For Sale. No Reasonable Offer Refused.
I got a real good deal on a slightly used political campaign, it was owned by some rich guy that was clueless as to how to run it, still has the stickers on the windows and the owner's manual, which is still wrapped in plastic and was never even opened.
Any interested parties please call 1-800 SUCK IT MITT, or 1-888 I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST TO THAT BLACK GUY.
I'll even throw in as a bonus a budget plan for free!
It's written in some sort of code I can't decipher or understand, but I was told by the previous owner everything works on it just fine if you know what the magic words to say over it that gets it started.
What about some staffers? Are they too sore about being stiffed for expenses to work for me, or can you deceive them into working for me.
This is a confidential inquiry.
From what I understand, they were mostly worthless, anyway, so you really won't be missing much.
For Sale: Republican Party/GOP
Color: White (with some small dark spots)
Heavy usage. Lots of miles on it. Vintage 1854, but heavily modified since. Originally paid $800 million in 2012. Currently stuck in "state of denial" mode. In need of demographic updates, sense of identity, and a transfusion of new blood. An oldie but a goodie! A great fixer-upper! Asking for civil rights, personal dignity for women, economic justice, OBO.
...Will not accept facts as payment.
Note: a little cracked on the fringes. Contains nuts.
You can get it for free if you bring your own tanker truck to fill.
Tires are uneven, and the engine looks like it overheated and seized.
And that other one you are selling, you serious? A horse and buggy? And the horse is old and lame.
Once title changes hands, seller is absolved of any or all claims
Buyer assumes all legal liability for any litigation for either any current or past claims against title.
Any damage found after sale is sole responsibility of purchaser.
Model one, junkyard...they might just take it. The upholstery is fine leather, and some of the interior trimmings might be usable. But after that it is utter junk. Remember to recycle the manual too.
Model two, perhaps a museum. Will go well with the previous model, WHIG.
That be my advise.