen windowsill. They were both still mobile, still trying. I thought about it and decided to write something here.
I want us all to heal from what we’ve been through and help one another gain whatever amount of determination we need to stand strong. I also hope that all those who participated in the attempted destruction of our country get what they deserve.
Sending love and hope~
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I really needed this today. I'm so glad you're back. 
❤️
Last edited Fri Jan 20, 2023, 12:51 AM - Edit history (1)
who are willing to give their all for this country. As many have done since the beginning. Look at little Greta Thunberg. Walkin the walk fighting for this planet. And we have to thank our lucky stars that Joe Biden is President and is a force to be reckoned with. DU members are here for each other, so come back often. 
Good to see you here.
Like you, I find escape and hope in nature. Out in a bitter chill the other day, I heard a bird chirping a pretty tune.
As a mere child of 75, I remember our worse days of war and ingrained racism but also clearly remember a much kinder and gentler populace, when community mattered and when it didn't make a damn whether you were a Democrat or Republican.
How times have changed.......
This is so beautiful and touches something deep inside me, too. Thank you for drawing it so tenderly. You’re far from being alone in this, democrank.
You write this with such eloquence and I'm elevated by your words.
Thank you for this. Thank you for being real and revealing your heart, your soul and your humanity.
Thank you for the perspective which is absent among those of a certain economical means (or generation perhaps?) .
We are all going through some version of the stress you allude to.
So, welcome back and together we will get through this. Remember, the sane people are on our side.
