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Top 10 Idiots

(629 posts)
Thu Feb 22, 2024, 06:00 PM Feb 2024

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16-3: The Not So Fresh Prince Of Bel Air Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16-3: The Not So Fresh Prince Of Bel Air Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yoooooooooooooooooooooo!!! What’s up Albuqueque? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! It’s been quite a while since we’ve been in the ABQ but it’s good to be back! Yeah I know we were supposed to be doing the Wheel Of Corruption this week but it got pushed back because our server upgrade screwed up this whole season, but now that we've got it back we’re good to go! By the way, you know what next week is? It’s that time of year! Time for our the 6th annual installment of our popular Stupidest State contest! Yes, the NFFSA is back and we can’t wait to bring you what we have in store! Also I know we said we’d debut our new segment Capitol Critters, but that also got pushed back. Expect that in the March 13th edition. Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! Well we don’t have time for it this week, but next week we absolutely have to talk about the famous Chicago rat hole. Yes, this is a thing. If you haven’t heard about it, it’s a viral tourist attraction that was recently featured on our favorite program, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. It’s been in just about everything, and really it’s just a mysterious hole that looks like a deep fried rat. Can we show that? And trust us when we say that it’s every bit as weird as you might expect! People actually got married there. OK imagine finding that special person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then 9 days before the wedding, you say “Hey let’s get married at that rat shaped hole!”. Yeah… think about it! So yes, you can bet that the next time we’re in Chicago we’re definitely getting our picture taken with that thing! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first, John Oliver is back and you have to see his solution to stop the extreme corruption coming from the Supreme Court, particularly justice Clarence Thomas:



So where do we begin this week? Sigh… another week another shooting. And this time, what should have been a day of celebration for the Kansas City Chiefs turned instead into another nightmare and another sad reminder of America’s ongoing Gun-O-Cide (1). But if you’re looking for someone to blame, blame the fucking idiots that Missouri continues to elect, like Josh Hawley and Mike Parsons! In the second slot, the worst House of Representative since the Civil War strikes again with their ongoing sham impeachment trial of DHS director Alejandro Mayorkas (2) and it’s turning into yet another infuriating example of how highly partisan politics run by idiots and a hostile, vindictive “news network” is destroying the United States. In the third slot this week is that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (3) and yes, we’ve put a temporary ban on covering every bullshit thing he says, but after his call to ban NATO and let Putin basically take over Europe is particularly alarming. Yeah we’ve seen how this movie ends, and it ain’t good! In the number four slot is the Border Convoy (4). Yes, the brainwashed Fox News addicted idiots who are taking over a small town at the Texas – Mexico border are proving to be unwelcome guests, and their ridiculous convoy is turning into the colossal shit show that we all expected that it would be! Taking the 5th slot this week is of course that guy who we inexplicably used to call president, Donald Trump (5) and he went to Philadelphia to crash a convention and hawk his latest merchandise scheme – a pair of hideous gold sneakers! And it backfired on him pretty spectacularly! And in the number 6 slot is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and if you’re as concerned about the rising tide of fascism in the United States as we are, you will want to check out this new movie from Spinal Tap co-creator Rob Reiner called “God + Country”. We’ll have a preview of what you can expect and tell you more about these scumbags! In the number 7 slot, speaking of insane scumbags, we add Texas’ drug dealing doctor and Trump cognitive test administrator Ronny Jackson (Q – Batshit) to that ever growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected (7)! Taking the 8th slot this week is a new edition of our segment that delves into the never ending void of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) and this week – is it possible that Putin has deployed a nuclear weapon in space or is it just a bunch of online bullshit? Well we can’t put anything past the Moscow Mad Man but we’re going to say a little from column A, a little from column B. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, we have a new People Are Dumb (9) because of course they are! Finally this week it’s the conclusion of our 3 part series Road To The Primaries (10) and this week we’re going to finally put an end to the debate that’s been the subject of many prime time talk shows – is Joe Biden too old to run? The answer may surprise you! Plus to close things out, we have the awesome Black Pumas stopping by, and buy their new album “Chronicles Of A Diamond” or you’re no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Super Bowl Shooting
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God damn it, America. Cant you go one fucking day without an incident happening? No, of course you can’t. And every time we try to push this country towards admitting that it has a problem, it seems like we take one step forward and then about 15 backwards. What should have been a celebratory time for the Kansas City Chiefs instead turned into a sad reminder of America’s ongoing gun addiction and gun lust, and another raise in the body count for the ongoing gun-o-cide. But we don’t need to remind you that Missouri governor Mike Parsons is one of the NRA’s highest rated gun friendly psycho politicians in the country, and that Missouri passed some of the most pro-gun legislation in the United States. And remember these clowns, the McCloskeys? Yeah they live in Missouri too. But this is also another sad reminder of why this country can’t have nice things, and we personally blame a certain right wing news network for it.

One person was killed and more than 20 were injured when shots were fired after a Wednesday rally celebrating the Kansas City Chiefs’ Super Bowl victory.

While details of what exactly unfolded before the gunfire erupted are still coming to light, here is what NBC News has learned so far about the shooting that turned the celebration into chaos.


Thousands of jubilant fans flocked to downtown Kansas City, Missouri, bedecked in the team’s colors of red, white and gold, to celebrate the team’s Super Bowl victory Wednesday afternoon. More than 800 law enforcement officers were stationed in and around the rally for safety, authorities said.

The shooting was reported at the conclusion of the rally, around 1:50 p.m., Kansas City police Chief Stacey Graves said Thursday.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/timeline-kansas-city-chiefs-parade-shooting-what-we-know-rcna139000




Yeah that’s actually pretty accurate for now. But yes America’s gun nuts are the reason why this country can’t have nice things. Well that and Fox News. And come on, American media, you can’t compare what happened in Kansas City to what happens when the Lakers win and fans set cars on fire, or when the Philadelphia Eagles win and their fans go crazy and punch police horses. Yes that’s a thing. But of course, red flag laws would have prevented such a shooting from happened because then that means a guy who was previously reckless with a gun couldn’t buy a new gun to be reckless with again.

One of the men charged with murder following the Feb. 14 mass shooting at the Chiefs Super Bowl rally had just gotten off probation for pulling out a gun at a community center, according to court documents.

Lyndell Mays, 23, of Raytown, and Dominic M. Miller, 18, of Kansas City, each face a count of second-degree felony murder in connection with the parade shooting that killed a woman and injured 24 people.

Mays and Miller were among those wounded. According to municipal court documents, Mays had been charged with disorderly conduct in April 2021.

Read more at: https://www.kansascity.com/news/local/article285738716.html#storylink=cpy




And by the way, Mike Parson, we’re not letting you get off of this one scot-free. This shooting, like most of the others in the Show Me State, is entirely on YOU. You can’t blame “violent crime” for this one, there is only one thing to blame, and that’s the gun. America has more guns than people in this country, and the guns have more rights than the people who get shot with them. And it’s all thanks to batshit, NRA sponsored politicians like Mike Parsons who pass this insane legislation that makes the rest of the world not want to be associated with us. You don’t get to walk away from this one!

Missouri Governor Mike Parson says his quick-acting security team led him and the first lady to safety after gunfire erupted Wednesday at the Chiefs rally at Union Station.

The governor said he was on the opposite or east side of the stage from where the shooting took place.

“It was such a great moment, such a great celebration to end the way it did. We just got to figure out how we heal now, all the families that were involved, how they get through it, and we move on, but it was an unfortunate tragedy for people just being out there and being criminals,” he said.

Parson also noted there was another mass shooting at Crown Center in January, less than a month before the one at the Chiefs rally.
https://www.kmbc.com/article/missouri-governor-chiefs-super-bowl-parade-shooting/46873624




Yeah right! Does anyone else hear that? Thoughts and prayers right on cue! But I want to point out something – Parson also noted that there was another shooting at that same area. That’s because mass shootings are such a common occurrence that we’ve almost become numb to the fact that there’s so many happening. But here’s what absolutely sucks about this country – we want to make change in America’s gun laws, but politicians are too afraid to stand up to the NRA, Fox News, and the right wing propaganda machine. They’re the problem in this country. Lather, rinse, repeat. It’s the circle of death and it screws us all!

In the wake of Wednesday’s mass shooting at the Chiefs parade, Kansas City lawmakers say they feel "helpless" to do anything about firearms or the high homicide rate. That's in large part because Missouri preempts local governments from passing gun control measures.

Missouri Gov. Mike Parson was met with boos as he addressed a crowd of thousands at the Kansas City Chiefs victory parade on Wednesday.

“If you wanna see the Lombardi Trophy,” Parson declared, “you’re going to have to fly your asses to Kansas City, Missouri, and we’ll show you four trophies.”

Just half an hour later — after Parson handed over the microphone to the returning Super Bowl champions, and festivities began wrapping up — gunfire rang out near the Union Station stage. Pandemonium erupted as the large crowd scattered.
https://www.kcur.org/politics-elections-and-government/2024-02-16/chiefs-parade-shooting-kansas-city-gun-laws-missouri-local-control





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[font size="8"]Mayorkas Impeachment Trial

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Well that escalated quickly. I’m of course talking about the ongoing shit show that is the MAGA impeachment trial of DHS director Alejandro Mayorkas, and it’s becoming every bit the clusterfuck that we all knew it would be. And guess who they put in charge of the trial? Well it’s two of the dumbest members of the MAGA Qongress and you don’t have to remind me that there’s a lot of competition for that title! First up is our old buddy Marjorie Shit For Brains, and behind door #2 is another MAGA Q nutjob – Clay Higgins! No seriously, this is like giving the alcoholic the keys to the liquor cabinet and to your car so they can make a beer run! But really this is the best Congress has. And they want to run the White House? I wouldn’t trust these idiots to run a Waffle House! But really, we can expect things to get worse before they get better. And yes I know, with these idiots in charge, things are worse than they’ve ever been. Hopefully not for much longer!

Speaker Mike Johnson wasted no time releasing his nominees in a House Resolution to serve as the "Impeachment Managers" for DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. Impeachment managers typically serve as prosecutors arguing the case, presenting evidence and witnesses, making opening and closing arguments to the Senate during an impeachment trial.

The list contains some real All-Stars. Perhaps the two that jump out are the most unhinged Members of the House: Marge Green and Clay Higgins. Other members include Andy Biggs, Andrew Garbarino, Ben Cline, August Pfluger, Harriet Hageman, and Laurel Lee.

Higgins was last seen posting a threat to Judge Engoron right before the Super Bowl using a depiction of a hit man from the Godfather, and Marge Greene is, well, Marge Greene. Enough said.

Of course, what seems a likely scenario is that Senator Schumer calls an immediate motion to dismiss the impeachment case with an up and down vote before there is any trial. It seems pretty clear that Mitch McConnell and Senate Republican leadership want no part of this clown show, and won't put up much of a fight.

Read more: https://www.meidastouch.com/news/marge-greene-clay-higgins-named-as-mayorkas-impeachment-managers




Holy shit, the MAGAs just can’t help but be as vile and awful as possible! And putting these idiots in charge, you know things aren’t going to end well. There is some good news – while the petulant whiny toddlers in the MAGA Qongress fight each other over partisan bullshit, the adults in charge of the Senate will most likely kill the bill. But of course, just like their ongoing 15,000,000 investigations into Hunter Biden, would it be too much for them to just admit that they got nothing and this is all a sham to please their talk show hosts of choice? Who am I kidding? Of course it would!

A group of Senate conservatives is demanding help from Mitch McConnell on forcing a full impeachment trial for Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, Axios has learned.

Why it matters: Senate Democrats will control the process. But the historic impeachment articles are proving to be the next flashpoint for the GOP minority leader.

13 Republicans, led by Sens. Mike Lee (Utah) and Ted Cruz (Texas), plan to send a letter to McConnell on Tuesday morning, demanding they "fully engage our Constitutional duty and hold a trial."

A Democratic effort to dismiss the impeachment articles would be "an action rarely contemplated and never taken by the U.S. Senate," the senators argue in a copy of the letter first obtained by Axios.
https://www.axios.com/2024/02/20/mayorkas-impeachment-senate-gop-mcconnell-cruz-lee




Yeah someone’s probably getting fired over this. But the people who should be getting fired definitely aren’t the ones that absolutely should lose their jobs. This is what happens when you watch too much Fox News and let that shit go to your head. Seriously all these idiots do is fight with each other, then they retreat to their talk show hidey holes on Fox News or wherever it is that right wingers get their shitty news from these days to complain about how hard it is to actually do their jobs. You know you didn’t have to get elected, MAGAs. You were brainwashed by that stupid news network you guys are glued to 24 hours a day! But now they’ve gone full circle, from “we intend to impeach Mayorkas” to… ??we’ve got nothing, so fuck it.”

A month after the 2022 midterm elections, as House Republicans made clear they intended to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, Senate Republicans sent a clear message: Don’t bother.

Fourteen months later, GOP representatives ignored the advice and approved the first-ever impeachment resolution against a sitting cabinet secretary — despite having uncovered literally no evidence of the DHS secretary committing high crimes.

The case then went to the Democratic-led Senate, where both parties agreed that there was simply no chance of the senators removing Mayorkas from office. Indeed, quite a few GOP senators effectively mocked the whole stunt. Oklahoma’s James Lankford called the impeachment resolution “dead on arrival.” North Dakota’s Kevin Cramer echoed the line, adding that he considered the case “the worst, dumbest exercise and use of time.”

With this in mind, Politico reported two weeks ago that Senate Democrats had already begun behind-the-scenes discussions “about the best way to kill this as fast as they can.”
https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/gops-latest-division-mayorkas-impeachment-rcna139586




Why yes, saying you’re “pre-fired” is probably a better way of putting it. You could tell the MAGA Q nuts and Fox News to shut the fuck up, but that would require them to actually, you know, shut the fuck up, and we all know they’re completely incapable of that. Which is why we always laugh when we see these losers call themselves the “silent majority”. Pro tip: You can’t be the silent majority when you’re the loudest and dumbest assholes in the room! Well we’ll keep an eye on this to see if it goes anywhere, but for now, as always, we’re calling their bluff: they got nothing.

In the historic Feb. 13 impeachment of Alejandro Mayorkas, House Republicans said the Homeland Security secretary "willfully and systematically refused to comply with immigration laws" and "breached public trust" by falsely telling Congress the U.S.-Mexico border was secure.

This is the second time in U.S. history that a Cabinet member has been impeached; the first was in 1876, when Secretary of War William Belknap was impeached for taking kickbacks.

We reviewed what the articles of impeachment say Mayorkas did or did not do and found the articles misconstrued what is possible under immigration law and congressional appropriations.

Constitutional scholars, former Homeland Security secretaries and immigration experts have criticized the impeachment, saying the articles cite policy disagreements rather than impeachable offenses, which include "treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors."
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/politics/politifact/2024/02/20/what-house-articles-of-impeachment-allege-mayorkas-did-or-didnt-do/72655783007/







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[font size="8"]Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Tucker Carlson
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Last week, rejected Fox News primetime host Tucker Carlson blew up right wing social media and his employer Elon Musk’s site X, when he announced that he was going to Russia to interview premiere Russian warlord Vladimir Putin. Well, as we all expected the interview turned out to be a colossal dud and didn’t exactly paint the Mad Man of Moscow in the light that Elon had hoped. Because like we said, you just can’t humanize an inhuman, criminally insane monster with aspirations of world domination and global genocide like Putin. But we can’t overlook the fact that Tucker Carlson, with that insane atrocity of an interview, basically defined the term “useful idiot” for the 21st century. So for this segment we’re going to talk about the aftermath of Tucker’s trip to Moscow and what the MAGAs really want for their vision of America’s future. And to quote one of my favorite podcast hosts, it ain’t good! But this might be the most certifiably insane, batshit crazy thing that was said during that week long interview and tour of Moscow. But hold your boos because it’s gonna get ugly. Apparently it’s OK for political leaders now to just straight murder their opposition. Oh yes, my friends, he went there!

CARLSON: Because those are covered and because I have spent my life talking to people who run countries in various countries and have concluded the following. That every leader kills people, including my leader. Every leader kills people, some kill more than others. Leadership requires killing people, sorry, that’s why I wouldn’t want to be a leader. That press restriction is universal in the United States, I know because I’ve lived it. Ask my former – I’ve had a lot of jobs. And I’ve done this for 34 years and I know how it works and there’s more censorship in Russia than there is in the United States but there is a great deal in the United States. And so at a certain point, it’s like people can decide whether they think, what countries they think are better, what systems they think are better. I just want to know what he thinks, that was the whole point.
https://www.mediamatters.org/tucker-carlson/tucker-carlson-gushes-over-vladimir-putin-and-defends-not-asking-him-about-civil




Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! No, that’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works! Now here’s the thing and we pointed this out last week – for YEARS, the GOP was harassing Democratic leaders for even just daring to question the GOP’s ties to Russia. And that was *YEARS* before right wing MAGAs in Congress like Charles Grassley and Steve Scalise visited Moscow. We’re pretty sure now that it was all on Putin’s dime. Now all of a sudden not only did they act like it didn’t happen, but they’re basically waving it in our faces now. Like what the fuck?

Russians have reacted ecstatically online to the two-hour interview between former Fox News presenter Tucker Carlson and Russian president Vladimir Putin, hailing it as a historic, internet-breaking moment that will change the world. Many are now even calling the former Fox News presenter a national hero: Some have called for February 9 to be renamed as “Tucker Carlson Day,” while others posted pictures of Carlson wearing a Russian ushanka hat and claimed Carlson wore a tie during the interview bearing colors that closely resemble the colors and pattern of Saint George’s ribbon, a Russian military symbol.

The much-hyped interview ran for more than two hours on Tucker Carlson’s new streaming platform and X, and saw Putin spending a huge amount of time laying out a revisionist history of Russia and the Ukraine in a bid to justify Russia’s invasion. Carlson spent most of the interview listening, and rarely interjected to question Putin’s narrative. He also failed to push the Russian leader on his country’s widely reported war crimes in Ukraine.

The interview marks Carlson’s further embrace of the far-right and conspiracy world since departing Fox News last year, and comes on the back of Russia ratcheting up its interference operations ahead of the 2024 elections. This week, WIRED reported on a coordinated Russian disinformation campaign where state media, influencers, bots, and others claimed the Texas border crisis was pushing the US toward civil war. By providing Putin with direct access to millions in the US and around the world, Carlson gave the Russian leader an unprecedented opportunity to spread propaganda virtually unchecked, marking a new, and possibly even more comprehensive, era of Russian disinformation.
https://www.wired.com/story/tucker-carlson-putin-interview-propaganda-online-response/




Yeah let’s think about this here for a minute. Russian propagandists are very actively celebrating Tucker going over to Moscow to interview Putin. What’s really insane is that Tucker is essentially aiding Putin in his tyrannical quest to conquer Europe. And this is coming from the people who said that we must neve bow down to tyranny! They say that in one breath, but in the next breath, they say that America needs a ruler like Vladimir Putin. I mean which is it? Pick a lane, MAGAs! Well, I will tell you, despite what lane you choose, if you choose the more dangerous path, you do not want what’s coming. Yeah it may be fun for you to fantasize about the execution of your political opponents… and if you do, you’re a violent psychopath who should be seeking professional help, but be careful what you wish for.

Alexei Navalny, Russian President Vladimir Putin's most formidable domestic opponent, fell unconscious and died on Friday after a walk at the "Polar Wolf" Arctic penal colony where he was serving a three-decade sentence, authorities said.
The death of Navalny, a 47-year-old former lawyer, robs the disparate Russian opposition of its most prominent leader as Putin prepares for an election which will keep the former KGB spy in power until at least 2030.
U.S. President Joe Biden said he was outraged and joined other Western leaders in criticising Russia over Navalny's death, blaming it on "something that Putin and his thugs did."
Navalny rose to prominence more than a decade ago by documenting and speaking publicly about what he said was the vast corruption and opulence among the "crooks and thieves" running Putin's Russia.
https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/jailed-russian-opposition-leader-navalny-dead-prison-service-2024-02-16/




Yeah and that’s probably the most understated statement ever! Holy shit indeed! Here’s the thing, MAGAs, if you want to go live in a fascist authoritarian dictatorship, go to Russia. Living in a fantasy land where military tribunals, public executions, and the possibility of martial law ARE NOT GOOD THINGS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! If you want any of these things, for the United States, again, you’re fucked in the head and should seek professional help immediately. But if you want to live in a fascist country, go to Russia. I’m sure Tucker can arrange for your trip over. He now hates the US after visiting… a supermarket. Yes, one trip to the grocery store and that’s it.

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson has been mocked for praising Russian grocery stores.

During Carlson's recent trip to Moscow to interview Russian President Vladimir Putin, he stopped off at a local grocery store to see how prices compare now during its war against Ukraine versus when it was part of the Soviet Union.

Carlson was filmed gleefully picking out a cart full of groceries, which included wine from Crimea, a Ukrainian peninsula that was annexed by Russia in 2014.

"I went from amused to legitimately angry," Carlson said in the video. The weeks' worth of groceries that Carlson bought cost $103.82.
https://www.newsweek.com/tucker-carlson-mocked-praising-russian-grocery-stores-1870396





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[font size="8"]The Border Convoy
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So anyone remember not even two years ago, when that insane Trucker Convoy showed up unannounced at the Canadian capitol of Ottawa, and they proceeded to wreck as much havoc as possible over COVID related mask mandates and health restrictions? Yeah we get it, reopening the world after a major pandemic was a bit of a challenge, but these idiots certainly weren’t helping anything and in fact making an already terrible situation that much worse (see: Idiots #12-5 ). Well guess what happens now? We have a new right wing convoy of idiots that are proceeding to wreck as much havoc as possible. And the last few weeks, we’ve been talking about the sheer and completely unjust cruelty inflicted by Texas governor Greg Abbott against migrants coming across the border. It’s seriously, to put it in technical terms, pure fucking evil. In fact, his methods are so extreme that he had to be told NO by the Supreme Court, in a near unanimous decision, and this is the MAGA Supreme Court that Trump created, we might add. But this of course has once again ignited a feud between red states and blue states. And some of the more extremist supporters on the red side have setup a convoy in Texas in a border town that really doesn’t want them. And here’s more.

Paranoia about federal entrapment is looming large over the “Take Our Border Back” convoy, which departed Virginia Beach Monday morning and plans to arrive in Texas later this week.

By noon Monday, after a few hours on the road, the convoy had amassed just a few dozen participants—so far, predominantly men over the age of 60. The convoy’s promoters promised over 700,000 participants.

The low numbers could be due, in part, to conspiracy theories riddling Telegram channels for the convoy. Would-be participants are expressing fears that the demonstration could be a “psyop” or “honeypot,” spearheaded by the federal government and undercover agents with the goal of ensnaring right-wingers into a violent event. This is the basis of the Jan. 6 “fedsurrection” conspiracy theory, which around a quarter of Americans believe, according to recent polling.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/wxjygb/trucker-convoy-texas-border-standoff-conspiracy-theories-dooming-protest




Oh come on, people! Stop your rabbling! See, here’s where I have a truly massive problem with this whole ordeal. This border hysteria is entirely, 100% the product of Fox News and it’s been amplified by the other heavily republican / MAGA news outlets out there. And the people who watch Fox News 24 hours a day, 7 days a week are unable to tell reality from conspiracy theories. While the rest of the world is watching in sheer horror at Greg Abbott’s unrelenting cruelty towards migrants, these idiots are… cheering them on! What the actual fuck? It’s insane that the GOP is the party of “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”.

A far-right convoy calling itself “God’s army” rallied in three cities near the southern border last weekend to decry what they called a migrant “invasion” as a result of escalating tensions between Texas Gov. Greg Abbott and the federal government in Eagle Pass, Texas.

The convoy, which was led by organizers known for promoting election denial narratives, QAnon and anti-vaccine conspiracy theories, formed amidst Abbott’s disapproval of President Joe Biden’s handling of the southern border.

“Texas is on the frontlines of this battle for freedom and state’s rights for their constitutional right to close the border if the federal government will not,” Texas congressman Keith Self said at a rally in Quemado, Vice reported.

The convoy that passed through Eagle Pass attracted a blend of Christian nationalists, MAGA influencers, Jan. 6 rioters, QAnon conspiracy theorists and militia-style groups. The participants espoused anti-government conspiracies and dehumanizing language about migrants.
https://www.salon.com/2024/02/10/frightening-experts-alarmed-after-texas-border-invaded-by-far-right-gods-army-convoy/




Oh come on, go fuck the fuck right off with that “God’s Army” bullshit. You guys are convinced that you’re the Sparta army from 300. But do any of you look like Gerard Butler? I’m going to say the answer is most likely hell no. And by the way in case you’re wondering, why yes, there is a ven diagram showing a cross section between people causing havoc at the border and people who attempted to destroy the Capitol and murder half of Congress on January 6th. The common link? I’m guessing that it’s most likely murder. Come on, FBI! There’s some ripe pickings for your ongoing investigations there!

Three years after the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol, some of the same defendants who were arrested and convicted for their role in the violent insurrection were embraced by an emboldened fringe movement at the nation's southern border.

The Take Our Border Back rally last weekend brought anti-immigration hardliners, MAGA conservatives, and other fringe elements to protest the Biden administration's immigration policies, in what the website said was a "call on our government to take action… and secure our southern border." It was also, to a certain extent, a rebirth for some Jan 6 defendants who took the stage to galvanize supporters.

In speeches and private conversations, some of the Jan. 6 defendants told CBS News the border rally emboldened them to resume in-person protests and rallies.

"A lot of people were fearful to come to this rally because of Jan. 6," said 42-year-old Christina Holbrook, who traveled from Cincinnati to attend the rally. "That's what the government wants us to do — be afraid. But now we know we can raise our voices."
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/texas-border-rally-jan-6-prosecutions/




And by the way, my friends, this border convoy isn’t going away anytime soon. In fact, they’re just getting started! But the question though, 4 weeks into this shit show, is it a bust? And in fact did it really accomplish anything? The answers are as always, no and no. Well, it did answer the question of whether or not there’s a crisis at the border. And the crisis is that there’s a bunch of idiots at the border who were brainwashed by Fox News into cosplaying soldier, which is all the fun of being a soldier without the obligation or rules and regulations of being in the United States Army. But could this escalate? Right now all signs are pointing to: probably. Strap in, because the shit show is going to get that much worse!

This all has locals on edge and feeling like they are caught in the middle. They are alarmed at seeing their once quiet city militarized and becoming a magnet for the extremists.

“There are some people that are being confrontational," said Amber Duncan.

She and her five children live next door to Shelby Park. They’ve watched what she calls "chaos" in front of her home.

“This is where I live. Cops are worried about us because they know us," Duncan said. "They say be careful with the kids because it’s going to get wild. Make sure you’re safe.”

Duncan said she’s worried about the potential for an outbreak of violence similar to the 2019 El Paso Wal-Mart shooting that targeted Mexican Americans and where 23 people were murdered by an anti-immigration white nationalist
https://www.tpr.org/border-immigration/2024-02-07/right-wing-border-convoy-leaves-eagle-pass-residents-on-edge





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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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OK look, before we go any further, I don’t want to hear “But Initech!! You said that you were going to ban coverage of Trump’s stupid rallies because they all say the same stupid thing a million times to the same idiots who follow him around!”. To which I say, calm the fuck down and chill the fuck out. We’re making an exception for this one. I’m sure you saw your social media feed of choice blow up last Saturday with news that Trump was going to SneakerCon in Philadelphia. To which we say 1) there’s a SneakerCon? And 2) what the hell was he doing there? *Checks notes* Oh he was hawking more of his shitty merchandise, wasn’t he? That’s why we are doing this entry, folks! Just when we couldn’t get over laughing at his ridiculous line of NFTs, he comes back with some stupid cheap-looking gold high top sneakers with a cheap looking spray painted American flag and a gold T on them. Guess how much they cost? Any takers? Yes, they cost $400!!! We cannot make this shit up, folks! Our 45th president, Donald J. Trump, is literally a real life Krusty The Klown. He just can’t help but hawk cheesy merchandise and he knows his idiot fan base will buy it!

Through a sea of boos (and some cheers) Donald Trump announced his inaugural venture into the sneaker world at Philadelphia’s Sneaker Con. The Saturday launch marked the first time a former U.S. president has unveiled a sneaker line — and some say that’s for good reason.

The metallic gold high tops — priced at $400 and limited to 1,000 pairs — sold out within the day. But sneakerheads say they aren’t the ones purchasing them.

Online, the shoes were quickly mocked for their slightly off resemblance to Nike Air Force 1′s and Jordan 1′s.

“Scammer 1′s,” Alvin Blanco at Hip-Hop Wired called them in a viral tweet. “Those the January 6′s” another post said, referencing the 2021 attack in which Trump supporters stormed the Capitol as Joe Biden’s presidential victory was being certified. Their official title is the “Never Surrender Gold Hi-Tops.”
https://www.inquirer.com/news/nation-world/donald-trump-sneakers-gold-made-buy-sneakercon-20240219.html


https://i.chzbgr.com/full/11360261/hA1C7658F/

OK… this might be the most ridiculous merchandise he’s hawked yet. And look, MAGAs, we’re not laughing with you. We’re laughing *AT* you. Let’s think about this here for a minute. Remember the old Will Smith comedy series The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air? It’s about a street tough basketball player who gets in with the wrong crowd and is forced to move to be with his wealthy uncle in Beverly Hills. Trump is literally the opposite of that. He’s the wealthy guy who is going to hawk his ridiculous sneakers to Philadelphia sneaker collectors. So let’s call this “The Not So Fresh Prince Of Bel Air”. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! See, that investment in our new server paid off, folks! But you know who isn’t having any of this? Actual sneaker heads. In fact it’s music to my ears. Can we roll that clip?



Oh man that was sweet! Roll it again! And of course you know that they’re going to sell out. I don’t want to hear from his idiot base about “Bidenflation” if they can afford these ugly things.

Former President Trump's high-top sneakers sold out hours after their launch Saturday at Sneaker Con in Philadelphia.

The big picture: The shoes, called "The Never Surrender High-Top Sneaker," sell for $399. The pair, along with two low-top sneakers, and a $99 bottle of "Victory47" perfume and cologne were available for purchase on a new website.

What he's saying: "I just want to tell you, I've wanted to do this for a long time," Trump said Saturday when unveiling the sneaker line.

"I have some incredible people that work with me on things, and they came up with this, and this is something I've been talking about for 12 years, 13 years, and I think it's gonna be a big success," he said.
https://www.axios.com/2024/02/18/trump-sneakers-never-surrender-launch




Sure he’s wanted to do this for a long time. Come on, even the convention organizers had no idea what the fuck was going on when he invited himself. And look of course they’re going to sell out, because his idiots apparently have lots of cash to blow on his cheesy merchandise. But you know the one thing that the media *NEVER* reports on when they do these kinds of stories? Who the fuck is actually *BUYING* this shit! I mean have you ever met someone who owns a Trump tote bag? Or those stupid NFTs that he’s been hawking? Us neither! We do know one buyer actually paid $9,000 at an auction for an autographed pair. Yeah really what the actual fuck?

On Saturday afternoon in Philadelphia, less than 24 hours after he was ordered to pay $450 million in a New York civil fraud cause, the former President Donald J. Trump made a surprise appearance on stage at Sneaker Con to promote his own line of sneakers. Retailing for $399, the limited-edition “Never Surrender High Top” looks a bit like a cross between an Air Jordan 1 and a Converse All-Star, done in gold-painted leather and featuring an American flag on the heel. Although, as the New York Times reported, the shoes are billed on their official website as not “designed, manufactured, distributed or sold by Donald J. Trump,” they’ve already sold out.

“This is something I’ve been talking about for 12 years, 13 years, and I think it’s going to be a big success,” Trump told gatherers at Sneaker Con, over a chorus of both cheers and boos. Response to the release has been divisive, to say the least: some have criticized Sneaker Con for offering Trump a platform, while others have mocked the very idea of a political leader getting involved in this kind of promotion. A Joe Biden campaign spokesman ridiculed the shoes as “bootleg Off-Whites,” adding that these shoes are “the closest he’ll get to any Air Force One ever again for the rest of his life,” a dig at Trump’s election prospects for 2024.
https://www.gq.com/story/donald-trump-sneaker-drop




Yeah that’s what we in the business call “a burn”. So by the way, in case you’re wondering, why yes, someone could actually sue Trump over this atrocity. Which would make yet another lawsuit to add to the ever-growing pile. In fact there’s speculation that Trump did this so he could pay part of his ever-growing legal bills. So if you do the math, that’s 1,000 pairs of sneakers at $399. So that’s $400,000 – not even 1/10th of 1% of the $355 million that he owes. Did he even break even? Who knows. But since we know who’s buying these ridiculous sneakers, we also know who’s *NOT* buying them. And that’s anyone who actually knows anything about sneakers. Trump basically did this to get his name in the news and that’s about it.

Urban sneaker culture is just that – it’s cultural. It draws heavily from Black hip-hop artforms. Cultural influencers (especially rappers and basketball stars) often accelerate sales of new shoe drops. Most of them are Black and they usually live in cities. Trump didn’t need Kanye West, Sexyy Red, Ice Cube, Lil Wayne, or any of the other Black celebrities who’ve endorsed him in various ways over the years for an instant sellout of his sneakers. Interestingly, the influence of those high-profile celebrities hasn’t really turned out significant numbers of Black voters for Trump. Could they have gotten lots of Black consumers to buy his sneakers if there were a bigger first-run release? Unless this year’s GOP presidential frontrunner and his shoe manufacturer change their production plans, we’ll never know.

“Only 1000 pairs will ever be released,” the Trump sneakers website indicates. Some of them may be spotted on the feet of loyalists at his campaign rallies between now and the November 2024 presidential election. Because they’re so rare, the shoes are likelier to be stored in display cases in the homes of lucky Trump supporters across the country. We probably won’t find them on the streets of Philadelphia, Atlanta, Baltimore, Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles, St. Louis, Memphis, New Orleans, and predominantly Black New York City neighborhoods. Even though they can’t buy the ‘Never Surrender High-Tops’ anywhere at this point, Trump lovers can purchase two other styles of footwear that are now available for pre-order on the website.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/shaunharper/2024/02/18/where-to-find-donald-trumps-hot-new-sneakers/?sh=42847fc66a2c





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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, if you’ve been following our fine program for the last year and half, you know the imminent danger that our great country, the United States Of America is currently facing. I can attest that our sentiments about the rising tide of religious fascism not only in the USA and around the world are very well known. However, there is one thing that I can tell you. I am just… *checks notes* one man. I don’t have the media reach that a lot of more successful and well-funded programs do. In order to bring down the most EVIL among us, we need some reach. Someone who has an audience. Well, that someone has arrived. That someone is Rob Reiner. You may know him as one of the creative voices behind the legendary comedy This Is Spinal Tap. Well he’s got a new movie coming out called God + Country that aims to expose the rising merger of American Christianity with white supremacist politics in the way that Jesus Camp exposed them nearly 20 years ago! These of course are supporters of the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man who is so foul, so depraved and disgusting, that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! Well here’s what we can expect from this new movie!

A new documentary examines how rising white Christian nationalism in the U.S. could upend democracy and impose theocratic rule at a time when the nation is becoming more diverse and less religious.

Why it matters: "God & Country," set to be released in select theaters Friday, arrives as books published recently by former and practicing evangelicals have issued alarms about the Christian nationalism that has increased its presence in churches and Republican politics.

The film, produced by Rob Reiner, follows the rise of white Christian nationalism, from its role in fighting racial desegregation in the 1950s to its influence on the Jan. 6 insurrection in 2021.

Zoom in: The left-leaning Reiner, who directed "When Harry Met Sally" and "The Princess Bride," recently co-hosted new 10-part podcast series called "Who Killed JFK?"
https://www.axios.com/2024/02/14/god-country-film-christian-nationalism-racism




So now that you know about this movie, you need to know who’s in it, and what their role is in helping flip America to the side of fascism. A lot of our regular participants are in this, like Greg Locke, Jack Hibbs, Charlie Kirk, Rick Wiles, Lance Wallnau, and Kenneth Copeland. You might remember him as the super creepy televangelist who attempted to “blow away” COVID and asked his congregation for $56 million to buy a new private jet, because his current private jet wasn’t adequate enough! Yes, these are the scumbags we are dealing with here!

“God & Country,” a new documentary about Christian nationalism, is set to be released this week. Produced by Rob Reiner and based on Katherine Stewart’s book “The Power Worshippers: Inside the Dangerous Rise of Religious Nationalism,” the film explores that ways in which far-right Christian activists use and misuse religion and the Bible for political purposes and the role that Christian nationalism played in the Jan. 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol.

The roster of right-wing figures featured in the film reads like a who’s who of Right Wing Watch posts over the years; the film’s credits include thanks to Right Wing Watch for providing source material. In anticipation of the film’s release, we have put together his a quick overview of just who these activists are to help viewers understand their views and roles within the larger Christian nationalist movement.

Greg Locke is a radical right-wing pastor and fervent conspiracy theorist who pastors Global Vision Bible Church in Mt Juliet, Tennessee. Locke has incessantly refused to accept that President Joe Biden won the 2020 election and he was among the speakers at rally in Washington, DC, the night before the insurrection. Locke’s sermons frequently consist of him screaming conspiracy theories from the pulpit.

Charlie Kirk is a right-wing commentator and youth organizer who has increasingly embraced overt Christian nationalism in recent years. Kirk created a faith branch of his Turning Point USA organization, called TPUSA Faith, which he uses to mobilize churches to get politically engaged, often by spreading flagrantly untrue Christian nationalist pseudo-historical disinformation.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/whos-who-in-god-country/




Well, you really got to wonder what kind of fucked up god these psychopaths are worshipping. You know, the prime evil known as Adolf Hitler, had his Nazi roots develop from fundamentalist extremist Christianity. And we all know how that movie ended! We cannot under any circumstances allow the unholy Dark One, and his sinful minions, to ascend to the highest ranks of power! My fair congregation, we are literally in a battle for good vs EVIL! And right now, the EVIL known as Christian nationalism is becoming self-aware, and that’s an extremely scary thought!

“FlashPoint” is a Christian nationalist program produced by televangelist Kenneth Copeland’s Victory Channel network that is poised to hit the road in 2024, seeking to mobilize conservative Christians heading into the November elections.

Featuring a rotating roster of MAGA cultists, self-proclaimed “prophets,” and various conspiracy theorists, “FlashPoint” is scheduled to make its first stop at evangelist Andrew Wommack’s Charis Bible College in Colorado Springs, Colorado, tonight. Wommack is a far-right anti-LGBTQ Christian nationalist who believes that Christians such as himself “are supposed to be ruling in this world” and is doing his best to make that happen in Colorado Springs.

On Wednesday night’s edition of Wommack’s “Truth & Liberty” program, he interviewed “FlashPoint” host Gene Bailey about the upcoming event at Charis and during the course of the program, he took a call from a viewer who wanted to know if it is possible to bring about a “grace revolution” in the United States and create a nation that will “use the Bible as the Constitution.”

Wommack responded that the U.S. does not need a new Constitution because the one we have is “one of the great things that God has done” and is literally on par with the Bible.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/andrew-wommack-says-it-would-be-worth-having-a-civil-war-to-turn-this-nation-back-to-god/




Wait, they actually want to go there and unleash a civil war? Do they not know how terribly that ended for them the first time? We’re not in a civil war right now. Instead we’re in what may be the world’s longest running circular firing squad. But it’s insane to me what the right wing wants for the future of America and none of it is good! And after all of the talk that we’ve had over the last year and a half about the rise of Christian nationalism in the United States, we can’t help but wonder what its’ natural conclusion is going to be. But we’re glad that Rob Reiner is exposing these scumbags!

Deevers rattled off multiple Bible verses in defense of his legislation, particularly the various “eye for an eye” provisions contained in the books of Genesis, Exodus, and Deuteronomy.

“Essentially, if you are a malicious witness [and] you knowingly, willingly lie about someone and charge them with something, then whatever the punishment they would have received, you’re going to receive,” Deevers said. “We get that from numerous places in [biblical] law.”

“Deuteronomy 19:21 gives kind of the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, along with Genesis 9:6 and Exodus 21,” Deevers added. “Essentially, what this law does is it it looks at Exodus 20:16, Exodus 23:1-9, Leviticus 19:16, Deuteronomy 5:20, Deuteronomy 19:16- 20, Proverbs 6,16-17, and 19—I know that’s a lot of references—but it’s just to say this is a firmly established law in Scripture that if you bear false witness, that you will be punished with the same punishment in the court and the community.”

“Proverbs 19:5: ‘A false witness will not go unpunished and he who breathes out lies will not escape,'” Deevers declared. “If we really want to protect people in society, we need to bring back fundamental law and what is just in accordance with God’s equal weights and measures.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/oklahoma-state-sen-dusty-deevers-is-taking-his-christian-nationalism-to-its-logical-conclusion/




I always love when people rattle off random Bible verses and have no idea what their actual context or meaning is! My fair congregation, your homework is to go see this movie God + Country and write a 3 page report on it. Just kidding, you don’t have to do the report if you don’t want to! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]People Who Somehow Got Elected: Ronny Jackson
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Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:



This week: Texas’ drug dealing doctor to the Trump administration, Ronny Jackson (Q – Batshit). Yes, you might remember him as being the “doctor” that administered the famous Trump Person Woman Man Camera TV cognitive exam seen around the world (see: Idiots #9-6 ). But of course in the MAGA world it’s all about failing upward. So in case you’re wondering how anyone gets elected in the GOP, the answer is simple. Go on Fox News and repent your sins 40 times a day while kissing the dear leader’s ring enough, and you can be elected to any position you please. Which is also why we can’t get rid of a lot of these clowns no matter how hard we try. Rep. Jackson is just another in a long list of these MAGA clowns who have been infecting Congress and other levels of government. But the Department Of Defense recently issued a major report criticizing the Trump “doctor”. And the drug distribution was was rampant and widespread when he was in charge.

Republican Congressman Ronny Jackson is facing criticism online following the release of a report by the Inspector General of the Department of Defense that criticized how the White House Medical Unit handled prescriptions during the Donald Trump administration.

The report was the result of a multi-year investigation after the Department of Defense received complaints in 2018 concerning an unnamed senior military medical officer engaging in "improper medical practices," and found the unit's pharmacy operations had "severe and systemic problems."

The report did not name any individuals working at the White House Medical Unit at the time and did not apportion blame for the issues it uncovered. A spokesperson for Jackson, who served as the president's physician between 2013 and 2018, distanced him from the clinical management of the unit during the period the investigation covered when the report emerged. Jackson was director of the White House Medical Unit from 2010 to 2014.
https://www.newsweek.com/ronny-jackson-under-fire-white-house-medical-unit-prescriptions-donald-trump-1864873




In fact, Jackson’s drug distribution during the Trump administration was so rampant and widespread that he earned the nickname “The Candyman”. He also earned the nickname “Dr. Feelgood” after the Motley Crue song. And of course this is one of those things where the more you dive down the rabbit hole, the weirder it gets. Ronny Jackson did more damage to the White House medical departments than the headlines would have you believe. In fact he makes your favorite TV doctors like Dr. Nick and Dr. Spaceman seem like normal by comparison.

The inspector general’s report sparked significant public alarm. But a Washington Post review found problems with the unit’s conduct were even more pronounced than the Pentagon’s latest findings, according to administration documents and interviews with former White House staffers and medical unit members, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss private conversations and internal procedures.

Four former members of the White House Medical Unit confirmed that in both the Trump and Obama White Houses, the team passed out sedatives such as Ambien and stimulants such as Provigil without proper prescriptions, provided complimentary medical equipment and imaging to ineligible staffers, and used aliases in electronic health records to disguise the patients’ identities and deliver free care in cases where the recipients wouldn’t be eligible.

Former staffers said those practices were shaped by Ronny Jackson, an emergency medicine physician who led the team under President Barack Obama, continued to exert control over it as President Donald Trump’s personal doctor, and ultimately spent nearly 14 years in the White House. Now a Republican congressman, Jackson used his proximity to both presidents to build influence by dispensing medical care and drugs without proper procedures, the staffers said — conduct that earned him nicknames such as “Candyman” or “Dr. Feelgood,” according to a whistleblower complaint to Congress in 2018.

According to Jackson’s own portrayal, he worked as a personal doctor to dozens of officials, providing whatever they needed and whenever they needed it.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2024/02/16/white-house-medical-unit-pharmacy-ronny-jackson/




OK this might be our favorite part of this whole thing. Remember 4 years ago during the pandemic when he administered that crazy cognitive test to Trump that we spent the next year and a half mocking him relentlessly for? Well it turns out that some doctors don’t like being compared to Dr. Nick Riviera, the infamous quack doctor from the Simpsons who has become the face of the terrible, Z grade doctors around the country and even the world. And come on, does he have us figured out or something, we mean because we do sit around and spend a lot of time watching The Simpsons. In fact we have 8 years of programs dating back to 2015 that prove this!

Rep. Ronny Jackson slammed the White House for comparing him to Dr. Nick, an animated character from “The Simpsons,” following his push to have Biden sit for a cognitive test to prove his mental fitness for presidency.

While appearing on Fox News’ “The Ingraham Angle” to discuss how Biden’s physical exam won’t include a cognitive test, he also addressed the administration dissing him as a doctor.

“In a statement to Fox Digital, they compared you to a ‘Simpsons’ character, basically saying you have no credibility, implying that you kind of fudged Trump’s cognitive test and that you have no credibility on this,” host Laura Ingraham said.

In response, Jackson — who served the White House from 2013 to to 2018 — laid out his extensive background serving as the physician for three former presidents.
https://www.thewrap.com/ronny-jackson-simpsons-dr-nick-joe-biden-white-house-reaction/




In fact, that may be the one thing Dr. Jackson may actually be correct on. But one thing we will point out – if you’re trying to point out to the world that you’re not an insane lunatic, the last place you should be doing that is on the Laura Ingraham show! And here’s another thing that you shouldn’t do when you’re trying to prove to the world that you’re not insane – don’t go peddling conspiracy theories that you hear on the dark corners of the internet. Yes, you’re the doctor who administered Trump’s famous cognitive test heard around the world. But you can’t do that and then go accuse the current president of having a poor memory. It doesn’t work that way, Ronny!

Rep. Ronny Jackson (R-TX) has expressed doubt President Joe Biden is "calling the shots" in leading the country, citing the recent report from special counsel Robert Hur that was released earlier this month.

The report from Hur revealed that the president could not be charged for his handling of classified documents due to Biden’s “poor memory,” which included Biden struggling to remember key dates that occurred during his lifetime. Jackson, who worked as then-President Donald Trump's military physician and has argued that Biden should get a cognitive test like his presidential predecessors, suggested that "the whole world" is aware of Biden's lack of leadership and called for a new leader to take up the reins of the country.

"I think the whole world, and I mean the world, not just this country, realizes this particular point that he's not calling the shots. He's not making the decisions," Jackson said on Fox News's The Ingraham Angle, "and so, I think that the world is in chaos right now. We have got a lot of stuff going on. We need somebody who is attuned to what's happening, who's read into everything that's going on, and who can make these decisions and multitask, and this guy obviously cannot do this."
https://gazette.com/news/wex/ronny-jackson-expresses-doubt-biden-is-calling-the-shots-as-president/article_e6f29de7-bab1-5d46-a25b-36378c200abe.html




That’s Texas’ drug dealing, test rigging, conspiracy theory peddling doctor and MAGA Q Congressman Ronny Jackson, just another one of the toxic politicians to add to the ever-growing list of:




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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! This week, the MAGA world was abuzz with an absolutely bizarre new conspiracy that premiere Russian warlord Vladimir Putin could launch space nukes. And of course, it got picked up and went viral and people went absolutely batshit crazy over it. Well to find out exactly where it happened, we must first go back to last year, when the 6th branch of the US military – something we still can’t believe is a thing – Space Force, told us that we will soon begin facing threats that did not originate from earth. But here’s the thing – nowhere did they mention that it was aliens that were the threat to the United States. You don’t know, man! You don’t know!

US Space Force General B. Chance Saltzman is the second-ever top chief at this new military branch that former President Donald Trump created during his time in office. Initially, this effort was ridiculed by the media and the general population due to all the stigma attached to it. But Saltzman issued a concerning warning at the Space Symposium in Colorado Springs, Colorado this past week. It all happened right in the middle of all the activity related to Unexplained Aereal Phenomena (UAP) that's taken place since the start of 2023. He is convinced that the United States is entering a new era of space activity and the threats will be vastly different.

Before you make any type of assumptions, we need to make it clear that the general has never mentioned anything related to aliens. In principle, he is talking about a new era in human technology that has been developing in space over the last decade and even further than that. He spoke about sattelites that can down other sattelites due to systems in place that program them to do that. Just last week, images of new Chinese spy drones with Mach 3 capabilities were leaked online. They seem quite advanced simply by their look.

After his speech, Saltzman spoke to the folks at CNBC about these new threats, this is what he said: "The threats that we face to our on-orbit capabilities from our strategic competitors [have] grown substantially. The congestion we're seeing in space with tracked objects and the number of satellite payloads, and just the launches themselves, have grown at an exponential rate. I want to make sure that we are thinking about our processes and procedures differently."
https://www.marca.com/en/lifestyle/us-news/2023/04/22/64430ea4ca4741f06d8b45c2.html




I mean come on, is anyone here questioning the existence of aliens? Anyone at all? No? OK moving on, so that’s what happened last year and we can’t believe that we missed this one. And the people responsible for this have been appropriately sacked. And of course, the usual group of idiots were the ones who were the most vocal about this ridiculous conspiracy unfolding. And for a group that claims to love Vladimir Putin and his brand of far right fascism as they do, it unleashed a rather bizarre chain of phone calls to figure out what the fuck is going on. The guy who we inexplicably call Speaker Of The House certainly didn’t help things.

Donald Trump Jr. weaved a conspiracy theory to challenge talk about a “serious national security threat” after a top House Republican issued a call to address the threat Wednesday.

The former president’s son took to social media after House Intelligence Committee chair Mike Turner (R-Ohio) called on President Joe Biden to declassify information related to the threat, which sources told ABC News is related to Russia putting a nuclear weapon in space.

“Does anyone really believe that there is a serious Russian threat that magically leaks about 30 seconds after the Speaker said they’re not going to take up funding another $60 billion in Ukraine?” wrote Trump of House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.), who said he isn’t planning on putting the aid package that includes Ukraine on the House floor. “Is anyone stupid enough to buy this at this point? Textbook deep state propaganda!”

Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.), in response to Trump Jr.’s post, wrote, “Funny thing, ain’t it?”
https://news.yahoo.com/donald-trump-jr-lauren-boebert-085134093.html?guccounter=1




Ah see, herein lies the problem with social media misinformation – it makes crazy people even crazier, and stupid people even stupider! Put them together and you’ve got one great big melting pot of pure, unfiltered insanity! But, my fair audience, we always love when crazy people get taken down a few pegs, because then they retreat to their social media and Fox News hidey holes, where they complain that liberals are big meanie heads and well, lather, rinse, repeat. It’s the circle of shit and it screws us all! I mean you can’t get much crazier than thinking that everyone’s out to attack you, even some science fiction mumbo jumbo.

The cryptic threat was quickly identified by reporters as a Russian anti-satellite nuclear weapon — a fact the White House eventually confirmed publicly.

All of this was taking place as the Intelligence panel dealt with a separate legislative crisis.

The foreign intelligence-gathering program known as Section 702 expires in April. According to Assistant Attorney General Matthew Olsen, renewing the program is “perhaps the single most consequential national security decision that this Congress will make.”

A group of House lawmakers from the right and left has proposed reforms to Section 702 that Turner, Himes and Biden’s top national security officials all say will cripple the program.
https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/02/17/congress-russia-intelligence-space-nuclear-weapons-00142026




Well, to be fair, we don’t either! I guess the name of the game now is make the most ridiculous conspiracy theory, get it out in the open, and have idiots on social media argue about whether or not it’s true until it gets fact checked by Snopes! And even then there will still be some loser like “Hey Snopes isn’t correct!”. Sigh. One thing we can tell you though, is that the increasingly paranoid among us will continue to make excuses, and it’s always the government’s fault. Or it didn’t happen. Or it was a false flag. Or some other bullshit. All we have to say is break out the tin foil hats, grab some popcorn and a favorite beverage of your choice, sit back, and watch the insanity!

A mysterious new Russian security threat has sparked a wave of conspiracy theories on X, formerly Twitter.

On Wednesday Republican House intelligence chair Mike Turner revealed the existence of information about a "serious national security threat" that he urged the Biden administration to declassify. This was later reported by The New York Times to involve a Russian nuclear anti-satellite weapon in space.

Donald Trump Jr. wrote on X: "Does anyone really believe that there is a serious Russian threat that magically leaks about 30 seconds after the Speaker said they're not going to take up funding another $60 billion in Ukraine?



"Is anyone stupid enough to buy this at this point? Textbook deep state propaganda!"

The post was shared by House Republican Lauren Boebert who added: "Funny thing, ain't it?"
https://www.newsweek.com/russia-national-security-threat-sparks-maga-conspiracy-theories-1870132




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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!



Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb! And I always want to start by saying exactly what makes a People Are Dumb story. So someone just robbing a McDonalds does not make a People Are Dumb story. Now someone who steals the supply truck and goes on a joy ride because they got really high and wanted all you can eat chicken nuggets? Now that’s a People Are Dumb story! And also we do want to point out that not every People Are Dumb story is a stupid criminal story, but we do love a good stupid criminal story! Let’s start with this story out of New Jersey, and you know that the writers of this story had to have been cracking themselves up with pizza puns. Because when you vandalize a house with TP, that’s one thing. When you vandalize a house with pepperoni and salami, that’s another story altogether. And hey I bet they had a meat up, later! Ha, see what I did there? We can make puns too!

The charges may come by the pound for a pair of vandals that left a Manville porch peppered with pepperoni last week, the woman who lives at the home said.

awoke to a virtual deli counter on her doorstep and car after the salami assailants were caught on a neighbor’s surveillance camera slicing up and tossing about two pounds of the spicy stuff across her yard.

“I opened up the front door Wednesday morning and said, ‘What the hell is this?’” told NJ Advance Media in an interview.

said she reported the incident to police and was helping them identify the suspects.

https://www.nj.com/somerset/2024/01/pepperoni-vandalism-at-nj-home-leaves-residents-cheesed.html




Next up – there’s a lot of nudity in the news. We have to talk about this story out of Leeds, Alabama where a guy rammed his car through the window of a Bass Pro Shop, then proceeded to strip naked and jump in the store’s giant aquarium. There were multiple accounts of what exactly happened on social media, particularly that he was spouting insane things about trans people and racial conspiracy theories that are floating about. But nevertheless, this kind of story is precisely the thing for People Are Dumb because you really can’t make this stuff up!

A man crashed his car outside a Bass Pro Shop in Alabama, stripped down to his birthday suit and plunged into the giant aquarium inside the store, police said.

The ordeal happened Thursday night in front of shocked shoppers in the town just outside Birmingham, Leeds Police Chief Paul Irwin said.

The 42-year-old Alabama man did a “cannonball” leap into the aquarium and then stood under a waterfall. He left the water to yell at two officers, then dove back into the aquarium, police said.

The man eventually climbed over the side of the aquarium and fell to the concrete floor below. Police then apprehended him, the news site Al.com reported.

He faces several charges including public lewdness, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief.

The man was in the water for about five minutes before officers arrived, Irwin said.
https://www.kxan.com/news/weird-news/ap-nude-man-nabbed-by-police-after-cannonball-plunge-into-giant-aquarium-at-bass-pro-shop-in-alabama/




Of course, you know it’s not a People Are Dumb segment unless we do our mandatory check in with America’s most penis-shaped state. You of course know which one I’m talking about. Florida. The Sunshine State. And we always talk about Florida on this program because they *NEVER* stop bringing the crazy. Like it never fails. Let’s start with this story coming out of Volusia County, and I have no idea where that is, but this guy drove his car straight into the ocean. And then I love the excuse that he gave the arresting officers. This is seriously classic Florida Man here.

A Florida man was arrested Tuesday morning after he drove through a closed beach and into the ocean in Volusia County.

According to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office, shortly before 9 a.m., deputies were called to New Smyrna Beach after a vehicle drove around a closed gate and accessed the beach without paying the toll fee.

The sheriff’s office said the driver, , told officials he wanted to drive on the beach; however, the deputy explained that the beach was closed because the tide was too high.

Video shows driving his white pickup truck into the ocean.
https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/not-my-fault-the-truck-dont-surf-florida-man-arrested-after-driving-car-into-the-ocean/




Next up – here’s another classic Florida Man story. If you saw the headline “Florida Man calls 911 in the middle of his arrest to report on the police officers”, you’d click on that story, right? I know for a fact that I would! Well anyway, this is one of those stories that there’s definitely more to than meets the eye, but it also makes us wonder what exactly they put in the water in the Sunshine State. So yeah you can chalk this one up to another classic case of Florida Man stupidity and also insanity.

A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly caused a scene inside a Wawa over a handicap parking spot – and then called 911 to complain about the officers who responded.

Nicholas Taylor, 39, was charged with disorderly intoxication and misuse of 911 after the incident that unfolded at the gas station at 116 US Hwy 27 in Lady Lake on Friday, according to an arrest affidavit from the Lady Lake Police Department.

Taylor called 911 when he came across a vehicle parked in a handicap parking spot at Wawa without a permit – and he subsequently stormed into the store and caused a scene, the affidavit said. He was "disrupting the flow of business" over the car parked in the handicap spot, and allegedly threatened to fight the person who parked there.

"Do you want to fight?" the man was heard saying, according to police. ...............(more)

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-calls-911-during-his-arrest-to-complain-about-officers-affidavit-says




Finally this week – we don’t normally feature stupid lawmakers on People Are Dumb, but we have to talk about this one! And of course it has to come from the Sunshine State! So does anyone remember that movie last year that was popular for a minute called Cocaine Bear? If you haven’t heard about it, it’s a dark horror comedy based on a true story about a bear that eats a package of cocaine and then goes on a rampage against the people who are trying to retrieve the package of cocaine. Well one lawmaker in Florida took this just a bit too literally. And this is why you don’t vote for crazy people – because you eventually be unable to tell movies from reality! Like this guy!

A Florida lawmaker seeking looser regulations on the killing of wildlife has claimed that black bears high on crack are breaking into people’s homes and “tearing them apart”.

The allegation from Republican state congressman Jason Shoaf, whose biography reveals a passion for hunting, is bizarre even by the already unorthodox standards of Florida, which in recent times has boasted cocaine sharks and marauding herpes-ridden monkeys.

“We’re talking about the ones that are on crack, and they break your door down, and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Shoaf told a meeting of the Florida legislature’s house infrastructure strategies committee discussing his House Bill 87, which would remove most penalties for killing bears without authorization.

“When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it, period. And you shouldn’t have to pause or be afraid you’re gonna get arrested or harassed or pay fines. That’s just crazy.” The Guardian was unable to find a documented incident of any of Florida’s estimated population of 4,050 black bears having ingested crack, and Shoaf did not return a request for clarification. His colleagues, however, appeared swayed by his argument, and advanced the bill on party lines for a full house hearing.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/feb/05/florida-bears-crack-jason-shoaf?ref=upstract.com




That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Road To The Primaries Pt 3: The End
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Welcome back to our segment that is attempting to put all of the election information you need in one handy place! Now look we’re not officially endorsing any candidates for the election outside of Joe Biden and any democratic senators and reps because I am just… *checks notes* 1 guy. In order to do that, you need people with reach. But look we want to level with you. The election is 9 months away, and the end of the primaries, known as Super Tuesday, is only 2 short weeks away. So what am I getting at, you might ask? That we’ve got to get our shit together! There’s the very real possibility that the United States is teetering on the brink of being taken over by a completely psychotic, murderous religious fascist cabal, led by Agent Orange Asshole himself, with the help of Fox News and Newsmax, and people are still asking the question of whether or not Biden is too old to run! Stop it already!!! Is Biden too old to run? Probably. Should you still vote for him because otherwise with that other guy, he’ll sink the United States into an authoritarian religious dictatorship that will take years to recover from (if ever) and possibly facilitate the US’ break up? Most definitely!

President Joe Biden narrowly leads former president Donald Trump even though an overwhelming majority of voters are worried about his age, a new Quinnipiac University poll showed.

The poll, conducted from Feb. 15 to Feb. 19, found that 49 percent of registered voters support Biden and 45 percent back Trump in a hypothetical general election matchup.

However, 67 percent of voters said the 81-year-old president is too old to effectively serve another term — compared with 57 percent who said the same of Trump, who is 77. Only 34 percent said Biden had the mental fitness to serve a second term, while 48 percent believed Trump is mentally fit.

Age has become an increasingly prominent issue in both the GOP and Democratic presidential primaries. Trump’s primary opponent, former U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley, has taken swipes at both men over their age and Democratic Rep. Dean Phillips launched his challenge to Biden largely over his concerns that Biden’s age rendered him unfit to run — and win — against the former president.
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/02/21/biden-age-concerns-poll-00142481




Yeah seriously, it’s time to stop this shit! Should you be worried about Bidens’ age? Well I’m not going to answer that because it’s definitely ageist. But again, don’t let that deter you from voting for the other guy, not voting at all, or voting – dare I say – 3rd party. Because any vote other than a vote for D – Joe Biden on your ballot is a vote for Trump. And we’ve got way too much to lose in this election should that other guy worm his way into the White House again. But look at it this way too – both Biden and Trump are over 75 years old. But if we stop Trump and Fox News from taking over the White House in 2024, we can stop them for good!

Joe Biden is less than four years older than Donald Trump. When Biden became the oldest President to ever be sworn in back in 2021, it was Trump’s record he was breaking. Now, the two men once again appear set to be the oldest pair of major party nominees in history.

And yet, polls show voters far more worried about whether the 81-year-old President could handle another four years in the White House than his 77-year-old predecessor, a concern that exploded into the forefront this week after a report alleged Biden exhibited multiple memory lapses. Conversations with voters, political strategists and others suggest that those sentiments are about more than Biden being older than Trump; it’s how the behavior and appearance of the two men, but Biden in particular, has changed in recent years.

“Look at everything that's gone on in the last three years with that dude,” says Travis Aslin, an Iowa independent who says he used to support Democrats but can’t bring himself to vote for Biden. “The word salad, the stumbling, you know, standing on a stage and looking like—honest to God, he looks like my grandfather did. My grandfather had Alzheimer's.”
https://time.com/6693305/biden-age-memory-trump-campaign/




Yeah that is a good question! What is wrong with you? The age gap between the two men is literally 3 years! Let that sink in! But why does Biden get hammered for this fact and Trump gets a free pass? So the difference is: the republicans have 3 24 hour a day news networks and they can say literally whatever they want to the idiots that watch and pay for this crap! So you might be asking – how do you choose between these two? Here’s the answer: don’t vote for the guy who has repeatedly said that he wants to be a dictator – and we’re quoting – “on day one”! Or the guy who sucks up to dictators like Putin and Xi. Never, ever vote for that guy!

To the US, where one likely candidate for the presidency delivers hour-long rambling speeches in which he explains that he’s going to be a dictator, but all the chat is about whether the other candidate has lost his marbles. And yes, let me pre-emptively apologise, because I can already tell that we will only be on about the third paragraph of this column before I have exhausted the Guardian’s approved list of euphemisms for being a couple of world leaders’ names short of a full set.

Anyway, our business today is with the president, Joe Biden, who called an impromptu press conference on Thursday night in which he hotly insisted that his memory was just fine. The occasion was the publication of a justice department report that cleared Biden of criminal charges over his handling of highly classified materials. This year-long investigation was carried out by special counsel Robert Hur, who happens to be a registered Republican, and whose report specifically mentions the president’s “significantly limited” memory. Mr Hur says that part of the reason he didn’t bring charges was that “at trial, Mr Biden would likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview of him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.” Oh dear. A real muffin-basket of an attack-line gifted to Donald Trump there, and confirmation of my long-held conviction that fake sympathy is far deadlier a tone than open attack.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/feb/09/donald-trump-joe-biden-america-us-president-6-january




So yes, we could potentially be entering uncharted territory in this election. Both men are over 75 and the United States is teetering on the edge of becoming a religious fascist dictatorship. So what can be done to stop it, you might ask? Again, we say as the 2024 Super Tuesday is just a mere two weeks away – the solution is VOTING! And vote at every single level for the democratic candidate, no matter what the position is! It’s time to get the adults back in charge of the House. And it’s time to get Fox News out of our government once and for all! So with that, we will show you this – that the age of both candidates is a concern for a growing number of people. But don’t let that stop you from doing the right thing, and don’t let the propaganda stop you!

On the substance of the Hur Report, Americans are divided about whether Biden should have been charged with a crime for his handling of classified documents after he left office as vice president. On this question, similar shares say he should have been charged (38%), should not have been charged (34%), or do not know (28%).

On a different legal topic, a clear majority of Americans (66%) say that Donald Trump should not have immunity from criminal prosecution for actions he took while president, coming after a recent federal appeals court came to the same conclusion.

In the wake of a collapsed deal to shore up border restrictions in exchange for funding for Israel and Ukraine, Americans are somewhat split, with more blaming Biden and both parties in Congress than Donald Trump. In this study, about half of Americans (49%) say that Biden deserves a great deal or good amount of blame for Congress not passing legislation intended to decrease illegal border crossings at the U.S.-Mexico border. Similar shares blame Democrats in Congress (51%) and Republicans in Congress (53%) while slightly fewer blame Donald Trump (38%).
https://www.ipsos.com/en-us/majority-americans-think-both-biden-and-trump-are-too-old-serve-second-terms




[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

There is no next week! When we come back in July, it’s time for the ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE! And we’ll probably be using the same graphics! Until then…





[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Black Pumas[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my next guest has a great new album called “Chronicles Of A Diamond”, you can see them live through April 30th, including a stop in Inglewood performing for Mavis Staples’ 85th birthday party. Playing their song “Angel”, give it up for Black Pumas!




Thank you Albuquerque! This was fun! We’re off to New York City next week for Stupidest State Selection Sunday! See you next week!

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