Tough Ass Day for me

[Botany]

We had to move mom out of her home of 50+ years today. She is 92 and can no longer
stay in her home dad passed in '19* and she hung on as long as she could and got one more
summer with lots of flowers in her back yard but today was the day. To walk into the now
emptied out house afterwards hit me kind of hard.


* https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/dispatch/name/john-kessel-obituary?id=1746227

[spooky3]

1. I'm sorry. It's very difficult. She's lucky to have a good son

To help her.

[Raine]

2. I'm sorry, I can see how difficult this is ... 💕

positive thoughts and hugs for you.

[homegirl]

39. I am the elderly person

who will have to make the decision to move from my home to a supportive situation. Not easy, trying to commit to reducing my possessions. What must go? Will I be competent to make decisions? Will I be able to nudge my children out of denial?

Just a reminder to enjoy and love one another, while we can...

[Spazito]

3. ....

[Tetrachloride]

4. Very sorry

[OAITW r.2.0]

5. When my mom passed in '99. we had the same situation.

Neither I nor my sibs wanted to sell, but we all had our own homes and it didn't make sense to keep it. Very weird to see it now......a lot of memories growing up in that house.

[Diamond_Dog]

6. I feel for you, Botany.

My sister and I had to do the same with my mom, this was about 20 years ago. To the last minute she insisted she was perfectly fine living alone (despite a number of falls where emergency workers had to be called). It is tough. I remember the last walk through her house like it was yesterday. It was the house I grew up in. Your mom is lucky to have you. Hang in there.

[MOMFUDSKI]

7. I am sorry to hear this.

That you are there for her is wonderful. I lost my mom when I was 38. You are lucky to still have her. Just be the good kid you are.

[Skittles]

8. make sure she keeps getting flowers

she'll like that

[pazzyanne]

36. + 1 nt

[badhair77]

9. It's very hard.

You’ll always feel good for being with her and helping her through this stage. Hold on to the good memories from the home. I’ve gone the memories and gratitude route with mine and it helps. Hugs

[COL Mustard]

10. So sorry to hear that....

It's something everyone deals with at some point. Sorry you are having to deal with it now. It sucks.

[surfered]

11. That is a sad day.

I had to make a similar move with my parents.

[Rebl2]

12. Know that feeling

[brer cat]

13. I'm sorry, Botany. It's hard to be the adult in charge of a parent.

It is also very hard to leave the home you grew up in. I do hope your memories of happier times will bring you comfort.

[WestMichRad]

14. (((Hugs)))

Sorry for the predicament you and your mom are in. She needs your love, above all else.

I sort of know how you feel. On the very day I had to move my parents from their home of over 50 years into a senior apartment setting, because they could no longer negotiate the stairs or maintain living independently, my father had a stroke and eventually ended up in a nursing home… where he passes a couple months later (with my mom staying in the aforementioned apartment). I felt like I had not only pushed them out of their home, but also split them from living together. It was a really difficult time for all of us.

Treasure those moments with your mom as best you can, while you still can.

[Lonestarblue]

15. It's hard letting go of what was. We all get there, but it's still hard.

[Artcatt]

16. I'm sorry to hear it. Quite a corner for her to turn.

[blogslug]

17. It's rough. I get it.

[Joinfortmill]

18. God bless.

[Karadeniz]

19. You can't prepare for such a massive change! Our feelings are with you !!

[tavernier]

20. So sorry. Been there.

It sucks.

[irisblue]

21. I am so sorry.

You favor your father I think.

[LoisB]

22. Hugs to you and your mom.

[LaMouffette]

23. I'm so sorry, Botany, that you're going through this! We have suffered three similar situations this

year in our family, and they do not get any easier. The same sense of loss. The same "end of an era" feeling.

I wish you all the best as you process these heart-up-ending times!

[LaMouffette]

24. I'm so sorry, Botany, that you're going through this! We have suffered three similar situations this

year in our family, and they do not get any easier. The same sense of loss. The same "end of an era" feeling.

I wish you all the best as you process these heart-up-ending times!

[Pepsidog]

25. What an impressive resume your father had. My dad passed away last month and while preparing

his eulogy I thought how in the heck did I he and my mother do all the things they did with four kids. My mother and father was a world travelers trial attorney, and restored classic cars. He travelled the country showing his cars and while it was just a hobby he made great money from buying and selling. He was a pilot and invested in many different ventures. I have four adult kids and have barely been outside the USA. We just finished clearing out his home last week. He was 87 when he decided to go into hospice and his mind was as sharp as ever. Whenever I read a good DU post about Trump I say I gotta send that to Dad, but of course I can’t. I know how you feel. Take car of yourself Botany.

[Stinky The Clown]

26. . . .

[greatauntoftriplets]

27. That has to be heartbreaking, Botany.

I'm so sorry.

[calimary]

28. Thanks for letting us know, Botany.

There's such a HUGE treasury of sympathy AND empathy here at DU. It's yours with no questions asked, and friends you never met who'll sit with you, online here, and keep you company and not let your spirits droop too far down.

I've said this before, but probably because these words have meant so much to me, so many times, and have kept my morale afloat when circumstances seem to want it to sink to the bottom. It's from our own DUer Skittles: "someone's always here." Just three words, but MAN-oh-MAN do they ever carry weight! Just thinking about them as I write this, and with no really serious issue to deal with in my own life right now, I STILL feel comforted. Genuine MAGIC, Skittles-style.

[2naSalit]

29. ((HUGS))) to you!

That's a hard one to go through.

[mahina]

30. Hugs across the water sister. Time moves right through us sometimes, hey?

[KentuckyWoman]

31. Hugs

I hope the next family to live there fills it with even better happiness than your family had there.

[NowISeetheLight]

32. Dad

I moved my Dad to a nice assisted living apartment around 2014. My Mom passed in 2013 (Alzheimers). I had moved in with them a few years earlier and had am aide in during the day and I'd care for them at night.

It was the best decision fir both of us. He couldn't care for himself and I was burning out. After he moved I had time to resolve the house issues. I could visit him daily, he was attended too and it was a really nice place. I knew he was in a safe place.

[tosh]

33. You are doing...

what must be done.

Be kind to yourself and never second guess yourself when it comes parents’ care.

[lastlib]

34. I also know the feeling.

We moved my mom (age 94) into a nursing home a year ago. Before the attendants wheeled her out to their van, she wanted to stop and take one last look at her kitchen, where she had been cooking meals for 66 years. That was the moment I lost it. It hits like a ton of bricks. Please know your friends here will keep you in their thoughts.

[mountain grammy]

35. So sorry to see this.

You and you're mom are in my thoughts

[Liberty Belle]

37. You're doing the right thing.

My mom refused to move anywhere else after Dad died.With COVID rampaging through nursing homes, we didn't have the heart to go to court and get her declared mentally incompetent, though she had advanced dementia.

I visited her every day and so did a neighbor, but then Mom fell broke her sternum,and they found a prior back fracture from another fall she didn't tell anyone about. So we no longer had a choice, as she couldn't walk.My house had stairs so I couldn't move her there.

She had to go in a nursing home, then a series of memory care facilities, all bad during COVID. She passed away last year.

I wish she would have listened and moved into an assisted living facility before she fell and got hurt so badly.

Your mom will be safer in a retirement home or with a relative, wherever you are moving her into.

Take time going through all the memories in the home--I know how hard that is, but you're lucky to have a Mom for so many eyars, and she's lucky to have you.

[3auld6phart]

38. Dang

That had to be a tough decision. Heart breaking for sure.

[budkin]

40. My mom is only 78 but we moved her out this year too

Her husband had dementia and took his own life last year (I found him) and I know the feeling of walking through that quiet, empty house where so many memories were made. It’s so hard.

[electric_blue68]

42. Oh, dear! A hug for you!

[budkin]

44. Thanks 🫶

[Randomthought]

41. Love to you

It's hard

[electric_blue68]

43. Strength to you and her. I'm glad she got to spend one more summer with her flower garden.

Hopefully where she is she can have some flowering plants in her room after she's settled in bit..

Are there still flowers there in her garden? Can you take a montage (pics over lapping each other) as a memory. Or is it too late.
(I love gardens and flowers, so any memories are treasured)

Breath, and take it slow as you can

[70sEraVet]

45. So sorry, Botany.

Hope she does well in the new surroudings. New friends, perhaps?

[malaise]

46. So hard to do but you did the right thing

[Aussie105]

47. To walk into the now emptied out house afterwards hit me kind of hard.

That's the moment, for sure.

People spend their lives making a home, raising kids, never realising the whole show will grind to a halt at some future date.

I never went back to the home when it was empty where us 3 kids grew up and my parents lived for decades in their genteel decline.

Same as you but the other way around, mother died, dad hung on but eventually the home was empty.

[Botany]

53. I still have to do some more work on the place to get it ready for sale so I be in and out of there

..... for about 1/2 to 1 month.

[SilverDawg]

48. Hugs, Botany

Been through the same.

[AmBlue]

49. It's the worst

But your Mom did very well to manage for 4 years on her own at that age. Nothing makes a day.like yesterday easy, but I am so glad she had a summer of flowers. Your Dad was one amazing fellow. Big hugs dear Botany.

[Old Crank]

50. No fun

My sister got the brunt of that with my mother. The good news was she was slowly downsized and was living with her until she was into a hospice. Not as much to clear up and deal with at one time.

I still have a couple of resue house plants from a friends dad who passed away a while ago. they were to help him downsize.

[yardwork]

51. I'm sorry. That's very hard.

May your memories stay vibrant and bring you comfort.

[ancianita]

52. I feel you, Botany.

I'm sure she feels the loss with you. Giving up the place of family joys and memories is a painful kind of letting go of parts of ourselves along life's journey, that ends with letting go of everything.

Along the way, you are a loving son, returning hers. Thank you for sharing this painftul but necessary time with us.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

54. What bothers me is how many people refuse to understand that there

comes a time when they can no longer live in a home.

I am 75, in excellent health, and I live alone in my small but just right for me home. However, I fully expect to move into some kind of independent/assisted living place probably by the time I'm 80. For one thing, I look forward to not driving any more. I can tell that my driving skills are not as good as they used to be. I'm just sorry my city doesn't have better public transportation.

Another downside of staying in the same place for so long is that even people who aren't actual hoarders tend not to get rid of things they long ago should have discarded. Moving somewhat frequently is helpful. I've been in my current place for 14 years now, and I'm deliberately getting rid of stuff.

My sister and I spent a year getting our brother and his wife out of the home they'd been in some 40 years. They are hoarders, so it was something of a nightmare. We got them into assisted living, and those places clean the units every week. I expect it is in no small part to curtail hoarding.

[NJCher]

55. Once you get past the house walk

You might have a pleasant surprise; I know I did with my aunt, for whom I was the trustee and executor.

When she moved into a senior home, she had a hard time even getting down the hall because she knew everybody and had to stop for a chat.

The person at the assisted living called me and said it took two hours to get down the hallway because of all the conversations.

I had to laugh. What a social butterfly she was.

She had so many friendships at the new place. She read, belonged to the book club, went to the library, stayed active in her church. She did tell me numerous times about things she missed from her house, like a particular lamp and that sort of thing. It wasn't all roses, but it was a pretty good life ending.

[Archae]

56. My family had to move my Mom out of her home about 5 years ago.

We moved her to an assisted living facility after she fell several times, once needing to call an ambulance.

Believe me, it was really hard, and 2 years later she died.

[PCIntern]

57. Here:

?si=wy-UsZzMWvuxmtj4

[wendyb-NC]

58. Oh I'm so sorry for the grief you feel

So much love and time there. She sounds like an amazing person. Do you plan to dig up some of the perennial flowers, if there are any, to plant in your yard, or her yard if she will have that space?
You could also use a planter, even You could take some roots, of those plants, from the edge of a clump, and not deface the yard. It might be a way of extending memories, bridging through the change. Take care.

[Maeve]

59. We sold the house I grew up in a few years ago

Mom was alone and couldn't manage the house, let alone 3 acres and a pond. My grandad built it. She is also 92 (Dad passed on 1980, step-dad in 2011).
Saying goodbye to places can be as hard as saying it to people.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

60. 💔Such a difficult transition!

[peggysue2]

61. Sorry to hear this, Botany

It's tough and very emotional when parents and all the people who helped raise us start fading away. Always a difficult transition.

[calimary]

62. Hey, Botany, how are you doing?

Just wondering, as the days pass.

How are you getting along, and coping? You okay?

[Botany]

67. Ok

But my brother and his family supported the move which
I did too but they were in town for 2 or 3 days and left my mom in her new place (very nice) feeling alone and with my
my number to call. I really could have used a little more support for at least a few more days.

[highplainsdem]

63. I'm so sorry, Botany. It's so hard to have to accept when a loved one can no longer

live safely in the home they love.

It was very fortunate that your dad was able to do so, till the end of his time here. What an accomplished man he was! I wish he'd had more time here, with your mom and you and the rest of the family, and all his loved ones.

[Evolve Dammit]

64. Very sorry Botany. It's extremely difficult and painful. Take care, ED

[mercuryblues]

65. Look at it from a different angle

A new family will move into your family home and enjoy the positive energy you left behind. They will create new family memories of their own.

Your Mom is in a place better suited to her needs at this point in her life.

[Ilsa]

68. I am so sorry for all of you. Moving days can be hard on the heart.

I hope you find a pleasant surprise or two to ease the burden and sadness.