Donald Trump announces list of foods to be banned in his next term in office

[jmowreader]

PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- Former President Donald Trump, convicted felon and the current Republican candidate for president, recently announced his plan to lower grocery prices by restricting the importation of foodstuffs. Today, he doubled down on this threat by listing several food items he will specifically ban.

"No real American should ever eat these foods, and after I win in November they won't be allowed to," Mr. Trump stated in an address from his compound in this seaside city.

The foods Mr. Trump will ban if he is reelected are English muffins, French toast, Swiss cheese, Canadian bacon, Danish pastries, Caesar salad, German and Polish sausages, Swedish meatballs, and tacos.

In response, President Joe Biden called the local hospital for the criminally insane while munching on a Canadian bacon-and-swiss sandwich on an English muffin, only to be told there's nothing they could do to help as "he's always been this way."

[dweller]

1. Also melon

It rhymes with felon

😐



✌🏻

[GopherGal]

25. Didn't mention melon because he still has to negotiate about muskmelon

with his good buddy Eloon

[niyad]

2. I had to check the attribution. Sadly, I could see him saying something

like this.

[calimary]

3. Yeah, that'll win him the crazy demographic of Voters Who Eat.

[Jack Valentino]

4. Ok, DAMMIT, I BELIEVED YOU!! The M.F. is crazy enough to say something like that! but

Obviously this is a sarcastic story,
but you FORGOT to include the LINK!!!

The Onion? or one of the others??

[jmowreader]

22. No link is required

I'm the guilty party in these. Anything that goes out under "Spurious News Network" was written by me.

[Jack Valentino]

5. He lost me at 'english muffins' lol but give us the LINK please

[Deuxcents]

6. Spurious News Network

[Jack Valentino]

10. Well, I thought that might help me, but Google still didn't give me a link

Probably if I want to search through all the results I could find the site, but I don't.

Thanks anyway. The responsibility remains with the op writer.

I do recognize the name 'Spurious News Network' but don't find the link to the site either, at the moment.

[Deuxcents]

14. Jack..just Google "spurious meaning". I think that would help

[Arne]

7. Why I Outa. Lemmon meringue pie, blamm, right in the face.

[Turbineguy]

8. Ban beets

otherwise, no vote from me.

[leftieNanner]

9. Ooohhh beets!

Love them.

You can ban okra, though.

[PeaceWave]

12. Sorry, but if ANY food can be deemed Communist, it's gotta be beets.

[TomSlick]

24. You've obviously never had breaded and fried okra.

[leftieNanner]

27. True

My Dad used to buy frozen okra, boil them and then add salt and pepper.

Yuck.

[TomSlick]

32. Boiled okra is an acquired taste. It's really slimy.

Okra should be cut into pieces, breaded, and fried.

[jmowreader]

29. Try a roasted one

It's just like making a baked potato, but you have to bake beets longer to attempt to soften them up because a fresh beet is nearly as hard as mild steel.

[NameAlreadyTaken]

11. And French fries from McDonald's?

[PeaceWave]

13. Don't you mean McFreedom Fries?

[keithbvadu2]

15. When they were called Freedom Fries in Dubya's time, the WH menu still called them French Fries.

[Stallion]

16. This MADMAN must be Stopped!!! Giggle

[cstanleytech]

17. Missed Italian sausage.

[rubbersole]

18. Can we still go to Ohio and get Haitian Hound?

[airplaneman]

19. What about Brussels Sprouts. N/T

[jmowreader]

23. How many people actually eat those?

[ReRe]

20. LOL!

I chuckled all way down this thread and now think my chuckler 's broke! I so needed that. Thanks!

[milestogo]

21. No more chicken Kiev or White Russians either.

[Buns_of_Fire]

26. Baby carrots. Button mushrooms. It's personal. nt

[jmowreader]

28. Read the list again

Notice that except for tacos, every one of the foods I said Trump would ban has the name of a country in its name. Trump is so fucking stupid he'd actually believe English muffins are imported from England and French toast from France.

[scipan]

30. What about French fries? I can't live without French fries.

This will motivate me to vote.

[jmowreader]

31. Neither can Trump

They will be known as Trump Fries from now on.