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The Borowitz Report - Trump and Musk Share Tips on Running Companies into Ground
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https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-and-musk-share-tips-on-running
SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report)—For over two hours on Monday night, Donald J. Trump and Elon Musk pulled back the curtain on the secrets that have enabled them to drive once-promising businesses into the ground.
It was a rare opportunity for fans of bankrupt casinos and shrinking social-media platforms to learn from the men behind the fiascos.
“I think the key to turning any business into a disaster is simple,” Musk opined. “You have to take a brand that people love and make it toxic. I don’t mean to brag, but that’s kind of my superpower.”
“That’s true up to a point, but you also have to make sure that the product itself is horrible,” Trump responded. “Ask anyone who’s stayed at one of my hotels and found it infested with bedbugs.”
“Fair enough,” Musk replied. “But I think anyone who has tried to watch this interview has found that the product sucks as well.”
Harland Dorrinson, who watched the online event because he is trying to run his yogurt shop in Cincinnati into the ground, called the advice from Trump and Musk “invaluable.”
“It was like a masterclass in failure,” he marveled. “If only Sam Bankman-Fried could have been there.”
It was a rare opportunity for fans of bankrupt casinos and shrinking social-media platforms to learn from the men behind the fiascos.
“I think the key to turning any business into a disaster is simple,” Musk opined. “You have to take a brand that people love and make it toxic. I don’t mean to brag, but that’s kind of my superpower.”
“That’s true up to a point, but you also have to make sure that the product itself is horrible,” Trump responded. “Ask anyone who’s stayed at one of my hotels and found it infested with bedbugs.”
“Fair enough,” Musk replied. “But I think anyone who has tried to watch this interview has found that the product sucks as well.”
Harland Dorrinson, who watched the online event because he is trying to run his yogurt shop in Cincinnati into the ground, called the advice from Trump and Musk “invaluable.”
“It was like a masterclass in failure,” he marveled. “If only Sam Bankman-Fried could have been there.”
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