Every woman you know has taken a longer route.

[applegrove]

Post by @crawfordvi

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Every woman you know has taken a longer route.

Has doubled back on herself.

Has pretended to dawdle by a shop window.

Has held her keys in her hands.

Has made a fake phone call.

Has rounded a corner and run.

Every woman you know has walked home scared.

Every woman you know.

[TSExile]

1. Yup.

💔

[Hope22]

2. This!

And I bet almost every woman has said ‘stop’ and he didn’t……..

[Demobrat]

23. I'm two for two.

As are most of us no doubt.

When I was in my twenties I decided to never again invite a man into my home unless I wanted to sleep with him. And I haven’t.

[Hope22]

24. Sending love to you! 💗💗💗

The shit we’ve had to do. I don’t know how the young women will survive this country. They will literally carry every crime against them. The fact that men in this country aren’t outraged is frightening. As usual…we are on our own.

[raccoon]

32. That was very smart of you.

Many men, when they get in a woman's home, think it's open season. ON YOU.

[calimary]

3. Yep.

I took to walking with my keys jutting out like knives between every finger in my fist. And out where anyone could easily see them. The message was - don't even think about it, because you're gonna get THIS. Across the body part of MY choice.

[BigmanPigman]

12. That is what I was taught to do in NYC in 1979

I went there for a summer art school class and they had an introduction. The guy who was the real Kojak told us to never smile, always walk with your keys through your fingers so you can scratch a person's face and eyeballs and that a spiky, high heeled shoe can put a hole in an attacker's foot. I still walk with my keys like that if I am alone. Apparently I got the "don't smile at anyone" part down pretty well since all I heard for years and years was, "why don't you smile" from low life men.

[Diamond_Dog]

16. I've also heard "Smile!"

You learn.

[Demobrat]

25. I've heard it all my life.

I find it really, really hard not to reply Fuck Off. Not worth it though.

[Diamond_Dog]

35. Oh, most definitely!

That’s my knee jerk response as well, (although I keep it in my head).

I remember older guys saying it to me a lot as I walked around my college campus. I am a daydreamer type and am often lost in thought. I guess I had a natural serious expression. I would never in my wildest dreams even think of telling a complete stranger to smile. I guess these bozos thought I should have been flattered by their attention. Now I can just hear some men scratching their heads and thinking, what’s so bad about that? If you’re female and you’ve ever had guys say this to you, you know. It’s creepy. I actually gave one guy a kind of a dirty look after he told me to “Smile!” and he mumbled “Bitch” as he passed me.

[Demobrat]

50. If you don't smile on command you're a bitch.

If you do it’s an invitation.

[Diamond_Dog]

52. Yep.

[JudyM]

57. This.

Sounds so “friendly” but it’s manipulation.

[BigmanPigman]

69. I don't have your self control.

If I were walking in a busy city in the daylight and there were people around I would give them the finger.

I think that living at Union Sq NYC in 1979 and 1980, when it was full of junkies and not farmers' markets and playgrounds, was a quick lesson in self defense. I wouldn't even take that subway stop and got off at the next closest and walked to Union Sq. Since I am only 5'1" and 100 pounds I have to make the most with what I've got. I still walk very quickly with no facial expressions and my eyes are even narrow. Body language and facial expressions can deter many people right off the bat.

[BlueSky3]

60. Elevator conversation:

Him: Why don’t you smile?
Me: You go first.
Him: Huge smile.
Me: I don’t think I want to try that.

[Hekate]

26. I didn't know the thing about the keys till much later but I figured out the rest: purse worn bandolier style...

…no smiles, no eye contact, fast pace. I didn’t glare, and don’t, but to this day in my 70s my public face is fairly blank, no eye contact.

In middle age I read a whiney article by a man complaining that all the attractive women in the Big City walked around like that, and his point was what was wrong with them? My inner response was, “What a jerk.” I hope somebody told him.

[calimary]

39. It just seemed like a good idea to me. Look like you're more trouble than you're worth.

WITH a facial expression that was stone cold. One that telegraphed a message that was easy to read: you try to mess with me, I WILL mess with you.

I was cornered in an elevator once. Parking structure attached to our apartment complex. There was a hospital across the way where there was a large facility for mental patients. I came home from work one night, and as the elevator door was closing, a guy suddenly ran in at me. He was naked as a jay bird but had his head wrapped up completely in ace bandages, with only his eyes visible. He confronted me, grabbed my breast, looked me straight in the face, and then turned and ran.

It all happened so fast. I didn’t even have the presence of mine to scream!

So many thoughts raced through my mind at once. Mental patient, I guessed, remembering the big facility across the street.

Or maybe not. He’d certainly made sure he couldn’t be identified.

I hurried to our apartment and told my husband, who immediately called the police to report “a sexual assault on my wife.” They never sent anybody to investigate, after my husband told them what I’d just told him. I guess because I was otherwise uninjured, they just added it to the statistics.

But boy I never forgot. I started using the “key fist” whenever it seemed necessary. But the REAL trick is to make sure never to put myself in a vulnerable position - as a woman alone and with no recourse or defensive weapon. That key fist looked like it WOULD do damage. And years later, having put our kids in karate class, I enrolled for myself and went all the way to black belt. Took six years.

I STILL keep my keys within easy reach. And one more thing: I make sure NEVER to look like I’m vulnerable and/or afraid. The message is simple and easy to read. “It’s not worth wasting your time on me. Because I’m not gonna be an easy mark.”

[COL Mustard]

71. I'm glad I'm an old enough guy now

To not be seen as a threat. I can make conversation and I'm just a friendly old fart. Which I am...nothing more. And if you don't speak, I understand why. So sorry it is that way.

[betsuni]

31. I never did that because I have weak arms and couldn't defend myself that way, thought more about

running and hiding.

[nilram]

42. Consider a loop or lanyard so you can swing them

at increased velocity. Nice to have options.

[Hekate]

4. All of us

[sinkingfeeling]

5. That's a true statement.

[KarenS]

6. Yes.

[redqueen]

7. I imagine so

But there's always a few who show up in these discussions to say "not me" - so maybe not all but definitely most of us. The vast majority.

[Scrivener7]

10. Like clockwork.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

8. Not every woman.

And I was riding the public bus in Alexandria, VA, late at night, going home from my shift at DCA, which was scheduled to end at 10, 10:30, or 11 (it varied). I had a one or two block walk from the bus stop. I paid plenty of attention to what was around me. The vast majority of the time I was the only person getting off at that stop.

I always knew it helped a lot that I was almost never on the same bus two nights in a row, so someone looking to target me would have given up in despair at ever finding me.

Now that I'm 75 I would not be taking a public bus late at night, anywhere. Of course, these days I have Uber or Lyft.

For what it's worth, I also took the public bus in Utica, NY, by myself at age five. I needed to get from the Catholic school to our home in North Utica. It was a half-day kindergarten, and my older brother and sister had the full day. So I rode home alone.

[barbaraann]

53. I have a relative who decided to become a Christian and go to church by herself at the age of five.

She would get up on Sunday, get herself ready and fed, and then walk a short way to church and back. She is still going to church, a liberal one.

[Silent Type]

9. I know it's true. From what I've read, more women are arming up nowadays. Can't blame them

even though I am totally against public toting.

Wish I had a solution to the threats women experience.

Occasionally, I meet solo women hiking on trials. I can see relief when I move off the trial to give them room. If I’m approaching from behind, I start kicking rocks or limbs at about 20 yards so as not to startle them. But I get it.

[Give Peace A Chance]

44. I carried a mace pen

When I lived in San Miguel de Allende in the 70's.
Later, in 2008-2011, when I had a store in a hinkie town in northern CA, I had a canister of pepper spray, just in case. Good insurance, but I never needed to use either one.

[Demovictory9]

54. Ive been walking down the street and the man behind me has made a point of crossing to the other side

Some men get it

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

75. Interesting.

I have a good friend, a man named Don, who one time, some decades ago took the bus from Alexandria, VA, into the District somewhat late at night. A woman got off at the same bus stop he did, and he then noticed she stayed at the stop because she was changing busses, and that's where the next one would come. So he (somewhat hesitantly) spoke to her, and pointed out they were not in the best part of town, and would she be comfortable if he stayed with her until the next bus came?

Well, she was. And I can tell you that what Don did is very typical of him, and I have not trouble recognizing that he would have been very reassuring, very not scary, to any woman. He's wonderful. Many men are.

[BlueSky3]

62. I have eight stitches

in my head to prove that hiking alone is not a good idea. I was glad my husband was there when I tumbled down the side of a mountain from a narrow trail until stopped by a rock. Please don’t hike alone.

[Scrivener7]

11. All of the above.

[KentuckyWoman]

13. driven to police station

That weird feeling someone is following you so you take a bunch of odd turns around in circles with the same car behind you... then pull into the police station or busy gas station or some such.

[Diamond_Dog]

36. I do this even now.

Had a guy follow me home recently all the way from a store in a shopping district which is about 15 min. from my house. Chances are it was probably nothing and I was just paranoid but these days you just never know. No one was at home at my house, either, which also made me feel vulnerable.

[DENVERPOPS]

49. Better yet

Pull into the drive way of a fire dept, and lay on the horn...........The firefighters know that anyone doing that is in desperate need of help.
The best part is, the firefighters cannot be charged with Police Brutality on a creep......amazing what a person does when they see a firefighter in possession of a Haligan coming towards them.........

I have several neighbors who are single women, or their husband travels for business and is out of town often. I tell them to park their locked car in the driveway, not the garage. Then I tell them, sleep with your car keys with the fob.....If they hear anything, or someone tries to enter their residence, day or night, hit the panic button on the fob which activates the car's horn........All the guys in the neighborhood are tuned into immediately reacting to the sound of a car horn, especially if it is late at night.........

[NNadir]

14. It's certainly true of my wife; she has lots of stories along those lines. n/t.

[TexasBushwhacker]

15. From a couple of years ago

https://thetab.com/uk/2020/09/23/girls-are-sharing-what-theyd-do-if-there-were-no-men-on-earth-for-24-hours-176115

[soldierant]

70. I adore #10.

[TexasBushwhacker]

74. Number #1 is so basic

Go for walks at night.

Hell, we can't even go for a walk or run during daylight!

Laken Riley at Augusta University

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Laken_Riley

[bluboid]

17. oh yeah...

you nailed it.

[applegrove]

27. It was on Threads. Not mine. See the link at the top.

Very true.

[Joinfortmill]

18. Yup.

[summer_in_TX]

19. Yep.

Once I got the sense someone in a large ice cream van (I think) next to me at a light late one night had zeroed in on me with bad intent. I pealed out when the light changed. I got a head start but he started coming behind me at a fast clip. I decided to make a sudden turn without braking until the last possible minute. Sure enough, the van was too heavy to turn that fast. Three blocks down the road was my house. I arrived and checked the rear view mirror and saw the van coming down the road a couple of blocks away. I jerked my foot off the brake and ducked down motionless, realizing that if I'd jumped out and run the motion would have helped him target me. I hardly could breathe as slowly the headlights lit up my car. But then the van passed on by and after it eventually disappeared I was able to safely get inside our house.

I don't know how I sensed him staring at me when I was back at the light. I don't tend to be particularly prone to fear or anxiety. In fact I'm often rather oblivious. I wasn't a person of faith at the time, but I recognized much later that was an instance of grace. I received a nudge.

[Diamond_Dog]

37. Wow that's horrifying. Glad you were aware of what was happening and were OK.

[summer_in_TX]

77. Thank you, Diamond Dog!

[barbtries]

20. has held her keys in her hand

with a key sticking out from between her fingers

[Oneironaut]

21. I've stopped going to places I liked due to men harassing me.

They got to still go to those places and enjoy them. I had to go elsewhere, or, be harassed constantly. I bet my experience is more in the norm for women than out of it.

[fierywoman]

22. All the above, except when I said no, they (3 different ones that I recall) stopped.

[Mossfern]

28. All of the above!

I grew up in NY - born with keys between my fingers.

[Silent3]

29. Yet the greatest danger to women isn't from attacks out of the blue out in the streets...

...but from people they know.

Men are actually more frequently the victims of assault by a stranger.

[TSExile]

34. Absolutely.

In my case, I had known the man for almost a decade. THOUGHT I knew him, anyway. 💔

[Kali]

59. this

[Demobrat]

64. I've been attacked by both.

At this point I just assume every man is a threat, or will become one if he gets the chance.

A sad way to live, yes, it shouldn’t be that way, no - but it is. Self preservation comes first.

[Silent3]

67. I'm sorry you've had to go through that

Fortunately, on the stranger attack side of things, your experience isn't typical for women.

Objectively speaking, men have more to worry about when out and about in the world, albeit that any violent attack is less likely to have a sexual component. Men, however, don't stress so much about personal safety... well, except perhaps for all of the gun-humpers, and I don't know if they're so much worried for their own safety rather than fantasizing about getting an excuse to shoot someone.

So, are women is general worrying too much, relative to actual risk, or are men worrying too little?

[niyad]

30. Yes to all.

[MOMFUDSKI]

33. I was 6 months pregnant and working second

shift. Got off at one in the morning. Guy followed my car for miles. At red light he crept right up to my rear bumper with brights on. Looking at me in my rear view. Got home and had to go behind my house to park and didn’t see him. Jumped out of my car and RAN to back door. Heart racing. Next night unmarked police car pulled me over. I rolled window down a little and told him my story. He could see how scared I was. Said I had a burned out taillite. All OK. But was that him the night before?

[vanlassie]

48. Wait. You pulled over for an unmarked police car?

[MOMFUDSKI]

65. It was 1969 and I had the doors locked and

only rolled the window down a bit. It was 1969.

[mcar]

38. 100%

[lark]

40. Every woman you know has also driven scared.

I had a guy get mad at me (?) while driving and he started following me, honking the horn, flashing the lights and wouldn't stop. I drove around the busy commercial area for over 30 min. before I was able to make 2 quick turns and lose him. I was scared to death, he meant me harm! I'd bet every woman that drives has had this experience too. The world isn't a greatly safe place for us, and never really was. The above happened in San Jose Ca probably 50 years ago.

[Crunchy Frog]

61. My mom used to make frequent drives between a home in Colorado, and one in New Mexico.

Long periods of time driving on dark, isolated roads, late at night.

She ended up getting herself a handgun, learning to use it, and getting a holster installed in the driver's seat door. And she was attending Quaker Meeting during that time period.

[GenThePerservering]

68. You gotta do what you gotta do

seriously - I would have done the same.

[MOMFUDSKI]

66. A guy followed my Aunt out of the mall and

right before she would’ve reached her car she turned to look back at the mall door and waved as if she spotted someone she knew. Then walked back into the mall and got Security to walk her to her car. She was scared to death

[leftyladyfrommo]

41. Being stalked is terrifying. I remember one

that really had me going. He rode my bus and he was a real wierdo in a horrible wig.
I found out later that he was married and had beaten his wife so badly she was hospitalized.

[AmBlue]

43. Every. Single. One.

So sad that this is our world.

[Timeflyer]

45. And we have to teach our daughters to do those things and think like they're prey,

no matter how smart and accomplished and appropriately dressed they are. And the predation never ends.

[dwking66]

46. I try to live my life in peace and harmony but...

when my two daughters began to drive and venture out further into the world, I gave them both police flashlights and taught them how to kill or maim an assailant with them.

I have never regretted this decision.

[flying_wahini]

47. Or ducked into a store or stopped a stranger to chat.

Or just run.

[phylny]

51. My husband didn't understand why I took a slightly

longer car route to travel north to our daughters. I had to explain to him that going over the mountains through the George Washington and Jefferson National Forest meant there were no places to safely stop, spotty cell service, and little to no police presence.

It definitely was an “aha” moment for him.

[GenThePerservering]

55. A kick in the nuts works wonders nt

[senseandsensibility]

56. First time when I was 14 walking home from HS

I had started to get honks from truck drivers when I crossed the busy street a year or two before that, but then a van started tailing me on the way home and once stopped, with the driver getting out. I ran to a guy who was walking way ahead that I barely knew. The van sped off. I never told my parents, and I've wondered why many times. A weird sense of embarrassment and not wanting to be blamed?

[Ocelot II]

58. Yup. When I worked downtown and had to park in ramps

I always did the thing with the car keys. I've also done most of the other things, and often walked somewhere scared, especially at night. My mother taught me those things, plus being sure to look into the back seat of your car before getting in. Women are prey animals, like rabbits and deer, and we have to behave accordingly.

[PurgedVoter]

63. Yep, and the Republicans are backing a rapist.

When I think of the unprocessed rape kits I want to scream.

[Blue Owl]

72. Thanks to men out there like Donald tRump

[Conjuay]

73. damn.

[Sky Jewels]

76. And has been chased, either on foot or in car or both.

And has been grabbed by a stranger.

And has decided to skip the nice, "stress-relieving" walks in nature, because they're not relaxing if one is in constant fear of being attacked by a male.

And has experienced countless other terrifying or humiliating or bizarre incidents perpetrated by men.