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(7,468 posts)
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:25 PM Jan 2024

BREAKING NEWS: Texas Governor proposes ban on vasectomies.

In a rather startling development, Texas Governor Greg Abbott is proposing to the Texas legislature a law that would, under penalty of 5 years in prison, a ban on vasectomies for all males, regardless of social status, color, or income, or age. The proposal comes at a time when women in the state are banned from having abortions. The governor, who has vehemently denied rumors that he's fathered 9 children out of wedlock, announced his proposal at a state-wide convocation for the One Night Stand Brotherhood, a newly formed association of men committed to fathering children at any cost. "It's only right," remarked the Governor, "that every God-given sacred sperm be protected from neglect, misuse, and an early death. When God told us to populate the Earth, it's our duty to take His command seriously. If women can be charged with a felony for having an abortion, it's only proper that men conform with prohibitions on reproductive freedom."

Senator Tommy Tubes of Louisiana wholly concurred with the proposed law. "This vasectomy movement has got to stop. Men can't just drop into a clinic and walk out half a man. And for what?"

However, Governor Abbott's sudden advocacy for gender equality was not received well by all segments of the electorate. A group of 50 armed men congregated in front of the governor's mansion demanding that the bill be snipped in the bud. One of the leaders of the group, Harold Lightrod, momentarily pointed his rifle downward and angrily shouted, "How dare the Governor try to take away our freedoms! We have a right to do whatever we want with our bodies. And does anyone really think that men will stop getting vasectomies just because this idiot governor thinks he can control our lives? Let me tell you. Where there's a will, there's a way."

The Texas legislature scheduled a debate on the bill on February 14, Valentine's Day.

37 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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BREAKING NEWS: Texas Governor proposes ban on vasectomies. (Original Post) Eyeball_Kid Jan 2024 OP
"Every Sperm Is Sacred" - ? Is this a joke? Aristus Jan 2024 #1
DU satire onenote Jan 2024 #6
Satire: Still dead. Aristus Jan 2024 #10
the lack of discernment here is often dismaying Celerity Jan 2024 #22
Texas lege won't be in session until 2025 LeftInTX Jan 2024 #11
Abbott will probably call a special session before then. TwilightZone Jan 2024 #15
Yep! ProfessorGAC Jan 2024 #28
If a sperm is wasted Martin Eden Jan 2024 #32
I hope they do edhopper Jan 2024 #2
Snipped in the bud - nicely done. Probatim Jan 2024 #3
I guess men in Texas won't be masturbating, right? zanana1 Jan 2024 #4
Thereby putting the state legislature out of business. Paladin Jan 2024 #18
At roughly 300 million little sperm buddies per event, Buns_of_Fire Jan 2024 #21
Thanks for the added fun. Eyeball_Kid Jan 2024 #26
This message was self-deleted by its author LuckyCharms Jan 2024 #5
Tell me this is a joke.. PCIntern Jan 2024 #7
Thanks for the compliment. Eyeball_Kid Jan 2024 #27
How about a source for this so-called story? Hmmmm? I think it's fake. nt CaliforniaPeggy Jan 2024 #8
Obviously satirical, but don't put it past them. Eugene Jan 2024 #9
That's the problem: satire isn't so obvious anymore. Aristus Jan 2024 #12
oh please don't give them any ideas Captain Zero Jan 2024 #13
Good one ! nt TeamProg Jan 2024 #14
Almost got me but then I looked for a link and... CTyankee Jan 2024 #16
Love it ! republianmushroom Jan 2024 #17
Think of the movie Legally Blonde keithbvadu2 Jan 2024 #19
This message was self-deleted by its author bif Jan 2024 #20
The earth is overpopulated now and more people will destroy the planet and its eco system Stargazer99 Jan 2024 #23
If I recall correctly, Eyeball_Kid Jan 2024 #30
Congrats on a nice piece of satire. Stinky The Clown Jan 2024 #24
Today's satire is tomorrow's GOP policy. Midnight Writer Jan 2024 #25
You had me fooled UnderThisLaw Jan 2024 #29
Well played! nt Dulcinea Jan 2024 #31
Did I miss someone posting this? Louis1895 Jan 2024 #33
You had me going for a minute! That's DAMN funny! DemocraticPatriot Jan 2024 #34
You should apply to work for the Onion. nt Quixote1818 Jan 2024 #35
They'd never ban viagra Earth-shine Jan 2024 #36
This message was self-deleted by its author JudyM Jan 2024 #37


(66,893 posts)
10. Satire: Still dead.
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:33 PM
Jan 2024

That's the problem with American political life today. Satire is supposed to be outrageous and over-the-top, but still recognizable as satire.

When one can't tell the difference anymore, a dark age is surely approaching.


(25,702 posts)
15. Abbott will probably call a special session before then.
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:42 PM
Jan 2024

There have already been four. He's already threatened to call for a fifth if he didn't get his way on subsidies for private schools, though he hasn't brought that up for a while.

Martin Eden

(12,957 posts)
32. If a sperm is wasted
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 01:53 PM
Jan 2024

God gets quite irate!

Does Abbott also want to outlaw the French Tickler rubber thingyTexas men like to put on their John Thomas?

Jobs could be created removing coin operated dispensers from restrooms at gas stations.


(34,024 posts)
2. I hope they do
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:27 PM
Jan 2024

maybe that will wake up Texas voters. If not, it's on them for keeping these cretins in office.


(17,334 posts)
21. At roughly 300 million little sperm buddies per event,
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:55 PM
Jan 2024

some of these guys will be looking at hard time right up until the sun goes dark.

Some allowances will be made for nocturnal emissions, since the felon wasn't in complete control (although they were obviously having impure dreams). Involuntary spermslaughter will only mandate a five-year sentence per sperm, so they'll be getting off light. So to speak.

Response to Eyeball_Kid (Original post)

Response to Eyeball_Kid (Original post)


(2,620 posts)
23. The earth is overpopulated now and more people will destroy the planet and its eco system
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:59 PM
Jan 2024

Are these men insane forcing more births...there is more to being a father than just sex. I talked to a minister to jailed men and most had bad or no relationship to their fathers...why do some people ignore what is right in their face? Ignorance or love of tormenting the hell out of the vunerable


(7,468 posts)
30. If I recall correctly,
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 01:36 PM
Jan 2024

back in the 1970s the ZPG (zero population growth) had legs. But when Ronald Reagan teamed with the evangelicals, the ZPG movement was marginalized as whacko and overpopulation became our long-term, silent killer. Now the anti-reproductive freedom movement is targeting contraception as the next taboo practice. Call me crazy, but this is nuts (and suicidal).

Stinky The Clown

(67,935 posts)
24. Congrats on a nice piece of satire.
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 01:00 PM
Jan 2024

When satire is mistaken - at least at first - for the truth, it is good satire.

This is good satire.

Response to Eyeball_Kid (Original post)

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