Vance's highschool girlfriend

[Wicked Blue]

[Ilsa]

1. Sorry, I don't get it. What am I missing? nt

[Sky Jewels]

7. Rumors flying around the internet that JD had carnal knowledge with a couch. n/t

[birdographer]

10. Some fun-loving twitterx user

put up a totally false post supposedly quoting Hillbilly Elegy, even including the page number! that Vance jerked off into a couch. It was posted on the day he was declared the VP. It is all over the internet--couldn't happen to a more deserving guy...

[Sky Jewels]

13. Yep. After the dirty tricks the GQP has pulled for decades,

I have not one iota of sympathy for JD Vance if it turns out he actually didn't get freaky with the upholstery. Of course, it might require a lot of research to determine what happened. Possibly Congress can hold Benghazi-style hearings to get to the bottom of this burning issue. I mean, what will will tell our children?! The Veep nominee likes to get it on with furniture?!

[Random Boomer]

23. The hoax picked up so much traction....

The hoax picked up so much traction because JD Vance looks and acts like the kind of guy who would f**k a couch.

[Sky Jewels]

24. Ha ha, so true.

[Pacifist Patriot]

41. Nothing will ever convince me he didn't.

[Wicked Blue]

54. I hear the couch is polling better than JD

[Ilsa]

12. Oooooooohhhhh. Thanks. nt

[MorbidButterflyTat]

44. "...carnal knowledge..."

I am dying!

[Pacifist Patriot]

37. Link for you. It's hilarious!

omg they changed the headline

— Marisa Kabas (@marisakabas.bsky.social) 2024-07-24T23:44:35.557Z

[Ilsa]

38. Thanks! They can't prove he didn't!!!

I love turning the negative proof back on them.

[Wicked Blue]

42. Excellent

gallons of upholstery cleaner

[Wicked Blue]

45. Go see the SNL skit I posted, JD's Playhouse

Close to the end it gets into couch sex

[calimary]

56. Where?

I wanna see!

[Wicked Blue]

57. Here

https://democraticunderground.com/100219237698

[calimary]

60. I just read this to my husband - he loved it as much as I did!

[Dem4life1234]

2. Lmaooooooo eyelashes and everything!

[angrychair]

6. It's a prop

From the TV show Pee Wee's Play House

[BoRaGard]

3. .

[Sky Jewels]

4. Chairy!

Aww, makes me miss Pee-Wee.

Also ... LOL.

[stopdiggin]

5. is that a cousin?

I thought you had to date a cousin ...

[Wicked Blue]

8. Perhaps his family came from the Ottoman Empire

[BoRaGard]

16. Booo - groan - o you wicked one you

[Botany]

18. Sofa-R that is one of the best ones

It made me almost roll off the couch laughing.

[GB_RN]

22. Sofa-R?

I get at least one the pun, “so far” and a play on the (R-state/district) tag. Might be better as Sofa (R-JD Vance).

“JD Vance: The couches’ candidate.”
“Sofas for Vance. He’ll always leave a mark.”
😂

[Dave Bowman]

36. Bwahaha! Can't breath!

[gay texan]

9. Wow...... n/t

[LuckyCharms]

11. Please. Let's not sink to Mr. Couchfucker's level.

What's the big deal?

He fucked a couch...who hasn't?



Oh, it's not true?

Well guess what?

IT'S TRUE NOW!

[keithbvadu2]

15. Her parents were Baby Shark and M&M.

[twodogsbarking]

17. So he is a Chair Man?

[debm55]

28. No he dumped her and went for the Love Seat.

[BurnDoubt]

32. On your game today!

[stopdiggin]

61. you pipe down! enough outta you!

[benfranklin1776]

19. Interesting 🧐

Although what’s more alarming and to focus on is that J.D. Junior Dicktator proudly boasts in his own words that he wants to do to We The People and the country what he did to the poor couch 🛋️ 🤬

[rambler_american]

20. Oh Look

It's a loveseat.

[rambler_american]

21. I am reminded of a Moms Mabley story.

In a furniture store
Im looking for a sexual couch
Perhaps madam means a sectional couch?
No, I'm sure my 'terior decorator said I should get a sexual couch for an occasional piece in the living room.

[red dog 1]

25. Moms Mabley -- haven't heard that name in a long time.

[RandySF]

26. Kick

[B Hamster]

27. How old was the couch?

I hope she was at least 18.

[BurnDoubt]

29. Frank Zappa??????

"... don'tcha get no ji$$ upon that sofa sofa"........... Did he have to 'splain to hizz Mom?

[red dog 1]

30. He definitely wasn't wearing pajamas when he "did" the couch

"Pajamas? Poor people don't wear pajamas. We fall asleep in our underwear or blue jeans. To this day, I find the very notion of pajamas an unnecessary elite indulgence, like caviar or electric ice-cube makers."

J.D. Vance - "Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis"

[Wicked Blue]

31. Is it okay if the couch wears a slip cover?

[red dog 1]

33. Is it okay if J.D. Vance wears a slip cover?

[MorbidButterflyTat]

47. Scotch guard?

[Wicked Blue]

53. maybe

[BurnDoubt]

34. Guessing his therapist puts the plastic seat cover for his "sessions"?

[Wicked Blue]

50. possibly

[BurnDoubt]

51. Do I hear 'Up-Charge!"?

[The Unmitigated Gall]

35. "Mooooom...how should I know why the couch crackles when you sit on it?" nt

[ArkansasDemocrat1]

39. Vice President Couch Wanker nt

[Dock_Yard]

40. A self love seat? n/t

[MorbidButterflyTat]

43. That looks like "Chairy"

from Pee Wee's Playhouse.

OMG...he'll never live this down!

"I love that story!"

[Wicked Blue]

46. He dumped her for her older sister

Couchy

[MorbidButterflyTat]

48. Ha!

This thread is awesome!

[Blue Owl]

49. That chair's got a real purdy mouth....

[Think. Again.]

52. It must be true...

Unnamed sources are now unsaying that the unoriginal unstory about the uncouch is untrue.

[PurgedVoter]

55. I don't believe it, she is way out of his league

The girl in the picture has padding in all the right places.

[mucholderthandirt]

58. You guys are killing me.

My son just walked by and gave me an odd look because I was snorting.

Let the memes go forth and sanctify ol' JD. If that's his real name.

[Wicked Blue]

59. Speaking of sons