Rape Changes Lives, and Often Devastatingly.
Some people have a hard time understanding why women are fearful of being raped, even though it has never happened to them. I could have been one of those people who didn't understand, but something that happened in my own life made it very painfully clear just how much impact a rape can have.
When I returned to college after serving in the USAF in the late 60s, I hadn't been in any real relationships for a couple of years. A college campus is a great place to meet people, and I was looking forward to meeting people and perhaps finding someone who could potentially be a life partner. At one point I thought I had. A fellow student in her 20s and I became good friends. We had some of the same classes, and had many great conversations over a couple of months. We hung around together a lot and were finding lots and lots of areas we had in common. I'm not a person who jumps into relationships, but this one was definitely moving in that direction. We liked each other a lot. That was clear.
But, that relationship never developed beyond that friendship. It tried to, and from both directions. But whenever affectionate displays went on for more than a few minutes, she'd become really anxious. It wasn't me, and I wasn't pushing at all. Finally, we talked about it, because we liked each other and seemed both to want to pursue it. In a very disturbing and emotional conversation, I learned that she had been raped violently a few years before, when she was just a teenager. Despite all the counseling and work she had done since then, she simply could not handle any physical contact that had any sexual component to it. Severe anxiety would set in and there it ended. She believed that she would never recover from the damage caused by that rape and that it would never be possible for her to have a normal sexual relationship with anyone.
We remained good friends until we both graduated and moved on to other places for our careers, but let the romantic relationship drop away. It was too difficult for both of us. I don't know if she ever overcame the crippling anxiety in her life or if she ever found a relationship. It was a terribly sad thing that we were not able to establish what had started. I've always wondered what might have been, except for that rape she underwent. I'll never know, but it's something I still think about from time to time, and it's one of the most troubling situations I've ever been in. Rape is devastating for many people, and it can alter someone's entire life.
That's why it's so important. That's why people need to understand just how important it is. A rape can ruin a life, or even more than one life.
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You were so young and you should have been able to rely completely on the adults in your life, but you were let down. Your rapists (and I have to admit, I missed the plural the first time I read this... oh, how horrible...) lied in court in front of you. And suddenly to have it all brought back, not just in your mind but in real life, when you were 19... it's all just awful. I am so sorry. 
