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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy husband did this. My son (his stepson)
took out a car loan for his son (our grandson). The car lasted 13 months and engine went. A week goes by and my husband says let’s send son the $13K remaining on the loan so he will save $1800 on loan interest over the next 4 years. Told my son to pay it back as he is able. I said OK. We only walk this way once.
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Freethinker65
(11,203 posts)Going to help my 26 yo son buy his first car. We have means. He will pay for over half (has been saving since high school and has been steadily employed (pays for his own health insurance funds a IRA, etc) but no need for him to completely drain his savings. I consider it to be early inheritance. Might be a mistake, but I was able to save money buying good used cars from family when growing up. I turned out ok.
stopdiggin
(15,463 posts)is doing to address the loss. (and of course it isn't any of my damned business) But shouldn't 'sonny' be somewhat concerned about the hole he's created for the family?
Other hand - from you're end of the deal - total agreement. Things like this make us sleep better at night.
MOMFUDSKI
(7,080 posts)is so pissed right now that he doesn’t know nor care. I will watch to see how it goes.
DFW
(60,189 posts)When I lost my parents, I inherited some money. I knew by then that both our daughters wanted to go to college in the USA. I also knew what that would cost. I ended up spending every cent on their educations and related costs, the last bit being eaten up when our younger daughter went to Law School. We never got to spend a cent of it on ourselves, but it ended up being the best investment we ever made. What they learned in their various schools, plus what they learned by being on their own living on another continent (but knowing we had their backs just in case) prepared them for their lives like nothing else ever could, and they both acknowledge it. No investment can give you a better return than that.
SouthernDem4ever
(6,619 posts)After he graduated, he never asked for any more support and is doing great at his chosen career. It was all money in the bank. Unfortunately, all kids don't appreciate and take advantage of this opportunity, but luckily, mine did. So many kids don't have access to a decent education.
DFW
(60,189 posts)My daughters never liked the Darwinian attitude of the German education system (survival of the fittest, crush and eliminate the rest), and wanted to go to school in the USA. My wife and I deliberately raised them from birth to be bi-lingual, and we got them dual citizenship when they were born. I also had the luck to inherit enough to accommodate the tuition for the schools they got into. My younger daughter ran into a minor linguistic hitch when she took the LSATs, which had many words that even her fluent English didn't encompass, even though she graduated Magna in Political Science/Public Policy from GW (EMILY's List called her their best intern ever). She didn't score especially highly, and, apparently, American Law Schools look ONLY at LSAT scores. So, she was only accepted at a "second tier" law school. It didn't seem to hamper her education, though. She became the youngest partner ever at a big international New York law firm at age 31, works in their German office, and has had to deal firmly with several Harvard Law grads sent over as interns who thought their diplomas were a free pass. She said they had poor English, worse German, and a work ethic that made them think it was OK to leave the office at 4:59 PM every day. No wonder so many Republican Senators have Harvard Law degrees, if that's what they learned. Cruz, Cotton, e.g. Obama was there on a scholarship, and learned something entirely different.
SouthernDem4ever
(6,619 posts)Those that are born into privilege or just test well don't always do better. As far as the Cruz and Cotton types go, they prove some don't even have to have brains, empathy or ethics.
DFW
(60,189 posts)Her college in New York was apparently considered somewhat of a party school, but she didn't know it at the time. Having been told by her high school in Germany that she was academically inferior (she was shy, but not stupid), she applied herself to her academics as best she could. Two weeks before graduation, she called me up and asked about an English word she had never heard before, but was too shy to admit she didn't know it. She called me up and asked "what in the world is a Valedictorian, and why does it mean I have to give a speech in English in front of 3000 people?" I explained that the Valedictorian was the best in the class, and she didn't have to give the speech unless she was the Valedictorian. Well, it turned out that indeed she was. She had never been given any indication that she was better than her German high school had told her she was.
As an epilogue to the story, the school provided her with coaching for her speech, and she did a great job. As a little bonus, that evening, I brought her with me to a meeting with some top Democrats in New York, and introduced her to Howard Dean and Al Gore. Hey, as long as I was gonna be in town, right?
SouthernDem4ever
(6,619 posts)
DFW
(60,189 posts)But we definitely like her! 
Mr.Bill
(24,906 posts)Everything from school tuition to bailing them out of jail at times. Nothing serious, but a few grand here and there. Today I am siting in a manufactured home on my grandson's five acre parcel where he lives with his wife and two of our great geandchildren. We are comfortable with SS and modest pensions and we will hopefully live out our lives at a fixed modest rent we can afford and although we can't do much for anyone financially, we can help raise the two children and do some chores around the property.
DFW
(60,189 posts)It seems to me you have more than earned the right to sit back and enjoy your time. I suppose we would be comfortable if I were to retire, too, but I have kind of painted myself into a corner, there. I sort of made up my job as I went along, and though I now have job security that is ironclad, I can't find a replacement. I still enjoy my work, different country every day, all the vacation I want and all the pay I need (modest needs, fortunately), and friends to hang out with in lots of cool cities whenever I'm there (Paris, London, Barcelona, Berlin, Geneva, and a ton of etc.). So, while I'm not yet ready to retire (I'll only be 72 next month), at some point, I'll want to hang up the spurs and do what you do. If and when that time comes, we won't be able to play with the grandkids on the spur of the moment, since two of them live in the Taunus hills north of Frankfurt, and the other two live across the Atlantic in New York City. But both places are reachable, and the day will yet come. I have been doing this job for 49 years now, and do not intend to be doing it when I'm 90.
In my mind, what you did is exactly a parent's purpose.
Sacrifice and invest for/in our children. Their success is our reward and their failures our grief.
Kudos for walking the walk.
DFW
(60,189 posts)Or, rather, there are hundreds of instruction manuals, all of which say something different, and are therefore all unreliable. You just have to hope that the smiles outweigh the tears in the end, and there is no guarantee for anyone.
I know a family back in Texas who is probably worth north of $100 million by now. Nice people, just got lucky (and wicked smart). They had kids with severe ADD, played the hands-off game where they should have done the opposite, and have already lost one of their kids before he even turned 30. They would trade their fortune for our situation in a heartbeat, and it's an offer we would always refuse. They were always going to give most of it away to foundations, anyway (Texas education could use a little boost here and there). But they will be dedicating one of their foundations to the name of a child they would have preferred never to have lost.
underpants
(196,502 posts)twodogsbarking
(18,785 posts)Stinky The Clown
(68,952 posts)We have been very fortunate to be able to buy starter homes for each of our kids - two sons, one daughter.
As each of my sons moved on to other locations and life situations, we kept the houses as rentals. We owned both houses outright after retiring their mortgages early.
When Sparkly's daughter (10 years younger) was ready we sold one of the two and bought a condo for her. The remaining rental gives us a very nice addition to our retirement income.
MOMFUDSKI
(7,080 posts)Good on you. My parents helped out back in the day, too. Teaches our kids to pay it forward
erronis
(23,882 posts)and it never seems to get things right. I know of some (maybe mine?) where that type of support can be negative.
I do think that if it's possible to help a child or other relative learn skills (college/trade) that will enable them to support themselves it's usually the right thing to do. Sending money because of "unexpected" problems, especially recurrent, may not be a wise thing.
Been there with my daughter and it had to end.
Joinfortmill
(21,169 posts)so grateful to be out of the corporate environment. I don't know if I'll ever get it all back. But I live by the rule, don't lend money you don't feel you can lose. It was a lot, though. I had to swallow hard before doing it.
SouthernDem4ever
(6,619 posts)Best rule to live by when dealing with finances.
Nululu
(1,116 posts)I've forgiven lots of loans because life is too short.
Phoenix61
(18,829 posts)that I never would have had without my parents help. I’ll add I never would have tackled the projects on said house without the knowledge I gained watching and helping my Dad do everything from little home repairs to building a house for his parents. I will always be grateful for the help my parents gave me.
LoisB
(13,031 posts)
Riverman100
(283 posts)i'm about to do a similar thing for my older daughter....people have been trying to shame me out of it.... This post made me sure I'm doing the right thing
MOMFUDSKI
(7,080 posts)comes to family. People do what they learn.
Nanuke
(925 posts)Two oldest brothers enlisted during Vietnam so they would not be drafted. Each served 4 years and went to the University on the GI BIll. My parents had modest means but let them move in (one was married) and paid all they could to keep a roof over their heads, free room and board, second hand beaters and books until they graduated. Same for the younger two as they graduated high school around this time. The 4 bedroom rambler was very crowded. One bathroom. They did very well. Multi-millionaires. We were all able to take care of my parents in every way in their old age.
StarryNite
(12,116 posts)
Ziggysmom
(4,123 posts)but it's nice to see them taken care of a little in today's difficult world. We charged the kids a small rent once they were employed, and still living with us. We put the money into investments for them and gifted them the money years later when they were buying their first homes.
MenloParque
(566 posts)College like I did and purchase her own car. I told her I HAD to work and go to school as a necessity and she doesn’t need the hardship I endured at her age. She wasn’t having it. She just graduated at 22 at Cal Berkeley working 40 hours a week as a package car driver at UPS just like mama and taking 12 units per semester. I hate hearing how Gen Z is soo lazy. We are proud of her work ethic that she instilled in herself.
peppertree
(23,344 posts)Personally I think we do come back - and that that thoughtful acts like that are remembered, deep down, by the one you helped. And repaid when you least expect it.
And if not - it was still great of you. May he never forget it!
All the Best.
MichMan
(17,151 posts)When I was young, I was in a position where I had to learn to fix my own car or walk. That put me on a path to be able to work on my own vehicles for the rest of my life.
The skills and confidence I developed have saved me thousand & thousands of dollars over the years
MOMFUDSKI
(7,080 posts)replacement. Step by step we go.
SYFROYH
(34,214 posts)...with a piece of an inheritance for piece of mind knowing I did everything I could to keep him safe. I was fortunate to have the money at the time.
MOMFUDSKI, a $13,000 car would probably be in good shape except for the blown engine. Why not just buy a new engine?
tazkcmo
(7,419 posts)I never loaned my sons money. I let them call it a loan but I would tell them it's my job. I'm a dad. Don't waste the opportunity.