BREAKING: Classified documents discovered at my house

[Pinback]

ATLANTA, Jan. 24 - At a 1:00 p.m. ET news conference tomorrow, longtime DUer Pinback is expected to reveal the discovery of several classified documents at his Atlanta-area residence. The documents are believed to be printouts of emails from his time as a contractor at {REDACTED}, Inc.

"I had no idea I had anything like that," Pinback reportedly told a confidant, saying he found them in an old manila folder in the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet. "To tell you the truth," he allegedly told the source, "I hardly ever look in there. It's pretty disorganized, and kind of scary, really."

The long-forgotten emails are believed to contain "parodies of corporate announcements written with co-workers and several draft resignation letters."

[Effete Snob]

1. Update your Zillow listing

You can now sort homes on Zillow by whether or not they come with classified documents.

[niyad]

2. Snort!!

[Pinback]

5. Nice! Just hope it doesn't increase my property taxes. (nt)

[GopherGal]

3. Is the press conference going to be held at Four Seasons?

Or is Rudy Giuliani *not* your personal counsel...

[Pinback]

8. It'll be at The Big Chicken

… Cobb County landmark, for the non-locals. Or possibly at Chick-Fil-A, I can’t remember.

[debm55]

4. My husband used to work for the CDC. We have some here too. He had a security clearance, so I think

he'll be okay.

[DBoon]

6. My dog ate some clasified documents

The government can have them back in 2 days. Some cleanup required.

[Pinback]

31. Draining the swamp is nothing compared to that!

[GGoss]

7. Found Government Documents In My Glove Compartment... Am I In Trouble ?

[Pinback]

10. Found an empty bag of Hall's in mine.

I’ve been driving without a lozenge!

[GGoss]

11. VERY Good...

[phoenix75]

13. Excellent!

[littlemissmartypants]

17. DUzy!

[Atticus]

24. Since I upgraded my dentures, I've kept the old ones in my glove compartment, so

I guess I've been driving with expired plates!

[Pinback]

30. Heh, I'll try this one on my dentist!

[Takket]

12. LOCK YOU UP!

kidding of course.....

[Pinback]

29. But my emails!

[live love laugh]

14. LOL 😆 😂

[FailureToCommunicate]

15. Reportedly it was pressure from crack investigator George Santos that forced Pinback to

reveal to authorities the existance these documents.

[Pinback]

32. My real last name is DeVolder!

[FailureToCommunicate]

38. Figures. So, what DID you do with that stolen $3000 dollars?

[Pinback]

41. Stolen! The heck you say...

Why, those investors trusted me with their nest eggs! How was I to know that mistakes would be made and assets would evaporate, $199.99 at a time?
😇

[littlemissmartypants]

16. Oh My God!!

I just checked the white woven ratan basket between the handlebars of my bicycle and low and behold....

Classified Documents.

Hopefully I will be able to cram them in a generic looking backpack and leave them somewhere around the corner where I never go (usually) and drop them in a stairwell or doorway.

I'm going to rub them all in bacon grease first, though. Hopefully, that will disguise any fingerprints and create a smelly trap for someone who will then get blamed for having them when their prints are found all over them.

Because we all know... nobody can resist bacon!

[Pinback]

33. That's some Deplorable stuff in that basket!

[littlemissmartypants]

39. Ha, only the best for our deplorables! Thanks for the chuckle Pinback. I really needed it today. ❤️

[Dr. Strange]

18. We still don't know where Pinback was storing those emails.

There's no telling how deep this thing goes!

[debm55]

19. He was hiding it in a safe behind a Thomas Kincaid "painting" in his living room.

[Pinback]

34. They don't call me the "Archivist of Light" for nothing!

[central scrutinizer]

27. Has anyone ever seen Pinback and George Santos together?

I thought not. It’s another alias.

[Pinback]

35. Could I speak to you about a can't-miss investment opportunity? (nt)

[Sancho]

20. Was your house built by Jimmy Carter?

[Effete Snob]

22. Zing!

[littlemissmartypants]

23. Very clever! ❤️

[Pinback]

36. Nailed it!

Well constructed joke.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

21. Like the way this minimizes severity of everything

[debm55]

26. Has Pinback posted today?

[Pinback]

37. I was unavoidably detained

but my attorney sprung me once he’d wiped the hair dye out of his eyes.

[debm55]

40. I was worried the Feds got you. Did you meet in front of a landscaping building?

[Pinback]

42. Yes, something about spices, or seasonings... the details are hazy (nt)

[Maru Kitteh]

28. This is excellent