Friend being abused

[Randomthought]

What do you do for a friend being emotionally abused?
She won't leave because they are both old and he has had hip replacement surgery.
He refuses recovery be a7se he wants her to take care of him.
This abuse has been going on for years but subtle
I advise her to seek a counselor for her self but it seems this guy controls her.
She had to sneak away from him to talk to me.
Any ideas?

[Deuxcents]

1. Maybe a senior center will have suggestions for support

[Randomthought]

4. Good idea

[Demobrat]

2. Yeah. Empty out the bank accounts and run while he can't come after her.

Okay, she won’t. So all you can do is make sure she knows she has a safe place to go. Assuming you can offer that.

[Randomthought]

3. I did offer that

She has a 40 acre farm with horses, dogs and cats. She won't leave looking for suggestion for her to survive.

[Arthur_Frain]

8. Unless it gets physical

she probably won’t leave her pets.

Probably done the best you can. Be sure she knows the door is still open.

[Fla Dem]

15. Who the heck is taking care of the 40 acre farm and horses.

You said they’re both Old…70’s? 80’s? He’s recuperating from hip replacement surgery. Time to sell the horses and take the cats and dogs and move out.Does she have family? Sons or daughters she could stay with?

[recovering_democrat]

5. General advise

Been there, done that. Find out if she has health insurance for counseling related support or has good general doctor who can refer her and will. This is issue of her own physical and emotional health. Try get her recognize from others experience of general physical health is destroyed by that level of emotional stress. Use me as example. My heart attack doctor had to refer me because he recognized the emotional stress is major cause of physical health. She need to recognize she can't help him with his health needs if she loses her ability to help him. We don't recognize it harming our health from the stress the spouse is causing . Good luck!

[Randomthought]

11. TY

I did try to get her to get a counselor of her own . She is so tied in to this guy her response was " Micheal would never agree to that. "
It took me 10 minutes to get her to understand I meant a counselor for HER, not him.
I have enough income to take care of her but that is not the answer. She needs to stand for herself.

[wnylib]

17. Is there an adult protective services agency in your area?

They deal with emotional and physical abuse of seniors. If so, you can report the situation to them. In my community, they are part of Social Services. When they receive a report, they send a social worker to look into the situation. Bringing in a third party might provide some solutions.

A social worker from adult protective services can recommend agencies that could help with the physical care of the one recuperating from surgery, and would know about any financial help available to pay for it. This would provide some relief for the person being emotionally abused.

[recovering_democrat]

20. Senior servuces

I am in Florida, they everywhere! My experiences were in Georgia Atlanta suburbs and Columbia SC . Almost everywhere. Just ask around local government offices where to find. Mostly all have them.

[58Sunliner]

7. It's hard to live like that. I know.

He wears her down over the years and her self-esteem is destroyed. Maybe she could find a way to get him out. I contemplated suing my ex if he didn't move. She should take a separate bedroom immediately so she can at least sit with her own thoughts at night in a safe place. It sounds like she has difficulty telling him how she really feels. He sounds like a bully. I think she needs to understand how little she really means to him if he has been abusive all these years and he has done nothing to change.

[Randomthought]

9. Thanks friends

I will keep calling her, it's all I can do. I have offered money to run but at this point , she will stay with the bastard.

[diva77]

13. Perhaps she could hire someone to come to their home to take on a couple of caretaking tasks once

or twice a week as a buffer just a couple of hours each time (and perhaps ease into more hours)-- someone who interrupts his focus on her, and also gives her a break from her 24/7 routine.

[electric_blue68]

14. That seems useful

[Bev54]

16. Yes just keep supporting her in case she finally does make a decision but do not judge

her if she does not. Is there respite care available there? I am in Canada so I know our government provides so many hours a month for respite for caregivers, not sure if you have the same available but something to look into.

[Kaleva]

18. Her attachment to her animals appears to be a big obstacle.

Some people can't be helped but you can still be a friend and listen.

[ratchiweenie]

19. Perhaps, since you can afford to help with her care, you could hire someone to come in to take

care of him part time and it could be someone who could identify abuse. Tell him her doctor says she needs the help because she can't do the farm and him, etc., etc., etc., Make up some excuse they cannot refuse. Just get someone into the home that can intervene.