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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsHarry Potter and the Oversight Committee of Madness (Ferret)
Zounds. Possibly the dumbest week yet, and I dont say that lightly. From Idaho Republican sorry for comparing women's health to milking cows to I want you to make me a shoe I can fuck, this weeks news was determined to bludgeon our battered brains into paste, but mine scabbed over years ago.
(Always makes more sense with thlinks: https://showercapblog.com/harry-potter-and-the-oversight-committee-of-madness/)
So I guess were jumping right into the manufactured debt ceiling crisis. Welp, its leaderin time, Speaker McCarthy, lets see what you got. Looks like were gonna do the thing where Chip Roy and his idiot buddies get an eight ball and play chicken with the global economy until Kevin takes the keys away, thatll be fun to live through.
Especially since Kev has to run everything by Marj first. Yes, riding a wave of momentum after holding fifteen times as many speakership votes as that bum Pelosi ever allowed, the Houses mad new masters passed out committee assignments this week, and my god, theyre actually going to try to govern the country with these yahoos.
The makeup of the Republican side of the House Oversight Committee is
howling lunacy. A roster drawn straight from a roadside freak show in some 50s exploitation flick, or maybe even the Troma remake. Gosar. Boebert. Taylor Greene. Perry. What the fuck are you thinking, Kevin?
Folks, Paul Gosar is a scary dude. A scary dude in clown shoes, yes, but an unapologetic white nationalist who lost his committee assignments in the first place for inciting political violence. Why do you want an unapologetic white nationalist who lost his committee assignments for inciting political violence conducting oversight of the federal government? Why is that desirable, for either the nation or your party?
Hes also completely nuts, and creepy as hell to boot. Like, just from a casting perspective, Im not sure why you want the doctor brought in to torture James Bond type represented on your team during your little Hunter Biden show. Well, when he decides to use the national platform you gave him to rant about the great replacement, dont come crying to me.
Plus, you want MTG and Boebert dueling for attention in front of live cameras, as they frolic through this blossoming, TMZ-for-fashy-dweebs feud? Theyre already fighting in the bathroom, you hapless goon, how do you imagine this is going to work out for you? If any of this shit actually worked, youd be coordinating legislation with the offices of Senators Walker, Masters, and Bolduc right now, but youre not, ARE YOU?
Marjorie will also be bringing her rich expertise on the threat posed by Jewish space lasers to the Homeland Security Committee, where she plans on acting as an instrument of Gods vengeance, and everythings so healthy and normal, I dont know why I even bother blogging anymore.
Anyway, with the more garish ghouls drawing the spotlight, it was barely noted that Scott Perry was also named to Oversight, and hes the dangerous one, folks. The FBI wouldnt seize the cellphone of a sitting U.S. Congressman without serious reason to believe that phone contained evidence of substantial fuckery, and anyone who tells you different is probably trying to sell you horse dewormer.
Boy, this George Santos character jumped the shark in a hurry, huh? I was really into his zany antics at first, but now he feels like a dumping ground for all the writers rooms weirdest ideas. Like, he was a drag queen who lied about his mom dying on 9/11 and he stole money from a disabled veterans dying dog? Youre just insulting my intelligence at this point.
but House Republicans need his vote, (for what, they couldnt tell you) so whats one more con man excused and enabled, more or less? And sure, fine. All Im saying is, if you absolutely insist on defending this sorry shitbird, we get to play the video at your funeral.
Anyway, as squirrel poop nutty as things are in Washington, its the states thatre the true laboratories of kakistocracy. In North Dakota, some unfathomable numbnuts called David Clemens wants to pass a law imposing a $1,500 fine for using a transgender persons preferred pronouns, because Republicans believe that government is where the angriest idiots go to tell the rest of us what were allowed to think.
The high priests of DeSantistan issued their latest edict, proclaiming an AP African American Studies course anathematic, on the grounds that it significantly lacks educational value. In Missouri, theyre dreaming of patriotism boot camps for public school teachers, and golly doesnt that sound like the kind of dream George Orwell might have after an evening of pizza rolls and boxed wine? And then theres this one:
Ahead of the opening of the Texas state legislature last week, Republican state Sen. Bob Hall introduced a bill to mandate that food containing human fetal tissue be clearly and conspicuously labeled.
My god, what an insane thing to do. To not just rant from a barstool, but file a whole-ass piece of legislation? Such demented industry. Better than attacking an FBI office with a nail gun, I suppose. Incidentally, I love that its about labeling, not banning this aborted fetus trail mix that exists only in Bob Halls mind. A+ wingnut shitfit.
In an intellectual joust sure to be remembered alongside the Lincoln-Douglas debates, Chuck Todd and Ron Johnson did strive gainst one another, as twin colossi astride the nations discourse, and surely any attempt to transcribe the substance here would fail most pitifully; these men are simply beyond mortals such as we. O how the ground doth tremble when titans clash; tis said Hummel figurines fell from mantel displays as far away as Wilkes-Barre.
Warmest congratulations to every huckster consultant who pulls a paycheck out of the Pennsylvania GOPs big postmortem project. Im totally applying for that gig. Anything beyond an envelope containing one photograph of Doug Mastriano and one of Dr. Oz, maybe one of the jackass who endorsed em both, would be counterproductive, and if you need assistance figuring that out, you deserve to be parted from your money.
Fox News seems curiously uninterested in covering this weeks MAGA Republican Candidate is Actual Terrorist story, likely because they havent quite figured out how to pin Solomon Peñas crimes on antifa. Anyway, theyre far too busy driving the next wave of Solomon Peñas insane.
Tucker Carlson has apparently decided to rehabilitate Dick Nixon, as some kind of warrior against thdeep state, while simultaneously hailing the restoration of the freedom to smoke indoors in congressional offices as a second Yorktown, and look, I enjoy the inane grievances of the mediocre as much as the next fellow, but I bet youd be happier if you changed the channel.
Like, when you find yourself snickering along with Ben Shapiros skeevy prison rape fantasies, do you even notice what youve done to yourself, or do you just wait for another celebrity to die so you can join the ritual freakout and shriek about vaccines until sleep takes you?
Im embarrassed even typing this, but Mike Huckabee appears tove published a childrens book about renowned human trafficker Ronald Dion DeSantis. Mark it down, folks; in, oh, say 15-20 years, youll start noticing this thing in the background every time a tabloid news show gains access to a serial killers apartment. Clown wig, jar of human teeth, and The Kids Guide to Ron DeSantis. Again? youll say to yourself, what an odd coincidence.
In the face of financial sanctions over his frivolous lawsuit against Hillary Clinton, wee Donnie One-Term withdrew a similar suit targeting New York Attorney General Letitia James, because I guess somebodys not generating enough NFT money to fund all his favorite charades anymore. Those million-dollar fines can pile up in a hurry, when youre the biggest loser in human history in the middle of his and fall phase.
Even the evangelicals are scuttling off the ship now, such is the loserstench emanating from the captains cabin. Seems like only yesterday they were laying their idolatrous hands on you, and you were jealous, because their fingers were all so normal-sized, anyway, Im sure well be treated to plenty of mewling about disloyalty as the pavement approaches. Good.
Well, gloat if you like, but if you triggered libtards were honest with yourselves, youd admit youre just jealous of Donald Trumps awesome folder collection. Oh, and I will not be composing a joke about the E. Jean Carroll/Marla Maples story, because life is too goddamn short to spend contemplating a stunted perverts sexual psychoses.
Actually, I think weve all suffered enough for one week. I better stock the beer fridge before the Freedom Caucus gets too frisky
just in case. You stay safe out there, mlovelies.
Any progress on that fuckable footwear, by the way? No? Ah, well. Someday
someday.
LetMyPeopleVote
(145,667 posts)Biophilic
(3,707 posts)Mostly I dread the news these days, but you make it palatable...and some how funny. How do you do that?