Avoiding gratuitous and (especially) self-destructive confrontation

[gulliver]

It seems to me that people have a bias toward admiring people who "fight" for or "stand up" for causes. That's not a good bias. The "good bias" is to admire people who work for (and fight for and stand up for) causes and do it well.

This is a problem that plagues both the left and right. Few are called, but many answer. (And it's far too frequently exactly the people you wish wouldn't.)

[Midnight Writer]

1. Went to a memorial service for an old friend of mine. He died of Covid.

I spoke to his son there, and he filled me in on his father's last days.

Dad was an independent contractor who worked in airports around the world. He lost his work because he refused to take a Covid vaccine or wear a mask. He stood up and fought against those rules.

His Dad also lost his health insurance along with his job. He spent his last days sleeping on his son's sofa. When he got sick, he refused to see a doctor or go to the hospital because he knew Covid was fake, and he stood up and fought.

Finally, Dad couldn't breath, and his son rushed him to the emergency room. Dad did not go quietly. He fought the nurses, swore at the doctors, pulled out his IV lines and breathing tube, tried to strike anyone who got near him.

His son was proud of his Dad for standing up. The last thing the son said to me was "You know Dad was a fighter. He wasn't about to let anyone push him around!"

[yardwork]

2. I would say that sounds unbelievable except it's now all too believable.

[Midnight Writer]

4. I felt sick to my stomach talking to his son. It is unbelievable.

I've been friends with this guy since first grade, and he was always the mellow, cool-headed guy who would talk me down, usually with lots of jokes. Always smiling, laughing, never took things too seriously. A very good friend who always had my back.

He traveled for his work, but every year or so he would call me up and we'd spend a couple of hours on the phone catching up. I had no idea he was going off the edge like this.

[yardwork]

5. I'm so sorry for your loss - a multilayered loss.

I lost a lifelong friend during the Trump years. I couldn't take the cruel, mean emails anymore. So much anger directed at women, Black people, gay people. This guy was always opinionated and confrontational, but he went down a rabbit hole.

[yardwork]

3. Instead of confrontation, perhaps we could cultivate resilience.

Resilience means keeping oneself emotionally healthy so as to withstand other people's rudenesses.

There are a lot of unhappy people wandering around the United States right now. Many of them are armed. They're full of resentment, anger, and fear. Confronting them is usually a bad idea.

Also, it's rude to respond to rudeness with more rudeness.

Resilience means surviving the inevitable brushes with unhappy people without letting them ruin our day. Living well is our best revenge.

[FSogol]

7. +1 Agreed. n/t

[treestar]

6. knowing when to fight the battle

or which battles to fight is an art.

[FSogol]

8. +1 Exactly. n/t

[ananda]

9. I don't care if you do it nicely or not. Just stand up and resist.

Loudly