Who is Brutus? Not that it really matters at this point, but I've got a homework exercise to complete:
A speech. Suppose I'm Antony.
Antony. Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, or bits thereof
I come to jettison Biden, not to praise him.
The good that men do lives after them;
But it's often the cause of their demise.
So let it be with Biden. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Biden was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Biden answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest—
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men—
Come I to post in Biden's twitter feed.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath sent many insurrectionists to prison
Whose penalties did the general treasury fill:
Did this in Biden seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Biden hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on Air Force One
I thrice presented him immunity from prosecution for any and all official acts.
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to second guess him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the Oval Office there with Biden,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
...
Antony. But yesterday the word of Biden might
Have stood against the world; now he's a lame duck
And none so poor to do him reverence.
O masters, if I were disposed to stir
Your hearts and minds to mutiny and rage,
I should do Brutus wrong, and Cassius wrong,
Who, you all know, are honourable men:
I will not do them wrong; I rather choose
To wrong the ousted, to wrong myself and you,
Than I will wrong such honourable men.
But here's a tweet with the seal of Biden;
I found it in his iCloud backups, 'tis his policy statement:
Let but the commons hear this last policy statement
...
Antony. Have patience, gentle friends, I must not read it until later this week
It is not meet you know how Biden loved you.
You are not wood, you are not stones, but men;
And, being men, bearing the will of Biden,
It will inflame you, it will make you mad:
'Tis good you know not that you are his heirs;
For, if you should, O, what would come of it!
Fourth Citizen. Read the policy statemt; we'll hear it, Antony;
You shall read us the policy statement, Biden's policy statement.
Antony. Will you be patient? will you stay awhile?
I have o'ershot myself to tell you of it:
I fear I wrong the honourable men
Whose pollsters and rumor mongers have stabb'd Biden; I do fear it.
Second Citizen. They were villains, murderers, Putin bots, social media influencers, "insiders": the statement! read the statement.
Antony. You will compel me, then, to read the statement?
Then make a ring about the tweets of Biden,
And let me show you him that made the statement.
Shall I descend? and will you give me leave?
Several Citizens. Step down. As others have made Biden step down.
Several Citizens. "Stand back and stand by"
Antony. If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
You all do know this nuclear football: I remember
The first time ever Biden picked it up
'Twas on a chilly evening, in his limo,
That day he overcame the GOP:
...
I am no orator, as Brutus is;
But, as you know me all, a plain blunt man,
That love my friend; and that they know full well
That gave me public leave to speak of him:
For I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,
Action, nor utterance, nor the power of speech,
To stir men's blood: I only speak right on;
I tell you that which you yourselves do know;
Show you sweet Biden's social media posts today
And bid them speak for me: but were I Brutus,
And Brutus Antony, there were an Antony
Would ruffle up your spirits and put a tongue
In every downvote of Biden that should move
The stones of Rome to rise and vote.
All. We'll vote Blue.
...
Antony. Why, friends, you go to vote for you know not whom:
Wherein hath Biden thus deserved your loves?
Alas, you know not: I must tell you then:
You have forgot the policy statement I told you of.
All. Most true. The will! Let's stay and hear the policy statement.
Antony. Here is the satement, and under Biden's e-signature
To every American citizen he gives,
To every person, seventy-five thousand dollars and student loan relief.
Second Citizen. Most noble Biden! We'll revenge his takedown.
...
Antony. Hear me with patience.
All. Peace, ho!
Antony. Moreover, he hath left you all his National Parks,
His lakes and streams, solar and wind power farms,
On both sides of the Mississippi; he hath left them you,
And to your heirs for ever, common pleasures,
To walk abroad, and recreate yourselves.
Here was a Biden! when comes such another?
First Citizen. Never, never. Come, away, away!
We'll carve his visage on Mount Rushmore
And with the votes take both houses.
Get him an ice cream.
Second Citizen. Go fetch postcards.
Third Citizen. Register voters.
Fourth Citizen. Release the Mueller Report and all the dirt on Epstein.
Exeunt Citizens staring at their cell phones
Antony. Now let it work. New Blue Wave, thou art afoot,
Take thou what course thou wilt!
Aide. Sir, Harris is already in Washington
Antony. Where is she?
Aide. She and Doug are at the White House
Antony. And thither will I straight to visit her:
She comes upon a wish. Fortune is merry,
And in this mood will give us any thing.
Servant. I heard her say, Trump and What's his name
Are rid like madmen through the streets of Milwaukee.
And Giuliani, stopping at every vodka slush stand.
Antony. Belike they had some notice of the people,
How I had moved them. Bring me to Harris. I've got some speechwriting to do.
Exeunt
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