I am female, a feminist and cannot tolerate rape or sexual comments, however..........

Now, he went away from that encounter with a smile on his face, and feeling as though there was at least one woman who he could laugh with.

I'm sure he respected you too.

I think how she handled it was fine. I could give a shit less about the guy who made those comments.

Like he couldn't laugh with a woman he showed respect to. why didnt he show respect to begin with

I really think she handled it very well.

I do not think that truck driver was a creep. Do we always have to look for the evil?

Laughter is good.

Peace out.

The truck driver was trying--albeit in a crude way--to say that he found the woman attractive.

The poster's response told the fellow "I admire your taste, even though you don't have a chance in hell!"

The fellow made an offer, and the offer was declined, but it was declined in a way that made the interaction amusing rather than confrontational. Everyone wins, and everyone has a story to tell as a consequence.

Laughter is good, indeed.

why he didn't, I'm not going to psychoanalyze him. Maybe I got him thinking, if not, at least there was no harm, though there was foul.

and hope he learned a lesson by gaining some respect for this smart-ass/clever woman, and will maybe a litlle more fore all women.

the onus is not on the woman to make the one who said the offensive comment to begin with, respect her.

That is what I didn't like or agree with on Calpeggy's post.

and show true (for lack of a better term) coolness.

this is one such case.

I told my 82 year old mother what I said, and she had me explain it to her.....

I know the company he was driving for, a local company, with good prices and products. You know I could call them & complain, but that wouldn't achieve anything in the long run.

for company policy.

Huh. All I'm seeing is the OP just made it that much easier for this dude to make sexually harassing comments to women by responding in a way that made what he said that much more acceptable and appropriate to him - even funny. Somehow I'm not seeing emboldening them further as any kind of effective weapon.

I told him the story (he's 27), he knows me well & just laughed and said "what would the driver have done if he had seen you angry'. The answer to that is probably the driver would have stepped on the gas.

I thank you for being happy that I'm safe.

It would have been the old finger or some explicit for me.

whereas i MIGHT think of something semi-witty a day later....

that's all that matters. You have to look at yourself in the mirror.

Nice come back, btw.

Just me personally I still get nervous asking for a girl's number or to a movie. Then again, maybe I'm just not cool.

I understand why women feel harassed when men are too aggressive. The flip side, though, is that there are some of us who are not aggressive enough. The ideal is to be self-confident without being arrogant, and to be polite without being paralyzed by shyness. I envy the men who can do this consistently.

thread and a nice guy man explained it. (i married a nice guy. i will only be around nice guys. so i never understood the argument)

he said that it is not that women do not want the nice guys but they are in the background hidden. that yes, they need to have the confidence and put themselves out there. and still be a nice guy.

i do not remember how he said it, but.... it was an excelllent post and has always stayed with me.

i had my son read it. it was perfect for him

over the last couple years, he has put himself out there. he will be chatting with a girl and tell them his number. and if THEY want to chat, he is all for it. he gives it to the girls. he no longer struggles with if they are interested in him, if he is bugging them. they get to take the step.

anyway... i like your two's posts.

It sounds as if he may not need it -- that he's much better adjusted than I was when I was young. But, in case it helps, I offer an insight that I had, many years after I should have.

It's not exactly something I learned. If you had asked me about it when I was 15, I would have said, "Of course." But I didn't really believe it, deep down. I would've been better off if I had.

Are you ready for the great insight that eludes some "nice guy" types?

Women like sex.

You can see why I said that, if asked about it at 15, I would have said, "Of course women like sex." It would be foolish to think otherwise. But it was one of those cases where you can know something intellectually but it just doesn't penetrate.

See, one effect of the double standard is that a boy, as he's growing into manhood, can pick up the idea that sex between a man and a woman is something she does for him. She doesn't enjoy it. Therefore, to want to have sex with her is asking her for a very big favor, and most people are a bit diffident about asking for very big favors under any circumstances. This inhibition goes beyond the obvious point (well, obvious to most of us) of not being obnoxious and offensive; it goes way too far in the direction of not wanting to offend or upset the woman, by assuming (though usually subconsciously) that even indicating any possibility of sexual interest will be offensive or upsetting to her.

My guess is that the double standard has weakened somewhat over the years, and that fewer men these days face this problem. Still, I think it persists. It's part of the reason for the idea that "Nice guys finish last" in love. Some of those nice guys implement their niceness by being super-careful not to make any advance that a woman might reject. A man who commits that error will never offend a woman by his overaggressiveness but will also have a well-below-average love life.

If I could go back and talk to my 15-year-old self, yes, I would definitely tell him that men "need to have the confidence and put themselves out there. and still be a nice guy." I'd also be sure to tell him that women like sex.

The other kind are losers that don't respect other peoples' boundaries.

the way they talk to men.

He may have been joking; he might have thought you would take it as a compliment. I seriously doubt he thought you would meet him in the back alley for a quickie. He acknowledged your hello the only way he knew how to, in a joking, semi-sexual manner. In other words, just like he would talk to his guy friends.

I'm really glad you didn't give him the finger or tell him to fuck off. It wouldn't hurt for all of us to be a little less judgmental and a little more understanding of everyone we come into contact with.

In my world, a guy who makes an inept attempt at a joke when responding to a hello doesn't deserve condemnation and contempt.

The hate and divisiveness in politics is bad enough; I'm not going to let it bleed into other aspects of my life.

I said the exact opposite.

if you can't join 'em, beat 'em!

She said she normally can't tolerate either rape or sexual comments and described an incident that certainly qualifies as a sexual comment as the truck driver said something sexually harassing to her. What makes you think it was only about rape?

which is why I cannot understand how the hell the word rape got into the title.

"My, johnny rocket is big, baby."

then we might as well all keep our eyes away from people & our mouths shut. If acknowledging a person's existence can only be defined as flirting, then we are in sorry shape for human beings.

which was clearly a come on reply. Why he would be stunned is perplexing.

Though well-intentioned, her response (referring to his genitals, I assume) could have been an implied further step in a flirty dance that she wasn't interested in.

You simply don't know how people will react these days.

Men will kill and die for women.

NFL Player shoots girlfriend then self
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/01/chiefs-player-shoots-girlfriend-suicide_n_2224000.html

And that story is just within the hour in mid-America.

Pity they so many times murder the women. Why can't they just kill themselves, huh O.J.?

A quick wit is one of the best things ever.

I'm brilliant with devastating comebacks like that. I usually think of them an hour after I need them.

Why should men ever start treating women with respect instead of like things to be used for sex. Especially when most of them play along like it's a big game.

which just encourages him to do it again. But as long as she gets approval from the man/men, THAT'S what's important. I'm with you, redqueen , it's fucking depressing.

I assure you, men talk to each other like a stereotypical locker room. Yes, there's sexual innuendo here, but there's plenty of sexual innuendo among groups of men talking. Including insinuations about sex even when every man involved is known to be straight.

The indication of respect in this situation is the guy was not offended when put down. Taking offense would have indicated a lack of respect. Taking offense would indicate he felt that a "lesser" person has insulted him. But he wasn't offended.

Was it juvenile? Hell yes. But men are frequently juvenile among themselves. It's not like we're talking about Nietzsche when women aren't around.

You didn't "put him in his place," you encouraged him to do it again. Feminist my ass.

replied "sure" to his obscene invitation?

I wouldn't have responded that way. I would have ignored their ass, and if they kept it up I would have found the number of the company or their license place and reported it. Not cool at all. The 'tired and exhausted' look could have been from a night of marathon drinking for all you know.


I've had random men hand me flowers, I've thanked them for, I've had random men ask me If I'm married and when I replied yes, told me my husband was a lucky man and walk away. No sexual innuendo, no harassment, just honest admiration and a compliment.

Those kind of comments are bullshit, 'meet me in an alley'? Ew.

texting with my phone still in his field of vision.

Then I would have rolled up my window and pretended to be making a call.

Psyops works wonders on people like that, because they are almost always hiding something they don't want revealed.

A crude sexual remark, in public and with another male with him, is creepy and scary. Yucko.

i like your story, you done good

It's not humorous how he adressed you and you playing it like it was funny only " proved " him that is ok to behave the way he does.

HOWEVER -- and that is a big, effing, HOWEVER -- the asshole's behavior was offensive, objectifying, and not funny, and could easily have been threatening. And it shouldn't be encouraged.

Everyone is different and only you can gauge the tenor of the conversation and the intentions and perceptions of this individual. In many cases, people make these sorts of comments in order to claim some sort of power over you. He likely did not expect any sort of response (after all, it's not as if the two of you were at a bar or club) as it was not so much a "pass" as a power play. You effectively neutralized it. Swearing at him or giving him the finger would have probably confirmed that he has power over you. So good for you!