After a 1935 tragedy, a priest vowed to teach kids about menstruation

[WhiskeyGrinder]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2023/03/25/florida-schools-bill-menstruation-crisis-suicide-hotline-mcclain/

Free link: https://archive.ph/829Uo

Nine decades ago, a 13-year-old girl’s death by suicide after getting her first period sparked an effort to educate kids about their bodies to prevent fear and confusion — a once-settled issue that new legislation in Florida is resurfacing.

That teenage girl in 1935, who had never been taught about menstruation, thought her period was a “terribly shameful, retributive disease,” says one account of the history. The fact that this British girl who believed she had a venereal disease had no one to teach her about her body, and no one to talk to, deeply impacted Chad Varah, the 23-year-old deacon who officiated her burial.

Standing over her grave, Varah, who later became a priest, promised to devote his life to battling ignorance and despair about sexual issues. “Little girl, I never knew you, but you have changed my life. I shall teach kids what I learnt when I was younger than you. …” he said at her gravesite in England, according to the Samaritans of Rhode Island, a chapter of the suicide-prevention charity he later founded.

Eighty-eight-years after that suicide, across the ocean, a sexual health bill, put forward by a GOP lawmaker in Florida, would ban girls from talking or learning about their menstrual cycles in school until the sixth grade, even if a girl begins her period before then. This has left some gender experts and historians worried about the mental and physical health of children.

[MineralMan]

1. That attempt in Florida to restrict teaching about a basic bodily function

is typical of what is going on right now in red states. Half of the population will menstruate after puberty begins. The other half experiences other effects of puberty. To claim that there is some good reason not to inform children of what is happening and will happen to them in the natural course of things is child abuse of the worst possible kind.

The stupidity of the right wingers is both incomprehensible and alarming.

[erronis]

10. Ignorance is bliss - for those that hold power.

Seems so much like the very old shamans of religions who anointed themselves the holders of knowledge.

[Hekate]

13. Yes. Cruel in the extreme.

[MineralMan]

18. Yup. Exactly.

[Ilsa]

2. K&R. Bookmarked. nt

[greatauntoftriplets]

3. What an amazing man.

I've known about the Samaritans, but never knew the back story.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

15. yes. a saint

[Solly Mack]

4. K&R

[Backseat Driver]

5. It did not lead to suicide, obviously, but I too was

humiliated during the early years of my menses.

Now, the cold hard truth or dare: The bathroom wastecan wasn't covered, and the dog dragged around and chewed up the Kotex placed in it at the most inappropriate places and times; tampons were forbidden us. Mom's solution was to make the girls parade their TP wrapped waste packages and other traces like rinsed out panties through the single bathroom to the covered kitchen wastecan beneath the sink and/or into the basement; no matter, 3 females; at least 2 males and guests having refreshments. I preferred a plastic baggie in my dresser until the opportunity came to pitch them as she commanded that wasn't often. Ewww...I know, and you guessed it. She found them putting the laundry away; scolded like a pervert. Today, I'd bet it was so she could not-so-secretly monitor our times of the month.

[pnwmom]

7. That's awful! I'm sorry you had to be subjected to that.

I didn't expect my period in 6th grade, even though we'd learned about them in a few weeks of instruction at school. My mother had told us she didn't start till she was 15, so I thought I had plenty of time.

It wasn't really my mother's fault, but when I got my first period a few weeks before my 12th birthday I was too embarrassed to tell her. For that first summer I just used lots of folded up toilet paper! And I put a bloody pair of underwear into a plastic bag and put it on a closet shelf. Months later, I retrieved the bag . . . and the contents had gotten moldy. I put it in the garbage can outside.

When it was time to go back to school in September I finally got up the courage to tell my mother and she was fine, like most mothers are. And I had real pads from then on -- not toilet paper.

But remembering how embarrassed I'd been about the whole thing, I got so mad about the proposed law in Florida. Many girls get their periods in elementary school, and this is so unfair to them.

[Backseat Driver]

8. I was one of those 6th graders...I knew enough to

function in school and at home with normal bathrooms and supplies at hand...but 6th grade camp? Hikes, outdoor facilities, group trough water faucets for washing up stuff like faces, dishes, and, maybe, (clothing), luggage/duffle bags, and sleeping bags. That sure wasn't addressed...Lots of stressful imaginings!

[meadowlander]

28. I got my first one when I was 10, in 5th grade, and on a school field trip.

Had absolutely no idea what it was but the school bus happened to jolt unexpectedly during lunch and I spilled Coke all over my pants so I thought the stains were from that.

Went home, bled on the sofa, and then my Mom figured it out from there. I wasn't absolutely publicly humilated because I was wearing dark pants and nobody noticed but I easily could have been.

Just mentioning it because the average age of first periods is getting younger and younger on average, in part related to childhood obesity rates.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-are-girls-getting-their-periods-so-young/

Average age is now 12, down from 16-17 in the 19th century.

"Frank Biro, who studies problems related to pubertal maturation at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center. His research, published in 2013 in the journal Pediatrics, put the average age of breast development at 8.8 years old for African-American girls, 9.3 for Hispanic girls, 9.7 for Caucasians and 9.7 for Asian-Americans. “The age of breast development has clearly dropped, while the age of menarche has drifted down. They are both concerning,” he says."

So not saying a word about puberty until 6th grade is clearly too late for most girls.

[pnwmom]

29. Thank goodness you were wearing dark pants that day! That situation could have been so

much worse. And so many women have a story like that to tell.

My daughter was also 10, in the summer before 5th grade, when she started. She was tall and thin, and just happened to develop sooner than others.

Luckily she wasn't at school when it started, and she wasn't embarrassed to come to me. (Though I think I'd noticed the signs and already given her pads to use.)

[CrispyQ]

33. In 7th grade, a good friend of mine wore a white skirt to school.

Some boys put red paint on her chair in art class & told everyone her tampon had leaked. She, of course was mortified, went home to change clothes. IIRC, they were suspended for a day & had to apologize to her, which was almost as embarrassing for her as the damned prank. Three years later lots of kids still thought she was the girl whose tampon leaked.

[CTyankee]

9. Oh, yes, I remember trying to dispose of those sanitary napkins when I was 12.

When I started staining my underwear I had to ask my mother what it was. I was led to believe that your period was a flow so I didn't get the staining. She reassured me that it was the start of menstruation. But you can imagine being age 12 and confused about what was happening to your body.

[Marthe48]

11. Remember the Kotex dispensers in the restroom at school?

It cost a nickel to get whatever was in the machine. All of us third grade girls were curious. There it was, right on the wall, and we had no idea why. I think that if any of us had asked teachers about it, we got a roadblock. One day, I took a nickel to the restroom, and a small group of my classmates watched as I inserted the coin and turned the knob. I got a plain cardboard box. I opened it, and saw a wad of cotton. None of us had a clue. I think one of the girls said I was going to get in trouble. I sneaked the box and contents to my desk, one of the flip tops, and hid it at the back. it was there for quite awhile, and one day the teacher, who was a bitch from hell, saw it, and told me coldly to take it home and give it to my mother. At least she didn't grab it out of the desk and humilate me with it. Thank God it was so taboo, she couldn't bring herself to use the opportunity.

Anyway, I took it home. As far as I know, all of the adult women I knew had had hysterectomies years before, so we didn't have any sanitary products in the house. I gave it to my mom when I got home from the kitchen. She asked me where I got it, and I told her. I think I remember her turning away, probably trying to hide a smile. But she told me it was for bigger girls, and she'd tell me when I was older.

My Mom had gotten a book from her mother called Ellen's 12th Birthday. My grandmother didn't talk to my Mom about any bodily functions, so my Mom was determined to talk to us about sex, but it wasn't easy for her. I think she had a timeline, and I was always wanting information sooner than she was ready to give it. Most of the time, she'd explain things in an exasperated tone, but prefaced with "You're too young to know the score!" I was better talking to my daughters, but not perfect by any means. I keep pads here for any visitors who might need some protection.

[japple]

12. I had never been told about menstruation by my mother, but I had some sort

of intuition about it based on my sister who was 14 mos. older than I. When I came home from 7th grade after having spent the entire day stuffing toilet paper into my underwear as I was wearing a white skirt, white blouse, white gym suit, my mother gave me a box of kotex and a belt and booklet called "Growing Up and Liking It (presented by the Kotex Co.) She never talked about the mechanics of menses or explained that it would be happening to me but I also intuitively knew that I was not sick or dying. It was still a terrifying day for me nonetheless.

[Delphinus]

6. Thank you

[Marthe48]

14. Since we're talking about it

My mother-in-law had no idea that she would have a period, even with 2 older sisters. When she started her first period, she was scared to death. Her mother (who was not religious, nobody in the family is) explained that it was God's punishment for eating the apple. Poor Mom was crying, and said, "What kind of punishment do boys get for eating the apple?" And her mom said, "They have to shave every day." And Mom cried even harder, saying, "I'd rather shave!"

Let's break down the code of silence. Women of adult age bleed for 5-7 days every month, if they have a healthy uterus. Some women have heavy flows, pass clots, or flood, have pain, iron deficiency, and so may other inconveniences that can affect health or outlook. Just think if mothers and fathers could talk to their kids, or sisters could talk to their sisters, or horrors! girls talked to other girls. I remember having a short conversation with a girl during 8th grade gym class. I was having my 1st or 2nd period, and I had terrible cramps. We were on the sidelines, and she asked me if I was ok. I told her what was going on, and she said she had cramps with hers, too. That was it. A bit of affirmation among girls. We didn't even know each other very well, but it helped.

[AllaN01Bear]

16. my late mom was blacklisted 40s 50s as she took the first sex ed class

in college.

[Haggard Celine]

17. I always felt sorry for girls dealing with periods.

Adolescence is hard enough on kids, I can only imagine what it must be like dealing with menstruation on top of it. And boys need to know about it too. Boys hear all sorts of rumors about periods. They need real, factual information about bodily functions. It's disgusting that the state wants to keep the kids ignorant rather than arming them with the truth.

[chowmama]

19. Another Mom story

Mom was a medical technician (nearly a nurse, but marriage intervened). She always explained things in correct clinical terms. In direct contrast, my dad was the perfect Victorian - as far as he was concerned, we four girls didn't exist from the waist down and as soon as we pube'd, from the neck down. Baby talk only for bodily functions, and then only when necessary.

Well, at a reasonably young age, my older sister asked where babies came from. Mom had prepared for this and had books that she considered age appropriate. Correct terminology and pictures. I don't know where she got them in that period, but she managed. She put them in the living room, told us "If you're interested, here's some books. If you have any questions, come find me."

So, Dad came home to find me and my older and next youngest sister (the youngest was still in the crib) sprawled around the room reading. Nothing unusual there. He settled into his broken-down chair and opened his paper, just about the time my younger sister said "I didn't know testicles looked like that!"

He hit the kitchen doing ninety. I suspect he hurt his back getting out of that chair that fast. I probably learned more from his language than I did from the books. "What the hell is going on in there?" was about the mildest thing that came out of his mouth.

I don't know what happened to the books, but at least we weren't surprised about our biological futures.

[MineralMan]

22. As a 10 year old boy, I was curious about everything.

I was also reading way above my age. So, when I asked what Kotex was, my mother dealt with it like she did with everything. She brought me a book. "Obstetrics and Gynecology for Nurses" from her time in nursing school. "Read this," she said. So I did.

My question got answered, and a lot more.





I

[Unwind Your Mind]

30. I love this story!

And I Lol’d at ‘hit the kitchen doing ninety’

So good, your Mom is awesome. Thanks for sharing

[Ligyron]

20. and now for something completely different...

We 3 guys had just moved into our bachelor's pad having been accepted and enrolled in college.

We despaired the lack of female company until one of our group told as an old black woman told him to buy a box of tampons and put it in the bathroom. We figured even if it was bust now, eventually someone would be glad they were there.

I know it had to be a coincidence but all of a sudden it started raining girls.

True story.

[Evolve Dammit]

21. The RW has become Christo-fascists. Election deniers, book banners/burners, anti-women rights, vote

suppressors, anti-democracy and yet pro-Putin, pro- Orban, pro-Erdogan, etc. They are trying to destroy our country. Be prepared please. They are not "Christ-like."

[Warpy]

23. My mother thought she was dying when it happened to her

She was bleeding and it hurt! She must be dying! My gramdmother, who would never have spoken about it unless someone had a gun to her head didn't enlighten her much that night.

My mother explained it to all the older girls in the neighborhood just before we moved. Yes, there were nasty phone calls from parents. No, she didn't give a shit about them, she just didn't want other girls to live in ignorance and terror.

[Rhiannon12866]

25. Kudos to your mother!

[Warpy]

31. She got threatening phone calls for it in the 50s

By the 60s, schools realized how sexually constipated the parents were and stepped up a little better, there were school nurses who did the job over the howls of protest from the godly.

[NickB79]

24. Thank God my wife and I talked to our daughter about periods before she had hers

I swear, she seemed proud and excited when it finally happened! And of course, she has to tell Dad (me) about it first, because she's a daddy's girl 🤣

[róisín_dubh]

26. Ugh, these poor girls.

My mom talked to me about it (her partner taught health) when I was about 9, because my friend's sister had just started her period and figured word would get around. Also, I was a swimmer, so there was that complicating factor. Turns out, I didn't get my period until I was 13 (after both my younger sisters had gotten theirs), I suspect in part because I was so athletic. But it was really mortifying to have to go to swim practice/meets while on my period. I hated every minute of it.

[pfitz59]

27. My father was a doctor

He had a medical library in the house. His books on sexuality were worn out and dog-eared by the time I got around to reading them. My older brothers and sisters had read them first. No mysteries in our house, however I know many girls asked my sisters and mom questions they couldn't get answers about at their home. In 6th grade boys and girls had separate sex ed lectures, with parental permission. Some parents refused.

[appmanga]

32. One of my favorite moments in golf...

...was this:

Link to tweet

.

It became a big story, mostly because the interviewer was left speechless, but hopefully there were young women who were cheering.

[Withywindle]

34. Thankfully, I had parents who gave me books with accurate info

Also I was in the Judy Blume generation. We had 'Are You There God, It's Me Margaret," which was a frequently banned and challenged book back then too, which of course made every kid desperately curious to read it.

This is also a major plot point in Stephen King's 'Carrie.'

I started at 12, and I was pretty solidly average in my class in the early 1980s.

It was scary and gross at first even with knowledge, and I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through that without understanding that it was normal. My heart goes out to these children.