More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Unspeakable Hypocrisy
So since the last exciting episode, Kevin McCarthy became the first Speaker of the House in history to be forcibly removed from office for being insufficiently dedicated to the House Terrorist Caucus's dedication to destroying the United States of America. They then promptly installed a soft-spoken nobody as Speaker of the House...though he clearly prefers to be thought of as Grand Wizard of the Happy Peoples Free Republic of Gilead. Yay.
So howasabout chapter sixty five in my occasional look at the dysfunctional worldview of right wing doublethink?
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Tim Ballard (NEW!), Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand, Mike Bickle (NEW!), John Bizon, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED AGAIN!), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Jeff Duncan (NEW!), Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University (ADDED!), Mark Foley, Trent Franks (NEW!),Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Adam Hageman, Sean Hannity, Gabrielle Hanson (NEW!), Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson , Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager , Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly , Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, [link:https://crooksandliars.com/2021/07/ken-starr-s-ex-mistress-reveals-what|Ken
Starr](!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner , Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And there's already been discussion about a pool to see how long it is until Mike Johnson joins this list.
Reposts and Updates:
Just remember this as the Republicans bleat about "strong defense" and "supporting the military":
* "Supporting the Troops": Blocking military promotions over unrelated social issues and making the Secretary of Defense work for free. (#62, Apr 2023)
* You're a patriotic, pro-military (but never served) Republican who calls our soldiers "woke" and "emasculated". (#49, May 2021)
* "Supporting The Troops" means calling them liars and denying them health care. while giving each other fist bumps. (#61, Mar 2023; #57, Sept 2022)
* Terrorist attacks (even successful ones) during a Republican administration proves we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. Terrorist attacks (even unsuccessful ones) during a Democratic administration prove we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. (#1, Nov 2010)
And this when they say they "support Israel":
* Criticizing Israel's treatment of Palestinians is anti-Semitic. Calling Jews evil, blood-drinking monsters with space lasers who want to replace whites with inferior brown people is not anti-Semitic. (#49, May 2021)
* The best way to keep America safe: cozy up to autocrats like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un and terrorists like the Taliban and Hezbollah while alienating democracies and long-time allies like Canada, France, Germany, the UK, Japan, and Denmark (#34, Aug 2018)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) could not open an impeachment inquiry without a vote in the House, but (then) Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R) can.
* Alex Jones is too broke to pay the libel judgments against him, and that's proven by the fact he can only spend $93,000 a month on personal expenses.
Practically verbatim from Jeff Tiedrich:
* There should be no laws or restrictions on guns whatsoever, unless it's Hunter Biden, in which case he should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for a minor infraction.
* A man who claims that Barak Obama is running for President in 2024 and that Joe Biden started World War II despite not having being born yet can call anyone else "cognitively impaired".
* When a "family values" Republican Congresswoman gets caught groping her boyfriend (who is not the husband she's divorcing) in public, it's clearly the media's fault.
* You criticize John Fetterman's fashion sense while showing dick pics and reading pornography during public hearings.
* Not important: Donald Trump trying to overthrow democracy and stealing classified documents. Important: World Naked Bike Ride.
* You would never vote for someone with a weird, foreign name like Barack Hussein Obama or Ilhan Omar, but have no problem voting for people with proper American names like Piyush Jindal and Nimarata Randhawa.
* The fact that Democrats are calling on Bob Menendez to resign while Republicans are ignoring or supporting Donald Trump and Lauren Boebert proves that both parties are the same.
Verbatim from Daily Kos's Bill in Portland Maine:
* Aid for rural folks who have fallen on tough times is helping real Americans pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Aid for urban folks who have fallen on tough times is encouraging inner-city moochers.
* You're angrier about Jamaal Bowman pulling a fire alarm than you are about George Santos's fraud, theft, and money laundering.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that our golf players suck.
* It's the Democrats' fault that we almost had the kind of government shutdown that only happens when Republicans run the House of Representatives.
* You court the votes of fictional cannibal serial killers.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and others of the "national security" party put holds on the nominations of ambassadors and security officials.
From a comment on Crooks and Liars:
* It's perfectly normal for 8 Republicans to remove Speaker McCarthy, but it's treason for 20 Republicans not to support Gym Jordan for Speaker of the House.
* You're totally against porn unless it's helping a Family Values Republican? get elected.
* "Small Government": Banning "sex of any kind outside the marriage of one man and one woman."
* You disown your war veteran family member because Chickenhawk Sean Hannity doesn't like him.
* You don't believe in gay marriage, trans rights, and abortion because they aren't "Christian", instead preferring the "Creation Therapy" theory devised from the writings of the great Christian philosopher Hippocrates.
* Corruption on the Supreme Court is good.
Until next time!
