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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBREAKING NEWS: Trump announces he needs "ten to twelve months" to properly mourn mother-in-law
Last edited Tue Jan 16, 2024, 12:28 PM - Edit history (1)
Former President Donald Trump, currently running for the Republican party nomination for President in 2024, announced today that in the wake of the recent death of his wife Melanias mother Amalija Knavs, he will need a period of at least ten to twelve months in order to appropriately mourn his mother-in-laws passing.
My mother-in-law, Am-m-a-lee-jee-a Ka-ka-novs, was once a beautiful young woman from the nation of Slovakia, located in the Baltic Peninsula in the furthest reaches of Asia, Trump remarked at a recent campaign event in Keane, New Hampshire. Then she got oldreally, really oldand no longer beautiful at all, and because of that, now shes dead. And thats a horrible, terrible thing, when women get old and not beautiful. So, Im going to need some time to process that in the best possible way I can, which is to spend my time here in front of you making America great again and not wasting it sitting inside any courtrooms for any phony witch hunts.
Trump said he would not actually be pausing his campaign, but rather that he had merely asked his attorneys to file motions with all courts in which he currently has criminal and civil matters pending, asking to stay proceedings indefinitely in order for him to deal with his crippling grief.
Before she died, and while she was so, so, very old, Amankathats what we all called her, Amankatold me, Sir, dont let that Unspecial Prosecutor Jack Smith or Sleepy Joe or those crooked Judges and those haters and loser RINOs keep you down, sir, Trump claimed. She told me, Sir, if I do die, my death is on their hands. Avenge me, siravenge me by winning the election in the greatest landslide this country has ever seen!
Trump said he would be celebrating the life and legacy of his mother-in-law Amelia by traveling the country to places such as New Hampshire, South Carolina, Alabama, Arkansas, California, Maine, Colorado, Iowa, Massachusetts, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Texas, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia and other states, and proclaiming the one message that she most strongly believed in, which was that foreign immigrants from abroad were poisoning the blood of our country.
Trump also said he needed time to visit his mother-in-laws grave, located underneath the maintenance shed at the Trump National Doral Miami golf course, where he states she was buried according to his wishes and pursuant to ancient Slobanian tradition.
Trump warned that should any presiding judge deny his motion to stay proceedings, it could send him into the depths of deepest despair, which could only be remedied by visiting his wifes ancestral homeland.
Sources close to the former President stated they later observed Trump asking his attorneys whether the country of Solaria had an extradition treaty with the United States.
DETAILS AT ELEVEN
Lonestarblue
(11,531 posts)Trueblue1968
(17,924 posts)ha ha ha.... So funny. lolol
Maybe they have called him ...... Sue eeee .... Here ,pig,pig pig
TheBlackAdder
(28,825 posts)JohnnyRingo
(19,255 posts)Close enough to real that it was at once hilarious and alarming. Especially how he always uses the word "sir" before and after his lies.
Well done!
Jrose
(1,316 posts)that were 'missing' from the Maga-Loco storage bins to another location, under the body of newly-deceased -- and very conveniently-timed --entombment of his mother in law.(sarcasm)
Djt is not in any way a sympathetic, caring or considerate family man.
I'm sure he'll 'get over it,' yesterday... like getting over the mass shooting of schoolchildren.
limbicnuminousity
(1,409 posts)Nicely done.
Tommy Carcetti
(43,481 posts)...Trump is only one year younger than her.
limbicnuminousity
(1,409 posts)required to perform that calculation.
You, sir, are on fire today.
rubbersole
(8,286 posts)And...and...an immigrant. Can't possibly be equated with a silver spoon privileged white male. Especially at 6'2" - 215lbs.
DallasNE
(7,545 posts)rurallib
(63,094 posts)dum-da-dum-dum!
jcgoldie
(11,971 posts)... that the fucker is so ridiculous that I'm 5 paragraphs in before I realize its satire.
Prof. Toru Tanaka
(2,250 posts)You are right about his being completely ridiculous. He was such an absolute embarrassment during his four years of grifting in the White House.
ArkansasDemocrat1
(3,128 posts)birdographer
(2,496 posts)keithbvadu2
(39,778 posts)ProfessorGAC
(69,459 posts)Well Done, Tommy.
Kingofalldems
(39,176 posts)True Blue American
(18,131 posts)Wonder Why
(4,553 posts)and that comes to approximately 0.000000003 seconds.
louis-t
(23,561 posts)Giggety.
niyad
(119,182 posts)AllaN01Bear
(22,874 posts)3Hotdogs
(13,305 posts)mother-in-law.
She, who gave him and the world, the beautiful Malari- sorry. Melania.
republianmushroom
(17,196 posts)yardwork
(63,747 posts)twodogsbarking
(12,150 posts)iluvtennis
(20,718 posts)be held accountable in the courts of law.
70sEraVet
(4,103 posts)This is my attempt to insert a gif. Sorry if it does not work out.
JoseBalow
(4,859 posts)70sEraVet
(4,103 posts)Eyeball_Kid
(7,561 posts)Whenever Trump tells a story that includes "Sir", he's bullshitting. The MIL never said such a thing. There are, of course, no witnesses to his MIL's confession because it was all made up.
Lucinda
(31,170 posts)❤️ ✿❧🌿❧✿ ❤️
Emile
(28,678 posts)on his mourning.
LetMyPeopleVote
(153,746 posts)Onlyserious
(105 posts)Has the family selected a golf course in which to bury the poor, chain-migrated woman? Or are they still evaluating the tax implications among the options?
ificandream
(10,316 posts)livetohike
(22,835 posts)orangecrush
(21,240 posts)What a crock of shit
LeftInTX
(29,689 posts)Stay home and hide. Avoid talk shows. Can't avoid court, but campaigns are optional. He can put it on hold.
bucolic_frolic
(46,512 posts)walkingman
(8,241 posts)relayerbob
(6,952 posts)He's going to milk the sympathy vote for everything he can throughout the election process. He sure didn't mourn Ivana for 10-12 months after tossing her under his golf course.
appleannie1
(5,190 posts)appleannie1
(5,190 posts)Does that only apply to women? He sure has a weird way of looking at women. They have no worth unless they are young and good looking. All others should be gotten rid of. Well I think his father should have flushed him down the toilet 9 months before he was born.
And what I said is not satire. At least I hope the above piece is. It is really hard to tell because it sounds so like something he would say and do.
Hermit-The-Prog
(36,378 posts)Brilliant!
Tommy Carcetti
(43,481 posts)Hermit-The-Prog
(36,378 posts)We should roll back, for this special case, to where 'asylum' meant a -nice- place to store lunatics:
orleans
(34,782 posts)and now i'm wondering where *his* parents are buried! dun dun dun.....
Tesha
(20,933 posts)Thanks for a wonderful read!
ornotna
(11,045 posts)Considering he spent 10 to 12 minutes on Ivana's passing.
Rhiannon12866
(220,253 posts)brush
(57,052 posts)which he's hoping he wins so he can avoid jail.
Forget it, trump. Biden is gonna kick your ass again.
And he probably hasn't spoken two words to that woman since he got married to her daughter.
elleng
(135,525 posts)and of course am-m-a-lee-jee-a Ka-ka-novs was not a foreign immigrants from abroad were poisoning the blood of our country.