Millions Cancel Subscriptions to National Enquirer After Learning Its Stories May Not be True

[lindysalsagal]

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/millions-cancel-subscriptions-to?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=2337656&post_id=143890114&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=1xp0zk&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a development that has rocked the news industry, The National Enquirer has lost millions of subscribers amid revelations that some of its stories might not be factual.

After Donald J. Trump’s hush money trial exposed the Enquirer’s inner workings, the newspaper’s reputation for unimpeachable journalism suffered a severe blow, media insiders say. Harland Dorrinson, an Enquirer subscriber for over thirty years, said discovering that the weekly periodical was not a dependable information source was “a gut punch.” “In a complex and confusing world, I always felt that there was one news outlet that could make sense of it all,” he said. “That’s been stolen from me.”

If the Enquirer distorted its coverage to support Trump’s election in 2016, Dorrinson wondered, “Does that mean Hillary Clinton wasn’t really dying? Or that she didn’t delete emails from her multiple lesbian lovers? Or that Bill Clinton didn’t have a sex romp in a pickup truck that was caught on video? Now I don’t know what to believe.”

The longtime subscriber said that the Enquirer’s sudden loss of credibility would force him to seek reliable reporting elsewhere, adding, “I guess I’ll give Fox a shot.”

[no_hypocrisy]

1. 55 years ago, a classmate in sixth grade

brought in an article from National Enquirer for current events. Our teacher used it as a teaching moment about false journalism.

[malaise]

3. LOL

Rec

[AllaN01Bear]

20. this . ding.

[Squaredeal]

51. About that age, my classmates and I would occasionally sneak into a garage where our church stored old newspapers to sel

During recess, the custodian’s garage next door was normally packed with old newspapers that the church would sell when the price was high. We would read the Enquirer and Star. Even at that young age, I somehow knew that it was pornographic.

[LeftInTX]

62. OMG!!! My mom forbid us from looking at it..LOL

55 years ago, I was in 7th grade. (I think..LOL)

I remember it being kinda "hidden" in the stores.

In 1967, I started hanging out at the newsstands while my mom grocery shopped. That's when I noticed the Enquirer. I don't remember it being in the checkouts until the 80s. As to how those tabloids become mainstream, I have no idea.

[Tree Lady]

82. Lol my mom would read it for fun

I have memories of her reading it by the lake while we camped.

My parents were always stressed except vacation probably why I love the mountains so much, I see it as peace.

Dad would bring his beer, mom her wine and they had great time. We always met up with other family and friends.

[Rocknation]

2. Pre-click prediction:

"BOROWITZ!!!"

P.S. I hope his severance from Conde Nast/The New Yorker included the copyright to every word he wrote for them.


Rocknation

[underpants]

4. Yeah, Bat Boy never lied to us

Weekly World News

[SergeStorms]

66. My mother loved the WWN.

Every week, like clockwork, she'd bring the WWN home after she'd been grocery shopping.
I never asked if she believed the trash printed in there, but my sister and I would have great fun mocking the tall-tales printed within.

The Weekly World News made the stories in the Enquirer look positively factual. 🙄

[underpants]

72. First job at Winn-Dixie

I used to but WWN weekly. I guessed it was a joke or a parody. I read years ago that it was started by 2-3 actual newspaper guys (when newspapers were a daily staple) who saw these tabloids making money, so why not? Black and white too so it was cheaper. Covers with UFO’s and BAT BOY ( which was based on some sort of real story).

[SergeStorms]

78. How could anyone forget Batboy?

I don't know where the WWN was headquartered, I think maybe Miami? My Mom always wanted to go there, but she lived in Sebring, FL and she could never stand the 3 hr. drive down there. Anything over 1 hour in a car and she was a wreck, physically as well as mentally.

Now I'm about as old as she was at that time. 5 hours driving a day is my limit. Getting old is not for weaklings. 😉

[mitch96]

5. Geezz Louise even when I was a wee lad I knew the Nat Inq was junk. Back in 1962 there was. a

newspaper strike in NYC. Could not get your fav paper. My Mom made me buy the Nat Inq so she would have something to read. It was even obvious back then that the "paper" was a POS paper. I was embarrassed to buy it even at 13 years old...
m

[RainCaster]

34. You have a very different memory of the 90s

All I remember of the National Constipater is outrageous headlines and highly retouched photos of famous people in embarrassing poses. I have never considered them as reliable journalism. Ever.

[niyad]

53. It was one of our resident trolls.

[niyad]

39. Hello again. What flavour pizza today?

[MarineCombatEngineer]

6. Before I even clicked on this thread,

I just knew it was either the Onion or the Borowitz Report and lo and behold, I was right.
The National Enquirer printing false stories?
Say it ain't so.

[BobTheSubgenius]

35. Exactly!

It had to be one or the other, right?

[alterfurz]

7. Enquiring Minds Want To Know:

If POTUS & Pecker Paid a Pack of Pissed Porn Performers, How Many Pissed Porn Performers Did POTUS & Pecker Pay?

[CaptainTruth]

13. A plentiful plethora.

[lindysalsagal]

26. So glad my mouth was empty when I read that

[DFW]

8. Anyone "just learning" that National Perspirer stories "may not be true"

They must belong to that select group of people who are “just learning” that water may be wet.

[DoBW]

9. Trump (TSF) gets snipped

He's now had his little Pecker and his little Johnson removed in public

[lindysalsagal]

27. They make it so easy.

[usonian]

10. I even stopped grocery shopping

so as not to see their lies blaring at me at the checkout.

OK, going outside to weed the carrot patch now.

Have a great day.

[h2ebits]

15. LOL

Thanks for the chuckle.

[AllaN01Bear]

23. many years ago on du there was a campaign to turn around ne at the check out stand . i still do it.

[LeftInTX]

64. Our grocery store finally realized it was bad practice. (Basically its a form of electioneering)

People, Time etc are now much more prominent. Tabloids are still there, but just not as prominent and visible.

[Paladin]

11. Bravo Borowitz! (nt)

[lpbk2713]

12. You mean Jennifer Anniston isn't pregnant from an extraterrestrial?

Oh noes!

[et tu]

14. oh such disappointment-

a jenni gray would be so awesome- more friends~

[SupportSanity]

16. Does almost true count?

Maybe it should be moved to the fiction section.

[Emile]

17. Give Fox a shot, lol. Is this the Onion?

Borowitz Report lol.

[gopiscrap]

18. good, it's always been a shit rag

[dchill]

19. "Now I don't know what to believe." What a quandary!

If it's in the National Enquirer, believe the opposite.

[AllaN01Bear]

21. are the owners of the ne and trump friends ? lol

this made my day. how many of u remember in the movie men in black the ne was the hot sheets ?

[niyad]

41. I remember!

[Leith]

73. Oh, yeah

The best investigative journalism on the planet!

[AllyCat]

22. Hah!

[RainCaster]

24. and here I was, thinking Elvis is still alive

[SWBTATTReg]

25. Of course Borowitz. I should have know when I read that 'millions' canceled their subscription to the NE.

But I do recommend that these papers be taken off of store shelves, and consumers start ragging at the store managers to take these papers off the shelves. Make the NE earn their money the good ol' hard way, like most of us, instead of sitting in a busy retail location already waiting for shoppers to whiz on by, and its loud headlines catches shopper's eyes.

I don't like particularly that they participated in the catch and killing of stories, the suppression of possible evidence to a crime (or crimes). That's the part that really bugs me, that they killed stories obviously the behest of wealthy clients, tRUMP => Cohen => NE editor Pecker => kills sensitive stories about tRUMP AND makes up fake stories about Hillary Clinton, others and prints them. Truly malicious.

[lindysalsagal]

29. Everything in a grocery store has negociated for shelf placement

None of it is at the store's discretion.

[ShazzieB]

70. And the store* is making money off of everything that's sold there.

*I.e., the corporation that owns it

[Martin68]

28. "Hundreds of supermarkets go out of business..."

[Aristus]

30. Satire: Still dead.

n/t

[JoseBalow]

63. Satire is not dead, it just smells funny

[GreenWave]

32. Father confesses: I drove my son to school!

Such truthful stories from the National Lampoon's parody of the Inquirer.

Identified Flying Objects spotted over airport!

[LetMyPeopleVote]

33. I love good satire and the Borowitz Report

[Ilsa]

36. Andy B shouldn't print fake news like this.

Where would we be as a civilization if we couldn't trust TNE for news???

[pwb]

38. Pick one up in the grocery checkout

and put it back backwards.

[niyad]

55. I used to do that a lot, when I didn't just plain hide them.

[pazzyanne]

40. National Enquirer Stories May Not be True?

Like they are just learning this?

[msfiddlestix]

43. this was a click bait parody. not an actual news report.

[msfiddlestix]

42. Next time, please indicate it's parody, sarcasm or just plain Borowitz mentioned in the title line, tia much appreciate

[niyad]

52. Borowitz was clearly in the link above the article. And most of us

just assumed it was either Borowitz or The Onion, just by the title.

[Ligyron]

69. Yeah, who the Hell has a subscription to the National Enquirer?

People who read that kind of trash don't do subscriptions.
Dead giveaway right there.

They did used to put up a great Christmas Display, people came from miles around Sofla to see it. A whole village with animatronic reindeer and elves etc.
Don't hear much about it anymore, maybe the iguanas ate everything.

[msfiddlestix]

77. Yes it was clearly in the link below the article. To see that requires clicking on the post. The request still stands

the point obviously missed, : the reader wants to be informed in the subject title, as an act of respect and courtesy.

[niyad]

80. And the reply still stands. It was clearly understood by most to be

satire, simply from the title.

[niyad]

81. Actually, the link was posted ABOVE the article. And I will point out

that TITLES (as in, title of the article, post, etc, not the article itself and the link, if there is one) only have so many letters/spaces on this board, they are not endless. Perhaps you could take up your request with Admin if such labelling in the title bar is important to you.

And, one observes that no other posts in this thread seem to indicate that they are affected by the non-inclusion of your after-the-fact requested explication.

[kimbutgar]

44. To my shame I used to subscribe to the a national enquirer my Dad used to buy the weekly tabloid but used

Say don’t believe everything you read there, it is was like a soap opera. He also used to read our two daily newspapers. He would buy them and pass them on to me. After he passed I’d buy them in a store until I grew embarrassed buying them. I then subscribed to them. During the 2016 campaign I saw the slant and discontinued my subscription. I still got notices asking me to subscribe which promptly went into my recycle bin. I finally opened a notice and returned it by writing in big black letters remove me from your mailing list. Never got anymore notices.

[Doc_Technical]

45. Mad Magazine, issue no. 102, April 1966

The National Perspirer (satire of National Enquirer tabloid)
Who says Mad Magazine isn't educational?

[KS Toronado]

46. In the early or mid 60's, was at the grocery store

when the lady in front of me was bragging to the checkout clerk about the National Enquirer she was buying.
Looked at the rack... "Baby born with wooden leg", being fully aware of how baby cats, dogs, calfs, etc get
here I started laughing about it and the people behind me started laughing, the clerk joined in while I was
saying "an alien must have got to her" then someone added "No a tree got to her" First lady left mad.

[Uncle Joe]

47. If the grocery stores would remove them from the checkout line, that would be helpful.

Put them with the rest of the magazines.

Why should publications that specialize in spreading disinformation be given precedence in marketing to the American People?

Thanks for the thread lindysalsagal

[ECL213]

48. Does this mean that Bat Boy is NOT on the jury in Trump's case?

[niyad]

54. I am sorry to have to tell you that he is not.

[twodogsbarking]

49. Please, not the Enquirer. If it weren't for this paper I would have never known that JFK is alive and living

in the basement of the White House.

[Barry Markson]

50. So if everyone has always known that the Enquirer is junk

Why did the prosecutor have Pecker up 1st and for 2 days on the stand?

If he had run with the Stormy Daniels story nobody would have believed it anyway and her subsequent accusations would have been dismissed as just more Bat Boy crap.

Sure hope Bragg had more sterling testimony than that.
I'm not impressed.

[central scrutinizer]

57. I believe Pecker was buying "exclusive " rights to the story

The person selling the story would be legally barred from selling to another publication.

[Barry Markson]

58. So is Pecker accused of breaking the law then?

And who was trying to sell the story?

[central scrutinizer]

65. He was given immunity for his testimony

https://www.npr.org/2024/04/23/1246435476/david-pecker-trump-trial

[SYFROYH]

60. Because of their John Edwards work.

[Barry Markson]

61. Oh great

John Edwards ended with a hung jury and the government declined to re-file charges.

[Mad_Machine76]

56. "Bat Boy"

wasn't a clue?

[SYFROYH]

59. Just imagine a different world where John Edwards was corrupt enough to pay for catch-and-kill.

[Mr.Bill]

67. After hearing Pecker's testimony

it disturbs me a bit that they gave him immunity.

[live love laugh]

68. Headline must be from The Onion 🧅.

Anybody who didn’t already know about this is beyond stupid.

[ShazzieB]

71. Borowitz

It's right there in the link, and in parentheses at the beginning of the article excerpt.

[Aussie105]

74. I learnt my critical thinking skills and cynical attitude from reading Mad magazine.

Quite an education for a 15 year old!

Haven't been the same since. lol

[Bettie]

75. There are millions of people who subscribe to

The National Enquirer? That explains so much......

[JohnnyRingo]

76. "I'll give Fox a shot". haha

He wrapped that up nicely.

[Stinky The Clown]

79. Will they cancel their cable subscriptions when they learn WWE is fake?

Watch out Fox. This would be YOUR demographic.