Aides Beg J.D. Vance To Stop Carrying Model Of Woman's Pelvis While Meeting Voters

[milestogo]

Published: August 26, 2024

LEXINGTON, KY—Stating that the anatomical facsimile of the female groin was having the opposite of the vice presidential candidate’s intended effect, aides begged J.D. Vance on Monday to stop carrying around a model of a woman’s pelvis while meeting with voters. “I can’t stress enough how much people don’t like it when you silently hold a life-size model of a woman’s genitals up to their face when they’re talking about their family’s financial struggles,” said Vance advisor Reid Keck, adding that the expression of revulsion on the Ohio senator’s face whenever he looked at the model of the female pubic region wasn’t helping either. “I know it’s not what you’re used to, but you can probably leave words like fallopian tube, cervix, labia, and vulva out of your stump speech entirely. To be honest, you should also stop gesturing at people in the audience with that speculum.” At press time, aides were reportedly in damage control mode after Vance, in a new attempt to appeal to suburban women, opened an event by smashing the model of a woman’s pelvis on stage.

https://theonion.com/aides-beg-j-d-vance-to-stop-carrying-model-of-womans-pelvis-while-meeting-voters/

[niyad]

1. I had to check the link!

[Warpy]

15. I didn't

That woman stuff is of the Devil, I tells ya, look at all that junk! And all they got to show for it outside is a damn crack! This stuff is just pure filth~ I don't want my daughter to see any of it! Now get that damn thing outta my face or I'll show you what I got in this here holster!

Honestly, with that bunch of yahoos, it would be a baby doll the size of an 8 week fetus but made to look like a 3 month old baby, born at full term. Maybe they'd add a little red paint for effect, but they don't want anybody thinking about them damn wimmen or them damn wimmen parts, it;'s all about these PORE INNERCENT BABIES!"

Well, until they';re born, anyway.

[lame54]

2. That's what's left of her

[mdbl]

12. Morbid but humorous

I didn't know I had a dark sense of humor until now lol

[TheKentuckian]

3. What a creepy weirdo that piece of shit is!

[allegorical oracle]

4. Is he related to RFK Jr.? Brothers from another mother? nt

[Figarosmom]

5. Really?

What a freak. And not in a good way.

[subterranean]

9. No, not really. It's the Onion!

[Figarosmom]

10. Thanks usually i catch thar

And borowitz but this time it seemed like something he'd do

[AnotherMother4Peace]

13. Exactly - I believed it at first too - just because he's such a weirdo, it's something he would do.

[vanlassie]

27. Took me until reading "labia."

[Oopsie Daisy]

6. It's funny because it's BELIEVABLE!!!

I love satire.

[Lovie777]

7. Say what?..................................

shithole, Vance and Joe K are fucked up.

[hlthe2b]

8. Once again, I could only HOPE it was the ONION...

Damn... Weird does not begin to cover and only masks the most bizarre possible/plausible.

[LauraInLA]

11. Sadly, you may need to add "SATIRE" to the title. It's too believable otherwise ;(.

[calimary]

16. THIS!!!

But then again, whaddya bet he’s actually toyed with the idea?

[Hassin Bin Sober]

14. Got me!

[Scrivener7]

17. That is BEAUTIFUL!!! Let's make that pelvis the next couch!!

[dalton99a]

18. Kick

[Dem2theMax]

19. They did it. They finally got me. I was believing it.

Because it's something he would do!

Too bad I wasn't recording the reaction on my face the further I got into the article.

[dchill]

20. Turns out you CAN make it up - if you're The Onion!

[IrishAfricanAmerican]

21. Now that's some funny shit!

[JoseBalow]

22. "stop gesturing at people in the audience with that speculum."

[magicarpet]

23. I'm surprised Vance is not carrying around,...

.... a big glass jar with a fetus soaked in formaldahyde. Taking it with him from city to city on his campaign tour.

[LAS14]

24. You have GOT TO BE KIDDING!!! On and on...

..it goes. Surprise after surprise after I think I can't be surprised.

Is this picture real? How come I haven't heard about this before?????????

OK. Now I see it's from The Onion... You were kidding.

[milestogo]

25. Seems like a lot of people believed it at first!

Well he is obsessed with female reproduction and wants to totally control it, so the shoe fits.

[Raven123]

26. The Onion deserves and award for this

It’s awfully difficult to top the absurdity emanating from the TFG-JD campaign, but the Onion did it. Hats off

[crosinski]

28. Okay got me, I really thought he was carrying that thing around.

Which says something about how weird he actually is!

[republianmushroom]

29. Just a little "WEIRD", maybe ?

But than again, he is a republican and they are weird, so ?

[Hermit-The-Prog]

30. Is there proof that The Onion is not reporting cold, hard, weirdo-Republican facts?