Trump Releases 'God Bless The USA' Quran

[Zorro]

DEARBORN, MI—In an effort to raise money to cover his mounting legal bills, former President Donald Trump announced at a campaign event Friday that he was selling the central religious text of Islam in a special new edition called the “God Bless The USA” Quran.

“It’s a very holy book—really the holiest of all the Qurans you can buy—and it’s time for America to bring back the word of God as revealed to the Prophet Muhammad,” said Trump, who promoted his version of the scripture sacred to Muslims by standing in the minaret of a mosque and stating through a loudspeaker that the $60 book was the only Quran inspired by country singer-songwriter Lee Greenwood’s signature hit.

“No other Quran is officially endorsed by Trump, so get yours while you can. Order now, and you’ll also receive a complimentary Trump 2024 prayer rug, inshallah.”

The former president added that he would also soon begin offering “God Bless The USA” Torahs, Vedas, Confucian Analects, and Tao Te Chings.

https://www.theonion.com/trump-releases-god-bless-the-usa-quran-1851374740

[niyad]

1. I had to check the link!!!

[Deuxcents]

4. Me, too. Nicely done!

[Aristus]

7. Satire: Still dead.

n/t

[RainCaster]

2. I'm waiting for the God Bless the USA colander

Bless her noodly goodness.

[erronis]

17. trump's head is already full of holes.

and from what I hear his noodly appendage is just a stub.

[Arne]

3. Trump's Guide to the Universe?

Where two white mice come out of his hair to rule the world.

[Wednesdays]

10. Two white mice, aiming to rule the world? Hmm, sounds familiar.

[AllaN01Bear]

11. ones a genius , the other insane.

i was waiting to see if pinky would wack brain. nope .

[Deminpenn]

5. The Onion should not be giving Trump grifting ideas!

[FSogol]

16. As long as Trumpy remembers to put lots of drawings of Allah & the Prophet, it'll all work itself out.

[central scrutinizer]

6. Magic Depends

Bring boxes home to the wives.

[hlthe2b]

8. I was visited by some very earnest young Mormon men a few days ago as I was leaving my house...

Had they returned today, I think I would have asked them how they feel about the Trump bible and then how they'd feel about:

The Book of Mormon TRUMP

Nah, I would have been too polite to suggest the latter, but I would have asked about the former.

[msongs]

9. trump swamps the opposition in mormon dominated states. he's got their family values max nt

[AllaN01Bear]

12. hem.

[catbyte]

13. Dear Onion, don't give that thing any ideas.

I can just see it now, the Trump Talmud, the Trump Bhagavad Gita?

[Dem2theMax]

14. First reaction at seeing the title. "Oh my god!"

First thought. "It has to be The Onion.
PLEASE let it be The Onion."

Scrolled down to the link before I even read the article.

Whew!

[erronis]

15. And for all of you true believers, this one comes with a photograph of Mohammed!

Autographed even!

There's also a raffle coupon for some virgins.

Get yours now!

[erronis]

18. Hate to pile on to some good satire, but "Tao Te Chings" sure sounds like a cash register closing.

Anybody remember those things?