Desperate Trump Tries To Fix Plunging Stock Price With Sharpie

[lindysalsagal]

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/desperate-trump-tries-to-fix-plunging?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=2337656&post_id=143169889&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=1xp0zk&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

APR 02, 2024
(black Sharpie marker)
A Sharpie much like the one Trump used, according to sources. (Brett Jordan on Unsplash)

PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—An ugly scene unfolded at Mar-a-Lago on Monday as an increasingly apoplectic Donald J. Trump watched the stock price of his newly listed Trump Media & Technology Group plummet.

Incensed by CNBC’s graph tracking his stock’s dizzying descent, Trump uncapped a black Sharpie and started defacing the TV screen in a desperate attempt to halt the slide.

After Eric Trump whined that his father was “wrecking the TV,” the indicted businessman hurled the Sharpie at his son, disfiguring his forehead.

Across the country, members of the MAGA movement who invested in Trump Media were reportedly in a state of shock that a company run by Donald Trump could lose money.

[Jerry2144]

1. " hurled the Sharpie at his son, disfiguring his forehead."

How could it be more disfigured?

I think the word should be “figured” since anything done to it has to be an improvement

[LetMyPeopleVote]

2. I love Borowitz

[LakeArenal]

3. There should be a forum for satire.

[erronis]

7. Perhaps. But a far better way would be to tag the post with a category such as "satire"

All OPs could have one or more tags (perhaps selected from categories that EarlG and Elad establish). Then we wouldn't need separate forums - just search on one or more tags. I.e. "satire + borowitz" or "trump + sharpie". Unfortunately the current search function (for me) is not very helpful - uses google and loses my browser tab history (can't go back).

[twodogsbarking]

4. Mazda. Love it. My tfg name is Genghis Don. Perfect profile.

[republianmushroom]

5. More ketchup stains on the walls.

Going to need larger pictures.

[NoMoreRepugs]

6. The DJT stock dumpster fire getting a bit of a reprieve today - wonder what kazillionaire is

helping to prop up the price at the moment?? Phootie - can u hear me???

[erronis]

8. "Phootie - if you're listening....." radio silence

[DemocraticPatriot]

9. It is not unusual for a newly offered public stock to slump shortly after

an initial run-up when it is first publicly offered.... even the big socials did that.

It may be more unusual for a new public offering to be so inherently worthless, by the numbers...
$4 million income vs $50 million in losses, or whatever the number is....

Those who got in at the beginning, took their profit and got out quick were the smart ones....

With his stake, Trump has the ability to make this plunge look like peanuts,
if he should sell a large portion of it.....

By contract, he can't sell any of his shares for six months---
unless the board of the company gives him a waiver...

Either way, anyone holding should GET THE FUCK OUT before that happens.

[UTUSN]

10. Hah! - I used to be good at spotting BOROWITZ just from the headlines, out of practice now